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Question about getting boyfriend back - 31 to 3

M

manitoba33

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My question was how to get my boyfriend to come back and fall in love with me again. We are still in contact but in a holding pattern. I got hexagram 31 with changing lines 1, 3 and 4 with future hexagram as 3.

My impression from these is to do nothing, not to act....any ideas?
 
B

bruce

Guest
Manitoba, I wouldn't say 'do nothing', but let your actions be spontaneous and genuine. This relationship, based on the relating 3, still looks to be in a primal state. Expectations at this point could easily be crushed. Better to allow nature to do the work, and you just be you.
 

frank

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Hi Manitoba33,

Hexagram 31 is a perfect answer for a union and influence each other. But be aware that it is not about control, it is a subtle way of influencing, as in text of the Image is said that the Noble Man (the one who askes the Yi for insight, in this case YOU...so A Noble Woman, ) "Will be prepared to take the people as they are and let them aproach"... In this case you can say that it's up to you to influence his love (or not) for you by subtle movements of not controlling the situation and taking the initiative, but let HIM run the controlbutton and give him space... My experience is that by giving people some space, that they will come in there own speed...

Line 1 is telling you that the influence is 'in the big toe'. The big toe is a part if the foot, and the foot is ofcourse a symbol for walking... so YOU want to walk to towards him... The first thing to do is to realise that you want to move and recognice that for yourself.

Line 3 sais something like 'Influence in the theigh' (is that the english word for the hip-region :-D), so there is sexual behaviour and needs in the air... By only following that kind of 'influence' it will do more harm to the relationship YET, then good. Line 3 probably will give you more insight for the reason WHY you want this relationship and what the relationship is in reality.

By sending out what you want and try to get that in real, line 4 is telling you that only then those who know what YOU want will respond. You have to listen to your heart for what YOU want, make yourself strong for YOURSELF...

By changing these lines you get the 'end-hexagram' of 3 "Difficulties in the Beginning". The Chinese character for this hexagram actually means a camp for soldiers (even more... the kitchen). So by trying to realise that it is YOU who wants the control, and that only sexual desires are not the right thing right now (which does not say anything about tommorrow, over a week, a month, etc, but NOT NOW :-D), and by listening to your heart for what YOU realy want besides starlight and roses and romance :-D, and letting friends hear what you want, there will be a chance for the better... As Bruce told you, it's still in a certain 'pre-stage', so do not demand that much, and just try to relax.

I hope it makes some sense, and hang in there!

Hug,
Frank
 
M

manitoba33

Guest
thank you bruce and frank - that was very helpful. i was afraid that if i didn't do something quick to tip the scales and restore the balance things would be lost....but i suppose this whole 'control' thing is counterintuitive.

This time, I am relatively certain he might be at the very seedling of a new romance, so according to the iching, i should just let it be, appear to accept our outcome and begin restoring my sense of the very things that attracted him to me in the beginning....my indifference and independence.

Thank you both!,
manitoba
 
M

manitoba33

Guest
Oh no!!

I just asked the I Ching if my ex was interested in this woman and it was something possibly threatening....and the IChing gave me hexagram 13!

Not good, as it is a favourable union, right?

And also not good for taming my desire to control, need reassurance and generally giving him space. How can I give him space when I know another woman might be wooing him in my absence?

Any clarification on this? even if it hurts...thank you
 

frank

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Hi Manitoba33,

I'm very sorry for you if your x is already busy looking into another direction, but 31 in the first place was about letting go of the control and influence on a subtle level. Hexagram 13 is just about meeting 'equal people'. Meeting people on the same level as you, the questioner, are. I do not know if this is telling me something about you or about those two you asked the Yi for, because it was YOU who asked the question and the answer has most of the time to do with perceptions the QUESTIONER is taking... When it is realy about the other woman and your ex then 13 could mean that they are only friends and looking in a 'friendly' way ("clan in the outdoors") if there is more... If it is about you you could ask yourself how far truely you and your ex where 'equals' in the relationship, as that is what YOU or the ex is momentarely looking for (acording to the asnwer the Yi is giving). Did you receive any 'changing lines'?

I hope it makes some sense and hang in there!

Hug.
Frank
 
M

manitoba33

Guest
No changing lines in this particular reading, but the responses I've gotten from you both and my immediate panicked interpretation of the reading, is I think very indicative of why we broke in the first place... I did not feel 'worthy' or 'enough', was very fear-based, and ironically, this fear is what is causing me to try to 'control' and drive the car back onto the road. I think the wisdom of the IChing was right on...let the car spin off into the ditch and relinquish control.

As the wisdom of 31 states, the wooing is a subtle influencing not a child beating fists on the floor screaming 'don't leave me!'. Easier said than done, when you are faced with a loss of finality.

Thank you for your kind words and help, again.
Manitoba
 
B

bruce

Guest
Manitoba,

I think it's great that you've been able to acknowledge your fear and this sense of unworthiness.

Someone or something always has hands on the steering wheel. I think there's a time to steer and a time to let go and just let auto-pilot take over. This letting go can enable surprising inner confidence, which in turn can be very attractive to others. This type of attraction is 13. From this effortless attraction can develop intimate attraction, which is 31.

Wishing you the best.
 

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