Should I accept to... 56.5

[CheersC]

Love it! a very accurate analysis, full on!

So in short, he should reply merry xmas to you, because:
- you wished him, and it's 100% normal for anyone to wish back to you
- he has showed interest in you many times before

Two more questions:
Why didn't he do the normal thing, to simply return your wishes?
Why did his words keep showing interest to you, but his actions were totally different to his words?

Yup. Also for kindness and because it would be almost "obliged". Not just an excuse to hear from me. And also for the fear of hurting me or not seeing me again.
I really have no clue on the answer about those questions. Or he was fake, or he thought i wasn't interested, or he is self centered and thinks on his work, or his brother knows something. But i dont know... Or he found other women. Or he thought i should have written to him. Or he hides something (he didn't let me follow him, as to cover the likes he puts to pictures and the people he follows. His brother instead can see my stuff and i can see his friends too).
He's in his country now so i should just leave it.
But... Also his brother, not even a smile or a word on my family... It looked like he was bothered by my presence, but that's rude. Not even a "hey joyful holidays". He asked me how are u only cuz i said hello. Maybe he was scared to give me attention or he had his problems...Only that woman smiled. The guy who fancied me but wasn't there was the only one to give me attention.
Another possible answer is that I'd have the fear of looking rude or hurting the person if it happened to me to receive a wishes message from a person I liked xD (in fact I answered even to a fake friend i am not going to hang out with ahah)
Another idea is that this guy may have thought 1)i spotted a lie xD but he's sly in hiding 2) he took offense xD he may have thought i was mocking ahah
But i dont know!!
These people are good with words but mind their business after all, maybe it's just that.

I think that even by saying to come the last day we wouldn't have done much i think...
But i dont really know. I'm clueless. XD i will just stop checking the phone again (or at least , trying to do that). ://

 

[CheersC]

Lol i said basically every single thing. I hope he's not ever in the forums or would recognize himself with this detailed story. XD

 

[diamanda]

I hope he's not ever in the forums or would recognize himself with this detailed story. XD

He won't! There are so many identical stories out there, he'd never know it's him.

So you have all these guesses, as to why he behaved rude, and why he was all words and no actions.
How about a single plain explanation:
he's a rude guy with no decent intentions towards you.
How about that?

 

[CheersC]

He won't! There are so many identical stories out there, he'd never know it's him.

So you have all these guesses, as to why he behaved rude, and why he was all words and no actions.
How about a single plain explanation:
he's a rude guy with no decent intentions towards you.
How about that?

It is like a cold shower. I wasn't even that attracted at the start. Probably in the end,having seen him + times,lacking of anybody else (or multiple dates) to have a comparison, then I started asking myself things about him and started feeling the connection was growing. And then i felt phsyically attracted, which was good, all of a sudden I liked him more. I am not sure if i was censoring my sexual feelings or i was catching some red flags because we never spent time together, but if I felt good while i was there and he invited me, i also felt manipulated when he asked me the basic questions to know a person better - i felt scared when i was alone, but when i was there i liked him. Once, he said something that looked like a zinger, and I took offense honestly because I didn't expect it. I even dreamt about it. XD
I don't know... I felt treated in different ways, but I know it happens, nobody is perfect. I just needed that encounter maybe XD

If he had indecent intentions how could he be so cheeky, even in front of my mom and his brother and his colleagues?
Is his brother similar? Did he cover him? Do their bosses tolerate this? Are their parents so libertine? Did they just want to get something from me, maybe room in my house when they come again next years?

I really hate this. To guys all is allowed. Oh let's shortly clarify sex is not an indecent thing but i thought in those terms for many years unluckily. Like if i was the only woman on the earth. Lol. But if I think that i was even scared of his judgment on me if i tried to talk to his brother also i should have. At this point I could have detected his secret meetings, just to spot him and have fun about that

But my head didn't want to know. And it's probably better to try to detach. I hope he doesn't delete me from friends all of a sudden without explanations at least, I'd become a devil xD

 

[diamanda]

You feel mocked because he did mock you, he toyed with you. Women do this too, it's not a male privilege.

If he had indecent intentions how could he be so cheeky, even in front of my mom and his brother and his colleagues? Because he doesn't care about anyone's opinions.
Is his brother similar? Looks like it.
Do their bosses tolerate this? Looks like it.
Are their parents so libertine? Looks like it.

 

[CheersC]

You feel mocked because he did mock you, he toyed with you. Women do this too, it's not a male privilege.

If he had indecent intentions how could he be so cheeky, even in front of my mom and his brother and his colleagues? Because he doesn't care about anyone's opinions.
Is his brother similar? Looks like it.
Do their bosses tolerate this? Looks like it.
Are their parents so libertine? Looks like it.

Doesn't care about others opinions.
I guess this is the only main reason i met him.
I'm so upset now, at this point if i could come back in time i would have given him a little payback, I'm becoming good at it.
I'm not sure but I feel like his entourage is a bit fake or cynical.
But...
Somehow my head says he was liking me a lot <3. Maybe he realized it was impossible to have a long distance relationship and was ok with sex but didn't force me even if he wanted...

Second thing, I needed that date to reach clarity,giving him a chance to see what was possible between us. I didn't confront him because i was scared to make him react(he looked anxious and nervous) and it wasn't the right situation, he was at work, or it was too early... We are not a couple after all...
I still think that if l'd have explained him things more clearly, at least to give him clues to make actions, so it would have been easier for me to understand his behavior and to choose. But on my side there's the thing he didn't insist. Even if he looked attracted.

Oh guys, it's controversial, because he looked distracted by my presence and by the one of my male friend. He made me pay more and didn't give me anything while previous times he made me small discounts lollllllllllll.
He looked shaky, really.
When he saw me alone for the first time, instead, he was acting detached, cold, a bit fed up, looked like he was having issues with me. Wtf. If he was persistent with that attitude for only 1 more second i would have left just to show my pride, i should have done it but i waited like a submissive school kid and it seemed he had perceived my thoughts because then he came towards me... Not even a smile... Then "u know since u study and i work we could go to drink" and then that stupid feeling that made me forget about he and his bro ignoring my presence.
As if I was less than a customer.

 

[CheersC]

Btw thanks Dia for stimulating me to elaborate.

I hope ppl who read it don't get confused by my last posts though... The first question wasn't possible to answer practically because I didn't accept to drink with him.
The other one said of being with my female friends (hex 58) I guess it was foretelling i would have spent the evening only with 2 younger girls.

The other questions i dont know.
Won't u hate me if i ask how things will go between me and him from now on? XD
For science sake xD to give a feedback later on.

 

[diamanda]

I hope that your own description of events clarifies for you that this was not the right person for you (and if you ask me, he's not the right person for anyone).

In the future, try to remember these two red flags. They're extremely common and lead to a broken heart every single time (if the other person has a heart, that is):

The new person does a series of confusing behaviours (words and actions don't match, behaves hot-cold-hot-cold).
The new person has very unpleasant manners (rude, arrogant, aggressive style, coldness).

 

[CheersC]

I hope that your own description of events clarifies for you that this was not the right person for you (and if you ask me, he's not the right person for anyone).

In the future, try to remember these two red flags. They're extremely common and lead to a broken heart every single time (if the other person has a heart, that is):

The new person does a series of confusing behaviours (words and actions don't match, behaves hot-cold-hot-cold).
The new person has very unpleasant manners (rude, arrogant, aggressive style, coldness).

Yeah, well until now nobody made those generous gestures. So I was appreciating it. I took my time because I didn't know what to do next, in fact at the beginning I remember I was fancying a different person.
Suddenly... I saw him in another light. But then there were those personality traits xD
My friend said the only explanation she has got is that he has taken my answers/signals as a no and got mad.
I don't know... I actually think taking time was the best to do for me. But I also know that you can't discard people, not everybody will give you the perfect vibes; if you want to have fun you have to not overthink, if you dont want, you gotta have less expectations.

XD btw, tonight I have dreamt that he was sending me a call or an audio recorded message. He was like "what do u have to say?"(the best beginning instead of saying sorry ahah). I made a question and he was like hijacking it by saying "I want to see you". And he said it leaving me breathless.
XD I woke up during the night

See u soon,
And of course happy festivities, it's new years soon

 

[Freedda]

CheersC, I don't mean to be mean-spirited here, but I've read a few of your posts and I am quite baffled by them.

It seems you have this pattern of attracting or being attracted to men whom are not interested in you, or you dont' let them get close enough to find out if there's a connection there or not. And the whole time your sole criteria for a guy seems to be if he's 'cute' or not, or if he shows any interest in you, regardless of how creepy or mean that interest might be.

And also, it seems that you have this rather unhealthly repeated 'dance' you go through: attraction, meeing someone, rejection, and then the desire for revenge .... And for this last step, you often add 'lol' as if this is some sort of funny game for you - and we now get to be the audience for it.

Really and truly, I just don't get what you want from us, or from the I Ching, largely because the whole time you seem to avoid or ignore the advice from either the I Ching or the people here whom are kind enough to respond.

So, I watch and I am not in any way 'lol'. But maybe what's true is that you want to continue this game - and that despite all your complaints and anger, you get something from it and you just like to have us as your audience?

Or, perhaps this is just your 'path' right now: you just need to continue this kind of relationship dance, until you grow tired of it, or wise up, or give up althogher, or happen to stumble upon your prince after kissing or texting thousands of frogs - or maybe you just continue as is? I just don't know.

But if you are interested in change - even if it means you are the one who has to change - than maybe a good question for the Yi might be: tell me something I need to learn about myself in relationships.' Try starting with that.

D.