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relationship w. husband

hulda

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Dear Clarity Community,
For quite a number of years I have felt the burden of an unfulfilling relationship. The Yi has given me advice but I never seem to be able to act on it. Now, I asked the Yi: What should I do about my relationship (w. my husband). The answer, quite amazing, was:

43 with ALL lines moving to 23

Any thoughts on this will be very welcome, thank you!
 

Trojina

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Dear Clarity Community,
For quite a number of years I have felt the burden of an unfulfilling relationship. The Yi has given me advice but I never seem to be able to act on it. Now, I asked the Yi: What should I do about my relationship (w. my husband). The answer, quite amazing, was:

43 with ALL lines moving to 23

Any thoughts on this will be very welcome, thank you!

What an amazingly stark, clear answer. Er I see it as clearly deciding about and parting with (43) this that has disintegrated and undermined you (23) Or making a clear decision (43) about stripping something from your life that has already fallen apart anyway (23)

In short I see it as you say you are going and you go and its quite a short sharp break too..not many blurry edges there.


But how do you see it ? My interpretation is swayed by the fact you say you've been unhappy for some time in the relationship.
 
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mythili

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I see this reading a bit differently. 43>23 could be saying that you will need to resolutely do some "housekeeping" in the relationship; that is, completely clear it of the stuff that is undermining it, strip it down to the bare essentials of what makes it work, and start again from there.
 

mythili

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H43 does also indicate that you should bring it all out into the open with your husband, in a strongly decisive way but without anger or hostility (I dont know if you've done this already, I havent read your earlier posts).
Hope it works out for you, whichever way you choose to deal with it.
 

gato

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i tend to agree with trojan here,because i saw nothing about nourishment or waiting or at least the army to encourage you to go further. but the best thing to do is to remember the old cliche : listen to your heart.

cheers
 
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Trojan - Nice way of connecting ideas. Perhaps its a soundtrack to hulda's life situation right now. (??)

hulda - What do your instincts tell you? Do they say that maybe you should break away from him? Or are you seeing something else like mythili was saying? I wish you luck either way in getting this resolved. Things like this can be tricky. These hexagrams are pretty starkly spelling something out. What do you feel?
 

Trojina

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Trojan - Nice way of connecting ideas. Perhaps its a soundtrack to hulda's life situation right now. (??)

?

i don't know about that but most questions i read here trigger some kind of sound track in my head...quite annoying really :rolleyes:
 

hulda

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Thanks for your contributions!
I have been wanting to part w. my husband for 5 years, after coming to the realization that things just weren't working (falling in love with someone else was a very strong sign of that). I have said everything I feel, and undergone crisis, etc. Once, in a reading that Hilary Barrett did for me, the hexagram I got related to my husband was 19 unchanging. It was pointed out to me, that that is how he would always be: reliable and constant, albeit never being able to "click" with me. That's how it's been. He said once he was very stoic (when I confronted him), and HB pointed out that perhaps the stoic one was me. That's definitely a fact. I have just grinned and born it for the last 5 years. No real relationship, a kind of impasse.
I don't want to bother anyone, I don't want to hurt anyone let alone he or my parents (who love him). Yet I just can't seem to get out of this. The Yi, when I have asked about leaving him, more often than not has given me 37 or 8, with lines that point more out to the idea of staying w/i a relationship (she is the treasure of the house).
I have wondered if there's something wrong with me.
My attitude has been: I need to get out of this w. dignity, I need to be financially and professionally independent. So that's perhaps why I have just let things ride. What kills me is that he prefers that. He knows, I have told him, my feelings. We have talked about separating. I have encouraged him to buy an apartment. But life just takes its course.
In the meantime, I've had health problems (lack of sense of smell), and have been gaining weight, and I attribute it to depression.

When I asked the Yi, this time, the question was "What to do about my relationship w. my husband" and I get this very stark answer. But it is right that it still doesn't mean "pack up and go", it may mean "strip things down".

In any case, I wonder how to act. Talking never has seemed to have any effect.

All your ideas are welcome.
Thanks again,
 

Trojina

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When I asked the Yi, this time, the question was "What to do about my relationship w. my husband" and I get this very stark answer. But it is right that it still doesn't mean "pack up and go", it may mean "strip things down".

In any case, I wonder how to act. Talking never has seemed to have any effect.

All your ideas are welcome.
Thanks again,

I don't think it is going to tell you how to act.. you know what your feelings are. What else is there to act on. You don't want to be with him, it sounds pretty simple.


Given what you've said and the reading I think i would take it as 'pack up and go'. However if i found i actually didn't want to pack up and go i'd have to recognise i actually wanted to stay in the relationship.

If you stay its because you want to stay, if you go its becasue you want to go. It is possible to see the answer as 'strip it down to bare essentials'...but actually I don't know what that means in a relationship or how you'd do that. The only way possible is through talking and that doesn't work you say.

My impression of the reading is very heavily leaning towards the pack up and go angle...infact this relationship looks like it may have already gone (23) but if you want to stay i suppose you could try and do the stripping thing...though how one does that I've no idea

I somehow feel that if there were actual rescue work to be done here something other than 43>23 would have turned up here, i really do. As Gato said there really isn't anything in this answer to suggest waiting/cultivating/saving/rebuilding...its just a pretty black and white answer IMO. The end, the final dissolution (23) is announced (43)
but yup you have to follow your heart...theres nothing else to follow...what are you waiting for ? Some kind of permission or reassurance its the right thing to do..?.Well there is no right thing here i don't think except you know you don't want to be with him..unless you really do want to be with him

Of course it could mean you make a pretty decisive statement of how you feel to him and see where it goes from there...rather than actually packing up and going you show your intent, your strength of resolution in wishing to go...but would there be any point in that, just making a staement you don't intend to act on ? Doesn't seem like it..it actually seems a pretty final answer to me

checking back i see you already told him you wished to leave but haven't done so. I imagine the situation must be as painful for him as it is for you. Maybe you said you're leaving often enough but don't do it. 43>23 says it all then
 
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mythili

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Here's my two cents worth. Just to get additional clarification for yourself, it might be worth asking a question such as "is my marriage worth saving?" (unless you've already asked this question before and got a clear response to it?). Might give you a different way of approaching the situation.
Good luck!
 

schastlivchik

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Hi.

I think if you really want to work with your answer, the key is to interact with your symbol in as many ways as possible and see what resonates with you.

Here's what I see:

Firstly, why did you not simply get # 23 as an answer? Why did you have to get 43 with all lines changing first? In that case, 23 could be the distance of an angel's eyelash away just waiting to happen... or not. This might suggest that line 6, the very last stage of something is giving you the hardest time. If you had received 23 from the get go, it would seem as though things were drifting away no matter what you do. But with 43 that is not the case. So examine the 6 yin! What is exactly represented by it in your relationship? This is what you need to get rid of! For example, the yin might be the feeling of 'unfulfilled' or 'no connection', but if you truthfully work with this, you might find it in you to dig around and see how to transform what you already have by eliminating these negative feelings through their opposites. If you have stuck with it for 5 years and aren't even sure why, then why not dig in and give it one more go with awareness? How could you feel more of a connection or more fulfillment with your husband? Is he willing to try that? Are you willing to open up to that on more than an intellectual level? Whatever is not represented by yin is what you do not want to get rid of. And there are 5 yang lines here. If you have been together for more than five years, then you have an ally who would probably be willing to work with you and kindling a deeper love or affection. There is great strength in 43, which wants to get rid of one weak link.

If things are already very clear to you, then step back one level and see 6 yin as your relationship altogether. What does that mean that it is yin and the rest of the lines are yang?

Another feature is that if all the other lines have already changed, and you are stuck at line 6, that makes the rest of the lines yin already, and gives you # 2...where one is encouraged to follow the lead. But it seems to me you are in control here, so this stuck energy really needs to be freed through honest investigation and experimentation.

The nuclear hexagram shows more great strength and power as # 1 Creative. Whatever you choose to do, you have within you the power to create something new now. A crisis time can lead to a totally new stage in either your relationship or solo. Work with 6 yin! Know what it really is in your life.

Sending you good thoughts,

Schastlivchik
 

hulda

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Dear Schastlivchik,
what an insightful and interesting answer! I really appreciate you taking your time to look into post. You're right, why does the yi take that strange route to tell me about 23. I will consider everything you said.

I really appreciate your post, Trojan, as well as mythili's replies. Have been mulling over them, and need to get into each one of your suggestions. You're right Trojan, what am I waiting for? Get somebody's permission? No, and yet, yes. The weight of responsibility hangs over me! And lots of fear of course. As a friend has said: there's really nothing out there (outside the relationship).

I will pursue Schastlivchik's line of thought. However, my relationship w. my husband has been adrift for a long time. (Even before I spelled it out to him five years ago: for probable some 15 years already, if not more). As he has said, he will not change. Yet, we linger on. He prefers it that way. We seem to function, and things at least are stable for me.

I definitely am in control here, in the sense that it is up to me to decide, and that's why your comments are so interesting to me Schastlivchik, and yet, I feel so not in control of things, feeling that I created my own trap: it is I who decided to marry my husband (he never proposed), it is I who decided to have children (he never asked), it is I who worked at making sure my family would accept him, to the extent that they really like him. I think the feeling of just never being on the same "track" drives me nuts.
So, well, the answer I got the other day is definitely a "YOu have to do something about your situation" deal. And, well, I really have to work on this.
Thanks again for all of your analyses.
Hulda
 

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