Reconcile broken relationship? 58.2 -> 17 ...help?

[loathsome_dove]

I could use a bit of help interpreting a reading that, to me, seems pretty optimistic. But I want to make sure I'm not wearing rose colored contact lenses. I asked the I Ching, "What shall I expect if I try to get back together with K?" I received 58 moving to 16, but I consistently use Huang's "Master Yin" rules for dealing with multiple changing lines, so this meant ignoring changes in line 1 and 5 and focusing only on the middle changing line, line 2. Hence 58.2 moving to 17.

Background: K and I dated for 9 months, the latter 6 long-distance. I love her but it's not perfect (what is, though?). At 9 months she told me she thought we should break up. I pushed for a two-week no-contact break for us to think about it. At the end of this break we essentially mutually broke up. We bought tickets months ago to fly down to Mexico for a week for a friend's wedding. We decided to go together even though we were broken up. Just got back from Mexico yesterday. It was like a dream I didn't want to wake up from. Like we'd never stopped being together. I told her I loved her, she told me she still loved me, etc. Though on the last night I talked about getting back together and she's not on board with that, but it does sound like she wants to have access to me for a friends with benefits-style situation, no strings attached (she's living back in the same place as me for the next three months for work). I told her I wanted to be with her while she's here and agree that we'd not see other people in that time. Again, she's not into that. I can't help but hope that her mind will change on that front. Maybe that's stupid wishful thinking from a broken-hearted nincompoop. This is where I was when I consulted the I Ching last night.

Prior reading: "What should I expect if I break up with K?" 33.2 -> 44 I asked this at the end of our two-week break after talking to her on the phone, when she told me she didn't know what she wanted to do. This was May 10. Some of you suggested this reading indicated whether I broke up with her that it wouldn't be so easy, that we'll remain tied together (Hilary's translation of 44 "Holding onto it, use yellow cowhide. It will never be capable of getting loose."). That was certainly spot on!

Anyhow, I fell back in love with her on this Mexico trip, she's still uncertain but told me she loves me and I'd love some outsider perspectives on Yi's 58.2 -> 17 answer regarding what I should expect if I try to get back together with her. Since your help with the last reading was so prescient, I thought reaching out again could be extremely helpful.

 

[thisworldcompany]

I would be struggling so much with this situation and this reading too; I am sending you support.

58 is such a moving hexagram to me, the image of two interdependent lakes and all the lines about conversation: this idea that we are replenished by deep communication with each other. It's so beautiful.

But honestly, I am not sure if 58.2 is saying that she communicated her limits and you should not try to be something you're not, and that your regrets of losing her will go away because you'll see that she just can't get back together, OR if it is saying that you can trust her and try the three months with her while she sees other people, and it will bring you the joy and deep connection you need and your regrets will go away. Either way, it is auspicious. But I would personally feel trapped between these two different readings, if I had received this reading.

17, Following, is also one of the most beautiful hexagrams to me. I wonder if it is saying to follow and have faith in your highest ideal of deep communication? Whether that is a relationship with the exclusivity and commitment you'd want, or a relationship with her. Maybe talk about your fears with a lack of exclusivity and her fears with regard to keeping her options open? There is that mirror-like aspect to 58, and maybe deep and joyful communication could be what inspires confidence (in each other)

 

[loathsome_dove]

Thanks for the support, thisworldcompany, I appreciate it.

I must've been looking through rose-tinted contact lenses, because I interpreted this as something akin to progressing toward success and reconciliation if I stick to my objective. The more I read your interpretations, thisworldcompany, the more they make sense.

 

[thisworldcompany]

I can definitely see that, it is an auspicious line! I saw some notes about 58.2 that mentioned trusting your intuition and not being distracted by temptations. I wish I could be more sure of which it is, but I can easily see the intuition that you should trust is your feeling that you will fully reconcile, or that you should trust your intuition is that she won't commit. And I can easily see that the distraction could be trying a half-step relationship when you'd like something more, or the distraction could be your fears and worries about exclusivity distracting you from the opportunity.

I don't know the full situation, but I know there are a lot of deep fears with regard to long-distance relationships and that she might be gripped by those. Maybe she is afraid of what would happen after those three months together are over and thinks she can protect her heart by keeping one foot out the door. You might each need find a way to find confidence in each other.

"Holding talks based on sincerity and trust is the best approach; it is auspicious as one's counterpart will trust the intention to reach a fair deal. Regret will be gone as soon as an agreement is reached."