Selfishness

[sunnygirl]

I have a situation where I have been giving phone credit to a family member on a regular basis. The $ amount is minimal so that isn't an issue to me. About a month ago I asked this person to do a favor for me and they refused.

So today this person tells me their phone credit is low.

I did a cast for this question:

How should I handle X's phone credit request?

I got 59.5 to 4

My understanding is that I should keep being generous and give it because I am able to and I shouldn't be selfish.

 

[willowfox]

"How should I handle X's phone credit request? I got 59.5 to 4"

Hex 59.5 first you should talk to the person and tell them not to be so sticky, because they are certainly not playing the game and this is causing discord between the two of you. So, you have to tell this person like it is, and try to get them to see your point of view. It suggests that you do your best to find a solution that joins the two of you together, tell the person that you will extend credit to them on the understanding that they owe you in the future, something for nothing in return is just not on.

Hex 4 suggests that you learn a valuable lesson from this because of your inexperience with this person. You are your own teacher here.

 

[sunnygirl]

Thanks!

What does this mean? I'm not familiar with the phrases? 'Sticky' and 'playing the game'

"tell them not to be so sticky, because they are certainly not playing the game "

 

[Trojina]

Sunnygirl I interpret this the way you have even though on the face of it it does look as if they aren' t being quite fair in not returning the favour when you asked.

I think for some reason Yi is saying that you have reserves and it is good for you to give them. With 4 as a background, (if we see it as context) perhaps you are quite in the dark about why you should keep on giving, but the way I see it the advice is to give, yes. If we see 4 as how the situation develops then yes as Wfox says it is a learning experience for you.

Perhaps in the realm of giving and receiving in life things aren't always as they appear to be. This is an answer that goes somewhat against common sense as it would seem you are being put upon, but I think I would trust it.

In any case 59 does not advise taking a hardened stance towards these people, quite the reverse IMO.

 

[bruce_g]

Hi Sunnygirl,

I like WF’s and Trojan’s observations. Just a couple thoughts to add.

Wondering, is this family member a youngster or teen? This person appears to be under your tutelage or leadership. Perhaps you’re expecting them to behave as an adult?

Line 5 refers to a shift of focus, direction or approach. Rather than tip-toeing around this matter with this person, perhaps a more animated or dramatic approach might work - something unexpected. But then drop the matter.

Or, it is this other person who dramatizes, and you simply dismiss it, and continue teaching him or her.

I could be all wet with this one, but it’s my impression.

 

[sunnygirl]

Trojan, that is what I was thinking is the results go against what one would normally think but I thought well there must be some reason for that that maybe I am unaware of yet.

Bruce, yes this person is young, late teens and looks to me to lead and tends to dramatizes a lot of things. I thought about just ignoring the request for a few days before giving them the credit. That would be a bit shocking since I am such a reliable person.

 

[Trojina]

Wondering, is this family member a youngster or teen? This person appears to be under your tutelage or leadership. Perhaps you’re expecting them to behave as an adult?

.

Good thinking, I missed this aspect of the reading, I think it fits.

 

[bruce_g]

I thought about just ignoring the request for a few days before giving them the credit. That would be a bit shocking since I am such a reliable person.

Sounds like a plan.

Thanks, Trojan.

 

[sunnygirl]

Thanks again everyone!

 

[willowfox]

"What does this mean? I'm not familiar with the phrases? 'Sticky' and 'playing the game'"

Sticky as in selfish, as in not sharing or giving, keeping everything for oneself.

Not playing the game, not doing the right thing, being selfish and greedy here, they should have tried to help you out but did not, this is all about sharing and giving in return but this person did not do that, so they were not playing the game.

 

[sunnygirl]

Ok this is what I am going to do. I am going to tell him relationships are two way streets, not way one and still give the phone credit. That way I can speak up and not be too harsh and still be helpful to the person and hopefully not just in the monetary sense but in a lesson on how to treat people.

 

[Trojina]

Sounds a good idea