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small taming changing to the gentle (me and L.)

rosejayada

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My first time posting here :)

My question was open ended regarding a relationship, and I got 9.1 to 57. This person and I have been seeing each other for about six months, and he was courting me for several months before that. We've been through some ups and downs, and recently I took a break from the relationship, because it was starting to feel very co-dependent. He's contacted me, and we're sort of hesitantly engaging, but it feels very weird. I can't tell what it is he wants, but I feel very sure I should not instigate anything, just respond as seems appropriate for me. I've received both these hexagrams in regard to the relationship a couple of times before. But the changing line seems to indicate that my way of handling this is correct

Insights?

thanks!
 
D

diamanda

Guest
Hi rosejayada,

My question was open ended regarding a relationship, and I got 9.1 > 57

There doesn't seem to be any real and substantial interaction between you.
9.1 shows a person doing their own thing, e.g. their own hobbies, their own way of life.
What it is he wants, well, ahem, 57 being called penetration among other things, might be a clue.
Maybe the fact that you withdrew, doing your own stuff for now, is attracting him back to you.
57 also shows persistence, so I bet your story with this guy is not over just yet.
 
F

Freedda

Guest
With the Venn diagram of affairs of the heart, one circle might represent our desire for merging, for one-ness; the other circle could be the very real and necessary need to have others keep their darn mitts off of our being and our hearts! The area where these two circles overlap is where we'll find the challenge and beauty of relationships.

The various handles or names for Hexagram 9 include: Small Taming, Raising Small Beasts, Using what is Small, The Taming Power of the Small, etc.

The Judgement says: "The Taming Power of the Small has success, dense clouds, no rain from our western region." (Wilhelm)​

This brings to mind a newly-plowed field -- it has been tended and the seeds planted. Now the farmer sees clouds forming in the western sky, and is anxiously waiting for rain, but the time has not quite come for that next step.

Perhaps this describes the present state of your relationship -- you've made some investment in it ("you" being both of you), some seeds of commitment and attraction have been planted, but the next step hasn't yet happened. I would suggest that this may not necessarily be a deficiency on anyone's part, no one's fault -- but maybe you're just not "there" yet.

This might be the time in a relationship where you start asking things like, "where is this relationship going?" or "I wonder what (he/she) is feeling about the relationship?" or you say things like "I'm going to let (he/she) make the next move."

So, what to do?

I think this hexagram is pointing to tending to the 'small' things that matter to us: our home, interests, friends, family, etc. Small doesn't mean insignificant, only that which is close to us, within our sphere. It also does not mean that you have to abandon the "relationship field" you've already planted -- in fact, you want to make sure the seeds don't get trampled, or eaten. or blown away -- at least until you find out whether the rains are coming your way and will nourish your field!

Line 9.1 is "Return to the (your) way. How could there be blame in this? Good fortune."​

As a general rule, we all stray from our own paths. It's one way we come to know our world. But the advice here -- which seems to go along with (surprise, surprise) the "small taming" mean of Hexagram 9 -- is to return to your own path as a way of moving forward. It implies that you haven't gone too far astray, or can't course correct, or find your way back; only that you probably want to find a good place, your place, (a warm, cozy, home with a good book and friendly meal?) to await the approaching rain clouds.

It implies too that it is you returning to your path; and to make sure you're not instead saying, "okay, now it's time for you (the other) to return to my path." They quite simply can't do that, nor would you want them to (though it sometimes seems tempting).

And if the rains don't come and the relationship doesn't mature? That could be painful, but at least you have a path and a home to return to.

The relating Hexagram 57: Subtly (or Gently) Penetrating, Adaptation, The Gentle -- might give some sense of how to approach all this: not with brute force, but as a gentle wind penetrates into all areas. Whatever issues you're facing, or questions that need asking, you should face them and ask them (and not avoid them) -- but you don't need to take a sledge hammer to them either.

Regards, David.
 
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