Relationship question 54.2.4 24

[dancingfox]

Our relationship was never easy. We both have our flaws but we always believed that together we could make a better life. This last year has been a trial for the both of us. My mother and stepdad got into a deadly traffic accident which only my mother survived. Since the accident I have combined taking care of my mother with my studies. Around the same time as the accident my friend had to go on extended sick leave from work because of serious back problems. Because of these unexpected circumstances we struggle financially. My friend overcame an addiction, but he hasn't been able to fill the hole in his life that was created by his addiction. It feels like I have been living with an empty person for years now. It seems like he isn't able to find fulfillment in life, which hurts my feelings because from my point of view he has so much to live for together with me. His sick leave didn't help, he hangs around the house all day bored out of his mind. I think the biggest problem I have with him is his lack of initiative in general. I have been waiting for so long, waiting for him to come out of his isolation and start truly living together. I am finally starting to see the truth. It's not gonna happen. Not for as long as I am around to fix his problems for him. I feel so worn out, so tired of constantly taking care of my loved ones. I am seriously considering leaving him, but I would be leaving a wonderful home, I couldn't afford the rent for the house by myself. It would mean going through another traumatic experience while paddling through my senior year, I barely managed school with the accident last year It would also mean going back home to my dad, to finally have some closure. I am tired of constantly worrying about my future; at my dads I would have peace of mind and financial security. I would also be brokenhearted, because despite all the misery I still love him.

I asked the Yi;
Given our current circumstances how can we expect our relationship to play out in the next few months? Hex 54.2.4 24

I think 54 here is us as a couple, incompatible yet affectionate with a warning for wrong turns in the relationship.
Line 2: Despite my friends straying (addiction, being lost in life) I have remained loyal to him, never stopped believing in him.
Line 4: Seems to speak of delay or patience.
24: A return to my own life, my own values.

I feel mentally ready for the break-up but the time isn't right. I would like to follow my feelings but I can't just walk away from the situation. Part of me still wants to give him a chance. He knows about my feelings, we can speak openly about our problems.

All insight would be much appreciated!
:bows:

 

[diamanda]

Given our current circumstances how can we expect our relationship to play out in the next few months? Hex 54.2.4 24

The lines of 54 sound just like you said.
24 speaks of ease, and ease of movement.
So even though he won't overcome his issues any time very soon, life will be comfortable.

You said you feel very worn out (and understandably so).
I don't believe that adding the pain of a break-up to your problems would be good.
In any case you've said that you do get along well, so all in all, you're good where you are I'd say.

 

[gnichi]

Hi dancingfox,
Sorry to hear what you are going through. This is how I would interpret your reading:
Hex 54, can sometimes speak of getting less than you deserve
Line 2, this is where you are right now, loyal, perservering, struggling but still able to walk
Line 4, speaks of waiting for the right time, maybe you will decide to leave him after your senior year
Hex 24, can IMO mean different things, either you will return to your right path, or things will return to normal, or things will just stay the same going around in circles, looking at it as a relating hex, this would be my guess, that things will stay the same until you make a decision
Best wishes

 

[Greenkid]

Hello Dancingfox. May I ask if you know about the Bach Flower remedies? They profess to heal or 'remedy' any kind of mental/psychic problems. In my opinion it is worth finding out about them and using them both for him and yourself. I have a son coming off drugs and after giving him the remedies (including Rescue Remedy) he is a different person even his voice sounds different and he is eating and putting on weight. Worth a try? They are not expensive either. Hope you feel better soon, don't give up hope!

 

[loverofknowledge]

Dancing Fox,
Hexagram 54 often speaks of power imbalances, and a lack of equality, in relationship (as gnichi indicates).
Are you feeling that , in this relationship, you are "secondary" ? secondary to your partner's real heart's desire? How are you feeling overlooked or like you are giving too much?
Line 24 is a return which brings new energy and refreshment. A return to your father's place may revitalize you. Or it could be a return , in the sense return to what your relationship once was.
The hexagram says "gain by having some place to go" , which indicates a move, possibly.
In any case, whether you stay or go, perhaps the energy needs to be refreshed, so that you can return to who you are and where your life is going. Best wishes!

 

[ginnie]

Loverofknowledge, she didn't get line 5 moving in hex 54, she got line 4. The meaning of line 4 is to delay the furtherance of the relationship until conditions are right. Getting that line, one cannot foresee how things will be in the future. Diamanda is right, you are comfortable enough now in this relationship and you have your academic degree to think about, too. You don't need a break-up now. I liked Meigga's suggestion of the Bach Flower Remedies because they have helped me quite a bit in the past, getting through the rough patches of life.

 

[dancingfox]

Gnichi

Hex 24, can IMO mean different things, either you will return to your right path, or things will return to normal, or things will just stay the same going around in circles, looking at it as a relating hex, this would be my guess, that things will stay the same until you make a decision
Best wishes

Quoting Wilhelm:

The idea of RETURN is based on the course of nature. The movement is cyclic, and the course completes itself. Therefore it is not necessary to hasten anything artificially. Everything comes of itself at the appointed time. This is the meaning of heaven and earth.

My main reason to end our relationship is because I have come to know our tides, the ebs and floods that move between us. Every time after we had words he speaks of making great personal changes, filling me with hope for the future. He likes to make a grand start making those changes but he never perseveres. So thing stay the same indeed, going around in circles, making me weary. Wilhelm says of hex 24 that everything comes of itself in the appointed time. It seems the appointed time is not yet here. So I will try and find peace in patience and acceptance. Neither of those are my strong suit

 

[dancingfox]

Hi Meigga

I know the Bach Flower remedies and use Rescue Remedy whenever I feel my performance anxiety coming up. I never thought of using them as an aid for people in rehab. For the moment I try getting him outside as much as possible, he loves gardening and hiking. Both pose a problem with his current back condition so thanks for the tip! And my sympathies for you and your son, I know how challenging living with an addict/ person in rehab can be. Thank you for your kind words, I don't want to give up, still hanging on in there!

 

[radiofreewill]

Hi dancingfox,

Thanks for sharing your situation. My condolences to you and your mom, in particular, on the loss of your stepdad. With all the demands on your time and energy, including school, imho, you've done a great job staying balanced ~ Brava!

I like your read of the cast.

Since you asked, I thought I'd roll forward an insight from your previous thread ~ that the rational part of you tends to 'see' clearly, and that it has a track record of reliable accuracy with you, too...

...versus your feelings, which have sometimes called into question your own worthiness to accept and act on that which you can clearly see.

So, thunder over the lake stirs things up into a muddle, but patience and acceptance gives it time to settle into a deep clarity, naturally revealing what to do.

 

[dancingfox]

Hi Radiofreewill

Feeling more like this right now
[video]https://youtu.be/rAJHlGm2cA4[/video]


I like the way you use the imagery to paint the story of this read.
Thunder has stirred up the lake into a muddle. We had a huge argument yesterday, leaving us both in uncertainty about our relationship. I am always honest about my feelings, so when he asked me if I still love him I told him I am not sure though I still feel real warmth and affection for him. I am still giving this relationship a fair chance, but I have to reach deep down to find my good will. I hope patience and acceptance will give me clarity, in good time.

 

[Mira72]

I am mostly a silent student here.

But dancing fox, something about your dynamic you mention makes me want to contribute...although I notice the situation is more than a year since now.

You had said:

"My main reason to end our relationship is because I have come to know our tides, the ebs and floods that move between us. Every time after we had words he speaks of making great personal changes, filling me with hope for the future. He likes to make a grand start making those changes but he never perseveres. So thing stay the same indeed, going around in circles, making me weary."

While I am sure things have changed, as I think many of us get caught in just this kind of cycle, I wish to simply draw attention to the fact that it takes two to be caught in the cycle, and only one to break it.

It does not have to be any big decision about the relationship or a determination about what you are going to do. Merely when he "fills you with hope" choose to be sanguine. Which is not the same as *thinking* it is all going to get better, or *knowing* it is not...simply, seeing, here we are again...how lovely...but neither getting caught up in *hoping* or getting dejected. Just see that the wheel has come around, but you certainly don't have to go for a ride.

Then the space of unknown opens up and one can explore it with all the goodwill you shine upon the world.

best.

 

[dancingfox]

Hi Mira

Thanks you for sharing your insight. I left him at last, about fout months ago.

While I am sure things have changed, as I think many of us get caught in just this kind of cycle, I wish to simply draw attention to the fact that it takes two to be caught in the cycle, and only one to break it.

Quite right, precisely what happened. I went through a lot of anguish in the seven years that we were together. I think towards the end I became sanguine, in a way. Not towards our relationship but more towards myself and what I really needed to be truly fulfilled. By doing so I enabled myself to break the cycle between us. I have mourned our relationship since but I never felt heartbreak, which says it all I guess.