Situation with good friend/partner

[quinnius]

My partner 'A' is considering moving out to her own place, possibly with friends... She has been nothing but good to me on the whole, and helped me run the place, and we have had some great times and adventures, she has been a great friend, I'm nervous about her moving out, but the truth is at times I've talked about wanting to be on my own, to be single, feeling crowded, that I've got stuff to work on with my music and myself... healing to do, and I haven't felt I can do it with a live in partner... she finally decided to call my bluff I guess, or let me be free... nothing is set in stone, but from that point I suddenly felt more affectionate and close toward her, and nervous about her leaving...Part of me feels its a good idea, and seems 'right'... but I can't help feeling like I could be making a huge mistake...but the acknowledgement of that feeling from her instantly made me feel less 'trapped'... I felt gratitude some how to her for being so understanding and not holding it against me... I'd been trying to squash those feelings down and had been getting terse and grumpy...

I got hexagram 64, before completion lines 2 and 4 and 5 changing to contemplation/view or 'seeing'..

In relation to this I have also had marrying maiden line 1 to retreat/deliverance..... I though perhaps this meant I should allow the relationship to become less intimate... to retreat from it? I asked the yi if this was correct and got grace line 5 to the family... which I don't understand...something about being something for somebody else? line 5... My offering is small, embarrasement... but sincerity is key...

Also I have recently caught up with somebody (briefly and at an inopportune time to speak fully) I had a messy relationship with many years ago... she is quite a bit younger than me and with whom I felt I was less than honourable, although she didn't seem to bear me any great deal of ill will and was even nice enough to give me a hug it brought up a lot of strong feelings of remorse and depression...

I could get in touch with her on line in and effort to "talk it out"... but would I be doing that just for me...? She could decide to "pay me out " a bit, and with the remorse I already feel that scares me... I'm not very strong at the moment... or not wish to be contacted... I've thrown the coins on this many times in an effort to process it...

getting influence to without entanglement... revolution 1 and 6 to retreat, and coming to meet... but also progress -- perhaps the empty city kind though? in relation to this I've also had hex 1 the creative lines 2,3, and 6 (ouch) moving to limitation....

I thought this pointed to leaving things be... approached the ching saying "If best not then? HOw can I best move on / heal..?"

I received approach lines 2 4 and 5, changing to increase...

Meet with others, teach/study/ protect etc.

Some where in there is a strange line about "in extraordinary times the sage may choose to approach others... I don't consider myself a sage but does this mean to consider becoming more a part of public life? (friends--> music etc)

Does anyone think I'm reading this right or have anything to add?

Sorry for the deluge... I'm a little mixed (down tearful etc) up lately... any help greatly appreciated... I think the revolution hexagram I've been getting lately is about its time for me to change, fully and without reservation...revolution could also be asying you need to change the way your looking at this... I don't know..

 

[quinnius]

Regards all of this musing... I tried the new on line ching here... and recieved this..a recurring theme for me lately... but one that has been tending to intimate a change to better 'flow'


Hexagram 12, Blocked



Key Questions

What work can you do when nothing is working?
Who are you when no-one is noticing?

Oracle

‘Blocking it, non-people.
Noble one’s constancy bears no fruit.
Great goes, small comes.’

Nothing moves or grows, communication doesn’t happen, everything is negated and blocked – and this is because of ‘non-people’. That may mean that some people are a consistently, exclusively and pathologically negative influence and sabotage all attempts at progress. It can also refer to perceiving someone as not quite a real person, explaining their behaviour with labels and stereotypes rather than seeking to understand. In both cases, there is a complete failure of empathy. This means that your very best and strongest efforts come to nothing. You can have a soaring imaginative concept of the creative possibilities here; you can have the will to be true to that concept and carry it through. You’re not doing anything wrong; the problem is that these creative possibilities are just not available when things are Blocked. Small concerns dominate. The adaptive response is not to strive constantly to rise to a higher level, but to focus your attention on the small details – the immediate, uninspiring reality.

Image

‘Heaven and earth do not interact: Blocked.
A noble one uses his strengths sparingly to avoid hardship.
He does not allow himself honours and payment.’

Sequence

Blocked follows from Hexagram 11, Flow:
‘Things cannot end with flowing together, and so Blocked follows.’

Changing Lines

Line 4

‘There is a mandate, no mistake.
Work with clarity, fulfilment.’


Hexagram 20, Seeing



Key Questions

When you stop searching, what comes into view?
If you had no preconceptions, what might you see?

Oracle

‘Seeing. Washing hands, and not making the offering.
There is truth and confidence like a presence.’

To see is not to focus on some specific thing, but to witness everything that comes into view, with open awareness like a heron seeing a lake.

In the ritual, the everyday world is washed off – and then there is a breathless pause. It is not yet time to make the offering, but only to watch for what comes, ‘like a presence’, into the space. In ordinary life, also, you can pause before falling automatically into the next step of the process, and see what is present before you respond. Into this space between actions comes truth, its presence as unmistakable as a great person’s aura. You need only watch for it as it comes.

Image

‘Wind moves over the earth: Seeing.
The ancient kings studied the regions,
Saw the people,
And established their teachings.’

Sequence

Seeing follows from Hexagram 19, Nearing:
‘What is great allows Seeing.’

 

[quinnius]

I do feel blocked... and have done for a long time on and off... i hope I can finally move on some how...

 

[meganj]

OMG this is exactly like my situation with my bf.
How much time do you two spend together?
Me and my partner handled the situation the same way.
I moved in with him last July (or June..?) and by focusing on school so much we don't go anywhere, so we spend alot of time together. And at times I get very frustrated and grumpy with him, don't get me wrong we are also "great friends" but there are times I believe where you just want to be alone; a bit like the wolf (they like to be around others, but can also do well just by themselves). I send him off to hang out with the guys every once in awhile when we have a night off for a date, not only is it good for him but me too (even though that leads to taking me or granted after awhile, (I haven't been out on a date in forever!)).

Btw next time just write down the number of the main hexagram instead of giving the names.. makes things much easier.

54.1 - I think shows her devotion to you. She loves you? Then she will do as you wish because of that.
>33 - that's just you retreating from her.

22.5 - Grace in hills and gardens.
The roll of silk is meager and small.
Humiliation, but in the end good fortune.

A man withdraws from contact with people of the lowlands, who seek nothing but magnificence and luxury, into the solitude of the heights. There he finds an individual to look up to, whom he would like to have as a friend. But the gifts he has to offer are poor and few, so that he feels ashamed. However, it is not the material gifts that count, but sincerity of feeling, and so all goes well in the end.

This talks about her giving you your space and time apart, this is her sacrifice for you. She's sincere about it tho.

Remember 22 is about appearance, are you doing this to achieve something on the surface?

You feel guilty for something that happened with the ex, why? You have to ask yourself these things. Forgive yourself. I say don't bring it up whatever it is, the past is the past, people try to get over that stuff believe it or not. You can make it up to her now by being polite and nice whenever you see her.

I don't have much time right now to go through the rest, when I get back from my appntmnt I will take another gander.

 

[meganj]

Okay the thing with the ex, I suggest not taking up the past again with her.
Why anyways? If she brings it up, then maybe but otherwise no, she's probably moved on from it, as time goes by people forgive and change viewpoint.

(BTW i'm amazed i'm remembering the names of the hexagrams and numbers, amazing! )
Hex 49.1.6>33
1-Changes ought to be undertaken only when there is nothing else to be done. Therefore at first the utmost restraint is necessary. One must become firm in one’s mind, control oneself – yellow is the color of the mean, and the cow is the symbol of docility – and refrain from doing anything for the time being, because any premature offensive will bring evil results.

There ya go apply that to your situation and what does that say to you?


6-After the large and fundamental problems are settled, certain minor reforms, and elaborations of these, are necessary. These detailed reforms may be likened to the equally distinct but relatively small marks of the panther’s coat. As a consequence, a change also takes place among the inferior people. In conformity with a new order, they likewise “molt.” This molting, it is true, does not go very deep, but that is not to be expected. We must be satisfied with the attainable. If we should go too far and try to achieve too much, it would lead to unrest and misfortune. For the object of a great revolution is the attainment of clarified, secure conditions ensuring a general stabilization on the basis of what is possible at the moment.

umm perhaps all that is saying, don't try and force change because the results may not be what you had in mind.
Maybe... Retreat from trying to force change!

Hex 19-41 I see as approaching others with the same interests as yourself. Make yourself busy with your music, surround yourself with friends and like-minded people.

That's how you move on.

Goodluck man!!

 

[quinnius]

Hey thanks for your time and interpretation... it looks like she will move out but it has been hard on the both of us emotionally... having said that she's just around the corner and I think maybe it will be better for her too in terms of her studies.... We never seem to do our work and just hang out with each other a lot... although theoretically we should just be able to say.. hey I'm doing this now.... but there is always some distraction or other...

I've only screamed through your reply... i'll come back and read them properly... Right now I'm being hammered with questions about what to do for dinner over the next two nights by hers truly....!
; )
Q