Sobriety and intimacy Hex 39.5>15

[goddessliss]

Hi to all and thks for helping out here

I have a male friend who has just done 6 months in rehab for substance abuse and has actually almost been 'dry' for 12 months

He has started an intimate relationship with a lovely women, although it is very new, his first relationship with someone who is not an 'addict' of any sort.

However, he still spends time with one woman who he met in rehab. He had an intimate relationship with her but ended it when he realised she was still drinking but they remained friends and it is obvious it makes him very happy to spend time with her.

Please show me a picture of G being intimately involved with another woman(other than this new lovely woman)

Hex 39.5.>15

Is it really only him helping her to overcome her obstacles to 'drying' out.

What is G hoping to gain by helping his 'rehab' friend

Hex 35.4>23

9 at 4: Advancing like a five-skills-squirrel. Determination danger.
Knowing a lot of things, but all just a little. Doing many things but not finishing one. Then there will never be any advance. Everything – a thing, a relation, your life – needs completion. A half-built house is no house, a half-lived life is no life.

Interesting - as his friend I recognise he lives half in his new way of life and half in his old way of life, he only seems to be having half a relationship with this new lovely woman, he has half a house built and he has a lot of other things half finished!
Hmmm....but what does this mean in this context - what is he hoping to gain?

A couple of hours since I posted this thread and I have been talking to the lovely woman G has been seeing and she told me she gets a bit about confused about his behaviour and I wonder if she is wasting her time with him.

How would it benefit L to pursue this relationship with G

Hex 18.3>4 aha Ancestral father's corruption G blames his father for a lot of his psychological problems and I guess he is trying to fix them but rehabilitation but how does this answer the question.

thks
Melissa

 

[dancing white ferret]

I can certainly understand your concern for your friend. It is always hard to break away from substance abuse, and certainly complicates things when it is a factor in a relationship. I've known a lot of ex alcoholics/substance abusers in my time, and it is a very difficult affliction to have. Usually they are very careful about associating with anyone who still has a problem on the advice of their counselors. I'm not sure what these hexagrams mean here. Could be a lot of things. It would be hard to say, I think, without Gs input. Have you tried talking to G about this? Perhaps he could just tell you the answers, or, if he is familiar with IC, maybe give you the insight needed to interpret this. I've never had much luck asking about other people in the IC or cards or anything. I've just ended up speculating a lot, and I always end up with more questions than answers. So many possibilities, no way to confirm an answer . Made assumptions that turned out to be incorrect . Then, there is the whole privacy thing too, which I've been scolded for by my cards on numerous occassions. I don't know if IC does this, but that is the other concern. Might just be giving you a message, right? It's only natural to try to get answers this way about other people when you get such great info about your own life. And personally, I'm kind of nosy, but I've just found this approach to getting answers about other people to be very frustrating and time consuming. Then, wish I spent the time differently. So I don't do it anymore. Perhaps one of the more experienced members can help you, but I would just be guessing. Just wanted to let you know I read your post and give you this info at least.

 

[goddessliss]

Thankyou for taking the time to read and answer DWF - good point - guess I just worry too much about everyone. G is a great guy and I would hate to see him hurt but I also worry about him hurting others having been married to a substance abuser for 18 years.
My exhusband hurt me and my children very much but I don't think it was intentional but just because he was a substance abuser. Unfortunately he still is. LIss

 

[dancing white ferret]

Yes, I understand. Have dealt with it myself. Both the drug addict thing and problem with IC questions. I would be concerned as well. I know ex addicts are supposed to be very careful in their associations. But it is just too hard to figure out something that specific with IC for someone else. Perhaps a simpler question would give you the information you need though! I've done these kinds of readings over the years, and even when I would be able to glean something from them, I would be disappointed with the information. Would sometimes be useless to me, and then I would ask more. Like finding a needle in the haystack with all these questions . Which one is the right one? In the end, I would always have to ask, "What can I do to blank?" or "How can I best support X?" or "How can I get X to talk to me about such and such?" and would get way better info as well. Sometimes would imply the answer to what I originally asked where, with the direct question, I would be lost! However, I would not jump to conclusions about anything... Imply is the operative word here. In your case, you might want to ask "How should I talk to G about his alcoholic female friend?" The trick is, I have found, to include your influence in the question, or your relationship. Even plain old "What do I need to see about G's relationship with X?" or "What do I need to see about G?" It works well for me because I am not asking for specifics. I am not asking for the whole picture. I am just saying, "IC, I trust your judgement, show me what I need to see," and, "what should I do?" Keep it simple. Ask yourself, what is it you really want to know? Why do you want the information? Get to the root of what you are looking for. Then, ask your question. This process helps me immensely, and makes the questions and answers so much more relevant. At least for me it does. I hope this helps you. And your friend .