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seems like I always end up at the beginning...

kincadefoster

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So, I've been thinking about how my latest love interest doesn't seem to be working out. Although she could be simply genuinely busy and focused on other things(rehab and recovery stuff), I just keep thinking that if she liked me at all in any romantic fashion, I would be hearing from her...

I've been fence-sitting on this issue, I think we are good friends and would also like to be more, but also, due her position in life right now and I didn't want to go all in like I always do until I got a clear indication of interest and loyalty(important to me who seems to always get cheated on)

For the last few years I have just been wanting something lasting in a relationship so f**king bad and it has been killing me inside, and the question of why nothing lasts for me keeps coming up and the only answer I can come up with is that I'm just not good enough...

So now I feel myself just giving up on this goal, part of me is thinking like if I don't want it anymore then the gods can't f**k me over...

And there is a part of me that is now thinking maybe I'm just not that guy and I'm never meant to be in a relationship, so asked about that feeling, what do I need to know about this thought/feeling that I'm just not meant to be? 36.3.5>3
:bows:
 

Lavalamp

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"Am I just not meant to be in a relationship?"

36.3 Your perception is clouded but you see your problems. Do not try to solve them all at once, thinking cannot change your emotional reality. It takes time.

36.5 Sometimes you can't do anything about where others are at, about the situation you are in. Play dumb, or maybe a sense of humor helps, something like that. Confrontation would just get you hurt.

>3 You're just starting out, beginners always face difficulties.
(Again a relating hex, reflects your situation you described as "seems I always end up at the _beginning_"; and this hex is about is difficulty at the _beginning._)

- LL
 
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W

weaver

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My feeling is that the reading is saying, keep the desire to be in a stable relationship inside for now. Don't talk about it or try to make it happen, for now. (This is not the same as telling you this is an invalid desire or one that will fail.)

So where should you put your energy? Using Bradford's transitional method as used by Ashteroid, 36.3>24, Returning. 24.5 (because you got the fifth line of 36): Magnanimous return, without regret (from yijing.nl). This line is clearly saying that when you stray from your ideal path, or make any kind of mistake, you just come back to yourself, without blaming yourself. You are on your own side. And this gets you to 3, or Sprouting (Hilary's translation)/Difficulty at the Beginning. As in 36, if a seed is to grow, it needs darkness and silence.

You say 'seems like I always end up at the beginning' - well, what is the beginning here? You also say that you think you haven't had a long relationship recently because maybe you aren't good enough. I doubt you would ever say anything this harsh to a friend or someone else who expressed the same thought.

I think sometimes the two things are like two halves of a circle. We want to have a relationship so that we can like ourselves, because someone else is delighted with us; but sometimes we are asked to like ourselves first. Both routes get to the same destination.

So be on your own side. Don't blame yourself if things don't work out: just say, Things didn't work out. Keep your desire for this stable relationship safe inside yourself and make it a point to like yourself, no matter what happens.
 

kincadefoster

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I also asked:

Theres got to be someone out there for me. Where to go to find her? 4.1.4>38

LOL
 

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