Should I wait for my mentally unstable ex? 35.1.5>25

[azagin]

Almost two months ago, my ex disappeared on me after saying that his mind is in a hundred places, that he has no explanation for how he's feeling, and that it'll take a while but he should eventually be back to normal.I sent him messages of encouragement after that but when I asked him if we could please talk, he blocked me everywhere. This, of course, has left me confused about everything. It is utterly insulting but at the same time there is a lingering thought that he might be very sick, and even though things didn't work out, I'd still like to end things peacefully.I am obviously very confused as I still have feelings for the person so I resorted to I ching. It just ended so abruptly that I have a hard time letting things go.Should I wait for him? 35.1.5>25Should I answer his old emails? 3.1.5>2Thanks in advance for everyone's insights.

 

[danadanadana]

Should I wait for him? 35.1.5
Hexagram 35, Progress or Advancement (in the work of resting in the right state of mind).
Line 1 - you have been blocked and are working on your issue in isolation. The oracle advises you to stay calm, do not be angry, and keep an open mind.
Line 5 - often states "remorse disappears", which, in your reading arises from line 1, which is also a changing line in your reading. So, the problem is cleared away, either the ex comes back and because you have followed the advice of line 1 you are able to welcome him back and your relationship is ready to proceed, or, your ex does not return but your mind is restored to peace just by virtue of your own mental development, and time allows you to move on peacefully with your life.
The transformed hexagram 5 speaks about waiting and letting time work the magic of changing perspective and/or circumstances.

 

[rosada]

Should I wait for him? 35.1.5 - 25.

Hexagram 25. Innocence follows 23. Splitting Apart and 24. Return so there is a feeling of returning to innocence after somehow having gotten off one's track.

So I think the I Ching is advising you to get back to your original innocence, that place where you were before you were in a relationship with this man, perhaps so you can then have a fresh start together or perhaps so that you can simply move forward with your life. either way the first step is to get clear all past agreements are off. 35.1.5 is telling you how to Progress to this place and I believe the lines are indicating that you don't have to make any dramatic announcement to him or anyone about your intentions - just move forward with your life.
So, should you wait for him? No.

Should you respond to old emails? Not sure what you are asking here. Respond in what way? Were there questions that need to be answered? Leading to Hexagram 2 suggests putting something to rest so if you feel you need to say something before moving on then I think "Yes" but if you are hoping answering an old email will spark renewed interest than I think "No" .

3.5 particularly emphasizes not trying to finalize things so if you do decide to contact him again I think you should avoid ultimatums but say something to the effect that the ball is now in his court.

 

[telesfora]

hi azagin, the same thing happened to me in a previous relationship. My boyfriend, usually an attentive person sent me a message saying he doesn't want to be in contact and he cannot give me any reason for that. He wouldn't reply to my mails. Two months later he contacted me and explained what happened. He had a really difficult time mentally and he was not able to be in contact with anybody. (Later on with medication his health, state of mind got much better by the way.) So I also think it's just better wait, he probably knows that you are supportive to him. I wish you the best.

 

[telesfora]

Just an update, by waiting I mean that it's better not to write, better give some space to somebody who doesn't want or cannot be in contact. I agree with Rosada in advising you to move forward with your life. I hope everything goes fine for you!

 

[azagin]

Thank you danadanadana, rosada and telesfora for your insights. I guess there is nothing for me to do but continue with my life and focus on me. I actually knew I shouldn't wait for him in the sense that I should not put my life on hold for him, but I think I phrased the question asking if I should hold on to the possibility of him speaking to me in the near future. Still, the hex makes a lot of sense.

I asked if there is any chance for reconciliation in the foreseeable future and I got hexagram 33.2.4.5>18 which seems to support my previous reading. I am fairly new to I ching so any more help would be great. For line 4, I understood that I should let go of any desire to contact him and call him out on his behavior. I did encounter the term "loving retreat". The best method is to probably go no contact indefinitely, no mails, no stalking, nothing, just remove myself from the situation. I think all the changing lines complement each other, but I am not sure how to interpret the transformed hex.

Danadanadana, the advice on line 1 is really helpful. I am clueless as to how things came to this as we had no disagreements, but I guess I should just take his word and remain calm, try not to be angry, and keep an open mind no matter how it turns out for me and him in the future.

Rosada, I've decided not to email him based on the readings. No matter what I say, I think he already knows that the ball is in his court. And you're right, I think it is pointless to make any grand announcements of moving on. Better do it quietly.

Telesfora, I was just wondering, how did your previous relationship end? I have so many things I want to tell and ask him but seeing as I have been blocked from all methods of communicating, I think it would not be good for me to be persistent with contacting him. We are long distance so seeing him is out of the question, but that might also help me a lot in moving forward.

 

[telesfora]

Hi Azagin, I understand so much this feeling that you need to clarify a lot of things.
In response to your question: before my boyfriend stopped the contact, I had doubts regarding our relationship. I felt that we may be good friends but we are not compatible as a couple. I did not know anything about his mental problems. So when he sent me the message saying he will disappear, I thought that he was leaving me and I thought he might had the same feeling about our incompatibility. I still wanted to know about him to understand the problem but he wouldn’t reply. My friends kept saying to me that he just needs space and his absence is not related to our relationship.
2 months later suddenly he invited me out for Valentine’s Day… It was very strange. He gave me some explanations but he didn’t tell me the real problem. After I told him I wanted to end the relationship and he took it in a good way. I think he was concentrating on his problems. We met from time to time though as friends and months later he really explained what mental issues he had. We are still friends (it happened 5 years ago) but I don’t want to have a too close contact with him, we write more than meeting in person. Of course this is my particular case.
I wish you the best. Take care!

 

[telesfora]

Sorry for the strange characters, I don t know why they appear sometimes.. anybody knows what I should do to avoid them? Thanks a lot.
I repaste what I wrote:

Hi Azagin, I understand so much this feeling that you need to clarify a lot of things.
Before my boyfriend stopped the contact, I had doubts regarding our relationship. I felt that we may be good friends but we are not compatible as a couple. I did not know anything about his mental problems. So when he sent me the message saying he will disappear, I thought that he was leaving me and I thought he might had the same feeling about our incompatibility. I still wanted to know about him to understand the problem but he wouldn t reply. My friends kept saying to me that he just needs space and his absence is not related to our relationship.
2 months later suddenly he invited me out for Valentine s Day… It was very strange. He gave me some explanations but he didn t tell me the real problem. After I told him I wanted to end the relationship and he took it in a good way. I think he was concentrating on his problems. We met from time to time though as friends and months later he really explained what mental issues he had. We are still friends (it happened 5 years ago) but I don t want to have a too close contact with him, we write more than meeting in person. Of course this is my particular case.
I wish you the best. Take care!

 

[azagin]

Hello telesfora, thank you for answering my question. I became very insecure after the blocking because I don't think I deserve it. I do know however that the issue is with him and not me. I don't know if I will ever hear from him again, it's so easy to just leave and fade out in a long distance relationship, but I do hope that I find peace of mind and eventually kindness inside me to forgive him for what has happened, no matter what his reason. Thank you for wishing me the best

 

[danadanadana]

Dear Azagin, I am pleased that I was able to give you a useful interpretation of your reading.

With regard to the new question you posed for the oracle: I asked if there is any chance for reconciliation in the foreseeable future and I got hexagram 33.2.4.5>18

Hexagram 33 speaks about dignified retreat with a focus on maintaining ones internal peace. Retreat is not a defeat, but rather a good strategy for personal strength and integrity. You did not initiate the separation, but your diginified retreat can protect your inner peace.
line 2 - your question, in itself, shows that you are not fully able to make a full and peaceful retreat probably for reasons of emotional attachment, but the oracle offers you support and strength to hold on to your inner peace in retreat.
line 4 - Your better self knows that you need to retreat fully from the subject, but you are reluctant because of your genuine linking for your friend.
line 5 - brings you, after much reflection and consultation, to a decision for your own well being. Not a reaction to your friends withdrawal, but you take control and make your own best path forward. What you decide to do is based on recent experience with your friend letting you down. Is this behavior that you want to be receiving from your close allies?

changing to hexagram 18, which speaks about repair. Your question fundamentally asks if the situation can be fixed, perhaps by the return of your friend? But if your friend does return you will not be able to just go back to before as if nothing happened. You may for instance, need an explanation, because you have been hurt by these events. Any return to the prior situation would require quite a lot of fixing.