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trauma and loss...please help?

kdedeaux4

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I've recently had a shocking upheaval in my family life. My father passed unexpectedly and immediately afterward, my two daughters made a sudden stand against me and went to stay with their father. Our relationship has always been very positive and respectful, loving and kind. Raising my children alone for all their lives is one of the few accomplishments I'm deeply proud of how hard I worked and the kind of family we achieved. This abrupt and hatefully done sudden shift into borderline hatred for me immediately after my father passed is deeply hurtful and mortifying on a level I struggle to describe adequately...these two girls have been my whole world:(
I've attempted a few communications and my oldest is just horribly mean...cruel actually in ways I've never even known she *could* be!!! My youngest mostly just ignores me:confused::confused::eek: It's like a nightmare I can't wake up from and I've no idea how or what brought us to this horrible place after years of loving respect in our little family?!
I asked IChing, Why are my children so angry and hateful to me? Response 10.3. -->1
Hmm......I really get nothing I understand from that answer?
I also asked, what can I do to begin to repair their anger with me and our relationships?
Response: 20.3.6. --->39
I love my girls so very much and this has been the most traumatic thing in addition to my father's sudden death, that I've ever experienced. Please help me gain greater understanding here on these two critical questions I've asked IChing to guide me with?
I'm so grateful for your time, insight, and experience:bows:
Namaste':hug:
 

arabella

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I've recently had a shocking upheaval in my family life. My father passed unexpectedly and immediately afterward, my two daughters made a sudden stand against me and went to stay with their father. Our relationship has always been very positive and respectful, loving and kind. Raising my children alone for all their lives is one of the few accomplishments I'm deeply proud of how hard I worked and the kind of family we achieved. This abrupt and hatefully done sudden shift into borderline hatred for me immediately after my father passed is deeply hurtful and mortifying on a level I struggle to describe adequately...these two girls have been my whole world:(
I've attempted a few communications and my oldest is just horribly mean...cruel actually in ways I've never even known she *could* be!!! My youngest mostly just ignores me:confused::confused::eek: It's like a nightmare I can't wake up from and I've no idea how or what brought us to this horrible place after years of loving respect in our little family?!
I asked IChing, Why are my children so angry and hateful to me? Response 10.3. -->1
Hmm......I really get nothing I understand from that answer?
I also asked, what can I do to begin to repair their anger with me and our relationships?
Response: 20.3.6. --->39
I love my girls so very much and this has been the most traumatic thing in addition to my father's sudden death, that I've ever experienced. Please help me gain greater understanding here on these two critical questions I've asked IChing to guide me with?
I'm so grateful for your time, insight, and experience:bows:
Namaste':hug:

How horrible for you. I'm so sorry to hear this and can imagine it must be just about unbearable.

Hexagram 10.3 -- the small warrior acting like a great chief -- would indicate to me that their father has bitten off more than he can chew. Perhaps he has promised something he can't deliver? Perhaps the girls are thinking this is a big chance for more freedom or "understanding" they didn't get? Seems like he, or all of them, are trying this on for size and it will go for a while. As awful as it may seem, I'd try not to react. The truth will come out, sooner or later. You didn't say how old the girls are, but teenaged girls need a closeness to Dad at some point. Maybe this is their bid for that possibility. On the order of: they KNOW they have you -- they are trying to see if they can have him as well. This could be two small warrior acting like great chiefs.

What can you do to repair this? 20.3 says to turn to your own life. Get busy and stay that way. Don't rely upon your daughters to bring you happiness; go get it for yourself. Sounds heartless or impossible perhaps, but this says you can do it and you must do it.

20.6 is somewhat similar. You love your kids and they know it. And you know it. There is no point in trying to devise some way to get their attention or compete with your husband for their love. Your love is a simple fact that speaks for itself and you have no further explaining to do.

Just get busy with 20.3 -- this is going to come out in the wash. It may take a while, but use this as time to get right with yourself. You've been a great Mom, and it's time to be your own best friend.

Deepest love, Arabella:hug:
 
M

mirian

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Dear kdedeux4,

I am so sorry about your loss. I hope that you are keeping well. I just want to share with you my experience with your hexagrams and lines.
What your Hex 10.3 is telling me is that something indeed did happen. It suggests a problem that was already there but you somehow overlooked it. So, there was a potential danger -represented by the image of the tiger- but you, for some reason, could not see it and inadvertently triggered the crisis and your daughter's strong reactions. Considering your readings, I am not able to tell what the problem was. It could have been something that you said, or did, or maybe even something that you didn't do (but perhaps should have done).
There is no consideration in your readings about who is right or wrong, this is not really the point. The Yi is trying to help you to understand what really happened and this is where Hex 20.3.6 comes into - it is asking you to detach yourself from the situation, put yourself in your daughter's shoes, analyse from a different angle/perspective. I know that it is something hard to do, after being through all the trauma and loss.
But I believe that is the way to bring some answers to all those questions that you have in mind.

I hope that helps you somehow:bows:
 

ginnie

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Clearly the way forward is to gain some emotional distance from your two daughters, who have recently been behaving very badly. Doing some mediation might help you deal with grief over the sudden loss of your father. I have heard that meditating for 20 minutes repeatedly, with short breaks in between, can bring peace of mind after a death. In aromatherapy, using Cypress is good for dealing with a death.

I wish I had something more profoundly consoling to say, but I think I'll simply echo Arabella and say, "It's time to be your own best friend." :hug:
 

long yi

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Just a guess

This is just my guess. I can be all wrong because Iching textbook and theory do not predict mother/daughter relationship.

神煞:天乙—子申 福星—未 日禄—午 羊刃—巳 驿马—巳 桃花—子 华盖—未
干支:壬辰年 丁未月 己卯日 丙寅时
旬空:午未  寅卯  申酉  戌亥


六神  伏神    艮宫:天泽履          乾宫:乾为天(六冲)
         【本 卦】           【变 卦】
勾陈       ▅▅▅▅▅ 兄弟壬戌土     ▅▅▅▅▅ 兄弟壬戌土 世
朱雀 妻财丙子水 ▅▅▅▅▅ 子孙壬申金 世   ▅▅▅▅▅ 子孙壬申金  
青龙       ▅▅▅▅▅ 父母壬午火     ▅▅▅▅▅ 父母壬午火  
玄武       ▅▅ ▅▅ 兄弟丁丑土  ×→ ▅▅▅▅▅ 兄弟甲辰土 应
白虎       ▅▅▅▅▅ 官鬼丁卯木 应   ▅▅▅▅▅ 官鬼甲寅木  
滕蛇       ▅▅▅▅▅ 父母丁巳火     ▅▅▅▅▅ 妻财甲子水 

Line 5 = you. You have your daughers (children in line 5 = metal) in mind, but you loss control of the situation (metal sits empty under you = day of reading).

Line 2 is a man (wood), from the eyes of the daughter. That man is not your spouse, partner (metal is empty under the month of the reading). Line 2 moves a step back in the 5 elements wood. This mean your daughter does not like this man.

Line 1 is parents (fire) of the children. Line 1/5 merges may mean that the daughters prefer the parent (may be your ex-husband? if you are divorced).

Line 3 is the door with another person. If the person is a man and the man in line 2. The yin line become a yang line in line 3. This means that there are concerns from the daughters that you may have some type of relationship with this man.

Hexagram 10 has one yin line at line 3 and 5 yang lines. You have no problem having male friends. Nothing wrong with that. Daughters may misunderstand....and guess other things.

Hexagram 1 is hollow. Everything above may be from suspicious minds that you have male friends and also have a relationship with another man.

Only you know whether it is a misunderstanding or there is true to such assumptions from your daughter.

In line 5, there is woman behind your daughters. The woman may not be you. She reappears in line 1 of hexagram 1 and is interference factor to the parenthood relationship.

The line 6 person is treating your daughter good in hexagram 10 and 1.
I do not know who the person is. You do not trust this person.
 
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P

peterg

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In January I got 10~1,and 1~10 in April.Some kind of reversal?
10.3 is about getting mauled in some way or sucker punched.I think it's usually a surprise and shock even with advance oracles and might come from several directions.
20 is about quiet contemplation rather than swift action, so playing a waiting game?
 

arabella

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In January I got 10~1,and 1~10 in April.Some kind of reversal?
10.3 is about getting mauled in some way or sucker punched.I think it's usually a surprise and shock even with advance oracles and might come from several directions.
20 is about quiet contemplation rather than swift action, so playing a waiting game?

I agree with Peter. Hexagram 10.3 is about something in no way deserved, nor anything that this enquirer said or did. You would not have seen this coming and it was done at a particularly cruel time by a short-sighted and/or underhanded person. However, the answer is to lie low and cultivate your own happiness as you can, knowing this situation will come around on its own -- just as it happened on its own.

Hope you are doing alright kdedeaux. :hug:Arabella
 
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kdedeaux4

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I apologize to the wonderful people who so kindly responded to this very upsetting and hurtful enquiry that I've taken so long to respond in kind. My computer developed a nasty virus and I've had no access to respond.

Long Yi: Your interpretation is nothing short of AMAZING, as you've hit on so many elements inside and affecting this situation which I thought of, but have tried to disregard as me simply desperately grasping for answers and understanding into this unbelievable nightmare.
Yes, there was a former boyfriend involved in the initial disrespect and attack on me from my eldest daughter and she expressed concern that I might "get back together" with this man whom she now really abhors after years of on again off again tactics from him.
The other amazing insight you've gotten is that my estranged mother (during our time at my father's funeral) used her time with my daughters to tell them horrible ugly lies about me. The stories she told were so horrible and untrue..yet my eldest felt very betrayed by me that I had been "lying to her all her life" I hadn't at all, but after 15 years living daily with me, just a week under my mother's influence minus my presence (of course!), she told me she believes my mother's stories and that I'm just a liar and she will never trust or believe in me again:( It was utterly devastating, as what irrefutable defense does anyone truly have to disprove random ugly lies? i have only my word and my character which my daughter now believes was always false...thus, it doesn't help at all::(

Peterg & Arabella: my father passed at the very end of March and the funeral time was the beginning of April, which was when this whole thing started unbeknownst to me at the time as I was dealing with the death, funeral, and burial of my only loving parent and life long support system. I've on several occasions described the entire event, once it began happening, as feeling like huge violent sucker punches from all directions all of a sudden. My children, my mother, and then my ex (kids' dad) jumped right into the mix as well. It was like a literal nightmare which threw me into a near-trauma/shock mode...of which I'm still reeling from the immediate changes which were thrust upon my life, when I had done nothing to cause any of this except have one telephone conversation with my ex bf after my father's funeral.
I'm so grateful for the insight into this!!! I just grow more and more respect and reverance for the i-ching every time I cast and get such amazing insight from such gifted people as I've been blessed to meet in this community.
i can't fully express how much this has helped me realize I'm truly not just "losing my mind" or being pathetic to feel like an innocent victim of all this bizarre cruelty.
Bless you all for responding to this request for help ...BIG HUGS and blessings to each of you for your gifts and your willingness to take the time to share them with me!!
namaste',
~kd
 
L

lizzy

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It's just a thought but perhaps you might have your Numerology profile taken. Such a radical turn often signifies that your life changes its course and you should adjust. In such a case your life may be stripped off of all the elements that might hinder your further development. If your basic need for this life cycle or pinnacle is to focus on yourself then it might be better for you if your daughters remain with their father. Such weird things happen because otherwise you'd never give your daughters away, no matter how much you needed the time for yourself, so the universe is helping you out even if you find it simply painful.

Of course it's just a supposition. You'd have to see how things stand in your case.
 

kdedeaux4

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Lizzy...

Thank you Lizzy! Funny you wrote that...I've been telling myself that perhaps that's the very reason all of this hurtful madness has happened, as it's the *only* thing that makes any kind of sense of it all. you're right, I never would have left my children or made any decisions for our lives that didn't put their best interest first and foremost.
Your perspective is exactly how I'm trying to find acceptance of it all. I'll look into the numerology thing as you've suggested. Thank you!!!!:hug:
 

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