Relationship issues 54.5 > 58..... 16.1.2 > 54

[watersprite2]

I'm back again!

Well... I had another explosive outburst with my guy but I jumped the gun and it turned out to be a misunderstanding. I regret being overly harsh and did apologise.

I think I'm overly sensitive because I don't know where this relationship is going.

I've learned that all our arguments recently have been based on misunderstanding... Mainly from my paranoia. And I just hope I didn't ruin everything. He sent me the song from Petshop boys "what have i done to deserve this".... It made me so sad.

I asked "is my relationship over or will it continue?"

54.5 > 58

It will continue if I can accept a lesser position than I wish.

What is the most I can expect from this relationship... Will we ever be happy?

16.1.2 > 54

Curb my expectations, show no enthusiasm because I simply have to compromise for now.

 

[marybluesky]

Watersprite;

54.5>58 says yes, your relationship continues and it will be more beautiful than commited ones [younger sister's robe being more beautiful that the bride's].

16.1.2>54 tells you won't be in a place to make things go your way, you'll be the younger sister not the main wife, the priority; you'll get too emotinal & act upon your emotions without moving things further.
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Give credit to your emotions, you have the right to feel insecure in this situation.
I used to have terrible emotional outbursts in my reationship with a guy for whom I had strong feelings but kept me on limbo. I imagined then it was my fault & that I couldn't have a romantic relationship without going through huge amounts of stress. I was wrong.
Now I'm in a casual relationship with a guy & I have no stress or emotional bursts, maybe as I don't have strong feelings for him, or that I know it's all that I'm going to recieve, or both.

 

[rosada]

I see hexagram 54 as indicating the various role one plays in relationships -
54.1 You don't even really know the guy but you need a place to sleep tonight.
54.2 You may have liked him once but now you feel alone in this relationship.
54.3 There aren't any suitable single men out there so you're having an affair with a married man.
54.4 Finally! True love!
54.5 So now you're a bonafide helpmate. Is it as much fun as you thought it would be?
54.6 Or do you feel you got talked into something - all that glitters...?

With that progression in mind - from slave to wife - it reads to me that your relationship continues if you agree to accept the role of servant to this man's desires, which I guess is not such a bad thing if you feel like he's some artist genius worthy of you sacrificing your life to.

58. Emphasizes communication and suggests a joyful back and forth between two lovers. However, this hex may also be giving you a heads up that there needs to be communication for things to continue to be good.

 

[watersprite2]

Watersprite;

54.5>58 says yes, your relationship continues and it will be more beautiful than commited ones [younger sister's robe being more beautiful that the bride's].

16.1.2>54 tells you won't be in a place to make things go your way, you'll be the younger sister not the main wife, the priority; you'll get too emotinal & act upon your emotions without moving things further.
-------------
Give credit to your emotions, you have the right to feel insecure in this situation.
I used to have terrible emotional outbursts in my reationship with a guy for whom I had strong feelings but kept me on limbo. I imagined then it was my fault & that I couldn't have a romantic relationship without going through huge amounts of stress. I was wrong.
Now I'm in a casual relationship with a guy & I have no stress or emotional bursts, maybe as I don't have strong feelings for him, or that I know it's all that I'm going to recieve, or both.

Awwww thank you so much for you very measured and thoughtful input as usual.

I've accepted I'll never be as important as the mother of his child. Like he'll never be as important as the father of my child. He's financially supporting his own family and I'm being financially supported my ex... So there's a weird equality in this sense.

The irony is, I don't even want to be prioritised... I just want to be the only second girlfriend, to be loved fully and grow closer. So let's see

 

[watersprite2]

I see hexagram 54 as indicating the various role one plays in relationships -
54.1 You don't even really know the guy but you need a place to sleep tonight.
54.2 You may have liked him once but now you feel alone in this relationship.
54.3 There aren't any suitable single men out there so you're having an affair with a married man.
54.4 Finally! True love!
54.5 So now you're a bonafide helpmate. Is it as much fun as you thought it would be?
54.6 Or do you feel you got talked into something - all that glitters...?

With that progression in mind - from slave to wife - it reads to me that your relationship continues if you agree to accept the role of servant to this man's desires, which I guess is not such a bad thing if you feel like he's some artist genius worthy of you sacrificing your life to.

58. Emphasizes communication and suggests a joyful back and forth between two lovers. However, this hex may also be giving you a heads up that there needs to be communication for things to continue to be good.

I love the interpretations of the lines. Awesome! Thank you so much

 

[dfreed]

Will we ever be happy? 16.1.2 > 54

Hmm. It seems that to ask 'will I ever be happy?' is a bit of a loaded question - do you believe that whatever response you get will be forever? I would think your happiness is up to you, not a book with words in it.

As to the response (Richard Rutt's translation):
16.1 Trumpeting elephant. Disastrous.
16.2 Pilloried (attacked or ridiculed) in stone. Not lasting to the end of the day. Augury auspicious.

I gather that your happiness - and maybe the success of your relationship - depends on more that just words, or verbal declarations (trumpeting elephants). What he or you says will only go so far. It seems you feel stuck (pilloried in stone), but this is not a final outcome - if you work at getting yourself unstuck - or if you're fine with the limits / limitations (being in stone) of this relationship (A 'Trumpeting elephant' also reminds me of this guy's nervous breakdown, which you mentioned last time.)

In looking back at your last thread, you started out with an ultimatum about what you would and wouldn't accept in your relationship, but then you backed off from that for the sake of this guy's feelings - as he was having a 'nervous breakdown' and could not commit (nor express emotion it seems); the previous response seemed to indicate that this was okay - for the time being. You ended by saying:

I chose not to talk about the ultimatum because he was really in a bad place emotionally and ... actually there's no way he can ... commit to a relationship ... at present. He was having a mental breakdown. So I will give things a little more time to heal.

But what about now? Has the situation changed, or is this how you want to continue in the relationship? Are you really okay with being the 'second girlfriend'? (Your words, which remind me of 'playing second fiddle' - but that might only be my pre-judgement.) And will he never be able to say he loves you or commit (something you said before), because he's always going to be pre-occupied with something or someone else? Is that all okay with you?

If this is acceptable, then your distress will not 'last till the end of the day' and you should be fine - IF that's really where you want to be. But the Yijing can't decide that for you, I don't think.

Best, D

 

[watersprite2]

Hmm. It seems that to ask 'will I ever be happy?' is a bit of a loaded question - do you believe that whatever response you get will be forever? I would think your happiness is up to you, not a book with words in it.

As to the response:
16.1 Trumpeting elephant. Disastrous.
16.2 Pilloried (attacked or ridiculed) in stone. Not lasting to the end of the day. Augury auspicious.

I gather that your happiness (and perhaps the success of your relationship) depends on more that just words, or verbal declarations (trumpeting elephant). What he or you says will only go so far. It seems you might feel stuck (pilloried in stone), but this is not a final outcome - if you work at getting yourself unstuck.

In looking back at your last thread, it seemed that you started out with an ultimatum about what you would and wouldn't accept in your relationship, but then you backed off from that for the sake of this guy's feelings (as he was having a 'nervous breakdown'); the response seemed to indicate that this was okay - for the time being. You ended by saying:



But what about now? Is this how you want to continue in the relationship? Are you okay with being the 'second' girlfriend? (Which suspiciously reminds me of 'playing second fiddle' - but that might only be my pre-judgement.) And will it continue with him never being able to say he loves you (something you said before), because he's always going to be pre-occupied with something or someone else? If this is acceptable to you, then your distress will not 'last till the end of the day' and you should be fine. If that's really where you want to be. But the Yijing can't decide that I don't think.

Best, D.

Thank you very much. I appreciate your time.

He did say that he really loves me but warned me that I won't hear it often because of his "situation".

I can accept being the second wife because he is also my second husband.. But within the confinements I do want to be loved fully. I don't feel it is too much to ask. I don't mind coming second due to the circumstances but I cannot accept coming second emotionally. That's essentially it... I will discuss it with him soon and update thread

And yes you're right, it's a loaded question. I just asked it in a desperate moment

 

[dfreed]

I can accept being the second wife because he is also my second husband.. But within the confinements I do want to be loved fully.

(I may have added to my response since you posted.)

Well, if you can accept 'being the second wife', than you should be fine. But if you think of your self as the 'second wife' and he looks upon you the same way, does that allow for someone to 'love fully'? I don't really know.

I do know that for my friends, their current love (husband, wife, mate) is their 'current love' and not a runner up or a second (or third, or fourth) place love.

Best, D