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Should I let go or is my intuition correct that he will come back? 11.3 > 19

Danimedlin97

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Hey guys. I was wondering if you could help me out with a reading I did.

My ex-boyfriend broke up with me a few months ago and I am not over him. During these months he has been contacting me from time to time out of the blue, saying he is so sorry of how it ended and saying things like "you were the closest match I ever had" and that he is thankful for me and I meant a lot to him. I can't help but feel that at some point he will come back to me. I told him that I feel like he is questioning his decisions (pointing out especially the break up). He said that he has one foot in the past and that sometimes he does question his decisions, and sometimes he doesn't. I am extremely confused and exhausted from this. So I asked the I Ching about it, because I asked him already in the past if he wants to try it again, and he said no, but he keeps appearing out of the blue with contradictory ideas.

I asked the I Ching: Should I let go of him or should I trust my intuitive feeling that he will come back? (basically if I should let go or will he come back to me). I got 11.3 > 19

I would appreciate some advice on what the reading means. Hexagram 11 (Peace) means Union, Interrelation and Hexagram 19 (Approach) means becoming great. As I read my reading I couldn't help but think that my desire of being with him is blocking me from seeing the reading more objectively, as I believe from the reading that he will come back. Please help me interpret this.

I should point out that a week before this reading, I asked the I Ching if my broken relationship with my ex-boyfriend will lead to a romantic reunion this year. The result was 60.5 > 19. I think it's impressive that I have the same related hexagram in both readings.

Anyways, thanks in advance and I am sorry for writing so much.
 

Trojina

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I don't think 11.3 is telling you if he will return or not. It is IMO a very broadly philosophical line about the ups and downs of life. Things that go up must come down and vice versa

I took this from wikiwing though it's not clear to me if it Brad writing



One of my favorite ones. I translate it literally as:

There is no level without a slope,
No going without a return
It is difficult to persist with no errors
Do not worry: these are certainties
In nourishment find happiness

I suppose this is saying "be content with what you come away with."
It changes to Gua 19, which might be regarded as "step up, suck it up, and move on"

Bradford Hatcher




From Hilary

'There is no level ground without a slope,
No going out without a return.
Constancy in hardship is not a mistake.
Do not sorrow about its truth.
In eating and drinking there is blessing.'



The emphasis is different from the first translation for she says 'constancy in hardship is not a mistake' where the first one just says 'It is difficult to persist with no errors' which could be read a few ways.

Should you have in mind he will return or should you let go ? You get a philosophical answer that's more or less 'its how life is it goes up and down, don't be sad about it, making the most of things is a good idea, enjoy today for all it's worth'. I think 'constancy in hardship is not a mistake' would mean you persist in true and worthy behaviour even when it's tough. The first version 'it is difficult to persist with no errors' might mean if you persist there's naturally errors, that is you can't fix everything because life is like the rolling sea, up and down, so what we do doesn't always amount to much. It's telling you not to worry, not to look into the future, know that not everything is in your hands. 11 is called 'Flow' by Hilary which is better than 'Peace' because flow, the ongoing flow of life forwards is not always calm, can take us into storms as well as blue skies.

I tend to see this line as a line of consolation which I don't tend to find very comforting although I think it's meant to be. Looking at the line path

11.3
19.3 (fan yao
20.4 (paired line of of 19.3)
12.4 (paired line of 11.3)

If you just read those as a little bit of a back story you get a flavour of a kind unhappiness that isn't down to things being wrong or doing wrong. I think it is Hilary who says the fan yao can describe very much how one feels, here it's 19.3. A sweet approach, something that looks good but isn't really available'.



19.3 isn't your answer of course 11.3 is those other hexagrams just give a flavour of the kind of thing that's happening in 11.3.


I think I'd say it is better if you move on. It's nice that you are ending well with one another as bad break ups cause so much more pain long term. But also think of yourself (this is me not Yi) If he is now and then stopping you moving on by reawakening hopes in you then that's not fair really. Have a something of a cynical eye on his behaviour. It could be he sort of wants to keep you there longing for him and so just gives you enough hope to hang on but he's not actually with you and that's no good.

With one line change that line is very central, you don't need to look much further. As I said I do find this is a line of consolation and so if you are being consoled I would think that means it is better for you to let this go. It might mean he returns but in my own experience this is consolation.

Re 19 copying how Hilary has linked 19 to this in wikiwing

19 zhi Hexagram 11: nearing's flow. Flow through, flow past, embrace and nourish yourself on the totality of experience. (Fan yao, 11.3)



I should point out that a week before this reading, I asked the I Ching if my broken relationship with my ex-boyfriend will lead to a romantic reunion this year. The result was 60.5 > 19. I think it's impressive that I have the same related hexagram in both readings.

60.5 is a lovely line where people manage to keep sweet boundaries. This certainly sounds like a very civilised relationship or a period where both of you are balanced and considerate of one another's boundaries. I don't know if it will lead to an actual reunion as 60 is to do with boundaries, limitations, rules.....it's funny that this answer is to do with reservation and circumspection where 11.3 just flows where it has to. Maybe you will come to some arrangement that works for both of you in a comfortable way, a way that suits you both. If you broke up because you had different expectations of the relationship then this is a good line for over coming those issues.



So on balance there seems a possibility you may get back but it could go either way as far as I can see.
 

Danimedlin97

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I don't think 11.3 is telling you if he will return or not. It is IMO a very broadly philosophical line about the ups and downs of life. Things that go up must come down and vice versa

I took this from wikiwing though it's not clear to me if it Brad writing








From Hilary

'There is no level ground without a slope,
No going out without a return.
Constancy in hardship is not a mistake.
Do not sorrow about its truth.
In eating and drinking there is blessing.'



The emphasis is different from the first translation for she says 'constancy in hardship is not a mistake' where the first one just says 'It is difficult to persist with no errors' which could be read a few ways.

Should you have in mind he will return or should you let go ? You get a philosophical answer that's more or less 'its how life is it goes up and down, don't be sad about it, making the most of things is a good idea, enjoy today for all it's worth'. I think 'constancy in hardship is not a mistake' would mean you persist in true and worthy behaviour even when it's tough. The first version 'it is difficult to persist with no errors' might mean if you persist there's naturally errors, that is you can't fix everything because life is like the rolling sea, up and down, so what we do doesn't always amount to much. It's telling you not to worry, not to look into the future, know that not everything is in your hands. 11 is called 'Flow' by Hilary which is better than 'Peace' because flow, the ongoing flow of life forwards is not always calm, can take us into storms as well as blue skies.

I tend to see this line as a line of consolation which I don't tend to find very comforting although I think it's meant to be. Looking at the line path

11.3
19.3 (fan yao
20.4 (paired line of of 19.3)
12.4 (paired line of 11.3)

If you just read those as a little bit of a back story you get a flavour of a kind unhappiness that isn't down to things being wrong or doing wrong. I think it is Hilary who says the fan yao can describe very much how one feels, here it's 19.3. A sweet approach, something that looks good but isn't really available'.



19.3 isn't your answer of course 11.3 is those other hexagrams just give a flavour of the kind of thing that's happening in 11.3.


I think I'd say it is better if you move on. It's nice that you are ending well with one another as bad break ups cause so much more pain long term. But also think of yourself (this is me not Yi) If he is now and then stopping you moving on by reawakening hopes in you then that's not fair really. Have a something of a cynical eye on his behaviour. It could be he sort of wants to keep you there longing for him and so just gives you enough hope to hang on but he's not actually with you and that's no good.

With one line change that line is very central, you don't need to look much further. As I said I do find this is a line of consolation and so if you are being consoled I would think that means it is better for you to let this go. It might mean he returns but in my own experience this is consolation.

Re 19 copying how Hilary has linked 19 to this in wikiwing







60.5 is a lovely line where people manage to keep sweet boundaries. This certainly sounds like a very civilised relationship or a period where both of you are balanced and considerate of one another's boundaries. I don't know if it will lead to an actual reunion as 60 is to do with boundaries, limitations, rules.....it's funny that this answer is to do with reservation and circumspection where 11.3 just flows where it has to. Maybe you will come to some arrangement that works for both of you in a comfortable way, a way that suits you both. If you broke up because you had different expectations of the relationship then this is a good line for over coming those issues.



So on balance there seems a possibility you may get back but it could go either way as far as I can see.

Thank you so much for your reply. It has indeed helped me a lot.

I also understood as I read my reading, that it is telling me to not focus on the future; that my strength is superior to any fate. I am glad that I understood that correctly.

I will then go with the flow. I don't feel like I am in the position to be taking any sort of actions rather than just focusing on myself.

Thanks again and I will be for sure posting if there is any update. :)
 

rosada

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It seems you have gotten the answers you were seeking here but I just wanted to add a few thoughts just for the general discussion and understanding of the hexagrams...

Sometimes it seems the IC gives us very specific advice for what to do and even predicts how the energies are going to play out. At other times it seems the IC gives us a snapshot of the current situation, perhaps because if we can clearly see how things are in the present we can for ourselves deduce what our next action should be. In this reading I believe you are given the image of how things are between you two now. That is 11.3 seems to be describing the apart - together - apart flow as you and your ex attempt to move forward. I think of how as children at the beach my sister and I would be out in the water in inner tubes and swells of the waves would lift us up sometimes moving us closer together and sometimes farther apart but of course always separate. Likewise it seems there is a friendly feeling between you but the flow is not necessarily pulling you together.

If you read all the lines of 11. Peace/Flow you see a progression from people being all entangled, undifferentiated from each other (11.1) to individualization with people separating from such close ties (11.2), realizing we can come together and separate as the moment decrees (11.3)., ultimately realizing we are on our own (11.4) but this allows us to not be swept off our feet but to consciously make partnership decisions (11.5) but in the end the lovely ride is over and we will wake up from the dream of soul mates (11.6).

The second hexagram, 19. Nearing, seems to also give a picture of how things are between you now - you seem to be "near" to reconciliation - but it seems to particularly warn that getting back together too soon - or even to assume this means you actually will get back together - would be a mistake.

So your question was "Shall I let it go or assume he will come back?" and I think you are being told the situation is you are gently separating, finding your right distance from each other neither too close nor too far apart. Sounds like a description of finding the right relationship with an ex you're still fond of rather than guidance for rebuilding a partnership. I vote you assume he will not be coming back and that you set your sights on finding someone not so wishy-washy (another image of the up and down waves of 11.3)!
 
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Danimedlin97

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It seems you have gotten the answers you were seeking here but I just wanted to add a few thoughts just for the general discussion and understanding of the hexagrams...

Sometimes it seems the IC gives us very specific advice for what to do and even predicts how the energies are going to play out. At other times it seems the IC gives us a snapshot of the current situation, perhaps because if we can clearly see how things are in the present we can for ourselves deduce what our next action should be. In this reading I believe you are given the image of how things are between you two now. That is 11.3 seems to be describing the apart - together - apart flow as you and your ex attempt to move forward. I think of how as children at the beach my sister and I would be out in the water in inner tubes and swells of the waves would lift us up sometimes moving us closer together and sometimes farther apart but of course always separate. Likewise it seems there is a friendly feeling between you but the flow is not necessarily pulling you together.

If you read all the lines of 11. Peace/Flow you see a progression from people being all entangled, undifferentiated from each other (11.1) to individualization with people separating from such close ties (11.2), realizing we can come together and separate as the moment decrees (11.3)., ultimately realizing we are on our own (11.4) but this allows us to not be swept off our feet but to consciously make partnership decisions (11.5) but in the end the lovely ride is over and we will wake up from the dream of soul mates (11.6).

The second hexagram, 19. Nearing, seems to also give a picture of how things are between you now - you seem to be "near" to reconciliation - but it seems to particularly warn that getting back together too soon - or even to assume this means you actually will get back together - would be a mistake.

So your question was "Shall I let it go or assume he will come back?" and I think you are being told the situation is you are gently separating, finding your right distance from each other neither too close nor too far apart. Sounds like a description of finding the right relationship with an ex you're still fond of rather than guidance for rebuilding a partnership. I vote you assume he will not be coming back and that you set your sights on finding someone not so wishy-washy (another image of the up and down waves of 11.3)
Thank you so much for this. What you wrote helped me understand more in depth what I read in the IC.

It makes more sense to me now, Hexagram 11. I think we are finding the right relationship rather than rebuilding a new one. I will definitely give this more thought and process everything. I understand now more and I feel more or less calm now that I understand the situation.

I appreciate all the help. Thank you once more!
 
D

diamanda

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Should I let go of him or should I trust my intuitive feeling that he will come back? (basically if I should let go or will he come back to me). I got 11.3 > 19
He will come back at some point, when he's 'hungry', but not for anything real or long-lasting. Really sorry to hear he keeps dangling a carrot for his future convenience. It's not fair that he leading you on to believe there's hope for anything more substantial (then again life is not fair in general).

if my broken relationship with my ex-boyfriend will lead to a romantic reunion this year. The result was 60.5 > 19
In a very limited way, there will be a bit of a 'sweet thing'. 19 however shows that it won't last.
 

Danimedlin97

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Should I let go of him or should I trust my intuitive feeling that he will come back? (basically if I should let go or will he come back to me). I got 11.3 > 19
He will come back at some point, when he's 'hungry', but not for anything real or long-lasting. Really sorry to hear he keeps dangling a carrot for his future convenience. It's not fair that he leading you on to believe there's hope for anything more substantial (then again life is not fair in general).

if my broken relationship with my ex-boyfriend will lead to a romantic reunion this year. The result was 60.5 > 19
In a very limited way, there will be a bit of a 'sweet thing'. 19 however shows that it won't last.
Thank you for your insight. I see that it's not looking as well obviously. I will update in anything.

Thanks again! :)
 

marybluesky

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Hello;

11.3 points to a return, but its type isn't clear: does it talk about the return of a loved-one, or rather about someone returning to her solitude?
Anyway, accept it as a fact of life. There is blessing in other things. Don't try too much to change it.
 

Danimedlin97

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"about someone returning to her solitude"

This really made me think. Thank you a lot for this answer, I am viewing it now from another angle I didn't yet see. Somehow I believe I am returning to my solitude. Even though it's not easy, this is the situation and I will have to accept and move on.

Thanks again, this really helps :)
 

Topher

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based on this interpretation and how I look at it. and how worked for me you do something to solve the problem by approaching someone(or it was how i tried) but you have to do it properly,usually doing something that worked before, if this person changes their mind they probably will come back, this is talking my example is when that someone is egocentric

when I got 60.5 I had to follow the advice of the line, being moderate to the situation, keeping things are the level things were acceptable enough for this person to listening me, in this case was offering her something. and trying to be very sensitive with the person but not getting closer than you could get. in my case she let me to talk to her but limitations were that this person wont let you approach to them closer after a period... they will keep you limited but allow you their contact

P.S I have gotten same hexagrams' line before but the relationship with this person is/was conflictive this person i talk about, she only cares mostly about being served, get attention for her emotions and get money.
 
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