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psychotherapist retiring after 15 years of therapy

TygerChild

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The original question I asked is largley unchanged: How do I optimize my chances to have some kind of friendship with my psychotherapist after he retires? (after 15 years of largely 'supportive' therapy?).

After leaving this alone for a number of days, I have just done another I Ching reading which came out as 53, with changing lines 2nd (from bottom) and the top line (6). This changes into hexagram 48.

I made sure I relaxed before doing throwing the coins so I think I can have confidence in this reading - I am so chuffed that it is so positive. How accurate though, do people think these readings can be? And there are certain parts of the reading that don't seem relevant, or at least that I don't see how they apply to the situation....

I would be interested to hear any comments -( particularly as this reading is a new one and so positive ) - from those who commented before on the last reading I did on this question, especially.
 

Trojina

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The original question I asked is largley unchanged: How do I optimize my chances to have some kind of friendship with my psychotherapist after he retires? (after 15 years of largely 'supportive' therapy?).

After leaving this alone for a number of days, I have just done another I Ching reading which came out as 53, with changing lines 2nd (from bottom) and the top line (6). This changes into hexagram 48.

I made sure I relaxed before doing throwing the coins so I think I can have confidence in this reading - I am so chuffed that it is so positive. How accurate though, do people think these readings can be? And there are certain parts of the reading that don't seem relevant, or at least that I don't see how they apply to the situation....

I would be interested to hear any comments -( particularly as this reading is a new one and so positive ) - from those who commented before on the last reading I did on this question, especially.

:confused: seems like you completely ignored everything that was said in the other thread here http://www.onlineclarity.co.uk/friends/showthread.php?t=7719 which as far as I'm concerned still applies. You want a relationship with your therapist that isn't possible. You can keep throwing the coins till you get an answer you like that tells you it is possible but then whats the point of that.
 
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TygerChild

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trojan,
it is perfectly acceptable to do a further reading several days after the first. Situations change. I haven't ignored anything that was said; people have different ways of understanding these things and your point of view is one among many.
 

Trojina

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trojan,
it is perfectly acceptable to do a further reading several days after the first. Situations change. I haven't ignored anything that was said; people have different ways of understanding these things and your point of view is one among many.

The code of ethic for psychotherapists has changed since yesterday has it ? You regard this as negotiable ?
 

TygerChild

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serious and strongly felt

Actually Trojan, I have had therapy from therapists who have actively encouraged continued contact after therapy has finished, and this was usual - indefinitely too, and this had been largley 'supportive' psychotherapy.
Which only goes to show that what some people might regard as rules 'set in stone', in fact, are not. I think what you are thinking about is the more traditional psychotherapy i.e. maybe straightforward psychodynamic or analytical therapy which, I agree, is usually very much confined within sessions. But there are kinds of therapy which are perfectly respectable which are not run like that. I know because I have been involved in them. Also, analytical types of therapy do not last for 15 years generally which, in supportive therapy cannot but create more 'real' relationships which are, I believe, less based on fantasy, and more a kind of mentoring set up.
I can see you have serious and strongly felt reservations about this.
 

rosada

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Just to give another perspective here...
I don't see a contradiction with the old reading. Your first said the best way to improve your chances to have a continuing friendship with your therapist was to have a very definite closer to the relationship of client/therapist. I suggested 64.6 could mean inviting him out to dinner which trojan felt was too much and I now agree with her. I think a private dinner with him would have sent conflicting signals and been too prolonged and ultimately awkward. But now you have again gotten lines that suggest a celebration so I don't think the I Ching has changed its advice. Rather I think you are still being encouraged to do something that commemorates his years of service to you and now come to think of it, perhaps to his other clients also. Perhaps you could organize some sort of goodbye party for him that all his soon to be former clients could attend? Or would that be invading their privacy? Does he have a secretary who would know who they are and could issue invitations? Maybe schedule your last session on his last day and then instead of it being a session turn it into a surprise party. Everyone could contribute = a real 48 event!

My experience has been that a second reading does not negate the first but adds more details.

Best wishes,
Rosada
 
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Trojina

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Actually Trojan, I have had therapy from therapists who have actively encouraged continued contact after therapy has finished, and this was usual - indefinitely too, and this had been largley 'supportive' psychotherapy.
Which only goes to show that what some people might regard as rules 'set in stone', in fact, are not. I think what you are thinking about is the more traditional psychotherapy i.e. maybe straightforward psychodynamic or analytical therapy which, I agree, is usually very much confined within sessions. But there are kinds of therapy which are perfectly respectable which are not run like that. I know because I have been involved in them. Also, analytical types of therapy do not last for 15 years generally which, in supportive therapy cannot but create more 'real' relationships which are, I believe, less based on fantasy, and more a kind of mentoring set up.
I can see you have serious and strongly felt reservations about this.



You said in the other thread this was psychoanalytic therapy, ie Freudian based therapy. Rules/boundaries are strict in this kind of therapy but they are also in all kinds, even Transpersonal...and it isn't a question of 'rules set in stone' a code of ethics is something a practitioner agrees to to safeguard the vulnerabilities of the client. If i have strong feelings its that i think a person is especially vulnerable in this kind of relationship so i think therapists should take real care thats all.

I've never heard of the kind of therapy you are talking about and yes if it encourages you to cling onto both the therapist and your 'diagnosis' i do have reservations about it...but its your life....But why can't you openly discuss with him if you can continue to see him ? The fact that you can't suggests he does have boundaries he wishes to stick to.
 
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TygerChild

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hi trojan,
The therapy has been largely 'supportive', but with some psychodynamic work thrown in. Therapy I have been involved in has been informed by Transactional Analysis. but also 're-parenting' and this again has had very strong elements of 'supportive,' work.
Yes, I have talked about having some kind of contact after he retires, but he has been ambivalent and so our discussions have been inconclusive. That is why I have asked the I ching.
Whilst much of the time I have been relatively 'stable', recently events have occurred which have de-stabilised me (separate from his retirment issues), and I think this has made him rather wary. There are indications that with other supports in place, he is more likely to have some supportive contact with me.
No, I am not clinging to the label as you put it, rather, it is being realistic about my future ability to manage without support. It is realised that my needs are long-term - not simply me wanting to stay dependent, but a matter of fact about my condition which is recognized by my mental health team.
Hope this gives you a clearer picture. Thanks anyway for your input.
 

titania

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I read 53.2.6 as 'enjoy what you have, but don't try to hang on to it'. 53.2 isn't an endpoint but a stop along the way. Take rest and nourishment where you are now, but don't try to put down roots. 53.6 seems like a perfect image of your therapist retiring. Instead of trying to hold on to him, look for the 'feathers' this relationship might offer. Consider, for example, what a strong, healthy relationship you were able to build and maintain over all those years. That's a powerful talisman to carry with you as you continue your own gradual progress towards greater health and stability.

To me, 48 is about tapping into inner resources. Find the strength within yourself to survive this parting and set about building a good, supportive relationship with a new therapist.
 

willowfox

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How do I optimize my chances to have some kind of friendship with my psychotherapist after he retires?

Hex 48 He has moved on and there is nothing you can do to change that fact, so if you try to reach him or entice him back then you may will end up with egg all over your face.
 

Trojina

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I read 53.2.6 as 'enjoy what you have, but don't try to hang on to it'. 53.2 isn't an endpoint but a stop along the way. Take rest and nourishment where you are now, but don't try to put down roots. 53.6 seems like a perfect image of your therapist retiring. Instead of trying to hold on to him, look for the 'feathers' this relationship might offer. Consider, for example, what a strong, healthy relationship you were able to build and maintain over all those years. That's a powerful talisman to carry with you as you continue your own gradual progress towards greater health and stability.

To me, 48 is about tapping into inner resources. Find the strength within yourself to survive this parting and set about building a good, supportive relationship with a new therapist.

I think thats spot on
 

bamboo

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Your therapist wants to retire. Obviously, he is reluctant to continue contact, and isnt it important for you to accept his boundaries? not to try to optomize your chances of getting him to change his mind. It seems that is manipulative, and part of the old behaviors of being :borderline:

Your readings seem to indicate that you have the sacred feathers , representing the learned ability to constuct your own wings. You are afraid and believe you can't function without support. Get other support; respect the boundaries of the former therapist, or......explore the well-48- of your own possibilities. One line says the well is in good working order, it is the heart's sorrow that it goes unrecognized.

Perhaps these words from LiSe can inspire you to move forward and to trust your own body and intuition.....




lise:
I used to be a person with lots of worries. If this would turn out right, if I wouldn't mess up that.. It used to cost all my energy. But then, one day, I was worried stiff by something, and it was too big to handle. I gave up, I let myself fall right into it. Like running away from a bear, and when you realize you will not make it, turning around and giving yourself up. "Ok, so get me". It was as if I fell into a big cave, dark, but also safe, warm, no thoughts, no feelings, just a big dark safety.

Next day the problem solved itself, or so it seemed. And since then that happened many more times. As if I can let go and by doing so something opens and the solution can find me.

I have ten times more energy than I used to have in the past, and no depressions anymore. "It" has a name, coyote. She is my silly creature who knows the answers because she does not know anything. I still cannot 'think up' solutions, but I can turn to her. And then I do 'nothing', and things get solved.

A coyote lives, she has no idea for what, she just lives. Day in day out, full of life. She runs, she eats, she sleeps, she never thinks. She has sharp teeth, don't mess around with her. But she is also tender to her cubs. She does nothing which makes no sense in her life. She is the general in the center of her army. That is being who you are, and nothing else. Totally living your life.

"Straight, square, great. Without skills there will be harvest.
Without doing, nothing not done. One accomplishes what one is or lives, not what one does."
Of course doing does bring about something. Lots of people only 'do'. But with not-doing in a coyote-way, living totally, you get things done in a way which really fits with your life.

This sounds as if I master that, but the opposite is true. When you are really bad at something, you have to find solutions for it, so my whole website is one huge proof of all those solutions I had to find..
Only the ones I found without thinking satisfy me...

LiSe
 

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