Romantically stuck - 29.1 > 60

[Purpletips]

Hi everyone,
I've been interested in I Ching for a while but never dared to make a real interpretation because I felt I'd be too biased, too subjective. However my current state of mind is telling me I should try so to put things into perspective and see clearer about what's best for me.
I've recently met a guy, he is younger than me and transgender. The moment I saw him, I felt 'connected' to this person. I wanted to get to know him more. A few weeks ago, I managed to start a phone conversation with him. It lasted for 2 weeks without interruption. I felt we had a real connection, a real complicity. I liked his way of thinking and the fact he speaks his mind. I also liked his vulnerability. The topics were sometimes serious and sometimes light-hearted. He told me that he wasn't ready for a relationship yet, waiting for someone worthy and for the desire to be in a real relationship to strike him. I was ok with that because I, too, feel that I'm not ready for one. So I enjoyed the idea of us getting to know one another on a friendly manner first and see where it goes eventually. But a few days ago, I felt like his attitude changed. I felt him colder, more distant, and I don't understand why. I realized it's made me feel insecure and has messed with my mind because maybe I was bothering him too much by texting him daily. So I decided to turn to the I Ching and here are my results:

How does he feel about our relationship? (In the sense of ‘where does he stand about our current relationship’)
29.1 > 60
Danger is something recurrent here. To me it seems that he is afraid. He feels like he is in danger, like this relationship could be dangerous for him. I know he is disappointed about love, he wants to wait for someone who’s worthy. He lacks self-confidence too. Would that all be linked? His fear and the fact he creates boundaries for our relationship to evolve?

Thanks in advance to anyone who'll help me

 

[Freedda]

Hello Purpletips. Welcome. I would say that you have strong feelings towards this person. Otherwise why would you invoke one-fifth of the Yijing in trying to understand these feelings?

I expect that some people will reach out and try to respond to all of these. I find myself, however, getting too lost in so much information. So, some suggestions: if you had to pick one of the above for someone to answer, which one would it be? Or, another approach/query could be: 'tell me something I need to know about my attraction towards xxx.'

Or, just let things unfold as they will .....

Best, d.

 

[Purpletips]

Hi Freedda,

Thank you for your reply. You are definitely right, I've asked too many questions. I don't know if it's because of the feelings I have developed or the fact that I'm currently lost and don't know how to act. I have reduced the number of questions to one (the most important in my opinion).

 

[foxx777]

Hi everyone,
I've been interested in I Ching for a while but never dared to make a real interpretation because I felt I'd be too biased, too subjective. However my current state of mind is telling me I should try so to put things into perspective and see clearer about what's best for me.
I've recently met a guy, he is younger than me and transgender. The moment I saw him, I felt 'connected' to this person. I wanted to get to know him more. A few weeks ago, I managed to start a phone conversation with him. It lasted for 2 weeks without interruption. I felt we had a real connection, a real complicity. I liked his way of thinking and the fact he speaks his mind. I also liked his vulnerability. The topics were sometimes serious and sometimes light-hearted. He told me that he wasn't ready for a relationship yet, waiting for someone worthy and for the desire to be in a real relationship to strike him. I was ok with that because I, too, feel that I'm not ready for one. So I enjoyed the idea of us getting to know one another on a friendly manner first and see where it goes eventually. But a few days ago, I felt like his attitude changed. I felt him colder, more distant, and I don't understand why. I realized it's made me feel insecure and has messed with my mind because maybe I was bothering him too much by texting him daily. So I decided to turn to the I Ching and here are my results:

How does he feel about our relationship? (In the sense of ‘where does he stand about our current relationship’)
29.1 > 60
Danger is something recurrent here. To me it seems that he is afraid. He feels like he is in danger, like this relationship could be dangerous for him. I know he is disappointed about love, he wants to wait for someone who’s worthy. He lacks self-confidence too. Would that all be linked? His fear and the fact he creates boundaries for our relationship to evolve?

Thanks in advance to anyone who'll help me

From my own experience I’ve found that it’s best that you focus on one question, and contemplate its implications and work with it. This makes things more focused and essential. So bravo to you for honing it down!

Yes, 29.1 does indicate that he feels danger. In fact this line is one of repeating dangers and compounded confusion. His being transgender would very likely be the source of these feelings.

Can you try distancing yourself and waiting for him to contact you? Or perhaps you could text him and tell him that you’ve gleaned that he’s apprehensive and that you’re determined to give him the space and time he needs?

 

[Freedda]

Just a few thoughs here. With 29, you have the three-line figure called a trigram repeated twice. So you have exposure/abyss/water repeated twice.

Line 29.1 say, 'Twice the exposure. Going into the canyon’s inner recesses. Foreboding' . For me this might mean that both of you are feeling exposed and maybe need to slow down at bit - or at least that's one take on it.

One name for the related hexagram 60, is 'Boundaries'. The image shows a Lake below and Water above, and the idea I get from this is that one must build up the walls / side of the lake (its 'boundaries') in order to hold in all this water, otherwise it will just run out.

(The idea is also that you start out with something natural, like a lake or your attraction for one another, but then you need to take a bit of effort to supplement or work on this initial attraction.)

So altogether, maybe to slow down a bit, and make sure you are keeping good boundaries for yourself - which does not mean to either end the relationship or close yourself off from it.

As an aside, I wonder, have you two met in person? And how close or far apart do you live - meaning is there a distance which makes the messaging/calls appropriate in how you communicate with each other?

And I wonder if it might be time to meet each other, to spend some time together, in person? This might seem to go against the idea of going slow and having good boundaries, but I think you can still have those and meet one another in person. And perhaps doing so will dispell some of the awkwardnes and give you both a better sense of where you stand and how each of you wants to move forward.

Best, D.

 

[Purpletips]

Foxx777,

Thanks you very much for your insight. I really thought about what you said. He seems to be quite confident about his transidentity, but that may just be a facade. All I know for sure is that he has been romantically rejected numerous times by people who didn’t even know he was transgender, and it has affected him.
The problem I’m facing is that I have my own insecurities and they tend to get in the way of my reasoning. I have kept on wondering whether his change of attitude was because of his fears and hesitation, or because he actually didn’t like me and our conversations that much. That’s why I’m confused about the way to tackle this situation. I don’t want to push him further into his shell by texting and at the same time I’d like to understand what’s going on in his mind in order to act the right way.

I asked the I Ching ‘what’s the right move to make’ and I got 29.3.5.6 > 18 which I feel tells me to wait a little bit and give him time alone?

 

[Purpletips]

Just a few thoughs here. With 29, you have the three-line figure called a trigram repeated twice. So you have exposure/abyss/water repeated twice.

Line 29.1 say, 'Twice the exposure. Going into the canyon’s inner recesses. Foreboding' . For me this might mean that both of you are feeling exposed and maybe need to slow down at bit - or at least that's one take on it.

One name for the related hexagram 60, is 'Boundaries'. The image shows a Lake below and Water above, and the idea I get from this is that one must build up the walls / side of the lake (its 'boundaries') in order to hold in all this water, otherwise it will just run out.

(The idea is also that you start out with something natural, like a lake or your attraction for one another, but then you need to take a bit of effort to supplement or work on this initial attraction.)

So altogether, maybe to slow down a bit, and make sure you are keeping good boundaries for yourself - which does not mean to either end the relationship or close yourself off from it.

As an aside, I wonder, have you two met in person? And how close or far apart do you live - meaning is there a distance which makes the messaging/calls appropriate in how you communicate with each other?

And I wonder if it might be time to meet each other, to spend some time together, in person? This might seem to go against the idea of going slow and having good boundaries, but I think you can still have those and meet one another in person. And perhaps doing so will dispell some of the awkwardnes and give you both a better sense of where you stand and how each of you wants to move forward.

Best, D.

We have met through work. We work on different schedules but actually got to work together for a few days.
As for meeting in person again, I did invite him. He wasn’t against the idea, just told me he wasn’t ready for a stable relationship until he felt that way, and I said it was fine, that I wasn’t ready either and that the drink was not meant to be romantic but rather to talk in person and not virtually. His attitude began to change the before our friendly ‘date’ and he canceled a few hours before.

 

[foxx777]

I asked the I Ching ‘what’s the right move to make’ and I got 29.3.5.6 > 18 which I feel tells me to wait a little bit and give him time alone?

I think it’s very telling that hexagram 29 comes up again. Yes, the lines are clearly indicating danger, the need for stabilizing and for not missing a message which needs to be heeded.

 

[foxx777]

We have met through work. We work on different schedules but actually got to work together for a few days.
As for meeting in person again, I did invite him. He wasn’t against the idea, just told me he wasn’t ready for a stable relationship until he felt that way, and I said it was fine, that I wasn’t ready either and that the drink was not meant to be romantic but rather to talk in person and not virtually. His attitude began to change the before our friendly ‘date’ and he canceled a few hours before.

It sounds to me as though he got scared. I may be reading too much into his trans-identity but I could see that if he did want to take things further that there might be problems with that ( even if only in his own mind).

 

[Freedda]

Hmmm. Well, it seems that some walls / boundaries have come up, ay? I don't know what more I have to offer regarding the reading. I think you are the only one to know how this really feels for you. On the one hand, you could gently proceed, but with lower expectations and your own boundaries intact, or ... you can just pull back and wait for him to make the next move.

Though we often expect rationality in ourselves and others, sometimes we fight against our own best interest, often out of fear - like canceling on someone (whom could end up being a good friend) at the last minute.

Then again, as you got closer to one another maybe he realized that he just wasn't ready for any of this - regardless of who you are and how he might feel about you - but it can be hard to not take that personally.

Best, D.