possible separation - advice on what next steps should be - 23 no changing lines

[Solare8]

I have been in a difficult marriage for some years, a narcissist husband. I did my best to make things work. I moved to follow him, in a small suburb with no friends, no support from him, who travels most of the time. It seemed he had finally agreed to move me and my son back to the city we came from, but today he told me he just wants me out, that I should just get a job there and go back, he wants his freedom. I am worried as I have nothing and I am no longer young and just not sure what to do next. I asked this question and received hexagram 23. Not sure how to interpret it and would really appreciate some feedback. Thank you.

 

[Trojina]

I have been in a difficult marriage for some years, a narcissist husband. I did my best to make things work. I moved to follow him, in a small suburb with no friends, no support from him, who travels most of the time. It seemed he had finally agreed to move me and my son back to the city we came from, but today he told me he just wants me out, that I should just get a job there and go back, he wants his freedom. I am worried as I have nothing and I am no longer young and just not sure what to do next. I asked this question and received hexagram 23. Not sure how to interpret it and would really appreciate some feedback. Thank you.

This situation has been going on for a while hasn't it, I looked at your previous threads briefly.

23uc is quite a stark answer and you can see many people's experiences with it here

You aren't left with much choice but to strip back to the core of who you are and what your own life is all about. Doesn't matter how old you are there's always potential for change and growth but the thing is you can't get to that fertile place without allowing the old to fall away first. It doesn't look like this marriage is salvageable, not from what you say and the cast. But we do have to be careful in relationship readings because for example 23 might indicate a stripping back time in the marriage not a break up if you don't want that.

23 is a painful place to be but it can also be liberating. You lose everything, it seems like everything but Yi shows us all things change nothing stays constant and when you have lost all that was crumbling anyway the light begins to return in 24.


Practically 23 can indicate you need to look to your very basic security now. If he wants you to leave he must give you half the proceeds of the house if you have bought one. In any case the next step is money for you and your son to live in the city. So everything has fallen away in this marriage and if you truly do not think it is worth salvaging then it must be stripped away. Indeed you are experiencing stripping right now, you may feel as if every thing has been taken from you and there's nothing left, that's the reality.

The advice is not to fight this loss, let it happen but do look to the things you need for support. The text says in the Image that you ensure your position by giving to those below (Wilhelm) and here I think that means just offering no resistance to the loss of the marriage and home, allowing it to erode whilst paying some attention what is holding you, what does support you.


Overall the counsel is peaceful acceptance of loss but this loss can be truly liberating for you.


I think your next steps are very basic practical ones.

You accept the loss of the relationship
You make sure you have sufficient funds and a place to stay
You go ahead with arrangements to go back to the city you always wanted to go back to.
You get in touch with any people you know in that city

It might sound impossible but it does depend on very simple practical steps. In effect your life has been cleared out like a room with nothing in it. There's potential now for a different kind of life after you let this old one go.


If for any reason you can't leave this marriage, and I know it's very difficult, all I've said about 23 still applies except it happens within the marriage. There's still stripping happening and by stripping, the name of the hexagram, I mean where even your very basic sense of self is pruned back through not being supported or met. If you have been very unhappy for a long time I think 23uc is a good answer, it means it really is okay to let this man go, it hurts, it's painful but it does bring you freedom to make a more meaningful happier life designed by you from scratch. Once you have been through this I think you'll know what you want, it will be your life to make of exactly how you want it. That can happen.

 

[marybluesky]

The next step is to "Split apart". Have no fear- but no, it's normal to be afraid. It can be scary to leave an entire situation where you received some kind of "support" behind.
But look- you haven't been happy with this man all those year. Be courageous.

 

[Solare8]

This situation has been going on for a while hasn't it, I looked at your previous threads briefly.

23uc is quite a stark answer and you can see many people's experiences with it here

You aren't left with much choice but to strip back to the core of who you are and what your own life is all about. Doesn't matter how old you are there's always potential for change and growth but the thing is you can't get to that fertile place without allowing the old to fall away first. It doesn't look like this marriage is salvageable, not from what you say and the cast. But we do have to be careful in relationship readings because for example 23 might indicate a stripping back time in the marriage not a break up if you don't want that.

23 is a painful place to be but it can also be liberating. You lose everything, it seems like everything but Yi shows us all things change nothing stays constant and when you have lost all that was crumbling anyway the light begins to return in 24.


Practically 23 can indicate you need to look to your very basic security now. If he wants you to leave he must give you half the proceeds of the house if you have bought one. In any case the next step is money for you and your son to live in the city. So everything has fallen away in this marriage and if you truly do not think it is worth salvaging then it must be stripped away. Indeed you are experiencing stripping right now, you may feel as if every thing has been taken from you and there's nothing left, that's the reality.

The advice is not to fight this loss, let it happen but do look to the things you need for support. The text says in the Image that you ensure your position by giving to those below (Wilhelm) and here I think that means just offering no resistance to the loss of the marriage and home, allowing it to erode whilst paying some attention what is holding you, what does support you.


Overall the counsel is peaceful acceptance of loss but this loss can be truly liberating for you.


I think your next steps are very basic practical ones.

You accept the loss of the relationship
You make sure you have sufficient funds and a place to stay
You go ahead with arrangements to go back to the city you always wanted to go back to.
You get in touch with any people you know in that city

It might sound impossible but it does depend on very simple practical steps. In effect your life has been cleared out like a room with nothing in it. There's potential now for a different kind of life after you let this old one go.


If for any reason you can't leave this marriage, and I know it's very difficult, all I've said about 23 still applies except it happens within the marriage. There's still stripping happening and by stripping, the name of the hexagram, I mean where even your very basic sense of self is pruned back through not being supported or met. If you have been very unhappy for a long time I think 23uc is a good answer, it means it really is okay to let this man go, it hurts, it's painful but it does bring you freedom to make a more meaningful happier life designed by you from scratch. Once you have been through this I think you'll know what you want, it will be your life to make of exactly how you want it. That can happen.

Dear Trojina,
Thank you so much for taking the time to reply to my post. I truly appreciate all the detail and your feedback. Very helpful in the interpretation of the hexagram and trying to decide how to move forward.

 

[Solare8]

The next step is to "Split apart". Have no fear- but no, it's normal to be afraid. It can be scary to leave an entire situation where you received some kind of "support" behind.
But look- you haven't been happy with this man all those year. Be courageous.

Thank you marybluesky. Trying to do the right thing.