Reconnecting with father 3.2.4.5 > 51

[BowntyHunter]

I had a terrible relationship with my father growing up, he forced a lot of things on me when I was too young to understand and emotionally abusive, tried to alienate me from my mother. Didn't feel like I could trust anybody or my own thoughts and feelings, the situation itself was worse than any one person in it. He seemed to be getting better and genuinely sorry, but I had to cut him off to let stuff within me resolve (and still didn't trust him).

When I bought a new phone I accidentally received a drunken text message from him saying he had a 'wealth transfer', and 'for this cause I am born'. He has a history of psychosis, so I didn't believe him. I thought, 'in principle, nobody gives money to an idiot like that. He must be taunting me, or perhaps got scammed'. He'll believe just about anything he reads on the internet.

So I consulted the I ching and got 3.2.4.5 > 54 (Marrying Maiden), and now I'm not quite sure. I cast another reading before and it said the standstill was coming to an end. I'm worried that I might be taking it too literally- but it seems I need to re-evaluate my assessment of the situation? At any rate, I want to preserve my own integrity above anything else, whatever I choose to do. If you could share an insight that would be great.

Thanks for your time,
Ben

 

[Trojina]

I'm not sure what the actual question was?

 

[rosada]

Assuming your question was something along the lines of asking the I Ching for a comment on the situation I'm guessing the I Ching is telling you there is nothing new here, that even if the two of you strive for union, it would result in the same old routine.

 

[Liselle]

Yes, please do tell us what your question was. But I actually think the reading's encouraging. Relating hexagram 54 might say you feel like you can't change anything, but the lines seem different and they take precedence.

Basically I think it's saying go ahead and stick your head out and see, if you want to, just be aware it will probably take time (maybe a lot of time - "10 years" in line 2 doesn't have to be literal, but it's not quick, either), and it's not good to have pre-conceived ideas about anything (line 5).

So there's some 54 flavor there, but it's not wrong to sprout.

At any rate, I want to preserve my own integrity above anything else, whatever I choose to do.

Also good advice for sprouting. Sprouts are fragile and so's this relationship. Doesn't mean it's a bad idea, just be careful.

 

[rosada]

BountyHunter doesn’t give a click.

 

[BowntyHunter]

Sorry, I'd been busy with some things. I asked again and when I came to call him I realised the Yi was trying to dissolve false pre-conceptions about the situation, and that reconnecting wasn't in my best interests.

The question was a general comment, I know what I'm looking for in my heart but it's often hard to put into words.

Thanks for your thoughts, I do value them. You're also right about the fragility of the relationship Liselle, and also my perception of it, which is why I decided not to do anything.

 

[rosada]

You've already shared with us your decision but I thought it might be interesting to dissect what the hexagrams seemed to advise.

3.2 may be referring to your uncertainty to connecting with him again, a recognition that you could only judge him from a child's perspective before and so perhaps it's time to reconsider now from your adult perspective.
3.4 sounds like the attempt to reconnect.
3.5 seems to warn against trying for a deep meaningful bond.

The resulting hexagram, 54. The Marrying Maiden, describes a situation where people are going through the prescribed roles in hopes of eventually arriving at the head of the line, although that may not happen in this lifetime.

Thus, if you feel uncomfortable in the way things were left before, if you are feeling "He's my dad so I want to honor the connection by keeping in touch at Christmas and birthdays" then there might be value in returning the call.

The image/advice for The Marrying Maiden says "The superior man understands the transitory in the light of the eternity of the end." Could this be saying that this is just one lifetime with this man and you may meet up again in the next one? Or maybe it's encouraging you not to worry about it - this too shall pass!

 

[BowntyHunter]

You've already shared with us your decision but I thought it might be interesting to dissect what the hexagrams seemed to advise.

3.2 may be referring to your uncertainty to connecting with him again, a recognition that you could only judge him from a child's perspective before and so perhaps it's time to reconsider now from your adult perspective.
3.4 sounds like the attempt to reconnect.
3.5 seems to warn against trying for a deep meaningful bond.

The resulting hexagram, 54. The Marrying Maiden, describes a situation where people are going through the prescribed roles in hopes of eventually arriving at the head of the line, although that may not happen in this lifetime.

Thus, if you feel uncomfortable in the way things were left before, if you are feeling "He's my dad so I want to honor the connection by keeping in touch at Christmas and birthdays" then there might be value in returning the call.

The image/advice for The Marrying Maiden says "The superior man understands the transitory in the light of the eternity of the end." Could this be saying that this is just one lifetime with this man and you may meet up again in the next one? Or maybe it's encouraging you not to worry about it - this too shall pass!

Thank you the reply, that's a fascinating thought about meeting up with him again. There's too many deeply rooted, unconscious components of this relationship for me to think it's anything but the former of those two options. Thus, "have I really done everything that I can to avoid unpaid debts coming back to me?" The thought of this repeating itself is a nightmare. I feel like the wave has broken and has nearly reached the shore, but I wonder why it has to be like this, with me not really being able to alter the situation in any way - totally beyond my capacities. If I've learnt anything so far it's that you can't mess with the fabric of things, with people's trajectories - when I try I only end up changing myself, often for the worse.

Your interpretation of the hexagrams is accurate, that's pretty much it. If only I myself knew how to get so much out of a single reading! It'll happen one day.