Subject about bonding Hex. 6.5 to 64

[Full spectrum]

Hi to all of you here,

It´s been a few months since I started using the I Ching on a regular basis and the available help in this community forum is a help indeed many times, thank you all for that.

And as I get more motivated to really get the interpretation of the oracle or divination tool and surrender to the truth of the message given, the answers get pointier, more clear indeed.

Now, I´ve asked myself 2 questions today. That I want to share.

A little background. My partner has a daughter from a previous relationship. The mother of the daughter lives halfway across the globe. Mother and daughter have a very tight bond. You could call it somewhat symbiotic. Since a little over a year the daughter lives with us. A radical change, you can imagine I´m sure, for all of us.

We have been struggling a bit (for several years already) to really form a bond with eachother. Not specifically me and the daughter but also my partner with his daughter and the three of us as a family unit.

I feel a lot under the surface, but it seems to be a challenge to get in on the table, expressed. The daughter tends to freeze and get even more afraid or uneasy. She is a bit shy as well so for her I´m sure it is a challenge to really speak her mind and heart.

I am properly fed up with this home situation and I would like to get a more intimate band with her, and feel the love (also from my side) flow stronger.

So, the 1st question I asked this morning was How can we achieve a more easy flowing, happy and loving family unit?
And I got Hex. 21.6 to 51
Ok.
I read a very interesting thread, and then after a while I decided to ask the I Ching an additional question:
What holds ME back in opening up to bonding with her?

And then I got 6.5 to 64

Wow! Very sharp, because her - as I receive it - hiding behind super well behaved manners but hardly ever showing the back of her tongue so to speak does annoy me and I would like her to be more open and honest with us. It creates that overall feeling of holding back that probably makes all of us a bit nervous and dry.

I decided to share this one with you. I felt it was time to get some advice from the community.


Thank you in advance!

 

[Matali]

Hello
First of all, I think you should let go of this relationship, that is, to leave space, time and respect this child who has experienced the divorce of his parents and who is starting her life. If you learn to love this child for who she is, and not for the reactions and explanations you expect from her, a relationship can start differently...

21.6 – 51: there was probably some kind of shock, you say it annoys you, maybe that's it. I don't think she's dishonest, she's living her life as a child or teenager. If she is shy for the moment, you must respect her, and not force things.

6.5 – 64: so there is this conflict but in this line 5 of good omen, a person is quite apt to play the reconcilers, it is probably your darling, his father. So everything should be in order if you talk calmly about your desires for a united family... Keep cool

 

[Full spectrum]

Hello
First of all, I think you should let go of this relationship, that is, to leave space, time and respect this child who has experienced the divorce of his parents and who is starting her life. If you learn to love this child for who she is, and not for the reactions and explanations you expect from her, a relationship can start differently...

21.6 – 51: there was probably some kind of shock, you say it annoys you, maybe that's it. I don't think she's dishonest, she's living her life as a child or teenager. If she is shy for the moment, you must respect her, and not force things.

6.5 – 64: so there is this conflict but in this line 5 of good omen, a person is quite apt to play the reconcilers, it is probably your darling, his father. So everything should be in order if you talk calmly about your desires for a united family... Keep cool

 

[Full spectrum]

Thank you for your respond Matali.

I do already love her, that is for sure. But being patient with an open mind free of expectations is probably the only solution indeed.

Have a great day.

 

[Matali]

Yes, love and sweetness, you will gain her trust, and your relationship will be more serene

 

[redoleander]

How can we achieve a more easy flowing, happy and loving family unit?
21.6 > 51

I’m wondering if there’s something really obvious that you already know but have been ignoring? Like an argument you’ve already had or maybe even just the obvious constraints of the situation? I think sometimes this response is about not listening or only listening to what you want to hear. Maybe you only want to hear or receive certain parts of this person? Or maybe that goes in more than one direction, communication just going right past one another.

What holds ME back in opening up to bonding with her?

6.5 > 64

Playing to win, trying to be right, making your own case (so to speak). Obviously there’s a place for that, for the case of what you want, but I wonder if it also is a guarded position that relies on contention or tension. This could also just literally represent the divorce itself, the circumstance. Maybe thinking of her as simply a person you’re encountering without a predetermined relationship destination would help. You might be more successful having a totally different type of relationship with her than trying to fit into roles.


Both of these lines have conflict even though your second casting can I think sometimes be seen as positive. It makes me wonder if there’s more tension or hostility there than being let on. I’m not saying that to put it on her but I wonder if this desire to be more flowing and happy is trying to bypass more difficult feelings? May or may not be true of course, only think about what actually seems useful for you obviously.

 

[becalm]

I don't have a response to your readings just experience about divorce stuff and kids.
My husband and I split and I understood for the children it was more about the split of the family unit. I'd never experienced it myself as a child so I sought out a young woman who had and used to ask her how my children may be feeling.
This helped me and them a lot.

 

[Trojina]

Is the daughter a child or an adult? If she is an adult why is she living with you?

That seems a crucial issue. I shouldn't think anyone wants their partner's adult child from a previous relationship living with them.

The age makes a big difference, is she 6 or 26 ?