trying to understand the best way to proceed

[petitchou]

After an all right week, things between me and my guy took a bad turn last weekend. We've been arguing all week long. I feel misunderstood, he thinks I'm unsympathetic. If we get through this really bad patch, I think we can have a great relationship, but right now things are bad. I'm at a loss about what to do.

Again I asked what the best approach is for me to take to the relationship now: 54.2 > 51. I am disappointed that he doesn't see me for who I am (whether because I'm not opening up to him or because he just doesn't recognize my role in things), I do feel abandoned in that way, so line 2 makes sense to me. I think the advice here is to take a cautious approach, to be reserved, and stay loyal to the vision of the relationship? to him? to myself? which will lead to some shocking news that sets everything right.

Then I asked what approach I can expect from him: 61.3 > 9. I read this as he's going to be honest with me, show me his true feelings, though he will be moody and restrained at times. He's normally not reserved, but maybe this is saying he'll hold back some of his anger, not sure. Or maybe this is saying his true nature is moody and dependent on others (though that's not what I asked . . .)

Finally, I asked where this is all going: 16.2.4.6 > 4. I never feel as though I understand H16 and H4. I think this means we're headed toward a relationship of no illusions and actions appropriate to the situation (line 2) -- as opposed to now, when all we do is argue and interrupt -- that we'll be supportive of one another (line 4), and have a sober awakening, each seeing the others true character (line 6). Going to H4 makes me think it's all part of a learning process or that this is all folly and we're wasting each others time trying to perpetuate the relationship (that we didn't absorb the lessons we were given and should move on already).

Any thoughts or comments would be very much appreciated. I could use the help, don't feel so confident about my interpretations. If you see where I've misunderstood something, I'd especially like to hear that.

Thanks in advance for your time and interest

 

[yxeli]

Hi Petitchou


I think your interpretation is quite accurate for the preceeding questions.

and stay loyal to the vision of the relationship? to him? to myself?

I think its saying stay loyal and true to yourself, to know what you need, ( and i think you have been very articulate with knowing what you need, which is the only way to truly begin to resolve a conflict)

he's going to be honest with me, show me his true feelings, though he will be moody and restrained at times.

This seems like an accurate translation. He will refine his outward 'face' or approach to the conflict

I have often been told that Hexagram 4 can actually be speaking directly to you, and not about the issue at hand, because of asking the same or similar questions again and again. (I have gotten this before (too much!) when i press too hard at an issue, its hard to know when to stop with the i ching, its such good advice! )

At the first oracle I inform him.
If he asks two or three times, it is importunity.
If he importunes, I give him no information.

Maybe it would be better to let the matter sit for a few days, then return to the oracle with one question, like 'If the relationship was to continue, how will it benefit both parties involved?'' or something like that. ( Im not the best at forming questions! ;/

Hope this helps, and the best of luck with this situation.

Yx

 

[petitchou]

Tks Yxeli,

I appreciate the feedback and like your question suggestion also. Will try to keep still for a while and post an update soon

petit chou