relationship question-64.2.4 to 46

[capri]

Me and my husband of 8 yrs have had lots of problems in the past. We were at a point of divorce and then he came back and asked me that he wanted to work things out for the sake of our marriage and our child. We will be taking counselling but sometimes I feel angry and think that he has not really said or felt sorry for how he has treated me in all these years and think maybe I should not have agreed to getting back

Today I asked
"what relationship should I seek with him"
I got 62.2.4 changing to 46

Please help!

 

[lanie]

62.2 (Karcher)
Exceed (pass by) your grandfather.
Meet your grandmother.
Do not extend yourself to your leader.
Meet his servant.
Without fault.

This generally means don't approach the highest (person or level); approach a lower (person or level) instead. In some contexts, it means to respect or use the chain of command. In your situation, it could be describing actual levels of relationship with your husband; it could also mean using the counsellor as a servant, or mediator, between you and your husband.

62.4
Karcher's commentary says, "There is no error in this situation. You meet what you need, the connection is made. Take a look at what has happened in the recent past, and let it be a warning to you. Do not always repeat the same mistake."

Personally in my own readings, I've found the last part of that (what I put in boldface), to be very literal advice.

Wilhelm-Baynes says:

No blame. He meets him without passing by.
Going brings danger. One must be on guard.
Do not act. Be constantly persevering.

Wilhelm-Baynes' commentary says:

Hardness of character is tempered by yielding position so that no mistakes are
made. The situation here calls for extreme caution; one must make no
attempt of one's own initiative to reach the desired end. And if one were to
go on, endeavoring one must be on guard and not act but continue inwardly
to persevere.

One thing both of these seem to have in common is the idea of caution.

46 ("Ascending") as the relating hexagram might be suggesting the idea of the high road, a higher vantage point. (Karcher includes the key phrases "Rise to a higher level," and "Lift yourself." Wilhelm-Baynes uses the image of wood pushing upward towards success, and says that "this hexagram, although it is connected with success, is associated with effort of the will" (it won't be easy), and also mentions "Adapting itself to obstacles and bending around them."

Again, this could be interpreted in more than one way, similar but significantly different too. In other words, does it mean your relationship should try to rise to a higher vantage point - or simply that you would be best off if you make an herculean effort to be adaptable and not get angry?

 

[lanie]

One good thing - you sound as if you're not hurrying to make a final decision right now. You might have your doubts, but you're willing to give counselling and so forth a try, which will hopefully yield more information, more time to think and assess, and also the benefit of someone else's professional opinion, insight, and assistance.

Best wishes for your family.

 

[willowfox]

Lines 62.2, 4 suggest that you need to be extremely careful and restrain any urges that you may have of getting back together with him, it says do not try and reform a relationship.