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Should I want to stay in my little garden? * Ching gave me unchanged 3. But what?

Devajyoti

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So...
It gave me an unchanged one, numer 3. This is problems in the beginning. The problems have always been there and I just did not recognise them. I cannot see the problem. the situation is blocked. I have to set new priorities and only by such I can overcome. But I just dont understand... ;)(part of the problem ) What priorities?
How could I change. ... my question was:
Should I want to stay in the garden. Just about my motivation.


The story is like this...
I have been away 2 weeks and in between they made an appointment for me:
Otherwise I would be gone.

I spoke up because I was harrassed in the community by 2 men and behaviour of others was not what I want to tolerate as well.
No one listens or wants to act accordingly.

I had a feeling they knew I was in holiday..
and just used the fact so I could not respond

They accuse me of making trouble.
I dont think I made any of that.

Copy and paste of what I wrote to my beloved:

And the fact that I used horseapples, same as my neighbour. Which I then found out was not allowed.

garden was my first priority all the time. But maybe that has to change anyway. Thats not a place for a modern wwomen like me. I love my garden and all the work I did and am about to do, but... the neighbourhood is toxic. I got harrassed and I commplained without a proof. and thats what they say against me. as well that I useed horseapples for dung. As well did my neighbour. so.... we had a lot of misunderstanding recently. and especially one man is accusing me of whatever: I liked him. He hates me. Its kind of difficult to undertstand because there is no clue but it must have to do with some kind of trauma on his side. I try to be strong and ignore... So maybe I call my vipassanafriend thomas and ask his advice and I call lawyers. But I have often been pondering to give it up. on the other hand I did so great work and was close to perfection. on third hand there are other communities, more human and interesting... whatsoever. I might ask the ching.


IN case I have to rush out quickly I would rent another container for all the started artwork. I got extramoney today from government, like 600€, would be enough to rent a car which is big enough to drive me 200 km with all of it and even take out things out of my flat and get more space. so that would be a solution then. Maybe just go with the flow and no resistance. I think of Kali. the goddess which creates change, which makes sure you get losses where there is no good things around to be and do and to find a better environment.

my heart is with love and vipassana. So I as well want to get education and stuff... maybe all the work in garden would still be a hindrance.

but I am sad I cannot share it with my daughters in future. ... Its not through. I spoke against it. I was not home and could not get the letter.
So that women friend of mine will come with me... to put a letter in the box as proof, she is my witness. I only feared they might write me because I have not yet taken down the shed...

It would be a lost dream... but well, shit happens ( in every religion )
😉
I mean there is another reason why I should not have it. My energy will be in other places instead and that then would be good.

I have behaved like a little girl, complaining because I felt triggered. I just wantet to be free. Without anyone bothering me. So one lawyer I know, she is only about special cases and does not know but tell me just to do what I just did. Like tell them I was not there, I have proof and that it. Another appointment should be made and a talk be completed. Thomas always said I should not be so much in the head, just feel... ( you know, my special vipassana reminder )

well anyway I could decide against it. my artwork could be done somwhere else I hope. I will find a way. I cannot even ask your opinion cause you dont know much about it. Its better to be with good compaions. My female neighbour wantet to make me couple with that guy who hates me. She was always about partnership and marriage and I did not like it... Its just, well, I have a right to go into the workd and find on my own
*************

I just dont really understand and ponder what it is about with priorities.
I want that garden in order to be in nature.
I want it in order to do artwork
But I dont like the noise and the alcohol and all that, I dont like the loud talk and so on.
 

Devajyoti

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hte garden was mine since 13 years. it was often frustrating and hurting. Poeple dont really care about each other. Depends A women alone is seen as weak and if she is not thats a problem. I might be feeminine for you.. but I worked as hard as 3 men and a women, as I always said. I did overcome a lot of obstacles. But I always thought: I dont want to get old here. Its just nice to get near perfection. I want to be more successfull than I was before. I beterred the ground and the house and and and. And they let me all do this in order to have a better garden and then find this kindergardenshit. I dont know. Its not fair. number 3 talks about confusion , about not knowing where to go and new desires. I have to observe this. I must search advice. I need a lo of concentration. Its good to search for advice by friends and such people which work in an area which COULD be mine ( like lawyers, my joytish astrologer friend said I would be a brn lawyer, I think like one and i even love like one, what ever that means... ) I will need equanimity and endurance. growing into difficulties. I need new priorities.
 

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