relationship 19.3.6, help asked..

[Freya D]

Hi there, I am new on this site and have a question about a reading I just did

Im in a turbulent relationship, we love each other a lot, but we both have a heavy past that makes us vulnerable.And he drinks a lot which scares me and we get into fights, I feel unloved and he withdraws( so cliche isnt it?)I already broke up with him before, but Im a bit of an escape artist and wish to learn how to stay..

I asked how i should relate, behave towards him. I got answer 19.3.6
I dont really understand line six about the sage, is it an advise to look for a teacher? my fisrt guess is that this relationship is teaching me a lot and that I should remain calm and trusting.

Can anyone help me explain this reading? thanks!

 

[rodaki]

hi Freya (and welcome )

the most I've gotten out of line 19.6 is that it's where we look back and see clearly where things went wrong (that '8th month - misfortune' part of 19). Line 3 can see it coming ahead so still has time to fix things before they go terribly awry . . Your relating hexagram here is 26 and for me that one fits a lot with 're-training' one's ways, re-directing energy in a way that can be a creative force rather than it lashing out - my view on this is that you 'll need to teach yourself some restrain when things get cloudy and stormy between you . . 26 can also point towards tried and tested knowledge, experience gathered and passed on to us by our past & ancestors, so it might help to see what has worked for taming your temper/feelings in the past, or what has worked for others before you

 

[precision grace]

hi

I really like Bradford's take on both 19 lines for this reading. If you don't have it, you can download it from here: http://www.hermetica.info/

19.3 specifically speaks of making sure you can take good with the bad I think, and maybe even about getting ahead of yourself, like maybe wanting just desserts when the requisite hard work to earn them hasn't been put in yet. So that sort of fits with your running away theme - maybe wanting everything to always be good times.

19.6 speaks of long term commitment and with 26 there I would be tempted to see this as you two starting a family together.

Having said all that, you said he drinks a lot which scares you and to me that sounds like a legitimate concern. Still, your reading in essence says that you should behave towards him as someone who has made serious commitment, so it's up to you how you want to proceed.

 

[newlife123]

Are you getting drunk with him and pushing his buttons while he is trying to relax?

 

[ginnie]

19.3 implies relating in a childish way, but 19.6 is relating in a generous and attentive way. It seems to be that Yi is pointing out that it's your choice how you relate to him. Hexagram 19 implies looking down on the subject, as if he were being studied, in this instance. Well, he's not a subject, he's a living human being, and maybe you might think of how you could help him if he's got a real drinking problem. In other words, be a bigger person.

 

[Freya D]

Thank you all à lot, much to think about.. And confronting too.. im really impressed by how accurate it answers..

 

[Freya D]

So far Ive been giving him more space and trusting That. At least i feeling more relaxed, i can only change my actions, not his. I wonder how you see me helping him with his drinkingproblem Ginnie? other than loving and accepting him. Before i was getting him books, tips , people to talk to and That only made him feel bad about himself. Have à nice day...

 

[Trojina]

Hi there, I am new on this site and have a question about a reading I just did

Im in a turbulent relationship, we love each other a lot, but we both have a heavy past that makes us vulnerable.And he drinks a lot which scares me and we get into fights, I feel unloved and he withdraws( so cliche isnt it?)I already broke up with him before, but Im a bit of an escape artist and wish to learn how to stay..

I asked how i should relate, behave towards him. I got answer 19.3.6
I dont really understand line six about the sage, is it an advise to look for a teacher? my fisrt guess is that this relationship is teaching me a lot and that I should remain calm and trusting.

Can anyone help me explain this reading? thanks!

19.3 often advises that although something looks sweet actually not much can come of it....and 19.6 shows wisdom of correct choices, correct approaches to relating.

I'm not sure your answer does advise staying together. You may wish to learn how to stay but I don't think your answer categorically encourages that. It's up to you of course. It's not a black and white reading but 19.3 ...well I'll quote Hilary on it

'Sweetness nearing,
No direction bears fruit.
Already grieving it, no mistake'

The experience or the person drawing near promises to be exclusively sweet, amenable and nice. This is not just too good to be true, it's too one sided to be whole or real. No amount of planning or intending can somehow turn pure sweetness into complete nourishment and make this sustainable. You are not wrong to grieve this and let it go.

I must say that fits my experiences of it...it's a very poignant line because you do want that sweetness but in the end it's just that, it doesn't nourish. So you have this plan to stay...but how tenable is that, I don't know.

Looking at change patterns, the patterns the changing lines make, you have 52 yang pattern...so you are approaching from a point of stillness, a degree of detachment...the yin pattern is 58....keeping on communicating perhaps ? I like the answer because 19.6 suggest you will find the best way to relate to him....that may be through staying together in romantic relationship OR it maybe through just becoming friends.

 

[ginnie]

I wonder how you see me helping him with his drinking problem Ginnie?

Here we have many Alcoholics Anonymous groups and they have a very high success rate in helping people with drinking problems. I guess the trick is in getting him interested in doing something like this to turn his life around. Sometimes a brief stint in psychotherapy can motivate a person to rid himself of a bad habit. It's hard to know in advance what will be the best motivator. All best wishes to you as you wrestle with these issues and trying to find solutions. There is this expression: "Where there's a will, there's a way." I hope that eventually he wakes up to the fact that by drinking so much he is really harming his own body.

 

[Freya D]

Thank you all so much.. It feels like Im giving too much, perhaps I just dont want to accept the truth That my boyfriend is too damaged and the only person who can make the choice to heal is he. I feel like Im fighting faith by being the best i can, as if I can make à deal with it hè actually treats me disrespectful sometimes and wants to control everything, hè is also very sweet sometimes. THE thing is im pretty damaged myself and am learning to heal myself. I know this relationship isnt healthy, but i think im in it to really feel and go trough pain and let go of it.. And Im stil hoping we will do this together but i do think like line 3 is suggesting, That i know it is à fairytale..

 

[ginnie]

It's not a fairy tale if you are often in the sheltering arms of each other. The question of who is damaged or who is more damaged needs to be viewed in the light that all human beings have been damaged and we are all struggling to recover. It's only a question of degree. I remember being startled when I learned from a family therapist that all families are dysfunctional. Only children think that only their own family has problems and that the families of all the other kids are perfectly happy . . .