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relationship dying?

elizabeth

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I'm hoping for some help with a few readings. The summary is I have been in a relationship with a man in another country for 15 months now. We met May 2011 in person while i was completing research work tehre. The rest of 2011 things were great. However he had a health crisis last November, and then quit his job, and then the next 2 jobs were not paying as promised (spring and until June this year). It's been his worst financial situation in years.
This year, I spent 5 mos in his country, returning to my own about 3.5 weeks ago. After I left, he cut down the amount of communication we have. He said he cannot skype every day twice a day (as he himself wanted last year). It went from 3 times a week (2 weeks ago) to 1 time in 6 days (last week). I still love him and want to work things out. We have not discussed "us". I have tried giving him space but I want to communicate more often. I am afraid i'm losing him and I am afriad he is forgetting some of the best parts of "us." Without communication now we do not have much.

I'm not really looking for practical advice here outside of the Yi, but insights into what is going on underneath it all and what the Yi might be showing that i'm not already seeing. yes I know he has financial troubles. But I think a two word message once per dayis not a lot to ask. or even a few days per week...

Anyway I asked a series of questions right now as I"m dying to phone him and fighting the urge. (I have not initiated any communication since he said he doesnt want to talk daily> if he calls, I answer if i am available).

The questions:

show me a picture of our relsthip.
Hex 8.4.5 > 16

line 4:When the leader emerges the wise man throws in his lot with him. But he must still remain constant and not allow himself to be led astray.

line 5:
This is the sign of the union.(?!) The king hunts with beaters on three sides only. Losing the game that runs before him. The people need no threats and there is great good fortune. In the royal hunts of ancient China the game was driven only from three sides so that some had an opportunity to escape. Those who did not were driven toward a fence with a gate behind which stood the king ready to fire his arrows.
A well governed citizenry needs no coercion. They should join in voluntary union, free to express themselves while recognizing the authority of their rulers.

Is it saying he's not joining voluntarily? I know that as he's pulled back ... but then why?
___

Why is he uncommunicative?/why has he stopped communicating?
Hex 31.1.4 > 63 Successful completion and what comes next.

line 1: A movement, before it is actually carried out, shows itself first in the toes.
The idea of an influence is already present, but is not immediately apparent to
others. As long as the intention has no visible effect, it is of no importance to
the outside world and leads neither to good nor to evil. <-- not sure what that means.
line 4: The impulse that springs from this source is the most important of all. It is of particular concern that this influence be constant and good; then, in spite of the danger arising from the great susceptibility of the human heart, there will be no cause for remorse.
When the quiet power of a man's own character is at work, the effects
produced are right. All those who are receptive to the vibrations of such a spirit will then be influenced. Influence over others should not express itself as a conscious and willed effort to manipulate them. Through practicing such conscious incitement, one becomes wrought up and is exhausted by the
eternal stress and strain. Moreover, the effects produced are then limited to those on whom one's thoughts are consciously fixed.But the man who acts without due consideration will find it difficult to persuade more than his nearest companions to follow him. <--Again, to me it's not clear what's meant here. The first part sounds like the SOURCE of the man's decision (behavior) - to talk less or more etc - is key and if it comes from a good place that's OK. Suggesting the reasoning here is the explanation -- but we dont really know that...

___

what if i call him now? [ie. initiate contact rather than wait for him]
47.2.4 >8


Exhausted, even with a meal before him a minister in his scarlet sash arrives. Now is the moment to make sacrifice. Going forward brings misfortune but no blame. (Bad idea!)
Sitting at the table, apparently well fed and content, one is still exhausted and oppressed by care from which there seems to be no escape. (yes that's how i feel)
But the minister is a messenger from the prince who is seeking able men. It is an appropriate moment to make an offering and pray for the removal of difficulties.Nevertheless the time is not yet ripe for setting out. All must first be prepared.

line 4: He advances very slowly delayed by the golden carriage in front. There are no regrets, but not for long. Here is a man who is wealthy and successful in all material things. But he has only recently come into wealth and the ways of the rich prove an obstruction to his desire to press forward spiritually. However, the underlying strength of his nature overcomes the drawbacks and he reaches his goal.

From this, I take it that it is not a good idea to call him on my own.
__

How does he feel now?
Nourishment, lines 1 and 6 > Hex 2 earth

line 1: Giving up your own spirit tortoise,Gazing at me with jaws hanging down – pitfall.’ = The man with his mouth agape may be taken as symbolizing either personal greed or envy of others. He has a abandoned his self-reliance for empty discontent and jealousy of those who find themselves in better circumstances than himself.

Interesting. He may be feeling sorry for himself or worried he cannot provide for me (?)

line 6: ‘Origin of nourishment. Danger, good fortune. Fruitful to cross the great river.= Now is the time to cross the great water. This describes one who has become at last a great sage, with a profound influence upon spiritual sustenance of others. Such a man who takes note of all the pitfalls that surround and remains conscious of the responsibilities can undertake the most difficult labours.


What is the potential here for us?
22 unchanging grace
Bi indicates that grace, impelled by brightness should be given a free course. Even in minor matters it is advantageous to go forward.
The weak yin line rises between the two yang lines of the lower trigram, adorning them with its brilliance. The alteration of firmness and yielding is the pattern of heaven itself. By contemplating the patterns of heaven we begin to understand the changing seasons. As the earth adorns heaven, and heaven the earth, so do the different levels of society adorn one another, and by observing them we can learn to live in Grace.
Fire below the mountain is the symbol of Grace. The Superior Man, observing this, throw light upon the processes of government, but does not dare to intervene in the processes of law.

I'm confused. If i were to judge by only the info I have, i'd say he doesnt want a relationship but hasn't said so. Or, it's possible he's fine with this and wants a low period, a break, not so much contact, while he focuses on other things.

His explanation for the fewer days of contact initally was his new job, and the level of fatigue he has afterwards. But on the weekends i dont hear a peep from him... it was that way last year (at least Saturdays as he visits his son). But on a day off - call??

Am i missing something here? the 22 Beauty doesnt seem to jive - it is so overly positive but i feel like a knife is slowly turning in my gut as each day goes by.

thoughts?:duh::brickwall::confused::cloud:
 
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long yi

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From Lover's Iching textbook

Hexagram 22 Checking the Basics

On the surface this relationship appears to have plenty of plus factors. There is a natural attraction and you feel a sense of well¬being in this person's company. However, you need to check: to discover whether you are compatible in fundamental ways. Do you share the same goals, for example?

Existing Partnerships
Are there deep-seated differences which need to be addressed? It is often easy to remain within your comfort zone and ignore crucial issues. Enjoy the relationship for what it gives you now, but you may need to look elsewhere for long-term fulfilment,

New Romance
Have Fun and enjoy your new romance. If you are looking for long-term commitment, you may need to find someone whose goals are more in line with yours.

Friendship
Here's a friend for the good times in life. This may not be the best person if you need a shoulder to cry on.

Pitfalls
Don't be misled by outward appearances. This relationship may be fun, but it probably lacks the vital ingredients for a long-term commitment.

Unquote

My analysis (6 line)


起卦时间:2012年09月15日22时31分
起卦农历:壬辰年七月三十日亥时
神煞:天乙—子申 福星—未 日禄—午 羊刃—巳 驿马—巳 桃花—子 华盖—未
干支:壬辰年 己酉月 己卯日 乙亥时
旬空:午未  寅卯  申酉  申酉

六神  伏神    艮宫:山火贲(六合)
         【本 卦】
勾陈       ▅▅▅▅▅ 官鬼丙寅木  
朱雀       ▅▅ ▅▅ 妻财丙子水  
青龙       ▅▅ ▅▅ 兄弟丙戌土 应
玄武 子孙丙申金 ▅▅▅▅▅ 妻财己亥水  
白虎 父母丙午火 ▅▅ ▅▅ 兄弟己丑土  
滕蛇       ▅▅▅▅▅ 官鬼己卯木 世
Line 1 (host line). You view him with a conflicting view: as a spouse, but not a man in the house of marriage. This man will not enter the house of marriage (line 1 conflict with the month of the reading).

Line 4 (guest line). He is thinking of someone else and not you.

Line 1/6: The basis of this hexagram is about him not fitting into your house of marriage.

There are 3 yang line and 3 yin lines, 2 female (line 4, 2), 2 male ( 1, 6), 2 competitors (line 2, 4). This is a triangle relationship.

Line 3 line refers to a woman with a child. This child metal line is also the empty spot in your house of spouse. This child may come from an inappropriate relationship with a female with one of the man in the hexagram. You do not want any part to do with that person because of the child.

Line 2 is person with a marriage document or job hidden. If he is looking for a job, there is no good news in this year. The time for a possible appointment may be after Jan 6 2013.

This is a hollow relationship. It will not last.
 

elizabeth

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Long yi,
Thank you so much for the reply, I really appreciate it. With your personal 6 line analysis, does all of that analysis apply to this situation?

For more information, on Aug 20, just 3 days before I left his country, he began a new job. So he is in that new job now about 1 month. I am hoping it lasts because he needs the stability.

he has a child, a son, with his ex "wife" (they never married). The wife is a witch to him and to his family. He visits the son 1 time per week, sometimes less often. I have never met the woman but have no desire to. She used him to have a son and dumped him as soon as she had him, and then demanded alimony. Because he was between jobs the past 12 mos he now owes backpay. she purposely sent the form to the wrong address to make it harder for him to pay her, to create more problems.

Anyway I was not sure from what you wrote about "marriage document" or "job" what that would refer to here? Does it mean that financial *gains* just will not happen before the New Year (2013)?

Also he lives with his elderly aunt. I dont know how that plays into it. Is the general idea that in real life there re then 2 women (the ex and me) 2 men (him and... someone else? His boss? or his son?) and then 2 competitors (his aunt and maybe someone else who doesnt want him in the relationship with me)?

however I note you wrote that line 2 and 4 is both 2 females and 2 competitors. So perhaps those two peopl are his exwife demanding his money (he has nothing left) and his aunt who does not want him in a relationship with me, because it will threaten her status quot.

This sounds like the Yi says it will not last :-( I'm very worried about that, because I want it to work out. I return to his country in february for 6 mos... i had hoped to keep in touch between now and then as we did last year. But how can i when he wont do his half of it? Is there anything I can do to improve things now?? (Can I ask the Yi that - how to improve "us"?)
 
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elizabeth

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p.s. does the hex suggest he loves someone else?

The only person I think he's thinking of now is himself... (?)
 

ginnie

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show me a picture of our relsthip.
Hex 8.4.5 > 16

With line 8.5, the leader loses the prey in front ...

Why is he uncommunicative?/why has he stopped communicating?
Hex 31.1.4 > 63

He is irresolute and also concerned very much with his new job.


How does he feel now?
Nourishment, lines 1 and 6 > Hex 2 earth

He's preoccupied with his job.


What is the potential here for us?
22 unchanging grace

Illusions as well as beauty. Concern with superficial matters should never take precedence over matters of more significance. This may be a relationship overly concerned with appearances or external aspects. That would be profoundly meaningful only if you were both involved in the worlds of art or film, for example.
:)
 

elizabeth

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Hi Ginnie,
I am so grateful you chimed in.

About 8.5:
The leader loses his prey - is he the leader, or am I? I feel in this case it must be me...since I'm the one concerned about the "relationship." Does that mean just that i've lost him? Or, if it is him, it seems it would suggest he is losing his job (what he was/is chasing after) or his grip on financial security. (altho the question was about the relationship, not about him and his work)
Or maybe means he's lost me since i'm not "in front of him" literally, anymore, as i"m in another country now. (??)

Oddly I phoned tonight, which I have not done in weeks. His aunt answered. His car broke down Friday and he was unable to go to work as a result -- they told him don't come in, go fix the car. Aunt said he spent all weekend fixing it and was still at the repair shop (8pm on a Sun nite) when i phoned... So things are not that smooth I guess...

About 22, I'm involved heavily in the art world, but he is not. I am very much not concerned with external appearances. (He's below my econ status but I love him). Does this imply he was/is only with me due to the way that makes him "look good" to others?
 

ginnie

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About 8.5:
The leader loses his prey - is he the leader, or am I?

I'm sorry I said that about the leader and the prey, because it has led to a misunderstanding. In 8.4.5, I think you are the 8.4 and he is the 8.5, the leader. Line five in every hexagram is the line of the leader, and 8.5 is said to represent the best kind of leader.

You know about how wrapped up he is in providing for himself from the phone call.

About 22 ... Does this imply he was/is only with me due to the way that makes him "look good" to others?[/QUOTE]

Your question seems to be coming from a doubting place inside you rather than from something you have observed or experienced from him. I can't answer that question, Elizabeth, and part of the problem may be that this is a long distance relationship. Hexagram 22 can mean anything from a period when you're living a charmed existence to nothing but imaginings and illusions. Maybe it means he is focused mainly on how you look and comport yourself; that you are ladylike. You are beautiful in his eyes and you think he's a fine man, too.

It seems to me that you are desiring great specificity from the I Ching about this man and this relationship, but the oracle cannot utter the words you want so much to hear. Try to be more measured in the way you think of him and in the amount of time you devote to this relationship, because at the present time it looks like he must spend a lot of time holding his head above water in order to keep his job.
 

long yi

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All analysis refer to your situation.

Quote
Anyway I was not sure from what you wrote about "marriage document" or "job" what that would refer to here? Does it mean that financial *gains* just will not happen before the New Year (2013)?
Unquote

Line 2 is a person with the parent line behind it. Parent line may mean marriage document, or job or an older person such as aunt.

Quote
Also he lives with his elderly aunt. I dont know how that plays into it. Is the general idea that in real life there re then 2 women (the ex and me) 2 men (him and... someone else? His boss? or his son?) and then 2 competitors (his aunt and maybe someone else who doesnt want him in the relationship with me)?

however I note you wrote that line 2 and 4 is both 2 females and 2 competitors. So perhaps those two people are his exwife demanding his money (he has nothing left) and his aunt who does not want him in a relationship with me, because it will threaten her status quot.
Unquote

Your explanation is probably correct. It does not have to be a love rival. It can be any third party interference.

Hexagram 22 is equivalent to king of pentacles in Tarot

Quote
If you are single and the King of Pentacles tarot card appears in a love tarot reading, you may meet someone that is financially successful and is looking for a life partner.
Although he may not be very spontaneous or adventurous, the King of Pentacle is someone you can count on. His reliability makes him a very consistent and loyal partner. He can be very focused on his career, so you may have to encourage him to put a little more effort into the romance. However, he does enjoy feelings of connectedness and will happily comply so long as you don’t try to order him around. He is also quite protective, and will come to your aid in times of need.
If you are embarking on a new relationship with a King of Pentacles, it may be slow moving. The King of Pentacles doesn’t like to jump into things too quickly. He prefers a long and steady courtship. It’s important for him to get to know you prior making a real commitment.
Unquote


However, this hexagram 22 is known not to lead to a long lasting relationship. This refers to the present moment (reading has a time domain for its validity).

Wait a bit for two or more weeks. Sort out your feelings with him yourself. Piece the picture: his son, ex., aunt, job etc.


He is a career man and needs money. He has no time for you at present. Rethink before you decide whether to move forward.
 

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