Time to move on

[mazaru]

I am going through a very rough time, there is this man in my life that I have been in love with for many years.
But I never had the guts to tell him. Because I think he likes me, but he is not in love with me.
So I just enjoyed his company and kept my feelings to myself.
But now I just can't do that anymore. It is tearing me apart.
I think it would be better for me to remove him from my life.
This will hurt, but the hurt will pass in time. I've been through this before.

So I asked the IC:

What must I do? Should I stay and hold on or should I leave
19.2.5>3

I took this as it would be better for me to tell him what I feel and move on.

So I asked:
What will happen if I leave?
57.2>53

Make visible what has been hidden?

It is very hard to picture a life without him in it.
To be honest, it breaks my heart to even think about that. And after so many years of waiting for a move on his part, it is very hard to loose that illusion.

So I asked:
When I tell him what I feel for him and say it would be better for me to get out of his life, will this create a breakthrough, or will he be out of my life for good?
19.6>41

My feeling on this reading is that it will be a complete breakup if I tell him about my feelings and my decision to go.

I keep telling myself that you can't loose what you never had, but that doesn't ease the pain I feel.
He is on holiday now, so I have three weeks to build up the guts to make this move.
I want to tell him without crying, but I don't know if I can do that. I hate crying!!
He has never seen me cry and I would really like to keep it that way.
Anybody have any good tricks to hold back tears in a situation like that?

Any help would be greatly appreciated.
I feel very torn apart right now. I keep going back and forward on this decision.
One day I think I'm gonna do it, and the next day I hesitate because I don't want him out of my life.

 

[dragona]

HI.No one has responded, so let me try.
It looks like you have decided what the outcome will be. But it is not entirely up to you - if it was, you would not be having this problem, right?
Another thing, it gives me the impression that you are supposed to feel guilty for having deep feelings for someone. You must not think that. That love should be your position of strength, not of weakness.
I think it is hard to conceal your feelings for someone with whom you are close, so he must have had pick up on something.
Approach suggested, as I see it, should be a tactful one, perhaps a hint within a conversation or something subtle. Walking away would seem just weird, imo. Reasons would be sought. You need to walk away within your heart first and then distancing would be less painful or even less important.
But before doing that, you owe to yourself to find out, I believe. There are much worse things to say to a person other then "I love you" and mean it.
Hope this helps some, take care, d.

 

[mazaru]

Thank you dragona for responding. I'm gonna let your answer sink in with me. It feels like a warm bath :bows:
A voice of reason in a very foggy time for me.

I am a real Libra, I make a decision, then I go back on it, then I go back on going back on it.
Sometimes I get so tired of myself. Then, when I get real tired, I cut through the problem like a Neanderthaler, just so I don't have to go back and forward anymore.
Most of the times I make the wrong decision that way.

If he hadn't been on vacation, I'd probably allready said goodbye.

To make it a bit simpler for myself..... I asked the IC:
What would be the right thing to do for me in this situation.
It answered:

13.2.5>14
Right!Sweet answer for this Libra
This answer looks a lot like the answer you gave me.
and the fifth line gave me the hope that it is not beyond hope of a happy end

 

[ginnie]

When I tell him what I feel for him and say it would be better for me to get out of his life, will this create a breakthrough, or will he be out of my life for good?
19.6>41

This seems to be indicating that it would be better if you keep your thoughts and feelings to yourself just now. The good fortune of this line is linked to concealing our will within our hearts.

This feels like it's tearing you apart. But maybe the energy of the conflict you feel can be transformed into positive energy -- somehow?

 

[dragona]

I like how you formulated this last question.
It looks favorable but not easy.
I think caution is needed and if it is indeed something that would come out of the blue, there may be problems involved - with other people, for instance. But only you can get meaning from the lines to the fullest as you know the circumstances the best. It is hard to keep it together for so long but you should use this time to compose yourself and approach carefully. It would not be smart to mess it all up after so much waiting.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vfGtwkq5sC0

 

[mazaru]

Thank you Ginnie and Dragona for taking the time to help me.

Ginnie,
Very good advise that I have to work on transforming the energy. If I get some peace of mind, maybe it will be easier to just stay calm and don't focus on the eventual outcome. But live in the moment.

Dragona,
Loved that scene! Thank you!

And you are right that it would be ashame to mess things up after waiting for so many years.
The IC has warned me from the beginning that it would take a whole lot of patience to see this through.
I've had loads of hexagrams about waiting and holding back in the last years.
About cars where the wheels are taken of, and foxes with their tales in the water.
I think I'm back on trail again now.
I calmed down a little.

Thanks for helping!! :bows:
If anything should change, I will update this thread. But I doubt that will be anytime soon

 

[dragona]

If anything should change, I will update this thread. But I doubt that will be anytime soon

Perhaps we should open a contest as I just received hex 9 unchanged
Pity I have to speak from experience...but once I red something from K. Gibran, added as a caption fitting my horoscope sign, editor thought, here it is, roughly translated from memory:
"My soul was giving me lessons and it thought me to love what others hate, thought me patience that others lack of and that love is not the quality coming from the one who loves, but from the loved one." Latter on as I have seen this movie, I made the connection and it messed me up for good.
My soul spoke to me and counseled me to love all that others hate,
And to befriend those whom others defame.
My soul counseled me and revealed unto me that love dignifies not alone the one who loves, but also the beloved. but I like my translation better.

I recommend the film as well, "Adaptation", by J. Kaufman

 

[mazaru]

Dragona, I really hope for your health, that you don't win this contest.
I've looked up the first post I made about my friend, and it's from July 20th, 2008.


I hope you reach line six of hexagram 9, where the rain starts falling, sooner then my axletrees are being put back under my wagon

But I really love your poem!

 

[dragona]

Your profile picture sure could work for me then :-D