Relationship difficulties, please help!

[edge]

Hi there,
I'm in a fledgling relationship which feels like an incredibly powerful connection but has been beset by all sorts of difficulties beyond our control from the start. There are no problems in the way we feel about each other (very strongly), but distance (living in different cities), work trouble and health problems (his which leave him in constant pain right now as he waits for an operation) and complications from his difficult domestic situation/ex and children mean we are struggling to spend time together. I've been feeling quite anxious and unsure about how to proceed apart from just to keep calm and remind myself that it won't be like this forever, but right now its really hard. I'm hoping you can help me interpret two readings which have left me feeling very confused...:

I asked "what do I need to know about the relationship right now": 6:2,6 to 45

I'm a bit confused because I'm not aware of any contention between us right now, although this could refer to his circumstances and how he is trying to work out moving things forward...45 seems to indicate that ultimately things will start to come together and resolve but I'd appreciate your perspectives...

Considering this picture I then asked " How should I act/proceed?" 14:3,4,6 to 19
I'm interpreting this as the need for modesty and holding back, on my part, to seek harmony not cause further problems but 19 sounds like resolution that doesn't last.

Any thoughts greatly appreciated, I have no idea how to approach this.
Thanks,
E

 

[edge]

I just read Lise's interpretation of 19 which makes a lot of sense in this context:
"Hexagram 19
In old texts 'lin' is often used for descending towards a valley. It is nearing, but it is also overseeing. From high above one sees the whole valley. In regard to ‘nearing’ people it means to see them in their totality, with all the things they do and have, need or reject, like or fear. Seeing the whole picture, not just the details. And most important of all: without judgment. It is the condition for helping or organizing. For the person who is seen this way, it feels safe.

In 'Cave in the snow', Tenzin Palmo says: "Why does one go into retreat? One goes into a retreat to understand who one really is and what the situation truly is. When one begins to understand oneself then one can truly understand others because we are all interrelated. It is very difficult to understand others while one is still caught up in the turmoil of one's emotional involvement - because we're always interpreting others from the standpoint of our own needs. That's why, when you meet hermits who have really done a lot of retreat, say twenty-five years, they are not cold and distant. On the contrary. They are absolutely lovely people. You know that their love for you is totally without judgment because it doesn't rely on who you are or what you are doing, or how you treat them. It's totally impartial. It's just love. It's like the sun - it shines on everyone."

 

[Trojina]

Hi there,
I'm in a fledgling relationship which feels like an incredibly powerful connection but has been beset by all sorts of difficulties beyond our control from the start. There are no problems in the way we feel about each other (very strongly), but distance (living in different cities), work trouble and health problems (his which leave him in constant pain right now as he waits for an operation) and complications from his difficult domestic situation/ex and children mean we are struggling to spend time together. I've been feeling quite anxious and unsure about how to proceed apart from just to keep calm and remind myself that it won't be like this forever, but right now its really hard. I'm hoping you can help me interpret two readings which have left me feeling very confused...:

I asked "what do I need to know about the relationship right now": 6:2,6 to 45

I'm a bit confused because I'm not aware of any contention between us right now, although this could refer to his circumstances and how he is trying to work out moving things forward...45 seems to indicate that ultimately things will start to come together and resolve but I'd appreciate your perspectives...

okay heres my perspective. i think the contention is the relationship itself. Its a struggle just to have it and seems to me right now what you need to know is that no sooner do you feel you have one issue out of the way another crops up (6.6) and you need to be aware this is going to keep happening (6.6). You can't find peace or security here, you need to back off to 'your own city' where you can count on things/people.(6.2) I think the 45 as context may signify security needs and what you have invested in the relationship. I think, your answer could be showing you invested alot in this relationship but it its a battle you are currently not in a position to win. Not because of lack in the bond between you but because of the situation. Soldiering on bravely against the odds isn't the way to go here i don't think. Perhaps you just need to live in your own space a bit more, literally or psychologically. Reading what you wrote above I pick up your determined attitude and i think thats the hex 6 here. Don't be determined to win against all odds right now. Compromise with the situation

Considering this picture I then asked " How should I act/proceed?" 14:3,4,6 to 19
I'm interpreting this as the need for modesty and holding back, on my part, to seek harmony not cause further problems but 19 sounds like resolution that doesn't last.

Any thoughts greatly appreciated, I have no idea how to approach this.
Thanks,
E

I think the situation requires great generosity of spirit from you (14.3) and willingness to allow things not to go your way (14.4) and i think you probably already have these (14.6). So i do basically agree with your above interpretation except i do think 14.3 can be pretty hard work and ask quite alot of us. Also 14.3 asks the question 'do i have the resources for this' and theres no shame IMO if you don't and you can't be like the Prince offering it all to heaven.

However as you say the bond is strong I assume you will want to make this sacrifice (14.3) but it really is a sacrifice and i think its a totally different frame of mind to the hex 6. I think the hex 6 was likley you and him versus the issues in his world and that stance is going nowhere for you because his world/issues won't back down ..and even when they look like they are they're not (6.6). Maybe its time to get fully into your world, your city, where there are great riches (and where you are sovereign )(14) that you can utilize in this time perhaps to ultimately nourish the relationship..or at least nourish your self and so cultivate new growth, new opportunities (19) This would be much better than throwing all your energy at a situation that doesn't look like it will get resolved any time soon.

 

[Trojina]

I just read Lise's interpretation of 19 which makes a lot of sense in this context:
"Hexagram 19
In old texts 'lin' is often used for descending towards a valley. It is nearing, but it is also overseeing. From high above one sees the whole valley. In regard to ‘nearing’ people it means to see them in their totality, with all the things they do and have, need or reject, like or fear. Seeing the whole picture, not just the details. And most important of all: without judgment. It is the condition for helping or organizing. For the person who is seen this way, it feels safe.

In 'Cave in the snow', Tenzin Palmo says: "Why does one go into retreat? One goes into a retreat to understand who one really is and what the situation truly is. When one begins to understand oneself then one can truly understand others because we are all interrelated. It is very difficult to understand others while one is still caught up in the turmoil of one's emotional involvement - because we're always interpreting others from the standpoint of our own needs. That's why, when you meet hermits who have really done a lot of retreat, say twenty-five years, they are not cold and distant. On the contrary. They are absolutely lovely people. You know that their love for you is totally without judgment because it doesn't rely on who you are or what you are doing, or how you treat them. It's totally impartial. It's just love. It's like the sun - it shines on everyone."

I really loved that book by Palmo, quite unique. I want to read it again.

Lises view of 19 does seem a nice backdrop for your 14

 

[edge]

Hi Trojan,
thanks so much for this, once I had calmed my mind down a bit its pretty much exactly the conclusion I came to. It does feel like there is nothing to be done to solve the issues right now and that trying would make things worse so its better just to trust in the bond and retreat for a while and focus on my life (which is good and happy). It really feels like a big lesson in loving someone and letting them go, not permanently but not making any demands while its obvious they can't be met. I'm definitely learning to be a better more generous person! I sent him a message last night basically saying that I love him and I'm not going anywhere but that he needs to get through the difficult stuff and make sure he's okay without worrying about me for the moment, which he really appreciated. So from a potentially alarming looking reading when I didn't quite get it, this has turned into something really useful.
Thanks again,
E