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rule of three...

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gael123

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In the last 3 years I have loved 3 men, all with the same first name. One was a very old friend who was already committed and with whom nothing happened - but my feelings ruined our friendship; one was a man I met a year after I confessed my feelings to the first guy, a man with whom I had a year long romantic relationship which he ended 18 months ago; and one is a younger man whom I met four months ago with whom, after an initial couple of dates, I have a warm friendship which has some ambiguous feelings in it, at least on my side.

I find it very striking that all three of these men have the same name. Each has shown me something new about love, and they have been, through this time, the only people I have loved.

The first experience was with someone I had known, and thought I might have feelings for, for ten years, but throughout that time he was committed to someone else. Then, three and a half years ago, I found myself unexpectedly struggling with deeply romantic feelings for him, and told him about them. He remained committed to his partner, whom he then married (both men, as am I). Throughout the year after I shared my feelings with him, our friendship suffered more and more under the weight of what was not being discussed, and I grew (perhaps irrationally) angry with him for what I (perhaps wrongly) considered provocative behaviour from within the safety of a relationship. When he and his partner invited me to their wedding, I refused the invitation and ended the friendship, perhaps the most unwelcome and unpleasant thing I have ever done. I was so unhappy about this friendship that I felt driven to do this; but at the same time it woke me up to my need for something deep and loving in my life.

During that year I met someone else with the same name with whom I had a deep, romantic partnership. He too was recently out of a marriage - a year since the split. The divorce had not even come through. But he was attentive, kind and caring towards me - we did not live in the same city, but we saw each other every weekend for a year, and we went on holiday together as well. The relationship truly and warmly blossomed, but there were problems. His ex was still in his life, and he was living in their marital home. I helped and encouraged him to move house, which he did, but the experience proved emotionally overwhelming for him (though he more than I even felt it was necessary, especially for his work which was nearby). In retrospect, I recognise he began to plunge into depression. We grew more distant and things got strained; eventually, unexpectedy but not in retrospect surprisingly, he ended the relationship on the grounds that he was not emotionally ready for such a big commitment. One of the reasons I had ended my friendship discussed above was to make room for my connection to him; I was deeply hurt; we tried to stay in touch but we each felt too upset; I have not seen him since. This was my first and only serious relationship.

Months passed, and eventually I went on a date with someone else. He had the same name, as I say; he is a younger guy who is not looking for a serious commitment (and nor am I). but from the time we met I felt - and I believe he has felt too - a strange, unexpected connection. We come from completely different backgrounds and neither of us has ever been close to anyone quite like the other person before. Nothing romantic has happened and yet something emotional has passed between us which means neither of us has let the friendship go. If I don't contact him, I hear from him; I also contact him myself. It's got some kind of energy to it. I recognise this young person - who is very emotionally open and responsive, without being conventional or possessive about relationships - has something to teach me, and I him, but I don't know what it is yet. I do know that I have a deep almost older-brother or fatherly regard for him, and a true concern for his welfare; he turns to me for help and advice and I give it, and in return he is attached to me in a way, loyal even. It's hard to explain.

One final point: of these three men, the first lived on my road (he has since moved with his spouse); the second, despite living in another city, turned out to have a sister who lived two streets away from me (none of us ever having met before - she has now moved, too); and the third currently lives two streets away from me and is moving in a few months to another nearby city.

Strange synchronicity.

I decided to ask the Yi: i have met three Xs whom i have loved in different ways. what is it i need to learn from this trilogy, this sequence, of three different loves?

I received the reply:

hexagram 39.2.5 changing to 46.

I found this reply interesting. It seems to say something about sticking with things, about the right way to handle adversity, about not letting go of what seems hard (as I did with the first person, and as the second did with me). As this third relationship with a person with the same name (I don't want to reveal the name but it too has a meaning) faces the challenges and uncertainties created by the space and difference between us, I wonder if this is telling me: this time, learn to trust more, or accept more fully the trust of another.

I am sorry for the very long post. It is a strangely neat little tale, though, isn't it?
 
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weaver

Guest
It is a lovely story.

I don't know if it's suggesting you need to try harder to endure - it seems to be saying that it's been a hard time and it would be good to take a break to gather yourself. Using Bradford Hatcher's transitional method, which I learned from reading Ashteroid's posts, line 2 leads to 48, the well, which is about connecting with the source. In 48.5 (which leads to 46) the blockage is cleared and the water (energy) flows again (see the commentary here. 46 seems to be about progressive effort without anxiety - a little bit here, a little bit there. Maybe the reading is telling you to look after yourself and step by step, without anxiety, follow what your inner voice suggests.

What does their name mean?
 

rosada

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Line 39.5 talks about helpful partners. I think it's interesting that you mention the mentoring relationship you have with your current friend. Perhaps that is the key to the three - perhaps all three friendships have had something of this quality to them but it is more obvious with this latest attachment.
I think it would be interesting I think to look at your astrological chart to see if you have something that indicates these events - like having Venus, love, in the third house that rules neighbors.
 
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gael123

Guest
Rosada you must be psychic - I have moon in Capricorn in the 3rd house. Venus is in the 9th, but both moon and Venus are square pluto. (I also have sun in the 8th, sun trine pluto and scorpio rising, which might explain a few things... I know all this because my housemate is an amateur astrologer.)

Thank you both for your helpful responses, they give me plenty to think about. Perhaps each of these people is showing me something about how to give or be given to. I was never the first priority of any of them, I think that's the hardest thing - I was always dealing in some way with others, with their history. With this new person that's true in a more open, conscious way, because we're both seeing other people. Maybe I need to mentor myself, or myself through someone else.
 
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gael123

Guest
Weaver, their name is an English word. I'll leave it at that! :)
 

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