Potential relationship 37.1 to 53

[MountainBear]

I would like some help and advice in interpreting the ichings answers to my questions about a potential romantic relationship.

Over the last year there has been on/off attraction between a woman that attends the same chi king courses that I go. These are usually every 1-2 months on a weekend with the odd 5 day course and a weeks retreat in a foreign country. I had really paid her much attention until one day whilst working together on a partner exercise the instructor commented that the reason she was having difficulty was because of the chemistry between us. Until then I hadn't considered that she might have seen me in that way. After that we started talking, and I started flirting every now and again lightly which she seemed to like. At this point my mind ran away from me with possibilities of something romantic developing between us, normal I avoid even considering romantic potential till I've slept with a woman or at least kissed her so I was somewhat surprised to find myself emotionally investing in something happening, especially when nothing has happened yet. A year later and nothing has materialised though plenty of times when it seemed like it would.

It feels like dancing with someone where our timing is off, we keep banging heads, stepping on each others toes with short periods of things where things just feel right. I have felt strong sexual attraction from her though usually in a time place where it would not be appropriate to act on it and so haven't. There was also a longish period where I had nice feelings in my heart that I thought were coming from me in relation to her then one day on a course I watched her make a decision of some kind then the feeling abruptly stopped and I realised that they must have been coming from her, at least in part.

To say it has been confusing is an major understatement. I have alternating feeling like I've got the wrong end of the stick, am being led on, am being too timid or defensive and totally attracted on all levels. Just when I say enough and stop feeling and pull away, something happens and it feels like we connect deeper than before, briefly, only for one of us to pull away again and the dance to continue.

As you can imagine I have consulted the iching more times than is healthy about this without really knowing what I'm doing and how to interpret it's message. Recently I came across a post on this forum where someone laid out a series of questions to ask the Yi (sorry can't remember who posted this!). Below are the results and my interpretations, I'd be grateful for any interpretations that the wonderful people of this forum can provide of the Yi's anwers and how it relates to this situation.

Thanks!




a) General Diagnosis of the relation between X and I
37.1 to 53

something is developing between us but it is slow and as nothing has been explicitly said there is confusion. Perhaps this is the reason for the awkward dancing, I haven't wanted to push things as I enjoy the courses and don't want to make things uncomfortable for either of us. I am also somewhat fearful of the depth of feelings I have felt, having never had a romantic relationship before.

b) Qualification of X's position within the relation
51.1.2.6 to 64

She is surprised by either my feelings/behavious towards her and or her feelings/behaviour towards me or both. She is fearful on some level about connecting with me and concerned what the others in the group will think

c) Qualification of my position within the relation
7.1.2 to 24
I need to stop being emotionally invested and think this through with my head, checking to see if a relationship with the woman is really what I want and if it is suitable for me.

d)What is the best attitude to take to this relationship
37.6 to 63
I need to be respectful to myself and to her, 63 implies that there is nothing further to be gained and it's time to move on.

I welcome any and all interpretations of the above answers both mine and the Yi's.

 

[Freedda]

For your first reading, 37.1 to 53 ....

I thnk it was Shakespear who said love is a madness, so to feel awkward or to feel that you've made mis-steps is about par for the course I think - and I don't read too much into that on its own.

.... and least you forget, the hexagram here, 37, is called by different names/titles: the family, family members, people in the house, and one I find interesting, organizing for the long term. Whatever name we use, this is about relationships and their dynamics.

Line 37.1 reads: Boundaries maintain the family. Regrets pass.

This might be talking about the boundaries 'around' a family which make it a unit, or - and likely in this case - it may be about the boundaries between people.

And in your case, I wonder if it could be about the 'boundaries' between what is real - or really happening between you two - and what is in your thoughts and feelings. Those distinctions, from what you've said, don't seem very clear. And so any slight look or expression, or a few words then take on a larger significance that we often don't interpret correctly.

So I'd suggest that the advice here would be to work at establishing these boundaries between what is real and what is fantasy - or only in your head and emotions.

So, how to do that? I'm not sure what the Yi's advice is, but I'd suggest (having been in this very same place at least ... ), that you take a 'next step' - perhaps to offer to go out for coffee together, or to take a walk - to 'go on a date.' This way, you could spend time together, and talk, and get a better - and perhaps a more real - sense of what there is between you two. (And don't be shy about doing this more than once if you are both willing.)

The hexagrams are made up of two 3-line figures, the trigrams. In this case you have Wind above and Fire below. These are not at all incompatible, but if you were to have them represent each of you, it might point to differences in style: perhaps that you burn quick and bright in relationships (and maybe burn out too quickly?), and that she is more thoughtful and wanting to take it more slowly?

Again, nothing here precludes you being together, only that you might be approaching this differently - which is all a part of the relationship dance.

Best, D.

 

[diamanda]

General Diagnosis of the relation between X and I
37.1 > 53
This combination describes a young girl who still lives with her family. She will only marry if all the proper ceremonies are followed (wooing, engagement, whatever is appropriate). Have you ever asked her out on a date..?

Qualification of X's position within the relation
51.1.2.6 > 64
There's shock and laughter initially. Then something is lost, but the person doesn't chase it. Then the shock goes elsewhere. Maybe there was strong attraction to begin with, however you then proceeded to have sex with someone else?

Qualification of my position within the relation
7.1.2 > 24
You are prepared for war (war..?), and you win the war, but then you're very easy-come easy-go about it. Are you sure you want a committed relationship with this woman?

What is the best attitude to take to this relationship
37.6 > 63
If you let the woman have the power to act, the whole thing will end.

 

[MountainBear]

Thank you D for your thoughtful response. I've found your insight to be very helpful.

What you said makes a great deal of sense, I've certainly been interpreting my thoughts and emotions as reality and now realise that I have not been fulfilling my part of the equation in progressing to the next step. As you say this will certainly help to clarify where things are at between us.

Interesting what you said about fire and wind. Oddly I feel like I am the go slow one here, normally I'd go for fast but for whatever reason feel unable to do that when I feel an emotional connection. On reflection I can see where I have put blockers up to things progressing and I'm fairly certain this is down to fear in the end.

Either way, taking the next step needs to be done. I had hoped that something would happen organically, I feel so on the spot and awkward going on dates and fear messing things up in someway. It's why I've always preferred to wait until the vibe seems right then go physical as I trust what I feel energetically in the moment and the right thing to do seems obvious when that happens.

I saw her on a course on Saturday. We got on ok and did lots of partner work together though there was not the connection I had experienced on the foreign course. It's like we are both wary of displaying to much in front of the others, well at least I am though some of the seniors were making a few obvious comments regarding us so I don't think our connection is all in my head so that's good.

When I got home consulted again with the Yi:

What is happening between X and I? - 8.4.5.6 to 35

 

[MountainBear]

Thanks for your interpretation Diamanda, I 've added some additional info below:

General Diagnosis of the relation between X and I
37.1 > 53
This combination describes a young girl who still lives with her family. She will only marry if all the proper ceremonies are followed (wooing, engagement, whatever is appropriate). Have you ever asked her out on a date..?

She has an adult son who lives away from her but visits regularly and still has a bedroom in her house so that would fit. I haven't asked her on a date date before though I have suggested we go for lunch after a practise session before and that we meet up to do more practise. Neither of which happened and I suspect as you alluded to that she would want me to do things properly and go on a formal date.

Qualification of X's position within the relation
51.1.2.6 > 64
There's shock and laughter initially. Then something is lost, but the person doesn't chase it. Then the shock goes elsewhere. Maybe there was strong attraction to begin with, however you then proceeded to have sex with someone else?

I haven't slept with anyone else, though I did go on a few dates with a woman I met online though the spark was not there so it do not progress. That said she did recently see that I had some messages from a woman on tinder on my phone so she might believe that I am involved with another.

Qualification of my position within the relation
7.1.2 > 24
You are prepared for war (war..?), and you win the war, but then you're very easy-come easy-go about it. Are you sure you want a committed relationship with this woman?

I do like her a lot and would like things to progress yet I also have reservations about her suitability as a long term partner. She has mentioned having a wild past and whilst she does not seem to be living this way now I imagine that she could return to this given the right circumstances. I feel like an adult that cannot read when it comes to relationships so am wary of getting chewed up and spat out.

What is the best attitude to take to this relationship
37.6 > 63
If you let the woman have the power to act, the whole thing will end.

She seems fairly strong willed and does like to take charge, as I mentioned above I haven't been fulfilling my role as a man here and progressing things.


Thanks