Relationship Question (apologies :) Hex 1.5.6 > 34

[susieq777]

Hello everybody,

This is my second post here. I love reading this forum and the insight here. I am too unsure of my own abilities to interpret the Yi at this point in time to offer my own insights, but I love reading all of yours!

I was wondering if you could help me answer a relationship question (sorry, I know there's lots of those

To give light to the situation, my partner and I have been together for several years. My health has been dodgy for many years, but when we first met I was in reasonable health, and it has since degenerated again. I am hopefully at a point where I am rebuilding again, but being dependent on my partner has left me with horribly low self-esteem. Independence is important to me; I was nervous about getting involved, and moving in with him (especially as the house we are living in is one that he originally bought with his former partner).

When we first started talking to each other online (we met on a dating site) I asked a couple of online friends who had rather insightful abilities to see into situations how they saw the possibilities of this relationship. Both were very negative in their warnings to not get involved with this man, that it was a trap and wouldn't go well for me. One of them said it would go well to start with and then degenerate.

I ignored their advice because I liked him very much and couldn't bring myself to stop talking with him. Their predictions have turned out to be true in some ways, as my health has indicated.

I asked the Yi, "Can you comment on whether A and B's "prediction" or foreseeing is influencing how things are now?"

I received 54 unchanging.

I then asked, "What is the best way for me to get over this situation of hex 54?"

I received hex 1.5.6 changing to 34.

Regarding 54, I am wondering if the "second wife" situation is relating to the fact that I am living in the house my partner lived in with his previous partner, or whether it is a reference to the fact that I feel somewhat pushed aside by the prediction, made hopeless in some way.

I'm really not sure what to make of 1.5.6 > 34. I'm not sure whether 34 is talking about the foundations of the relationship being good and to put aside the shadow of these prognosications, or something else.

Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated.

 

[Trojina]

I asked the Yi, "Can you comment on whether A and B's "prediction" or foreseeing is influencing how things are now?"

I received 54 unchanging.

That is a complex question. You aren't asking about him or whether their prediction was true but if their prediction has influenced things ? Well their advice can only influence things to the degree you doubt yourself and believe them. At the time your went by your own judgement. Your own judgement is in the end what it all boils down to regardless of what they said.

I find it hard to find the real question here so can't apply the answer so easily. Your responsibility for your choices only lies with you here not them. I mean you can't blame them if things are not going well as they predicted can you ? I don't wholly understand what you are getting at with the question....which of course makes your next question even harder.

54uc I think can indicate contract. Taking on another's view of oneself almost binds one in a contract of who one is. You don't want that....so you don't have to have it.

I then asked, "What is the best way for me to get over this situation of hex 54?"

I received hex 1.5.6 changing to 34.

Regarding 54, I am wondering if the "second wife" situation is relating to the fact that I am living in the house my partner lived in with his previous partner, or whether it is a reference to the fact that I feel somewhat pushed aside by the prediction, made hopeless in some way.

The difficulty of knowing what the answer refers to lies with the question. I guess you are asking if the prediction affected your mind to the degree that you feel hopeless, without a chance as you say below.

Whoever it applies to it might help to reframe your situation perhaps like this : You have chosen to experience feeling helpless and hopeless via others, whether it's him or the other people. You have done this so you could discover how to find your freedom. As if you had said "I am going to put myself in that box that looks terribly hopeless so I can then discover the way out" One might say you had created a situation of optimal learning. That's just a theory I'm suggesting so that you might have another angle on your position, it may not be appropriate since I don't know you.

1.5.6>34 First it's great news that you are taking a look at this (yang pattern 20) and that it seems that you are in reality about as far from 'powerless' as it's possible to get. I mean you might feel it but the answer says you have great dynamic potential here. 1.5 is I find a very fortunate line in that it brings often, as if from nowhere, new solutions and possibilities. 1.6 can go a bit too far but overall the reading is very active, very dynamic....quite the reverse of playing second fiddle in 54.

I'm really not sure what to make of 1.5.6 > 34. I'm not sure whether 34 is talking about the foundations of the relationship being good and to put aside the shadow of these prognosications, or something else.

Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated.

Well I can't say I'm really sure either but I do feel you need to assert and recognize the value of your own judgements. You chose to be with him so that was a valid choice that you believed in enough to undertake. Would you say others can trust you ? Would you mislead others ? You would probably say 'no'. In that case why would you think you misled yourself ? Even if you find yourself in an unhappy situation you wish to escape from it doesn't mean your choice at the time wasn't valid. Only you live your life, they don't.

Looking at 1.5.6>34 broadly (34 as yin pattern) I think perhaps you need to accept the true dynamic power of your own choices and live them.

So now you know those other people's views were utterly irrelevant and that you chose this relationship however it's going, then what ? What will you do next ? I mean 1>34 Heaven's Great Power, gives me the sense of a will (34) that can harness and ride the dynamic power of heaven (hex 1).


I don't think you could get a less helpless or hopeless answer than this.

So what's your choice ? That's all you need to think about.

 

[Liselle]

One thing I noticed is that the prediction was made several years ago, and you've been living with this man for several years. I wonder if it's possible that the prediction has really nothing to do with the current situation?

Poor health can cast a pall over everything. Maybe your hexagram 54 reading is Yi pointing out that you lack control over your life in general, stemming mostly from your health. You may be grasping for explanations that don't have much to do with it. For example, it might not bother you as much to be living in "someone else's house" if you had more power over bigger issues in your life, such as your health.

Their predictions have turned out to be true in some ways, as my health has indicated.

But their predictions were about the relationship, not your health. You had health problems before you ever met your partner, then it got a bit better for a while, and now it's getting worse again...it could reasonably be that neither the prediction nor your partner has much control over that. It might simply be that your health will go up and down over time regardless of anything else - some conditions are like that, I think?

Hexagram 34 might also be referring to your health, in sort of a negative or maybe even a wishful way. 34 can mean a robust person, which you are prevented from being, at least for now. But maybe you're relating to things from the point of view that that's how you want to be. Hexagram 1 can mean creation, the power to create. You lack that, unfortunately, because of your health problems, and your life is understandably very frustrating to you. 1.6 might mean that out of frustration you're pushing too hard against absolutely everything. That is understandable, but line 6 says that approach won't work very well.

You don't like being dependent on your partner (which, again, is understandable), but you didn't say how he's been with the situation. Has he been supportive? Is he good to you? How has your relationship actually been over the past several years, regardless of any predictions? You didn't say your relationship is actually bad, just that other people said years ago it would be, and also that you hate being dependent on him (or anyone). Those are all different things, I think.

I have no guesses what line 5 might be telling you.

 

[susieq777]

Thanks so much for your response, Trojina. I have been mulling it over since I woke this morning.

I really like what you wrote about contracts. I think that's what I was getting at when I originally posed this question. I struggle in relationships. I tend to lose my identity, as most of us do to an extent. I guess I'm a bit paranoid about them - whether I'm ultimately capable of them or not. I had an awful childhood, and whenever I am in a relationship I feel like this big black cloud is triggered, and follows me around everywhere. For someone who is pretty insightful about herself, to have this kind of unintegrated ... blob hanging around is horrid. And scary. I'm aware of it enough to know it's there, not aware of it enough to be able to work with it in a fashion that heals anything. I think it's this which makes me feel so paranoid and start feeling like when I'm in a relationship I want to run away. All that childhood powerlessness, day after day.

So I think yes, what I was asking really was, is this powerlessness coming because the relationship is wrong, or because I am generating it myself? I guess your interpretation of the next hex would suggest that if I am, I have the power to overcome it. The $64 question. Some healing on this issue would be particularly nice, but this hex is an encouragement towards that, I suppose.

Thanks again.

 

[susieq777]

You don't like being dependent on your partner (which, again, is understandable), but you didn't say how he's been with the situation. Has he been supportive? Is he good to you? How has your relationship actually been over the past several years, regardless of any predictions? You didn't say your relationship is actually bad, just that other people said years ago it would be, and also that you hate being dependent on him (or anyone). Those are all different things, I think.

I have no guesses what line 5 might be telling you.

Hi Lisa,

You described really well the helplessness I feel about my health. I guess that's why I link health with relationship, because my health first went downhill just after I was married, and then improved somewhat when I left my husband and lived alone for three years before I got involved in another relationship. I was very worried that the same thing would happen - life is so precarious with a chronic illness - and so getting into another relationship was a calculated risk that I guess I felt NEEDED to pay off. But you are right - my health may have gone up and down anyway, regardless.

Yes, 1.6 makes total sense. I have a lot of SHOULDS and NEED and MUSTS around this issue, it seems. It's true, being back here, in a relationship, sicker, and dependent on someone is this Sagittarian's view of hell.

My partner has been great with this situation. Like, seriously, I have never met anyone so accommodating and patient. He is very good to me, as much as he can be with his own problems and ... well, non-femaleness. Some days I struggle with men, with how they think, with their lack of receptivity and desire for cohesion in the way they speak. If you know what I mean. Men have always felt scary to me, because my Dad felt scary to me, and other males in my life have done me harm. So I guess some reptilian part of me equates men with bad, even though my partner is not bad.

Sorry for rambling, there's so much for me to recount and I sort of don't know where to start

 

[anemos]

I agree with many points Trojina and Lisa made here. And especially with the following.

I mean 1>34 Heaven's Great Power, gives me the sense of a will (34) that can harness and ride the dynamic power of heaven (hex 1).

Poor health can cast a pall over everything.

Health issues , especially chronically and when other circumstances aren't helpful from resilience to grown can have a great influence in all aspects of life , the way we perceive the world, think, behave, feel.

Please reconsider the way you phrase it , i.e. that you generate it. Maybe you have learn it and sustain it but what is important is that you can unlearn it/ re-learn it- . "it won't work" is probably what you have learned and maybe this is why you believe those predictors. Although it seems it work and you have a supportive partners, its not easy to believe it. One of the consequences of learned helplessness is that even there is a way to escape, you can't see it, but this can change too. Hex 54's maidens strength,imo, is that she still can have a good life regardless the external circumstances.

I'm not talking theoretically but from experience and I know how health issues can mess everything else, but returning to the root of them and try to see the affect they have, can offer another, more optimistic perspective and realize your own power.

my heartfelt wishes for your journey

 

[susieq777]

Thank you so much, Anemos, for the reminder that learned helplessness puts blinkers on. It's so true

I feel all warm and fuzzy. I'm so glad I posted here. Thank you all of you for sharing your insights. This has been such a helpful experience thinking over these hex's and what you have all said. I feel much encouraged by you all and the Yi to keep going on, finding that will, and not being so hard on myself.

 

[Trojina]

Susie there are interesting issues in this thread......but first someone just updated their thread where they had this exact cast for a different question. It looks as if it all turned out very favourably.

Here it is http://www.onlineclarity.co.uk/friends/showthread.php?18787-Positive-response-for-artwork-1-5-6-34

It is great when people are thoughtful enough to give the outcomes of the situations they asked about. It helps us all learn more and so is a valuable contribution to the forum.

 

[Trojina]

I had an awful childhood, and whenever I am in a relationship I feel like this big black cloud is triggered, and follows me around everywhere. For someone who is pretty insightful about herself, to have this kind of unintegrated ... blob hanging around is horrid. And scary. I'm aware of it enough to know it's there, not aware of it enough to be able to work with it in a fashion that heals anything. I think it's this which makes me feel so paranoid and start feeling like when I'm in a relationship I want to run away. All that childhood powerlessness, day after day.

You described really well the helplessness I feel about my health. I guess that's why I link health with relationship, because my health first went downhill just after I was married, and then improved somewhat when I left my husband and lived alone for three years before I got involved in another relationship. I was very worried that the same thing would happen

It's interesting to me because I once heard somewhere research had shown that in marriages (and LTRs) it's been found that men become more well and more happy and women become less well and less happy.

Most 'research' I take with a pinch of salt...you know how do they reckon they know these things...do they visit every household in the land but why did hearing that make such an impression on me ? Well looking around me I saw clear evidence of it around me. What's going on ? Isn't the story relationships are meant to bring you all the happiness you ever wanted ? Girl's stories anyway. But often I'd notice a flowering in women after their partners had gone. I'm just pondering what you said about how you were more well when not with someone.

I think relationships can be very stressful especially if you didn't have the chance to know the best of what they could be in childhood....and especially if you came out of childhood in no fit state to make a relationship...other than rebuild the one with your self. I mean some people come into adulthood looking fine on the outside but still in massive recovery and rebuilding from they just experienced at 'home'.

These days relationships are exalted to almost a religion...as if the holy grail of happiness and fulfillment....which they manifestly are not. So I don't think you need feel alone in your struggle.

My partner has been great with this situation. Like, seriously, I have never met anyone so accommodating and patient. He is very good to me, as much as he can be with his own problems and ... well, non-femaleness. Some days I struggle with men, with how they think, with their lack of receptivity and desire for cohesion in the way they speak. If you know what I mean. Men have always felt scary to me, because my Dad felt scary to me, and other males in my life have done me harm. So I guess some reptilian part of me equates men with bad, even though my partner is not bad.

He sounds lovely, such qualities can be quite hard to find. He sounds like a good person to be with if in the past you have been abused by men, although it's still difficult for you by the sound of it. Sometimes men like this are easy to take for granted. You know if they are kind and helpful but can't do all the emotional stuff they can seem less than they are.....But he is probably so much better really, more genuine, than a man who can do all the talk in 'understanding emotions' and all that, but won't actually look after you when you need it. I know which I'd rather have !

Not sure if you wanted to split with him ? Maybe it's not him you want to split from but that sense of dependence ?

 

[anemos]

These days relationships are exalted to almost a religion...as if the holy grail of happiness and fulfillment....which they manifestly are not.

In many occasions I have seen quite the opposite. Imo, the concept of independence has gone too far and being in a relationship seems to be is equal to be dependent. There is a difference between dependence and interdependence.

 

[Trojina]

I wasn't speaking of dependence but simply happiness and fulfilment and the study I heard about and the observations in my own family and wider circle.

 

[anemos]

I understood what you said. What i had in mind was also researches about been a singleton and there too i see the same pattern: being a singleton is the way to be happy. It creates also expectations �xpectationxxxp

A complex matter and not the right thread to discuss it ,maybe. Derailing this tread . Sorry s
Sussie

 

[susieq777]

No, not derailing at all! Please, continue if you've got more to discuss.

I find this whole area fascinating. And yes, Trojina, it's not my partner who I wish to split from but the horrible feeling that comes upon me when I'm in relationships that I can't breathe. And believe me, my partner is SO giving of space - indeed, sometimes he gives me so much space that I am almost insulted by it. For example, when I was talking about wishing to live in another country but having no money and feeling trapped, he said that he didn't wish to do so at this time but if I did, he would give me the money to go. He is even more unwilling to impose on other people for his own benefit than I am

 

[susieq777]

Susie there are interesting issues in this thread......but first someone just updated their thread where they had this exact cast for a different question. It looks as if it all turned out very favourably.

Here it is http://www.onlineclarity.co.uk/friends/showthread.php?18787-Positive-response-for-artwork-1-5-6-34

It is great when people are thoughtful enough to give the outcomes of the situations they asked about. It helps us all learn more and so is a valuable contribution to the forum.

You are quite legendary, Trojina. Thank you for cross-posting. I remember reading that thread before I posted my own, and I would have missed the response. Very helpful and much to chew on (I get 21 a lot!

 

[susieq777]

Ps: And to be honest, sometimes it is him I wish to split from. And yet many of the things that drive me crazy about him - depression, etc - are things I struggle with myself. He is quite negative though, and sometimes I wish to just run away from that.

 

[Trojina]

I understood what you said. What i had in mind was also researches about been a singleton and there too i see the same pattern: being a singleton is the way to be happy. It creates also expectations �xpectationxxxp

Oh yes, I see what you mean...these days independence can be seen as always the best way to be but as humans we will always need one another so stressing dependence as a shameful thing can make things harder than need be. Today I was talking to a woman who was clearly unwell and in no fit state to go to a full time job but she felt shame and that others expected her to be independent. But OTOH this is not nearly so prevalent IMO as the whole idea that romantic love makes you happy for ever. My comments really were aimed at Susie to say that yes relationships are *****hard but we expect ourselves to 'do' them even if we actually can't and that I think this is in part due to the over whelming, all encompassing message, from puberty on, that we should be with someone else.

And believe me, my partner is SO giving of space - indeed, sometimes he gives me so much space that I am almost insulted by it. For example, when I was talking about wishing to live in another country but having no money and feeling trapped, he said that he didn't wish to do so at this time but if I did, he would give me the money to go. He is even more unwilling to impose on other people for his own benefit than I am

LOL I know what you mean...a bit of jealousy or possessiveness can be reassuring. It sounds as if you find him almost too disengaged, remote. Kind and good but perhaps just distant.

No, not derailing at all! Please, continue if you've got more to discuss.

Hmm I think I did derail the thread a tad by going off in to related opinions ....so no I've nothing more to discuss. For those long discussions on general opinions we have Open Space....but sometimes they slip in here too.

 

[matthias]

Well 54 is not a good place to be. You're not in control of the situation and like the judgment says "undertakings bring misfortune"

In regards to the 1.5.6-34

34 being what the reading relates to, IE the background. In this case excessive power.

1.5 = the present. things that vibrate together seek each other. Like attracts like. This is the line representing the "universal law of attraction". But notice there is no mention of good fortune or misfortune. It just is.

1.6 =the future. arrogant dragon with have cause to regret. In other words you are expecting too much. (Which jives with the 34) Not a great line.

May I kindly suggest asking the yi (who is your "higher self") -What do you want me to do in regards to xxx?

Kind regards,
M

 

[anemos]

I came across this video http://www.ted.com/talks/angela_lee_duckworth_the_key_to_success_grit today and reminded me of this thread as i could see both hex 54 and 1> 34 of combo . The speaker defines grit as perseverance and passion for longterm goals.

Here is a relevant article : http://www.forbes.com/sites/margare...hat-it-is-why-you-need-it-and-do-you-have-it/

 

[susieq777]

LOL I know what you mean...a bit of jealousy or possessiveness can be reassuring. It sounds as if you find him almost too disengaged, remote. Kind and good but perhaps just distant.

I think that is probably one of the major issues in our relationship. I had a VERY distant father, quite abusive, just totally not there in terms of support. A functioning alcoholic. My current partner has Aspie tendencies. When my health is worse all the paranoias kick in, the old wounds. My partner can give me the impression 100 times a day that he is angry with me or uncaring. Part of the issue is that this is how he looks, with his stony face. But it's also partly my stuff as well.

And so Matthias, your reading of 1.5 was very interesting:

1.5 = the present. things that vibrate together seek each other. Like attracts like. This is the line representing the "universal law of attraction". But notice there is no mention of good fortune or misfortune. It just is.

I asked some questions of Yi following on from these, but as I was a bit unsure about whether you would want to hear even MORE of this subject, I hesitated to post, but I will now as it included another 1.5 reference that has me a little baffled.

I asked, "Can you comment on whether A and B's prediction was true?"
40.4 > 7

Can you comment on whether the "inferior people" of 40.4 is referring to A and B?
38.2 > 21

Can you comment on whether the "inferior people" of 40.4 is referring to me?
3.5.6 > 27

Can you comment on whether the "inferior people" of 40.4 is referring to my partner?
1.5 > 14

There's that 1.5 again. I came to some conclusions of my own ... which, to be honest, I have completely forgotten about now (sieve brain) I will go back and read over these hex responses again and see what I come up with but I want to post this now before I forget.

 

[susieq777]

I came across this video http://www.ted.com/talks/angela_lee_duckworth_the_key_to_success_grit today and reminded me of this thread as i could see both hex 54 and 1> 34 of combo . The speaker defines grit as perseverance and passion for longterm goals.

Here is a relevant article : http://www.forbes.com/sites/margare...hat-it-is-why-you-need-it-and-do-you-have-it/

Ah, grit. Steadfastness. Yes. I am the queen of unfinished things, all the way down to my pyroluric blood. This past year of getting to know the I Ching has been a lovely one for me because I feel like finally I am beginning to make some sort of headway in gaining this necessary - what say you 'tis? Grit, you call it, eh? I can imagine life rolling much easier with some extra gravel under my wheels.

It's almost as if, Anemos, you can look into your crystal ball and know that the Yi's most often recurring refrain with me is "Righteous persistance brings reward"

 

[anemos]

Yup, grit

I see your 40.4> 7, in the same way your 1> 34. Don't let those "predictions" run your relationship.
I have show indifference to a lose person, softly after having a health issue. See the pain on his face was something I couldn't handle. Fortunately we can be open with each other so I just told him. It's not easy for both sides but maybe there is a way to connect.

 

[susieq777]

Sorry, Anemos, can you clarify what you mean when you said, "I have show indifference to a lose person, softly after having a health issue. See the pain on his face was something I couldn't handle. Fortunately we can be open with each other so I just told him."

Thanks

 

[anemos]

I was referring to your comment about your husband and that sometimes he seems angry or uncaring and that brought in mind a person that we have a professional yet close relationship. When his health problem back pain worsen, externally I was like ignoring it while internally I could empathize and that was too much. I not only could see the pain and discomfort in his face, but feel it in my body. I didn't like my reaction so I had to find a way to deal with it, so I talked with him and said how much I empathize and how uneasy I was feeling. Well, he knew it but sharing how I felt helped to find a way to connect.

Sometimes knowing we can't actually offer help, creates distances. I have experience that with people fail to be by me when I had some issues, yet, being in the other side, could see how difficult is too. By discussing that with that person, I could be and show my care. Maybe it's irrelevant with your situation but your words reminded me of that in inew incident and that'sometimes why I share it.

 

[susieq777]

I am so glad I posted this a few weeks ago. I feel like Yi's counsel, along with those here, has been really helpful for me in recent weeks. I have been really getting my head around what it means to choose what you choose, if that makes sense. I have been consciously saying to myself, whenever I feel myself wavering and worrying about inconsequential things, like the fact that I like a particular TV show and my partner doesn't, that "I choose this. This is what I want, and I choose it." I'm not sure if this makes any sense or not, but it does to me. So many years feeling terrified about owning my own choices, even though I am rather a headstrong creature who is definite in her ideas and thoughts. A bit of a contradiction, but nevertheless one that has always been there. I feel like it is starting to shift somewhat, and posting here and your responses has gone some way towards that. So thanks!