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Hepzibah

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I visited son this morning after a dream. It was my first time visiting . He is 23 and trying to make his way from home. I pay the rent . The visit didn’t go all that well. I am sitting here in a cafe unsure what to do . I feel it’s best to do nothing although he is my every waking thought. I was so surprised at the beautiful house he is renting in and the landlady was lovely . I asked yi how to be with son from here on in and 52.4 to 56. I take this to mean still myself , do absolutely nothing . Would really appreciate insights..
 
B

becalm

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I feel ypur pain Hepzibaah. The love we have for our children is not the same love they have for us. The reading suggests to calm your Heart and allow things to be as they are.
 
F

Freedda

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Hepzibah, your reading reminded me of a poem from Richard Brautigan:

Karma Repair Kit: Items 1-4
1. Get enough food to eat,
and eat it.

2. Find a place to sleep where it is quiet,
and sleep there.

3. Reduce intellectual and emotional noise
until you arrive at the silence of yourself,
and listen to it.

4.

Some names for Hex. 52 are 'Stillness' and 'A Wider View'.

I think the advice about stillness you might already have a good grasp of. The idea of a 'wider view' may be adding to this, implying that by being still you can gain some perspective on your relationship with your son. And since we're always being pulled away from stillness (thinking that we need to do or be something in order to address our situation), Line 52.4 is reminder that being still is 'not a mistake' and is what is needed right now.

But of course the Yi always loves to throw a wrench into the works - it can't just advise you to be still, but then adds the related 56 - The Wander into the mix!

Some other names for 56 are 'Straying from One's Element' and 'Search(ing) for a New Reality.' Which might suggest that your visit with your son has opened up new feelings and emotions that are a bit outside of your norm, and now you're trying to make this visit a part of your life.

I'd suggest then that the Stillness you undertake not be closed or still(ted), but instead that you make a space in your Stillness to explore these thoughts, feelings, and emotions - that you use it as a way of looking for clarity, to explore relationship, and possibly as a spring-board for transformation.

Best, David
 

Hepzibah

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Thank you both so much . I am heart broken at the change that is happening . For so long he was unable to leave home and I really thought he would never be able to step out on his own . Today I saw that he has left and I am desolate . Keto remembering him when he was born and the untold joy he brought With him X and I wonder did u do enough for him because from the age of 12 things were very difficult for him .. am finding comfort in your words
 

moss elk

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Hi Hepzibah,

I am the father of a twenty year old
and remember how much becoming a parent changed my life. It was a whole new reality, and frightening! There was suddenly this fragile precious little baby who needed to be provided for and protected.

After a few years, she didn't need me to carry her around everywhere and she learned to speak, so I found myself in the new role of teaching her to be aware of danger. (the stove is hot!, look before crossing the street, yell for help when you need it...)
The teen years came and then my old roles and ways didn't work: She didn't need me to carry her around and she was aware of dangers. (gosh dad, I already know that!) So, I found that I had to adopt a new role: one where I had to hold her accountable for her actions, and forgive her often, and still be there as an unwavering rock that she could always go to. (what a balancing act!)

When I look back at each stage, I see that there was a Stilling that had to occur. I had to stop being her horse, stop being her panic alarm. When I was still, I found the new ways to relate and adopted them, new roles for me to assume. But each role had to stop. Don't be afraid of stopping a role, because when you stop and examine your own self you'll realize that each role you had to play for him was done as the way to express love. In stillness you will remember the reason that you adopted every role for him that you did. And you'll know that the new role to embrace is the one that allows for you to continue expressing love. I mean, that's why you've done everything for him, right? Calm yourself and what you need to do next will reveal itself.

My daughter is both gentle and fierce.
(I call her tigermouse)
When she was four years old, I was with her and a friend walking in a park. About fifty feet from us, a mother slapped her three year old child very hard in the face. Before the echo of the slap, and my own shock subsided, my four year old was running full speed and yelled at the mother, "No, No, No! that's not nice! You shouldn't hit her!" The mothers face turned red with embarrassment, and she quickly walked away. My friend and I stood in awe of this child, and the way things work out.
Things work out.
 
W

weaver

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I think 'Don't be afraid of stopping a role' is beautiful, Moss Elk. I'd add that 52.4>56 to me says that now that your son has moved out, when you go to see him you are the guest or traveller (56) and that it befits you therefore to be polite and see him now as an independent person, another republic if you like. He's no longer a dependent.
 

Hepzibah

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Dear Becalm Freedda Weaver and MossElk thank you all so much for interacting with Yi for me and offering me many words of comfort and wisdom. I connected with each of your and your guidance . Holding still , letting things be , stopping a role and stilling my heart , appreciating my son and being so grateful for all the stages ..a week has passed and it’s funny how time really does heal and bring peace. I’ve always found it hard to let things to but once I make the transition am generally good xxxxx
 

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