Preponderance of the great

[rsrose]

Hello folks,

I've been in a destructive relationship that has brought many underlying things from both our childhoods to the surface. We are both aware of this and have talked about it. It is a emotionally & psychologically abusive relationship on many levels. She plays many push/pull games. Anyway, things continued to get worse ( i feel very depleted) and I was forced to retreat ( hexagram 33) into retirement for my own well being. I then asked the iching : What is the potential for X and I?
I got hexagram 28 with the 4th and 5th line changing to 46.

I just would really appreciate your thoughts on the matter to help me understand what this means.

 

[meng]

What is the potential for X and I?
I got hexagram 28 with the 4th and 5th line changing to 46.

One of the important elements of 28 is being able to remain undaunted when you stand alone on something which is emotionally important to you.

It appears to me, no matter how much effort (46) you contribute to this relationship, it remains without a real future, nor much fruit, though if there's more up than down, it could still be a way to pass the time pleasurably.

 

[canislulu]

rsrose,

You describe the relationship as destructive, but isn't it inevitable in relationship for underlying things from childhood to be brought to the surface? And even though it is painful, can't it be a productive thing instead of a destructive thing? Perhaps it is just that enough is enough, which is perhaps what 28.4 was referring to...

Line 4
"the ridgepole at the peak, good fortune
if there is more, distress"

if you look at the fan yao for 28.4 -- 48.4 "The well is being lined" --- Perhaps this reflects your retreat. Could it be that if both of you did some "maintainence" work on healing the childhood patterns that you could Ascend (H 46) to a higher level in the relationship... Something that feels less destructive? I suppose 28 may speak to doing this alone rather than in couple's therapy --- but that could also be a second line of questioning Yi. Could you talk about doing some "maintainence" work together or alone with the intention of helping to not add more of the same way of relating that has felt "destructive"?

Line 5
'Withered willow sprouts flowers,
Venerable wife gets upright husband.
No blame, no praise'

"Sprouting flowers" speaks to the ability to bare fruit so I don't understand why commentaries say there will be no "fruit". The fan yao here is 32.5 --- you may want to look at that line and different commentaries.

Hexagram 28 is a transitional time. So when you ask "What is the potential?" is Yi saying that the relationship has the potential to be a transition to Ascend (H 46) to something higher?

And in thinking about what meng said...

One of the important elements of 28 is being able to remain undaunted when you stand alone on something which is emotionally important to you.

Is it important to you to try to work things out with this person? Hexagram 46 speaks to "make use of seeing great people". Could some type of couples counseling help as the next step for Ascending the Sacred Mountain of this relationship?

As far as the "venerable wife and upright husband" --- do you see this as speaking about the two of you? After all, you did ask about the potential of the relationship. Or do you see the "venerable wife and upright husband" as being parts of yourself that flower when you move on and stand alone?

Could the "standing alone" aspect of this Hexagram 28 speak to each of you standing alone from old family patterns and transitioning into some new patterns together?

From Wikiwing on H 46:

‘Centre of the earth gives birth to wood. Pushing upward.
In the same way, the noble one with patient de,
Builds up small things to attain the lofty and great.’

This reading has some nice tree imagery both in H 28.5 and in the relating figure 46. You both have come from different family trees --- and that has caused some difficulty. But there are also likely things that were nourishing (27) from your families that you could bring to this relationship as you transition (28) into "giving birth to wood" (46)--- a new tree of your relationship that proceeds step by step.

Are you ready for a climb up the mountain?

 

[anon]

I'm of a different opinion. I see hex 28.4.5> 46 as a positive answer for your relationship.

It seems like you need to be firm and play strong. She will be very attracted to that and your relationship will progress nicely. ... It will be smoother in time!


Good luck

 

[rsrose]

One of the important elements of 28 is being able to remain undaunted when you stand alone on something which is emotionally important to you.

It appears to me, no matter how much effort (46) you contribute to this relationship, it remains without a real future, nor much fruit, though if there's more up than down, it could still be a way to pass the time pleasurably.

Thank you meng. Fascinating. always appreciate your input

 

[rsrose]

rsrose,

You describe the relationship as destructive, but isn't it inevitable in relationship for underlying things from childhood to be brought to the surface? And even though it is painful, can't it be a productive thing instead of a destructive thing? Perhaps it is just that enough is enough, which is perhaps what 28.4 was referring to...

Line 4
"the ridgepole at the peak, good fortune
if there is more, distress"

if you look at the fan yao for 28.4 -- 48.4 "The well is being lined" --- Perhaps this reflects your retreat. Could it be that if both of you did some "maintainence" work on healing the childhood patterns that you could Ascend (H 46) to a higher level in the relationship... Something that feels less destructive? I suppose 28 may speak to doing this alone rather than in couple's therapy --- but that could also be a second line of questioning Yi. Could you talk about doing some "maintainence" work together or alone with the intention of helping to not add more of the same way of relating that has felt "destructive"?

Line 5
'Withered willow sprouts flowers,
Venerable wife gets upright husband.
No blame, no praise'

"Sprouting flowers" speaks to the ability to bare fruit so I don't understand why commentaries say there will be no "fruit". The fan yao here is 32.5 --- you may want to look at that line and different commentaries.

Hexagram 28 is a transitional time. So when you ask "What is the potential?" is Yi saying that the relationship has the potential to be a transition to Ascend (H 46) to something higher?

And in thinking about what meng said...



Is it important to you to try to work things out with this person? Hexagram 46 speaks to "make use of seeing great people". Could some type of couples counseling help as the next step for Ascending the Sacred Mountain of this relationship?

As far as the "venerable wife and upright husband" --- do you see this as speaking about the two of you? After all, you did ask about the potential of the relationship. Or do you see the "venerable wife and upright husband" as being parts of yourself that flower when you move on and stand alone?

Could the "standing alone" aspect of this Hexagram 28 speak to each of you standing alone from old family patterns and transitioning into some new patterns together?

From Wikiwing on H 46:


This reading has some nice tree imagery both in H 28.5 and in the relating figure 46. You both have come from different family trees --- and that has caused some difficulty. But there are also likely things that were nourishing (27) from your families that you could bring to this relationship as you transition (28) into "giving birth to wood" (46)--- a new tree of your relationship that proceeds step by step.

Are you ready for a climb up the mountain?

Thank you! I feel I am ready. However I do feel a little depleted. Maybe in time. Very beautiful what you've said. I will be thinking and referring back to your questions/ideas. Thanks you CallingCrane.

 

[rsrose]

I'm of a different opinion. I see hex 28.4.5> 46 as a positive answer for your relationship.

It seems like you need to be firm and play strong. She will be very attracted to that and your relationship will progress nicely. ... It will be smoother in time!


Good luck

Interesting. It does feel like this. I imagine she will be attracted the more I detach and not take things so personal, therefore focusing on myself and the things I long to accomplish.
Thanks for your view!