should i stay or should i go?help asked!

[mirror]

hello fellow iching readers,

do you know the situation when you really love someone but it might not be possible?

my boyfriend is working hard to heal a lot of trauma, and so am I. we love each other, but touch each others pain and sometimes hurt each other deeply. we wonder if we should be with other, less hurt people. he asked me to make up my mind whether Im going to really be with him, now he feels as if I could leave him at any moment, which I have done before when he became aggressive( not physical , but pretty scary) I asked I ching to shine a light on the situation and got:


how is it for me when we stay together

34.6 changing to 1

and how is it for me if I leave him

15.6 changing to 52

34.6 could be me wanting to badly to rush things, (he always says I should be more patient

15.6 seems to be about learning from your mistakes, growing,

I would really love to get advice on this reading from more experienced Iching readers!





:bows:

 

[xuesongyu]

Hello friend:

I think the answer is very clear. But I cannot tell you my opinion directly, you should make a decision by yourself.

34.6: The goat butted against a fence, its horns get entangled. It is hard to go forward and hard also to retreat.

15.6: It is good for you to lead the troops to conquer other country.

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The Wisdom of I Ching: www.amazon.com/dp/B00P592KAY

 

[bostonian]

I agree with xuesongyu that the answer is clear and I will abide by his/her good advice not to make suggestions as to whether you should remain in the relationship or leave. You have to make that important decision yourself, and, of course, the I Ching's counsel should be only one of the factors you consider.

However, your questions were about how things will be for you in either case. I think the I Ching is saying -- and we didn't need the I Ching for this since the answer is obvious from your description of the situation -- if you stay you will need (and have to use) all your strength and will often be at loggerheads. In other words, there will be conflict that is very difficult to resolve. If you leave you will have the opportunity to practice humility and, as you say, patience, and might be able to use that humility and patience to achieve new things.

 

[rosada]

34.6 changes to 14. Possession in Great Measure (Not 1. The Creative.)
The goat entangled against a fence suggests your issues can not be resolved with fast action. Only gentle moves will lead to the auspicious 14. Possession in Great Measure, so I feel you are correct in interpreting your answer to mean pushing isn't helpful.

15.6 Modesty changing to 52. Keeping Still sounds to me like leaving the relationship at this time would cause you to feel you just shut it down when it might be better to speak up and see if there is some wiggle room for that entangled goat.

Altogether this reads to me that while there are no quick fixes, just ending the relationship seems unnecessarily harsh.

However, as he has some pretty serious issues and being "patient" doesn't sound like it's going to lead anywhere. Certainly if his issue is that you might leave him if he becomes abusive (duh!) you can't be promising him you won't. So if "Be patient" is the only solution he can give you than I think Modestly leaving is your only rational option.

Rosada

 

[mirror]

thank you all very much for your views. I have asked my boyfriend what he thinks can be his contribution to us having less fights. this way the responsibility is shared( it seemed to me like his question put all the responsibility on me) So lets see how we goats wiggle in this situation perhaps we learn some jumping tricks.
thanks for not giving me your straight opinions, it can be tempting to look for answers outside. I don't feel using the iching should be like that.
my dilemma is that sometimes we have to go through not ideal situations to learn/live. you're mind sees what is wise but your emotion(body) isn't there yet, does this makes sense? the alternative seems to be standstill( save, but lifeless)

 

[qafinaf]

The path of 15.6 to 52 does not have to be the path of closing down. In modesty, you withdraw and follow the way of earth. Line 6 sounds like turn your attention to your own attitudes and tensions; work to correct those alone, within your self. In the stillness and stability of 52 perhaps.

It may be that the same tensions will lead you to butt the hedge if you choose to stay. From the looks of these hexagrams, either way seems like a workable path; alone or together. But if you stay, be aware of an impulse to charge when maybe a firm steady mountain would be more helpful.