still struggling 6>41

[oceangirl]

Further to this thread (unfortunately) https://www.onlineclarity.co.uk/friends/showthread.php?24077-speaking-the-truth-46-gt-48/page2

The boss has returned so that's a good thing but unfortunately the animosity around this situation has not.
For me if someone has done the wrong thing by me but has shown no accountability nor apologised I just can't be friendly towards them....it doesn't mean I'm horrible to them, it just means I want nothing to do with them unless I have to.

This woman wants to be friendly towards me as if nothing has happened and is now trying to cause more trouble for me because I'm not returning the favour.

My boss has asked me to meet with her on the pretense of another issue she wants to discuss with me....why people think you can't see through their rouse is beyond my comprehension but anyway...

Please show me the best thing to do for myself re this situation

6.1.4.5>41

Hex 41 curb anger and restrains desire - yes I'm doing that by not being outwardly angry, except not being friendly toward her, and my desire to speak up about the truth (as I see it). Well actually I don't feel angry anymore but I do feel frustrated she just won't let it go. It looks like I won't let it go because I'm being 'unfriendly' but as far as I'm concerned it's been done and dusted - move on.

Hex 6 - no point in arguing because I just can't win this one

Line 1 says my attitude is not working but if I'm pleasant (small words) things will be fortunate
Line 4 things will change better for me if I just change my attitude

However
Line 6 says arguing the case will bring me good fortune and resolution

I know Trojina will say I'm using a lot of energy in terms of this but honestly if she'd just go about her business and ignore me there's no energy expended but unfortunately she's not letting 'sleeping dogs lie'.
Yesterday we had a staff meeting, which is the norm once a fortnight, and she fell flat on her face twice with her suggestions but noone said a word, however if one of us looks at fault about the slightest thing she's all over it being as derogatory as she can get away with.
Trojina also said something along the line of people like this usually losing their job pretty fast because of their behaviour so perhaps that could happen here.
I spoke to one of my supportive workmates and she's suggested I just be friendly and co-operate and then all be well.....I do find that hard.

Any suggestions on how to do that when you have a very bitter taste in your mouth, please let me know.

thanks

As per usual after I've posted my thread I can see where my fault lay so I've done another reading looking for how I can honestly look to self sort this out....

Please show me the way to bring positive favour to myself at work

28.4.5>46

Lots of pressure - I have a looooot of that overall in my life and I guess somewhere it breaks.

Show me where I can release this pressure

7.1.2.3>36

Let go of the wounds Hex 36 that I'm allowing to rule my life and get some discipline happening Hex 7.

 

[oceangirl]

Just hours after posting this things came to a head but fortunately I had got some great clarity on how to handle myself from now on.
So the first reading 6>41 - whilst I didn't have to actually 'argue' my case Line 6 I was confronted with having to have a meeting with the woman and the biggest boss with less than 3 hours notice. I was able to explain my apparent negative behaviour Line 1 by 'small words' and Line 4 by changing my attitude about this situation whilst not saying a word about the actual truth of the matter.
Although this doesn't sound ideal and it isn't really I have given myself some time and leeway to get on with the important things I need to do to move forward educationally and career wise rather than spending my valuable time like I have in the past - healing wounds and living through frustration.

I believe her time will come and she'll trip herself up - when someone gets away with something they become more confident and less careful....then if need be I can bring my story out of the archives. Perhaps I won't be part of her karma as they call it but I've learned a good lesson from all this and I hope the lesson sticks.

 

[diamanda]

Please show me the best thing to do for myself re this situation
6.1.4.5 > 41
You dropped the issue (6.1) and now avoid her (6.4).
At some point or other this leads to a confrontation (6.5) in which you will lose (41).

Please show me the way to bring positive favour to myself at work
28.4.5 > 46
Grin and bear the heavy burden (28.4), have an unsatisfactory relationship with her (28.5).
This will help get over the issue (46).

Show me where I can release this pressure
7.1.2.3 > 36
No matter how well you prepare for war (7.1), you are not the leader (7.2), and you'll lose (7.3).
Hide your 'light' - otherwise losing this war will really hurt you (36).

Pretending nothing has happened and forcing "friendly terms" on you is a classic bullying trick.
In my experience, this type of person don't lose their job as fast as they should...
They do eventually, but, sadly, it could take years, and only after they've done a large amount of damage.

 

[diamanda]

Just hours after posting this things came to a head but fortunately I had got some great clarity on how to handle myself from now on.
So the first reading 6>41 - whilst I didn't have to actually 'argue' case I was confronted with having to have a meeting with the woman and the biggest boss with less than 3 hours notice. I was able to explain my apparent negative behaviour whilst not saying a word about the actual truth of the matter.

Oh dear... she's really determined to crush you this woman I'm keeping fingers crossed for you.
What did you tell them, how did you avoid telling the truth?

 

[oceangirl]

Thanks for you take on my readings diamanda.

I told them that, at the same time as I got the job I also had some very bad news in my personal life that I'd been dealing with and that could make me be quite rude to people as I was suffering from high anxiety about it all and I'm a very private person, This is not quite the truth but nor is it a lie but I may have over exaggerated things for my (their) benefit without telling them anything at all.
At the same time in front of this big boss I apologised to the woman in question if I had in any way offended her - she didn't acknowledge the apology in any way but that didn't matter to me I just needed to redeem my integrity which I believe I did as he was very kind and understanding.

But the funny thing is before I found out about this meeting I'd asked if I could have a meeting with my nice boss and 2IC and told them the exact same thing. They thanked me for telling them and said I need to change my negative attitude, which I don't have, but she'd convinced them I did have.....anyway they were also very supportive of me and said they'd like to do anything they can do to help me have a happy time and work and move forward in my career.

So I think what you've said here probably covers the above -

Please show me the way to bring positive favour to myself at work
28.4.5 > 46
Grin and bear the heavy burden (28.4), have an unsatisfactory relationship with her (28.5).
This will help get over the issue (46).

 

[oceangirl]

I've then asked How would it benefit me to resign anyway (seen as though I've been offered another job)

6.6>47

Uh oh there's that Hex 6 again!!

This is not a good reading I don't think and I don't think it's really answering my question here -

It looks to me like she thinks I've won, that couldn't be further from the truth!! On the contrary I feel I've had to concede defeat and get on with it biting my tongue in the process.
It looks to me though, like she feels I've won but she's just not going to let it go and try to win that 'belt' back off me.

 

[diamanda]

How would it benefit me to resign anyway (seen as though I've been offered another job)
6.6 > 47
In short, it wouldn't benefit you to resign.
I'm not sure it means she feels you've won. To me it sounds more like by resigning, you'll be showing that this conflict is super important to you and you're prepared to take it to the bitter end.

I Ching apart, my advice would be to start pretending as if nothing is wrong, whatsoever, also show them that your "personal problems" have now been completely solved. I totally understand how bad this feels... however this is a very common workplace problem, around the world and throughout all sectors, which is bound to come up again and again, even if you resign.

 

[oceangirl]

Thanks diamanda it does feel really bad that I have to pretend....thanks for acknowledging that it helps a lot. I've started to try and think what's in it for me that I can focus on so I can just get through this. I've decided I'm going to just do my best for the next 5 months which takes me until the end of August. I can learn a lot at this job respecially to get my qualifications so I just have to do my best with it all.

 

[oceangirl]

Update I did what was suggested and have just done the pretendy thing. It's helped me focus on what's important and I feel more settled in myself and confident in my skills at work.
Yesterday I worked with a young girl who helps out occasionally and has worked there as a casual as a uni student for over 4 years. She said it used to be a great place to work but it's not anymore and gave me quite a bit of insight into the goings on and huge staff turnover that's happened in the last 12 months particularly since the centre director started. That has at the very lesst given me some insight and it helps me to know the truth.