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Trying to move on but stuck (12uc, 64uc, 53>18)

trixie

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Hi. It's my first post. I cast readings from I Ching for some time now, but I have serious problems with properly understanding the outcomes. I had very intense and confusing relationship with a guy. It ended almost two years ago and left me in a very bad state. I was desperate to come back to him, we have some contact with each other to this day. There was never a strict "no" coming from him so I hold on to hope... For too long. I grew tired and decided to move on, but I can't. I feel almost as if I was imprisoned in this weird situation, where we both can't really move on. Or maybe it is just me. Anyways.I asked Oracle "What is the situation about me and X?" And I received 12 uc, Standstill. While it wasn't a solution nor advice, it certainly mirrors my situation exactly. We can't communicate with each other and come to any conclusion, but there is some energy underneath. I was disappointed because it basically says "Everything you'd do will be in vain, stop doing anything and focus on other things". (It certainly feels like my every action towards resolving this situation doesn't change anything). But it doesn't say what to do with that situation, other than accept it.I asked again "What if I find someone new" (exactly I said new boyfriend) and received 64uc. I understood it in the way that I cannot rush things. That I'm not really done and didn't process the old situation. It certainly feels like it. But I may be wrong.So I asked "So what can I do to move on?" and received 53.2.5 > 18 Line 2 is about coming to the cliff, eating and drinking (enjoying little things? caring for myself?). Line 5 associates with patience and it ends with the message "everything will be okay". So I'd say it is a message of "Care for yourself, be patient, the situation will solve itself".I'd appreciate any thoughts in that matter, thank you. I'm a total beginner. Most of the time the readings don't make much sense to me, but this combo really hit home.
 

Trojina

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Hi. It's my first post. I cast readings from I Ching for some time now, but I have serious problems with properly understanding the outcomes. I had very intense and confusing relationship with a guy. It ended almost two years ago and left me in a very bad state. I was desperate to come back to him, we have some contact with each other to this day. There was never a strict "no" coming from him so I hold on to hope... For too long. I grew tired and decided to move on, but I can't. I feel almost as if I was imprisoned in this weird situation, where we both can't really move on. Or maybe it is just me. Anyways.I asked Oracle "What is the situation about me and X?" And I received 12 uc, Standstill. While it wasn't a solution nor advice, it certainly mirrors my situation exactly. We can't communicate with each other and come to any conclusion, but there is some energy underneath. I was disappointed because it basically says "Everything you'd do will be in vain, stop doing anything and focus on other things". (It certainly feels like my every action towards resolving this situation doesn't change anything). But it doesn't say what to do with that situation, other than accept it.
That's right. In a 12 time the 'great departs and the small approaches' (Wilhelm) hence the noble one offers her energies sparingly.

It's no use trying to pour your best efforts, intentions or even aspirations into this matter because at this time your best is given no value because of the departure of the great the arrival of the small. Energies of heaven and earth pull away from each other, nothing is mingling.


Try thinking of other situations, mundane ones, where this happened in your life. Not that you cast Yi about but times where your best was just not even registered. What did you do ? I can think of jobs for example where honesty was not rewarded and shoddy but quick work was. In that instance there was no use continuing to give with highest integrity, better to save energy and not prostitute it out for the sake of inferior goals or persons.


I've cast 12 at times for lifelong relationships and good friends. I don't think it has to mean it's the end it simply means at the current time closer union cannot be achieved and there is no use striving for it with all your heart. Just let it be for now. In 12 you sometimes have to accept the situation but that doesn't mean you have to go along with it as in the job example above. If you have the sense of suffering a deficit in your energy and emotions through this continued association with him then you really need not keep trying to maintain harmony or put more in. Pull back a little and save yourself by keeping yourself to yourself.


With 12 the other person may simply only see you in terms of usefulness, they may not even see you for who you are at all and that's not nice for you. So recognise that and pull back. I don't mean you must cut all contact but within yourself hold back and also consider how his view of you is actually detrimental to you.

As I said at times I have had this for relationships I cannot pull out of so it doesn't have to mean 'the end' but it may mean a time where well...all of the above, no use to keep striving for closer understanding and so on.

I asked again "What if I find someone new" (exactly I said new boyfriend) and received 64uc. I understood it in the way that I cannot rush things. That I'm not really done and didn't process the old situation. It certainly feels like it. But I may be wrong.

Have a look at the experiences in the 64uc thread...will link here https://www.onlineclarity.co.uk/friends/showthread.php?20593-Your-Experiences-with-Unchanging-Castings-Hexagram-64Experiences-with-Unchanging-Castings-Hexagram-64

It looks like like this old relationship is a bit of a never ending thread. Forum threads are very 64uc for example when someone picks them up after 10 years to ask how the person is doing or something, so this can be like something perpetually open, crossing the river but never reaching the other side.


(there are threads for people's experiences with all unchanging hexagrams in Exploring Divination )


But there's other ways to see this also. It may mean you aren't ready yet for this yet as you said.


So I asked "So what can I do to move on?" and received 53.2.5 > 18 Line 2 is about coming to the cliff, eating and drinking (enjoying little things? caring for myself?). Line 5 associates with patience and it ends with the message "everything will be okay". So I'd say it is a message of "Care for yourself, be patient, the situation will solve itself".I'd appreciate any thoughts in that matter, thank you. I'm a total beginner. Most of the time the readings don't make much sense to me, but this combo really hit home.

Oh you aren't a total beginner because you are already interpreting your own readings :) I agree with your interpretation but I'm not sure if this describes you moving onto someone new or if it is to do with the renewal of your relationship with him.

After you have been hanging on for 2 years and got the 12 it seems unlikely and yet who knows. I say that because 53 is exactly about this slow process of courtship that comes to fruition after a very long time in line 5.


But then the lines do show conviviality and fulfilment (which is not 12) so it may be a picture of you actually moving on. The good thing is either way this looks good for you gently moving on at your own pace and finding a good place for your heart to find it's home. What of the 18 ? Well it's trigrams are the same as 53 only with trigrams switched positions. There's a name for that, can't think of it. Anyway 18 has to do with dealing with past causes of corruption and stagnation. To me this cast looks like a corrupted situation in which you gradually make improvements and find happiness.


With him or not I don't know. He doesn't really sound very good for you I have to say and yet I can't categorically say there's nothing there that can't be picked up. Though if it was 'intense and confusing' while it was on, made you feel terrible when it ended, well it sounds like he is someone who just causes you distress possibly putting you in that addictive head space where he gives you a little bit and keeps you hanging on maybe ? Some people like to cultivate that kind of addiction. The steps are simple. These people


1. Start the relationship well

2. Start acting a bit inconsistent. One moment committed, the next not


3. End the relationship and cause great longing in the one left.

4. He's still enjoying your addiction to him so he feeds you a little bit of time now and then to keep the flames alive. If he just really wanted to finish he'd let you get over him so you could move on.


Maybe it's not like that at all but that is quite a common pattern to watch for as it can rob you of years of your life.


Yi aside I do find the way this is ongoing (64) kind of odd which made me suspect the above pattern.


Am I way off with that ?
 

trixie

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Thank you a lot for your insights.As for your last suggestion - I'm pretty sure it was me who was inconsistent and drama-creating. The relationship itself had its good and bad. We were both trying to be good but in the end we hurt each other. He never meant to feed me just to try to keep me hanging. Right now it seems he has something to sort out by himself, and that's what stops him. He never said what it is exactly. But it seems like he still feels something, after all that time, so that explains why it may be ongoing and "never ending thread" (I sure hope it wasn't). Still the situation isn't pretty for me, so that's why I'm commited to solve it either way.I'm so tired of trying to make things happen or not happen, that it would be wise to back off (a lot) as 12 suggests.
 

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