question about seeking respect in relationship

[tabitha]

Hello- thanks for reading-

I asked about a relationship I am involved with. The first question being about how the relationship is doing, if I could do anything to improve it- I received 62 changing to 54.
54 always seems negative to me-- Maybe Ive misunderstood it? At times I feel that the balance is in his favor and thought I'd ask again-- This time ive asked- how can I be more supportive of myself, and respectful of myself with regards to this relationship-
and received 46 changing to 32.
I am always worried about this- I dont want to read into this that the relationship will become a full fledged thing, Its not what I asked and I dont want to misread this-
Could someone please offer advice how to read this best, given my question.
Thank you.

 

[Trojina]

If you feel the relationship is balanced in his favour I think your 62 to 54 reading says you are correct. It doesn't look like a situation that favours your self esteem, and I also feel the reading advises to look quite carefully at this relationship especially if you feel it is harmful to you in anyway. 62.3 doesn't look good and 54 does usually show a situation one doesn't have much control in or is in a subordinate position in. Actually i see this reading as a kind of 'take care' reading, don't overlook small things, don't dismiss them, protect your vulnerabilities.

The 46 to 32 reading I think possibly reflects that you are going along the right lines by even formulating this question since your self respect is something you should protect here. I think perhaps it encourages you to aim for your highest ideals in the relationship about how you want to be treated, not to be afraid to ask for that.

 

[tabitha]

thanks trojan

Hi-

your insights are really helpful-- thanks very much

 

[rosada]

Do you think perhaps you've been agreeing with this fellow, letting him make all the decisions etc. to the point where you are feeling taken advantage of even though it has been you who have led him to believe you were content with all his choices? 62.Attention to Detail reads to me like a referance to all those times we have to put on a bit of an act just for politeness sake. Usually we do this with the assumption that if we tell our friends, "I wouldn't dream of letting you pick up the dinner check!" they will reciprocate and pick the check up next time, but every so often there are those people who really believe you when you say, "You should go first." and they never stop to think they need to then give you a turn. So I'm thinking maybe your boyfriend is not so much taking advantage of you as perhaps you out of politeness have given him a false impression that everything he does is fine with you.

Next, if you look at the Sequence, The Marrying Maiden seems to come at a choice point. The person, you, are slowly but surely making 53.Gradual Progress with your life goals, then seemingly out of nowhere this man, this new possibility appears. Is it a distraction from your life or a chance for a better life than any you could have dreamed of on your own? The only reason to go off in this unexpected direction is because you really feel it's better, it's your life calling, that you really enjoy being with this person, even if it means you are required at times to put on a happy face and go along with choices you wouldn't have gone for on your own.

I'm thinking you have gone along with things and let your friend call the shots here. This may not be a bad thing if you feel he has better judgement than yours (Like, I always pick terrible videos, my husband always finds good ones), but at least be aware of what you are giving up. I think the I Ching is saying to make this relationship work you have to be dedicated to following his life, and not need for him to be equally dedicated to yours.

 

[Trojina]

I think the I Ching is saying to make this relationship work you have to be dedicated to following his life, and not need for him to be equally dedicated to yours.

I actually see quite a strong warning of the dangers of subordination to him, in 62.3 anyway. It doesn't advise trust but to watch your back.

 

[rosada]

Yeah, I'm not saying the reading is predicting she SHOULD trust him, rather that it reads to me like the only way it's going to work is if she does trust him. Because if she doesn't, if she has doubts that the way he is heading is the way she wants to go, she probably isn't going to be able to rein him in by saying, "Now you follow me for awhile." If she cares about him but feels he's taking advantage or pulling her off her path, that is if she loves him but doesn't really trust him - and as you say, 63.3 certainly doesn't sound like she should! - then I'm suggesting the problem is not that he is such a scoundrel, but that she has gone along with him in trivial matters in the past so much to the point where now he thinks he can do whatever she wants and she'll approve, and she can't easily reassert herself. I think of women who marry intending to change the guy later. They say, "Ooh, I love your dog, your drinking budies, Saturday Night Football etc. etc." and then they feel cheated when hubby doesn't want to go to join her Opera Club.

I'm saying all this because 62. Preponderance of the Small follows 61. Inner Truth. The hexagrams in sequence tend to be opposites of each other, the idea being that when one pattern has reached it's climax, it tends to become it's opposite. Like 41.Decrease leading to 42.Increase. So Preponderance of the Small can be understood as somehow being the Opposite of Inner Truth. I'm thinking that indicates Little White Lies, those Outer Truths we tell that are not completely insync with what we're feeling on the inside, but are necessary to make the world run smoothly until we are refined enough to make our inner and outer a perfect match. An example of this sort of white lie might be where the girlfriend thanks the boyfriend warmly for the flowers - even though she's allergic. In the moment these little less than honest charades seem unimportant and just serve to keep things running smoothly, but over time they can add up and cause a person to be giving a totally wrong impression.

So now that I've talked this all out I guess what I'm saying is I think our seeker here might consider if she's somehow given this fellow the wrong impression before she completely writes him off as taking advantage of her. Of course, she hasn't told us exactly what he's doing that feels so disrespectful. Maybe I wouldn't be so quick to counsel, "Seek the problem within yourself" if I knew the 62.Details!

 

[willowfox]

about how the relationship is doing, if I could do anything to improve it- I received 62.1,2,3 changing to 54.

I see this as a rather unpleasant situation that you are in, it is warning you to first stay still, then don't seek him out for the moment because you just may get trouble from him if you do. It seems there is nothing you can do to improve the situation except maybe talk to someone in your family about him.

 

[tabitha]

Hey-- I havent checked in here for a bit- - I am surprised and thankful for the suggestions and insights-Tabitha