Possible new relationship, don't know what to do

[richardz]

Hi All,

Very nice this feature on this site. My compliments Hilary. Also a very nice discussionboard.

I give free readings at my website in Dutch, but now is my opportunity to request a free reading myself... Sometimes its good to experience that other side... ;-) Hope someone can help.

Some time ago I met a very nice woman via a dating site on the Internet. After mailing to and fro we discovered we have very much in common and share the same humor, beliefs etc. Never had this with a woman in my whole life! A few weeks ago I met her in person over dinner. Very attractive woman and we had a lot of laughs.

But I'm in doubt and that's troubling me. This almost perfect woman and I can't appreciate her like I want to. It's something in me and I don't know what exactly is holding me back.

So I asked the Yi Jing about it and I got hex 64, no changing lines.

Can anyone shed a light on this? I'm confused.

Cheers,

Richard

 

[candid]

Hello and welcome, Richard.

I read this as follows:

It appears that what has begun is worth continuing. You've already stepped out onto the slippery ice with your new attractive friend. Now is a time to be cautious in developing this progressing relationship. What you do now will shape and form what it can become in the future.

The image of the condition before transition.
Thus the superior man is careful in the differentiation of things, so that each finds its place. ~Wilhelm

In order to know where to go from here, in this relationship, you must first arrive at the correct and understandingly clear position yourself. This means being aware and not deluding yourself (or her).

You express a disappointment in your initial reaction to her, though she is attractive and you shared laughs, something internal is missing, or so it feels. This is the kind of thing that you should deal with in wisdom and brutal honesty with yourself. There are all sorts of reasons you may feel disappointed in your lack of powerful attraction toward her. First, it may just be a foreign experience to be cared for by an attractive woman. Second, there's always an adjustment, going from online to real time. (personal experience talking) It may also be that good old chemistry is simply not there. It happens between the loveliest of persons and best of friends. Much depends on what the two of really want from this relationship. Stability, spirituality, sexuality, deep intimacy, friendship and trust are all considerations, depending on what's most important to each and both of you.

There is more to sort out and there's time to sort it.

I read this as encouragement to continue, but to do so with both eyes open and ears alert to the cracking of ice beneath you. Proceed with caution.

Learn to be loved.

~Candid

 

[richardz]

Hi Candid,

Sorry I'm responding so late, but now I finally have some more insight in the situation as it has evolved.
You were very right. I had to sort a lot of things out for myself. Where do I stand, what do I want in a relationship. You were also right about the chemistry... it was missing. And I was very confused because I met this seemingly perfect woman... but she isn't that perfect (for me that is) I found later.

Last week I asked her about how she sees relationships. She told me she has several boyfriends now and that she doesn't want to commit herself to anyone. Also because she has been married for 10 years and now she just wants to party. Very understandable of course... but...

I don't want to party, and I told her this. I just can't and it wouldn't feel good. I don't want to compete with other men over her (sorry, no chivalry here...) and I am looking for a serious relationship.

So in a few words, we found out what is important for us... and it doesn't match! I meet her from time to time though... she might be a just a great friend. And even that is a lot for me. So I've downgraded my goals a bit.

Thank you for your good and kind words Candid!

Richard