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Revelution Times?

frank

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Hi all,

I've discovered that I feel for someone, other then my collegue, which is the one I have been asking the Yi about on this site lately... She has becoming a close friend of mine this last month, where we talked a lot about our lives, and she told me that in some way she discovered in my behaviour towards her that I must feel something for her, more then just friendship, and because she does not feel much comphortable with that she asked me...

We have spend a lot of time together, and as friends everything is going great. Now I asked the Yi about here thoughts about me now she found out that I had started to get more feelings for her, and I got 49, line 4...

Does that mean that she changes the contact between us completely? Is this a good sighn, as I told here in all honesty and openness, that I realy do not know if I'm in love or not, and that I had the plan to look at that for a while and was planning to stay just friends... but because she asked I have the feeling that she is rushing things to hard, and is shutting doors where I only peaked...

Now I probably have shown some behaviour, like nice talking, putting an arm around her shoulder, comphort her in bad days, what she liked (probably to a certain extend), where she is getting uncomphortable with in the first place, but still does not want to lose me as a friend, and because of that she wanted to get things cleared... It is always good to talk about this when you are good friends and something is about to happen in the behaviour of at least one of you... If both are thinking (and FEELING) the same, we shouldn't have that much trouble, won't we :-D...

She realy still wants to be friends, and as a mather of fact I will be with her already again on this fridayevening (as she invited me to stay over...) I was wandering what she thinks about me now we talked about this... as good friends do sometimes...

It happens to the best of friends I guess, and I don't see any harm in the things I have been doing, but I would be very sorry for the fact when Hexagram 49 actually would mean that she changes completly, in a negative manner, the bond between us, especialy when she realy told me that she don't want to get rit of me as a friend, as I'm a close one, and she will not go anywhere...

But I can't get rit of the idea that this 'happening' took her in her emotions, as it did me too today. I cryed a little, as I do not want to lose her as a friend, and I told her that to.,..

She repeatetly told me that she doesn't want to lose me either, but you never know how people react after talks and insights like this... So... Do you have some peptalk for me, and / or insigths for the answer what she thinks about me now, in the way of the answer Yi gave me, in the form of 49, line 4, towards 63...?

I think something realy is about to change, and I'm so damn afraid it will lead to a seperation...
I recently have been reading on this site, that 63 as resulted hexagram is not that bad... Please kick me up a bit and share your thoughts....

Besites that I also asked the Yi about what I should do best these days towards her, and I received 38 static... Wich could tell me something about the double feelings I have as discribed above (in all honesty and openness,,,etc)... and trying to stay independed from her... doing things on my own... as we do much together... Another sighn for seperation? (I realy, realy, realy hope not!)

Many thanks in advance.

Hug,
Frank
 

calumet

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Sorry, do I understand this? She knows you like her, she says wants to be friends and not lovers, and she's invited you to stay over Friday night? Please clarify.
 

frank

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O yes, I have to look at that... But she does that with friends... you can always stay over... Nothing is going to happen as she made her point, and I'm a gentleman... But still a gentleman who wants to be with her as much as he can, so I take opportunities...(not for the sexual part, but to be with her...!) And we still are on speaking terms, and she did not reject me as a person around her,,, only another role... But I have mailed her about friday today (could not get to her otherwise, except by phone, but I leave that path for a day or so... ) and I told her that it is sencetive for me... She is dating someone else this evening, and I may call her tomorrow about how that was... (as she spoke to me about it as a friend...) I'm becoming a close soulmate, thatswhy these feelings makes it difficult to concentrate on other things, although I realy try, I know that the concentrationthing is difficult because of my handicap in moodswings and these situations helps to make big swings... Be kind to me, please, and give me some insights on the answers the Yi gave me here (49-4 & 38)..

Hug,
Frank
 
J

jeanystar

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Dear Frank,
In the best-case scenario, 49.4 might mean that, after realizing you have stronger feelings for her, her own feelings would transform to meet your expectations. BUt she is telling you that this is not the case....I would wonder then if the 49.4 doesn't simply reflect your position, and the fact that you have now revealed yourself, you have been skinned of pretense.

She asks you to stay over, and she talks to you about other dates...If this is satisfactory to you, there is no problem......but if you want more from her, how satisfying can that be?

Perhaps 38 simply means you must accept a polarity that exists between what you really want and what she is offering. It is probably nice for her to have a "soul friend" to whom she can talk and feel admired by....but is it what you want? The Yi offers no judgement about this state of affairs, apparently, only makes the point that you two are looking in different directions, and it isnt going to change right now.
Frank, I think you might be advised to really think about this....What is it you really want from her or from a relationship in general...get clear about that. It doesnt sound like you are really clear about that yet in your own heart....?
 

frank

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Hi Jeanystar,

You are right about the friday thing... It is to private right now, and I already regret I've put this stuff up here, but I was only wandering what you all could give me as answers and insights towards the 49-4 and 38...

49-4 could be about me, but the question was about HER... and yes 38 could be the mixed emotions and directions we are going, although I want to follow her way a lot, but there is a line... I'm not a dog who follows all the time.

We have talked about this today by phone already, and I phone her again this evening to say that, although I find it hard to do. I do not want to run away from this thing and play hide and seek in friendships, so I will come Friday, and see what happens with my feelings... Maybe I can cope, maybe not, but as she told me... you can never know that untill you have tested it... I'm still welcome... and yes I do want her friendship... But I also told her that there could be a time that I have to get away from her for some weeks, to get her out of my system, which she understood well. Again she let me know to appreciate my friendship very much, and to get through rough times like I'm in now she says the only way to handle them is to get right threw them... So I still come friday... Perhaps that will be the revelution for both of us, as she sees that I'm not a weeny walking away from things and willing to handle the lion in the pit... And it gives me the opurtunity to feel whatever I feel so I can experience if I'm realy that hooked on her, or if it's only in my head...and has nothing to do with her, but with other issues.. (there's a part of 38 as well!)...

The questions towards the I Ching went about HER thoughts about me (49-4) and what I can do best (38). I hardly can believe I have to count on mixed emotions...

Anyone on 49-4 and 38... and please no moral-issues...

Hugs,
Frank
 
J

jeanystar

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Dear Frank, I apologize if I sounded harsh, I guess it might have come across that way.Was more concerned for you than trying to be harsh. AND no moral issue!!!! I was just thinking that it could HURT to stay over night(platonically) with someone who talks about other men, if your heart is "sweet" on her. YOu sound like you were forthrite and upfront and very clear with her, and THAT is a good thing.I wish you the very best, very sincerely. Jeannie I will shut up now.
blush.gif
 

frank

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Hi Jeanystar,

I dit not see it as harsh :-D... I only am still trying to get insight in the answers, and I get things about... should you do that, etc. I have considerd that. I phoned her twice today, and asked the Yi a couple of questions more...

Should I go friday: 11 > 43... (so to me thats a Yes)...

She was a bit frustrated on the phone the second time, had a long day, and she told me earlier I had the permission to call her, so I did... After a while she hang up... I had mixed emotions as like... wow, is she angry, is she just tired... and I asked again:

Yi, what does she think of me now (after the second phonecall): 41 > 51... (she could be a bit angry, but as Calumet and Jeanystar here pointed out the Yi could have been talking to me, and then he is telling me not to worry if things are going a bit in increase right now... Just do not let the spoon and wine fall...

I asked... Why did she hang up... 54 static...
Does she feel represed? I did not do a thing like that... At least I was not meaning too...

Then: Yi, what can I do best NOW (and I have a plan to mail her tommorow, although she told me if I will not hear from here, I can still come on friday, so I only have to wait... ), 46 Static...
So I still should keep on trying I guess...despite it all...

And damn there goes the privacy... Wonder if I should tell her about all this I wrote on the site...

I only want some answers from the Yi, and because of emotions, and things are to close I asked if you boys and girls could help me...

Can you give me some nice insights, without judgements, etc... Be polite :-D... And I apoligize if this is seen as harsh too :-D. Also apologies to Calumet and Jeanystar if I was harsh in not seeing your best intentions to help me... So, jeany, you shouldn't feel like someone who is to put her mouth shut... Please don't hasitate to give me lessons here, in the form of analysing the answers I received :-D. Both of you gave me things to think about, and that is never a bad thing :-D!

Hug,
Frank
 

frank

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Hi all,

I think after reading Calumet's question again about some clarification I should only tell you there is no harm in sleeping over at her place, as we are in training for a walk for four days (worldfamous Nijmegen 4 days of walking), and on the early satherdaymorning I promised I go with her to get tickets for her favorite rockband U2..., just before we start training... And ofcourse I pay her ticket, and yes she already called me a madman... And yes I also do this to just be with her, but that's all me to blame for, not her... I want to find out if after doing this for some weeks I can already make the switch from someone who has feelings back to close friend again... And yes I know it can be hurtfull, and I know I do not want that, and after this particular night, which comes just handy for the early call the next morning, I will not sleep at her house for some weeks... Gives us some rest, I guess :-D.

Now you know... Please dive in to the answers :-D...

Hug,
Frank
 

RindaR

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Frank, she is not identifiable to us, at least not to me. Unless you have fans at work who follow your posts here I think you are ok.

11.4.5> 43 A good time for spring cleaning, identify the obstacle in the relationship - is it similar to other situations in the past? I hear a tone similar here, similar to what you've expressed about the girl you are leaving behind.

In my not so humble opinion, you will be much more attractive if you are able to be content with yourself standing alone, if you are able to see that you can manage ok without either one of them. This is not meant to sound harsh or moralistic, you seem to have a lot to offer the right person. Perhaps you could take stock of that, look at it, dust it off, re-fold it, re-examine it, see all it's good qualities and walk with your head a little higher.

Rinda
 

pargenton

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Hi all,
and no moral issues,ok.
In my experience hex 38 in relationship is linked to triangle-like situation, usually two women and a man (a wife and a lover for instance).
Could also indicate another woman in the house, a sister perhaps, Frank ?
(I know, this is a very literal interpretation but sometimes I found Yi very literal...)

However, since she, as you said, dates with another guy, hex 38 could indicate the difficulty of accepting this situation.
That is, you want something (you fell in love with her), but she wants only friendship, as I understand the situation.
Conflicting purposes, says karcher about hex 38.

Peace
Paolo
 

frank

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Hi Rinda,

Thank you very much for your answer. I'm sorry if things are not identifiable and thank you for letting me know I'm doing OK... I'm all willing to learn here, but within the answers of the Yi..

11 to 43 spring cleaning? I never had looked at it that way. 11 to me lookes like a peacefull situation, like it was... (is?), then line 4 tells me I'm going around and around, which happend the last few days insite my head and emotions (and is making Hexagram 34 out of it as answer, so there's a 'powerthing' to deal with, I guess it's the getting out of control emotionaly again...?), but still in all openess and honesty..which she is me thankfull for... (I have to deal with her here, not you :-D) Line 5 then is a little question for me... Am I the soverein? Am I the 'daugther'?. It at least has to do with being modest and temper the emotions... I see no 'cleaning'... But I could be wrong ofcourse, as yes... I still have to learn a lot about what I want in relationships (and the one I left 'behind').

Thank you Rinda,

Hug,
Frank
 

frank

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Hi Rinda again,

I have been reading Karcher and he is telling about line11-4 something like 'leaving the nest and do not be afraid, help is there. You have something important to give' (among other words). Perhaps this could be indentifiable to the 'get your head straight and walk on'... I have to look at that further...

Thanks again.
 

frank

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Hi Pargenton,

Thank you for your answer, and you have mentionted the issue about two woman and a man sometime earlier lately, as I can remember... So, yeah, that's definitly a good image about the situation. It lookes like to me 38 as an answer from the Yi in handling about what to do nowadays, is to get things been done independently from her... Still be friends, but concentrating on things I like to do, relax from it, be not busy with it to much in the head, but let it go for a while, or at least untill friday :-D... as she also actually told me today, as we continue to speak about all this... She does not want to hurt me that much with all that stuff about here in my head... It would then be made impossible by me to follow on, as I fill in things and hurting me to much... As I'm more relaxed we can talk futher and move on... 38 could indeed mean to follow another direction (for a while?), as that brings the relaxation... I've been to close to much lately and that's getting her uncomphortable... In a more relaxed state we can handle things better ofcourse...

Comments on other Hexagrams, Paolo?
Others?

Hug, and Peace to you too :-D,
Frank

PS: No, there's no sister (thank god for that... that would be a family issue then :-D), but there's definitly another dude... Damn.:-(...
 

frank

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Hi all,

There's still 41 > 51, 54, 46, etc :-D?

Hug,
Frank
 

frank

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Hi all,

Just a day or so after the meeting on friday... Everything went well. She even called before the meeting to ask if I realy was planned to show up at her place, where she would make a nice meal, we would talk, and then go with her danceparter to a dancemeeting, just to hang out as friends, then buy the U2 tickets in the early morning of the next day, and go with the walking as part of our training for the event of four days walking in Nijmegen, Netherlands... As I said here before, it was an emotional week for me before, and I wanted some answers from the Yi before that, and what I did get from the answers was that it would be OK to go. There would be some kind of 'chanching the Mandate' (49-4) and doing things on your own, besides each other... (and ofcourse the other guy...) (38).

The friday evening started alright, but the dancepartner showed up a full hour early... bye bye talking... We have the tickets for U2, but man, she has a morninghumour... Good to know too... During the walking we spoke briefly as I had the idea that she a bit avoided me, but that is seen trough eyes that are a bit on a pink cloud, so it is probably my perception...

I have called her up, after the walking, on satherdaynight, and THEN we talked... Bottom line.,... she has invited me again friday, as the next walk is also in the neighbourhood where she lives... As first I told her NO (I stand my head up high, Rinda :-D), for reasons we both gladly understood, but there's doubting comming in...

I did not watch the other answers the Yi gave me, till now, as most of them are dated now... I asked the Yi instead in what kind of situation I was getting in when I was going on friday, and I received 60 static... Limitation, as that I have to respect a certain limitation... only go there as a friend.... I do want to see her, and I'm going to the next day, but I'm just a bit scarred loosing her out of site if we only meet at the training...

I also asked the Yi what she feels and thinks about me, after this weekend, and again I received 38... With lines 4 & 5 changing into 61... So far this answer tells me that she has doubts of continuation, as in one way we do not match (different ways of 'doing things'), and in another way we do (as we do have same idea's...). Is this telling me that I need patience? To let her become clear about this?

I also (pfff) asked about what I would do now, so that I would not fall back into my nerdiness, but still be myself, and find comphortability with it... and I received 9, line 4 towards 1... Just be open and honest about stuff, and go on?

I know I have been emotional uphere, as this is a great lesson for me... I do have some insights already from these answers as that for instance I will keep in touch with her, but I should not be the guy running after her all the time... (There's my 38...).

After the next weekend, because of other plans we will not meet on friday-sleepovers for at least a month or two, as she also goes on a trip to Brazil by the end of March to the half of April... So Maybe this friday could be just a closure for the time we had sofar (and go to a movie or so as only good friends do), and in April we make a fresh start (man, I realy have to get used to those lonely weeks commin' up, although she first inveted me to join her to Brazil, as a friend, but that is to sensitive for me right now, and I don;t have the money... But then I saw a TV dating show and in an instand the boy and girl just said yes to a holiday together at the end of the show, and I told myself, 'oh what the f...' I realy have difficulties in making choises and be with the chiose I made, as I'm still wandering why she invited me, as she said to go as friends...). To complicated? To much in my head?

Well, thank you for your YI help :-D

Hug,
Frank
 

calumet

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It does sound complicated, Frank. I'm a little old-fashioned in some ways, and fairly moralistic for a heathen. However, my questions about this situation aren't moralistic but practical. A love affair shouldn't be all that complicated, and it still seems to me that there is a tease in this woman's behavior toward you. She enjoys the U2 tickets, the place to sleep, and the masculine attention, but she doesn't really want to give you anything back in return for all you're doing. Which is NOT to say that she or anyone else should exchange romantic or sexual favors for U2 tickets or any other consideration. It's just that it's not very nice to accept the kind of favors that usually come from a romantic partner while acting as though you are emotionally and otherwise independent from the person granting those favors.

You say she has a boyfriend! What's up with him? Does he know that she's accepting rather expensive gifts and overnight invitations from other men? Something's not right here, and I'm afraid you're caught in the middle--muddle?--of it.

The question is, how do YOU feel about all this? If you don't know your feelings, you might think about asking the Yi how you should behave toward this woman. Not what she feels, but how you should behave toward her.
 

pargenton

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Hi all,
Calumet, Frank indeed asked Yi "what to do now", the answer was 9.4

9: dense cloud, no rain; I quote from Balkin, sinc e it's pretty clear:

"Dense clouds offer the promise of eventual rain.However the rain has not yet fallen;hence there is nothing to do but wait for events to play themselves out"

and 9.4

"Be honest and sincere in your dealings with others, and you need not have anxieties".

9.4 is a hint for open and sincere communication; I think you should be clear about what kind of relationship you want, and what kind she wants.

So Yi is not negative, but offers hints (9, no rain yet, a slow job of gentle persuasion, wait, communicate openly).

But, apart from the Yi reading, I can agree with you Calumet, the situation seems a bit strange.

Seems a long, patient job (9) for you Frank, however "there is the promise of success in the long run" (Balkin)
Hugs
Paolo
 

frank

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Hi Calumet,

Thank you for coming back to me here. And I agree with you... It's becoming complicated, but sofar I liked it. NO, she does not have a BF, but is dating man, likes them for about a month and moves on... still looking further restlessly... I'm one of them actually who has told her that. I'm not letting you in her personal live, as that's ofcourse her teritory, but believe me, she has reasons to do whatever she does in whatever way she is doing it right now, and perhaps my intentions just didn't came at the right time..

In my naiefness (euh, is this good english?)I a bit of way am suporting her on her behaviour. As things are sencitive nowadays I was afraid of telling some things to her which anoyed me in her behaviour, and I finnaly had the nerve to tell... She apoligized on things whicb makes me aware that she is very insecure, and wants no other insecure figure, like I am in my feelings towards her now, around her as I'm a mirror now and mirroring her insecurity back to her. I guess Hexagram 9 as answer to the question, what should I do now, which I actually asked, before you told me to, is telling me to let the time work for me, as I now will have weeks where I only see her in the trainingweekends, with no sleepovers... I guess if she does not go into my direction after the guy she is meeting these days, I will let her learn her lesson by herself again... There's a song from the Rolling Stones... Time is on my side... I guess that is line 4 of 9 here... Just be open and honest about it... As long as I'm in my feelings here she is a bit in control as I'm afraid of loosing her, which is not correct to feel but very well agreed... as we all do in these times when we are in love... There is about a time to come, I guess, and that is just a way of good timing, where I actually will tell her realy that I want to be around her, and that I want more then just suport... For now it's enough untill I catch another lady into my eyeball...

I had doubts today telling her things by mail... and go to her on friday... The mail I actually send was only about the training on satherday and how her weekend was... She only answered about the weekend where we start at her place again. I said I will call her this week... So the ball is in MY hands now... I will not go on friday, although I realy want to... as I liked her in a sexual manner, and the way she is doing things, where can be extremely lazy... It has also to do with the fact I actually want a relationship TO bad, that I actually am not that critical as I should be...

Did you know that I actually asked the Yi about a YEAR PREDICTION in the case of our bond? How will the bond between me and her develop in 2005, and I got 61, lines 3 & 5 towards 26... There is potential, altough the first half of the year (symbolised by the third line) we could be turning around each other...

While I was typing this she actually called me! If I want to come, still, on friday evening because of things she must do the next day after the training she wants to start walking early, as probably we are the only ones walking then... I noticed a little trickiness inhere and I stood on my stripes as I let her know that shure want to come satherday at her place for a walk, but that I have to think about the friday, as she has other things to do also on that evening and is 'free from duty' after 10 pm... I have told here that I have to figure out where I have to draw a line here, as I feel a bit 'used'... and when I say that I have to think it over because I want to know that line, she sais that it is my thing, and you hear her sighing... Well, I will not go into detail any further as this is realy starts to become something between me and her, but boy, I finaly in one way stood up to her :-D... But in the end I think I go, as I'm not in the mood to take an early train on the satherdaymorning... I could also make the choise not to go to the training at all, but then it will take some weeks before we train again and the bond between us would then probably be a bit nasty, because of negative emotions... and that is what I do not want... Ha, this is realy a lesson in taking responsebility in making choises, and yes... here realy hex. 60 is a great answer, as I asked earlier what the result would be if I go... Limitation for me, but also for her... and a lesson for her to respect my limits too, and a challenge for me not let people play with me...

But then again.... I could be wrong, and all a bit disapointed and angry because she only wants to be friends and has honest intentions... But there's also a chance that I'm the honest one...?

Man, If she would read all of this... That would scare the .... out of me :-D... It's private, right?

Thank you again, Calumet!

Hug,
Frank
 

frank

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Hi Paolo,

Thank you very much for your insights. There are definitly some rainclouds in the situation nowadays... :-D... As I said in the post to Calumet, Time is on my side... As I want to stay positive, but I'm also afraid... insecure, etc as everyone is in a situation like this... As long as we stay honest and open, like at least I do, and I know she does too, although she does not have an idea what she is creating with those sleepovers... Maybe we just should not make a big deal out of it...?

The strangeness of the situation is probably in the bond between us where there is a certain level of friendship... we both want people we like around us, we both do not want to be alone, and we do have same behaviours untill a certain level. She has just the best intensions as her friends carry her on hands... you are always welcome at her house, and I'm just a guy who stays more indoors sort of speak, as I live more in my head then in live, as she does, which I find very attractive... I do want more attention from her, which she is starting go give me a bit more, as she is actually 'the enemy, equal one' from line 3 from 61, the yearly prediction (see for the post above, to Calumet), where there she is actually mirroring me. We both have to learn things from each other, as we do like each other, but also are alike... That, besides the open communication about my feelings towards her brings tension these days, as I have some expectations on those friday evenings, and I know she sais it's OK when I make a choise not to go at her place then, as her intensions are otherwise... She is still clear about that... I also told her that in the recent phonecall...

Well, anyway... thank you again Paolo... I'm going to write another book now, as these are damn long posts :-D...

Hug,
Frank
 

frank

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Well, thanks to the ones who gave me some insights into the answers the Yi has given me about all this... Last night I asked what will happen if I continue doing what I´m doing in this situation. From being a friend and trying to comphort her on the phone, to letting myself hurt because the situation is as it is sofar (we have always Hex. 9-4 to go for...), and I received Hexagram 46 static... Again... going as I go, with patience on the way I´m doing things... Meanwhile... there´s ´Love´s a battlefield´ on the radio... Man, we are realy sencitive in these times :-D... Talk to you guys later... Thank you again... I guess this is the closure of this post...

Hug,
Frank
 

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