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Sincere? 37 unchanging

tealight

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I got an email a while ago from a friend. In it he said some nice things, things that surprised me a bit as I just wouldn't expect him to say such things from knowing him, he's usually more reserved about things like this. There is more going in the situation maybe and various questions I have asked the IC that I'm still mulling over. But to summarize, they all point some to type of lessening, reduction, dispersion etc in our friendship, and any positive outcomes that are suggested, I get the impression could be years into the future which is pointless really to think about.

Anyway the question I asked just now, is to do with the sincerity of what he said in that email. Because if he was sincere then probably I am feeling that something is lost when it's not. So I asked the IC the question, and the answer: 37 unchanging.

I have gotten this answer before, in the past month, when asking about his thoughts in relation to me. The first time I got it, I misinterpreted it to mean closer friendship, whereas it might have been more accurate to interpret it as 'structure', people knowing their place, etc. The next time it came up it was as the resulting hex of 61.2.3.

Anyway, this is a different question, maybe someone could please tell me what it might mean in relation to sincerity? Thanks...
 

arabella

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I would find this reading very encouraging if I wanted to form a relationship with this person. This sounds like a secure "hearth and home" vibe he is putting out -- maybe has been reticent to be so forthcoming but felt more able to express this in an email. I don't want to go overboard, but this seems to be someone with a feeling of personal warmth toward you who is trying to get that across. At the least this is a kindly sort of resonance -- and beyond that maybe a sense of clan, of family, of closeness that comes in a very natural way.

With hexagram 37 I have found that I'm connected to somebody I can trust and in relaxed and relaxing company.
 

chingching

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37 is one of the hexagrams that specifically addresses communication, and in its case its in the image:

wind over fire, something energetic carried, moved, travelling.

wilhelm:
The image of THE FAMILY.Thus the superior man has substance in his words
And duration in his way of life.

In order to be capable of producing such an influence, one's words must have power, and this they can have only if they are based on something real, just as flame depends on its fuel Words have influence only when they are pertinent and clearly related to definite circumstances. General discourses and admonitions have no effect whatsoever. Furthermore, the words must be supported by one's entire conduct, just as the wind is made effective by am impression on others that they can adapt and conform to it. If words and conduct are not in accord and consistent, they will have no effect.

Words need to be support with actions, for the family to work. Also with 37 if there is a misunderstanding or an argument it needs to be overcome as in a 37 situation you have ties and commitment, this can be the construct of a literal family a chosen family a friendship or within oneself. So with that in mind I would say the reading highlights the reason why you are questioning his sincerity, there doesn't seem to be solid or enduring actions behind it. And if this relationship is the type where you wish to bind and commit then the communication needs to be sorted out, you may need to initiate the action to sort out any confusion, ask him, bring up the topic and discuss it.
 

cris

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Hex 37 sounds like a definite yes in response to your question. As chingching has quoted, the image of the hex refers to "substance" in words, so it appears that the message he sent you was grounded in facts.

All the best!
 

tealight

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Arabella said:
I would find this reading very encouraging if I wanted to form a relationship with this person. This sounds like a secure "hearth and home" vibe he is putting out -- maybe has been reticent to be so forthcoming but felt more able to express this in an email. I don't want to go overboard, but this seems to be someone with a feeling of personal warmth toward you who is trying to get that across. At the least this is a kindly sort of resonance -- and beyond that maybe a sense of clan, of family, of closeness that comes in a very natural way.
Not looking to form a relationship, at least not at this point, and for the future I really can't say. Or the way I look at it is that the most important thing in any event is that there's a basic friendship and trust and respect there. We haven't discussed any of this though. So I guess what it means is there's just impressions and reading between the lines whenever there's been doubt on either side. I think he has assumed, wrongly, that I think in the same one-dimensional way that he seems to, that friendship with someone of the opposite sex can only lead to one thing... Or I'm assuming that's the way he thinks, based on some comments and generalisations he sometimes throws in about women as a whole. Besides, we are both in our mid-30s, and it's obvious that he's too busy chasing girls who are barely in their 20s. I guess it's just the way things are and people can't help who they're attracted to. I do know that he has shared with me things that I'm pretty sure he would not share with these girls who he saves most of his charming side for. It seems in a way that he knows already that I'm there for him, so he doesn't have to try to impress me, although he does sometimes. Oh, I don't know, I guess I'm going around in circles a bit and over-thinking as usual. It's just very clear anyway that now, and the coming weeks and months will mean distance being best for both of us. He is a very sincere and honest person on the whole, but that last email threw me a bit because like I said, it was slightly out of character or something. But if it was sincere then it means that I should take a longer view of things than focusing on recent hurt and weird behaviour, and just get on with my life without him for a while.
With hexagram 37 I have found that I'm connected to somebody I can trust and in relaxed and relaxing company.
This statement rings true, despite anything I've just said above, there is some kind of bond there, that I can't really define, and don't even really want to define, it's just 'there' and was from the very beginning right down to how we met and started talking. Thanks Arabella for your interpretation.
 

arabella

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Apart from anything you can read in a YiChing casting, I think that email, skype, and instant messaging are some of the worst forms of communication in the world. Even on here at Clarity, I think it's very hard at times to avoid being mis-read. The written and spoken word are of such a completely different quality. Nothing beats in-person communication, a face, a real voice, body language, and a chance to bat ideas around -- and I'd hang very little credence around the "tone of voice" or "posture" in an email. From my experience there is no verifiable tone of voice to an email. For example, there is such an enormous variation in people's vocabulary and ability with writing you can't possibly be sure exactly what someone else is saying -- or why. And, you can end up defending yourself because someone doesn't understand the meaning of a word you used; or vice versa. One slip of the keyboard and a period becomes an exclamation point. In other words, I'd talk to him to clarify what you want to know. The reading would indicate you can talk to him. Don't jump to any conclusions.
 
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tealight

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chingching said:
Words need to be support with actions, for the family to work. Also with 37 if there is a misunderstanding or an argument it needs to be overcome as in a 37 situation you have ties and commitment, this can be the construct of a literal family a chosen family a friendship or within oneself. So with that in mind I would say the reading highlights the reason why you are questioning his sincerity, there doesn't seem to be solid or enduring actions behind it.
I am questioning the sincerity mainly because how it was left open-ended as to when we would resume contact again. We decided to take a break from communicating with each other for a while. That was only two weeks ago, and it's still early days, because I basically said take all the time you want. Then he wrote back saying these nice things and how he'd miss if ever I stopped writing to him, and other things too that I don't want to quote here. Really, I know I should just forget about him for a while, pretend like he doesn't exist for a while. But as I can't seem to do this, it would help me a bit to know that what he said meant something, and that all is not lost and I just have to see the situation as a change of season, and not as an ending. On the other hand, if he was not being sincere and he just said nice things out of guilt for being unfair towards me in a previous communication a few days earlier, then I would be better to just forget about him completely and cut all contact. I don't want to take this drastic step though. And I know that only time will tell whether he meant what he said or not. In reality though, things will still look the same for the next few weeks as there will be little or no contact. So I did not ask this question in order to decide a course of action, but rather just to look for insight one way or the other so I guess I can mentally prepare myself better for what the future holds.
And if this relationship is the type where you wish to bind and commit then the communication needs to be sorted out, you may need to initiate the action to sort out any confusion, ask him, bring up the topic and discuss it.
It's not the type where I'm going to want to bind or commit, but I imagine that I will contact him in a few weeks, if I don't hear from him. I just noticed in the Wilhelm that it says that the female in the situation should take action - whether that's intended to be taken that literally or not I don't know, but I guess it's encouraging and I'll keep it in mind.
 

tealight

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arabella said:
Nothing beats in-person communication, a face, a real voice, body language, and a chance to bat ideas around
I completely agree, and that's what I would prefer. And if this was how it was then the question of sincerity probably wouldn't even be there in the first place.
-- and I'd hang very little credence around the "tone of voice" or "posture" in an email. From my experience there is no verifiable tone of voice to an email.
I agree to an extent. But, if you communicate a lot with someone over time, there are certain things that you can pick up about a person, and things that become recognisable about them. A lot of personality does come across IME. Other things too, like sometimes it's almost like he can read my thoughts based on very little information, or there will be some other co-incidences. Little things usually that don't get mentioned, but that all add up somehow to create a mutual understanding. I guess it's hard to describe, but IME it's possible to actually have a certain intimacy in writing to someone.
In other words, I'd talk to him to clarify what you want to know. The reading would indicate you can talk to him. Don't jump to any conclusions.
I actually don't want to talk to him about it, at least not anytime soon, and nor am I jumping to conclusions. What I'm doing is keeping an open mind about it all. Even though it sometimes can be painful or uncomfortable to take this approach. And I guess that's where I'm at currently, but I don't want to force the situation or anything, because I know I'd regret it if I did.
 

chingching

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just wanted to add by bind and commit I don't mean marriage, I'm committed to my friends and family the most and 37 is more this realm than marriage or courtship.

words need action behind them, from both parties.
 

tealight

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just wanted to add by bind and commit I don't mean marriage, I'm committed to my friends and family the most and 37 is more this realm than marriage or courtship.
Oh I misunderstood that then, thought it meant like marriage etc.
words need action behind them, from both parties.
Yeah I'm not completely clear on what I want overall.. Other questions I've asked the oracle have advised me to keep still etc. And I go along with that for now, but that might change if other things do... I appreciate your wisdom though, what you say of course makes sense, and gives me pause for thought - doing nothing might not be the best thing to continue doing..
 

chingching

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well its not that keeping still, (did your readings include 52?) or doing nothing is any problem. And that is not central to hex 37. What is central is that if you are going to say things like 'we need a break from communication' then only say that if its truly necessary and 'true' for you. In other words saying something like that because its easier to not talk about deeper issues undermines the structure that keeps people together.

A business cannot not run successfully this way, and neither can a unit of people whose ties to each provide a foundation for becoming and living and loving and laughing.

so applying that to your particular situation, he needs to back up his nice words, you dont feel them as real, you need to back up your agreement to ease off communication (or maybe you dont? maybe you agreed to do that because you were trying to please him, do what you think he wanted?)

I think I'm confusing things here. A functional member of a company shows up to work everyday and on time. A friend returns phone calls etc. and interacts with you (to varying degrees of course). A brother helps you move your furniture.. etc etc. and for these example I mean functional! of course you can have a brother who never does anything, but here there is no unit then nothing solid to bind, not functional.

a family needs to talk to eachother, help each other, make sure every memember is getting their needs a smuch as possible.

I think I would like to call 37 the tribe, just because its so often these days that our blood families are not our soul families, or no the only one.
 

tealight

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What is central is that if you are going to say things like 'we need a break from communication' then only say that if its truly necessary and 'true' for you. In other words saying something like that because its easier to not talk about deeper issues undermines the structure that keeps people together.
I don't know. Again I will think on it, and may broach the subject with him when we get to talking again if it seems it needs to be discussed. There's a bigger picture than the little I have said here, so taking everything into account I am trying to do the right thing, for both of us, as I believe he is too...

you need to back up your agreement to ease off communication (or maybe you dont? maybe you agreed to do that because you were trying to please him, do what you think he wanted?)
Well yeah I suppose it was more a case of me respecting his wishes as it was his idea to take the break. But then from my point of view it made sense too because after the way he'd treated me earlier I realised I didn't have anything I wanted to say to him anyway, as I was still in some kind of shock, still am I suppose because he didn't explain himself clearly. There has been no communication since. But because he specifically said it was only going to be a break, I am not taking that email from him as wanting goodbye forever, although that thought did cross my mind and hence why I asked the question of this thread about the sincerity behind what was said. He also indicated that he'd be receptive if I did need to talk to him - in contradiction of taking a break, so I was wondering about that too or if it was just said to be polite or something.
We do play online games together everyday though, but without talking. So it's something at least.
 

tealight

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well its not that keeping still, (did your readings include 52?) or doing nothing is any problem.
Yeah it was 52.5 > 53. The question I asked was "What's the potential for us as friends(i.e. excluding possibility of relationship/partnership/whatever)?" This was a few days ago.

So it seems from my reading of it that I should proceed with caution in relation to him, and gradually resume contact later. I think I had in mind the long-term view when I asked that question, so with such emphasis on stillness and gradualness in that whole reading, I take it that it could mean over the course of years... But as I would like us to be friends long-term then I guess it's not saying anything bad..
 

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