Stay or leave?: Hex 24 and Hex 29 both unchanging

[myladythunder]

Hello everybody

Since the last couple of months I have been returning this website almost daily, leafing through its pages and experiencing a very playfull and creative learning process. I don't often feel the need to share my personal ups and downs with others, not in real life or online, but this fascinating website has provided me with great insights and changed my perspective about online communities.

I consulted the Yi Jing this morning about my relationship. We started dating almost a year ago and after 2 weeks he moved in with me. We love each other very much, but living together has been a real trial for me at times. It seems as if all the responsibility falls on my shoulderds and sometimes it's just to much for me to bear. He comes from a very warm nest where everything was taken care of for him. So this is his first time living alone and oftentimes i feel he's just a boy in a man's body. That's cute, but in harder times it's just plain childish. We're about the same age but I have been living alone or over 10 years now. Sometimes I feel myself being pushed in a 'motherly' role and I don't like that at all! I don't want to end our relationship just like that, but I need some answers.

So i asked the Yi 2 questions;
a) What will happen if i keep investing in this realtionship?
Yi says: Hex 24 unchanging
b) What will happen if i end our relationship?
Yi says: 29 unchanging

The Yi seems to imply for me to have some faith, talk about it to him and give him a chance, and that ending the relationship would be like jumping into danger?

Any insights or advice would be very much appreciated!

Love

Myladythunder

 

[gato]

m'lady,

24 is a turning point . something will reverse.
29 is bad...lots of troubles or decrease, pit, obstacles

 

[willowfox]

So i asked the Yi 2 questions;
a) What will happen if i keep investing in this relationship?
Yi says: Hex 24 unchanging

This to me says no. After a year, nothing has changed in his behaviour, so will another year make any difference? This suggests a return to a way of life that you had before you met this guy, a return to simplicity, therefore a need to stop investing in a relationship that is not growing.

b) What will happen if i end our relationship?
Yi says: 29 unchanging

Hex 29 is not bad, just difficult as its quite a decision to take but if you believe that you are leaving for the right reasons then go ahead, as you need to look out for yourself in this matter, to protect your own interests. Living with a dependent person can be and will be extremely tiring.

 

[gato]

i think wf is a bit optimistic and a positive thinking enthusiast. but will not help much with 29. i personally get shivers when i see it

 

[willowfox]

i think wf is a bit optimistic and a positive thinking enthusiast. but will not help much with 29. i personally get shivers when i see it

No, she is only asking about leaving, not escaping from a top security prison where the guards will shoot you on sight.

After a year of living with someone, its quite a frightening prospect to have to go out and fend for oneself again, but Hex 29 says that with determination she will not only survive but live to tell the tale to others.

 

[gato]

of course she will survive( with some help from Gloria Gaynor ), no doubt about it . but is the Abyss not Possession In Great Measures or Abundance.

 

[willowfox]

of course she will survive( with some help from Gloria Gaynor ), no doubt about it . but is the Abyss not Possession In Great Measures or Abundance.

She is only asking for advice about walking away from this guy, not climbing the Grand Canyon or investing in the stock market.

There is nothing strange or sinister in this reading, and Hex 29 bodes well for her if she is willing to take a leap of faith and move out. The only real bad bit will be when she has to tell him that the relationship is over, because she is fed with being his mother, which she will always be if she remains.

 

[danadanadana]

grass is greener

I would say that 24 implies that there is an opportunity to renew the relationship if she chooses to make that effort and stay, in other words staying will require a "new start".

29, leaving, this might be riskier and more difficult than she anticipates. The grass is always greener...

 

[gato]

On a second thought i think Wf is right. M'lady, do NOT invest in your relationship because is a great chance that everything will return to normal. jump into abyss instead

 

[willowfox]

I would say that 24 implies that there is an opportunity to renew the relationship if she chooses to make that effort and stay, in other words staying will require a "new start".

29, leaving, this might be riskier and more difficult than she anticipates. The grass is always greener...

The problem is the guy who needs to make some significant changes in his behaviour, so if she stays can she get him to change, because after 12 months his behaviour is still seems inappropriate for a serious relationship.

How can leaving be riskier than staying? Its not about being greener out in the jungle but being saddled with a "boy" when she was hoping for a man.

 

[willowfox]

On a second thought i think Wf is right. M'lady, do NOT invest in your relationship because is a great chance that everything will return to normal. jump into abyss instead

Lets not resort to silly remarks please.

 

[gato]

silly remark ??!!!?? which one of the two?

p.s. come to moderation

 

[willowfox]

silly remark ??!!!?? which one of the two?

p.s. come to moderation

I have no time to play silly games today, Stop!

 

[gato]

I have no time to play silly games today

you are right again . m'lady, is silly to jump into abyss return to your relation instead

 

[myladythunder]

Thanks so much, Willowfox, Danadanadana and Gato!

When I was reading through your advice and the friendly discussion that followed after I had to laugh and cry at the same time. It's silly I know, but even if you were discussing my own 'misery' it was still amusing to read. But don't worry Gato, my life up until now has not exactly been a walk in the park, and if I have to jump into another chasm than that is what I will do. It would not be the first one and it will certainly not be the last one I'm not the type to loose faith or give up without a fight.

Still, I really want to go about this with the utmost respect for my partner and myself and I do not plan on taking a decision over night. You see, usually when I have to make 'big' decisions in my life I tend to go with my gut feeling. However, this rather impulsive part of my personality often times gets me into trouble, and for some of those troubles I am still paying the price. I also asked the advice of my closest family and friends. They gave me a bit of a chock, because they all told me to just blow him of. As I am writing this right now I realise this should not come as such a big surprise to me, non of my friends or family ever really accepted him I guess...

Yesterday, I wrote him a letter in which I asked him with all of my heart to change right now, that I have waited long enough. If that doesn't happen, he will soon have to go live at his parents house again. Let's just say he didn't take the news very well. He completely 'shutted down'. It's what he does when he can't cope with a situation. He crawls back into his shell and any attempt to communicate is futile. Really, i'm not yet a mother, but I feel like one when he gets like that.

He will be away the coming weekend and I think that's probably for the best right now. Maybe after the weekend, when things have settled down for a bit we can talk this through, together. I'm still hoping he will open up to me and just maybe we can save what we have together. If not, I will let him go with all my love.

I want to thank all of you so much! It might sound a bit cheesy, but it warms my heart to share my insights with other people and get such an honest, straight forward advice. It means some extra strenght for me in these uncertain times

I'll keep you posted about the progress of this situation,

All my love

M'lady Thunder