Clarity,
Office 17622,
PO Box 6945,
London.
W1A 6US
United Kingdom
Phone/ Voicemail:
+44 (0)20 3287 3053 (UK)
+1 (561) 459-4758 (US).
Hello,
I have started taking antidepressants and aside from 3 or 4 days of side effects (minor) I have felt excellent - no sinking feelings, no hopelessness, no self hatred, no mistrust of others - feeling more confident and expansive.
BUT today spoke to a very old and dependable childhood friend on the phone - we have become closer since moving home but we are very different (kind of like sisters when little). She is a mental health nurse.
I had a feeling, a thought that I wouldn't tell her I was on anti-depressants, because even though I know she's the first person who'd want to help and listen I didn't want to become her patient at all... I also know that the lives of people she helps on a daily basis are so traumatic - that she maybe finds it harder to understand friends resorting to them. I sensed a reserve when I told her - scepticism - which I was expecting so wasn't going to tell her, but the subject came up and it popped out. Just thought its best to be open and honest (get that from my dad) - still haven't learnt that some things, from certain people, should be kept quiet.
I felt like I was defending myself to her, digging a hole in the process. And felt a horrible sinking feeling I haven't had for a while. And now I'm worrying about it. That the relation will be changed. I think it's not good to be so open about weaknesses with certain people. She has a heart of gold but I just feel really uncomfortable about it. I'm seeing her tomorrow and slightly dreading it. The relationship feels strained and my readings reflect this suspicion.
I first asked for help with my awful feelings of catastrophe over something that perhaps is minor and can be moved past.
28. 4 > 47
Oh dear.
Should I not have told her?
33.1,3,5 > 21
Seems not - an inappropriate topic to broach with her (irony being she's a mental health nurse) and 21 - a bone of contention (certainly feels that way - I actually felt like I wanted to hang up on her!)
How to proceed with her?
28.3,4 > 29
Oh dear... Does it perhaps mean that this is dangerous ground as on such topics we are not on the same wavelength? But how to proceed along a sagging ridge pole?
Would very much appreciate help with this. I also thought to myself I shouldn't tell to many people about being on them - except family - because apart from anything else, in my silly head I may be over thinking them and thus they'd lose their effect! If I make too big a deal out of them. Rather than them just being a way to re-balance - which I tried to explain to her, but I felt unconvincingly. Maybe it's also partly due to my tendency to see all sides to everything - and so to doubt my own standpoint.
Argh
:bows:
So I wonder if this means I should remember that she may be able to sense my distrust/ discomfort/ defensiveness which would hurt her?? Or maybe that the friendship is being tested....
And the best way to proceed, is to retreat from the issue... and hope we don't get annoyed with each other over other things... but then that's life I suppose....
:bows:
This is the only important question....I want to think along the lines of the Bradford's transitional hexagrams here, since lines 3 and 4 of H28 are essentially opposites.How to proceed with her?
28.3,4 > 29
Oh dear... Does it perhaps mean that this is dangerous ground as on such topics we are not on the same wavelength? But how to proceed along a sagging ridge pole?
First i can say i can totally relate to this feeling, especially re telling old friends things. Not sure exactly why it is, that sinking feeling, i only know its a signal for me to move on in the relationship. i don't mean to totally cut them off or anything...but theres this strange sense of them giving or not giving approval to our decisions...
I can understand why you dread seeing her...perhaps you feel you will have to 'perform' to be the person she thinks you are or the person she expects you to be....?
These bad feelings don't disappear over night and in a sense this is a good sign i think that the pills don't just zombie you out..you are still in there.
Having said that you felt like hanging up and that sounds a genuine 33 response. Well i think 33.3 shows you gave her a little too much power by telling her. In 33.3 those that 'hold 'us shouldn't really...they are our servants not our masters but we have let exersize some power..and really we needn't give a damn thats all and 33,5 hey you can still withdraw if you like. When you see her don't talk about it or indicate the subject is closed or distract her with other stuff.
Also though its early days on the anti depressants bear in mind as someone else said, i think it was Anne, theres lots of work for you to do on this...the pills just help make life bearable while you work things out however long it takes... Think about what this tells you about where you are with her that you have to justify to her why you take anti depressants.
You feel she is being skeptical of your decision and you don't feel comfortable with that. Thats your reality, honour it. If you feel at any time shes taking the converstaion where you don't want it to go do the 33.5...and 33.5 is a happy withdrawal not a stressed one so that should be okay.
H28. the pressures with her are great, and sure enough (line 3) the ridgepole breaks. Probably indicates some break or deterioration in the relationship. From the Wikiwing: "Words are not trusted, you’re altogether on your own." This leads to...
H47. Line 4: You are feeling oppressed, and somewhat cut off, and Line 4, you are not as agile and responsive as you could be, the result of the drug/bronze chariot? There is shame, but there is completion. Perhaps you don't respond as fast as you had in the past, but you are still there and just moving differently. Different strokes for different folks.
Finally, H29, you are in water, confined in the Repeating Chasms (H29). Don't thrash, just go with the water and let it carry you downstream.
This is not a recipe to proceed, but a description of how things may proceed, and not a pretty picture. But a mental health nurse may be a worse case (my wife was a psych nurse, and they see the worst of the medicated patients, so there may be some prejudice that can't be overcome). The best you can do is continue to try to relate, and if the waters rise, just keep your head up.
I am not sure that this "ridgepole relationship" is any kind of indication about how other people will take things. Most of the population is all for finding the right chemical mix to make life better. But if it were me, being a closed mouth male type, I would say as little as possible to people I didn't feel very close to. (Men usually have to learn how to open up a little and women how to close down a little).
Can you try pretending that everything about you is so transparent that you don't need to tell anyone...that you are not hiding, but just don't need to state the obvious.? Then you may feel you don't need to talk about this pill you are taking....
Tiger
Clarity,
Office 17622,
PO Box 6945,
London.
W1A 6US
United Kingdom
Phone/ Voicemail:
+44 (0)20 3287 3053 (UK)
+1 (561) 459-4758 (US).