Two different questions, same hexagrams: 56.3.6 - 16

[casstone]

I'm currently living, and have been for a while, a semi-isolating situation due to things I can't do much about. I've been experiencing a very stressful situation since 2 years ago and it's become very tiring. I'm hoping for some justice as soon as possible but I know that things move slowly where I am.

I asked I Ching two different questions. The first one was:
What's the best way for me to make new friends and find a pleasurable company of persons with whom to spend time?
The answer was hex 56.3.6 - 16

I later asked:
What is the best way for me to get rid of that man (free myself and my daughter) from our lives? Something that I can do with concrete action. (The man my ex-partner. He's violent and he's my stalker since a few years, unfortunately he also happens to be the father of my daughter and even though he's been warned by authorities justice doesn't seem to be coming any time soon and I still have to meet him every time he comes to pick up the daughter for visiting times)
The answer was, again, hex 56.3.6 - 16

Now.. these hexagrams look pretty bad for me in relation to my questions. I feel like I Ching is telling me that neither thing is possible, i.e making new friends for now or getting rid of that man. It also gives me the feeling that there will be something happening, and this something doesn't seem positive to me, which will make progress impossible for now.
What's your take on these hexagrams?

 

[casstone]

Dear members, I would really appreciate someones input on these hexagrams as the two questions are important to me and I don't seem to find any acceptable interpretation on these hexagrams myself.
I'd be very thankful for others point of view on it

 

[Trojina]

I'm currently living, and have been for a while, a semi-isolating situation due to things I can't do much about. I've been experiencing a very stressful situation since 2 years ago and it's become very tiring. I'm hoping for some justice as soon as possible but I know that things move slowly where I am.

I asked I Ching two different questions. The first one was:
What's the best way for me to make new friends and find a pleasurable company of persons with whom to spend time?
The answer was hex 56.3.6 - 16

I later asked:
What is the best way for me to get rid of that man (free myself and my daughter) from our lives? Something that I can do with concrete action. (The man my ex-partner. He's violent and he's my stalker since a few years, unfortunately he also happens to be the father of my daughter and even though he's been warned by authorities justice doesn't seem to be coming any time soon and I still have to meet him every time he comes to pick up the daughter for visiting times)
The answer was, again, hex 56.3.6 - 16

Now.. these hexagrams look pretty bad for me in relation to my questions. I feel like I Ching is telling me that neither thing is possible, i.e making new friends for now or getting rid of that man. It also gives me the feeling that there will be something happening, and this something doesn't seem positive to me, which will make progress impossible for now.
What's your take on these hexagrams?

You got the same answer for 2 different questions so I am thinking perhaps this is a general message for your life right now. It looks to me like you want to attempt too much too soon. You might be presuming too much on things that aren't that permanent...OR getting stressed out because you imagine your situation is permanent. That option looks quite likely to me because of that hexagram 16 in the background.

So I will try to summarise what I think the advise might be here

1. This isn't a permanent situation, it's just a passage in your life (hex 56) so don't think you have to make it all perfect and don't imagine it will always be terrible. Those imaginings can make your more stressed than the reality (hex 16)

2. both 56.3 and 56.6 show a traveller trying to light too big a fire in a place that is not his home. He needs to be happy to just get by. When you go camping you don't arrive and begin to make rules for the whole campsite. You are the visitor so you need to adapt. These lines show you are trying to impact on things too much when actually you can't. Chillax, it will help the situation.

3. To make friends keep gestures small and adapt to the scenarios already around you. It's not time to take big initiatives to change things. For example if all the mums stand about chatting outside school for just 5 minutes a day, join in without asking for more right now. Try to be part of the scenery rather than making the scene

4. With your ex I'm sorry you have suffered violence and that he still is stalking you. However maybe things as they are, him just picking up your daughter, isn't quite so bad as you think right now ? It won't go on forever. Hmm sorry I don't want to minimize this as it's serious but I'm just trying to understand what the answer means here.

The change patterns, the patterns the changing lines make are 52 yang pattern and 57 yin pattern. Looks like you entered the situation through a keeping still, not acting, trying to ignore others including the ex. Perhaps you unwittingly also shut others out as you tried to close down to him ? The way beyond or through the situation is to allow it to become part of you (hex 57) try to let things be, to absorb things and be reassured that this time of stress is temporary and you need make no huge actions to change it.


OTOH Lise says (http://www.yijing.nl/i_ching/index.html) I think that one has tosometimes burn bridges in these lines...that that is how it is. I think in some situation she is right. I have found 56.6 not possible to avoid sometimes. If that is the case then I guess you may not find it tenable to continue in this situation at all and maybe it's time to move ? Having said that, just to show there is that angle I don't feel that is the likley advice in this reading.

I feel more to go with my initial 4 advice points because you have a sound of emergency in your tone and I think that sense of emergency is not a good guide for you right now. Make your hearth fire smaller, adapt, know things will improve and to make friends just fit in with existing social patterns. I don't know how that would work for you. Mums can meet other mums in play parks and so on...not deep friendship but it's a start or maybe your daughter is much older than that. I'd advise 'hanging out' as a way to make friends here rather than issue invitations and so on

Hope that helps

 

[casstone]

Trojan, Thank you so much for your very detailed and kind reply. I think you did a very good reading on this situation.

I am in fact a stranger in a country/place very different from my country of origin. Generally speaking the mentality here seems to have stopped developing back in middle ages..
The lines indicating a traveler in a strangers land, trying to make too much impact on things he can't impact on are very appropriate indeed.

I'm used to things done in a certain way and when it comes to my daughters safety (she's 3 yrs old btw) I can't stand with the locals way of dealing- or not dealing- with things. Unfortunately this man doesn't limit himself to come pick up our daughter and spend some quality time with her but on these occasions he involves her in his anger scenes in front of our house while yelling at me and there have been times he refused to bring her back home etc etc. My stress is due to what he does that might hurt our daughter, not so much for the stalking cause I can defend myself. Therefor it kills me not being able to protect my daughter from assisting at these scenarios.
That's where I turn to authorities and try to impact the situation with force and get things done my way. I realize though that where I am it is not possible and this reading was a very useful reminder of that. It will have to be done slowly and indirectly. Well differently from how I'm doing it now anyways.

Regarding the friends you are right as well. Here people tend to form groups of friends as children and pretty much stay in that same group forever. Therefor it's always a bit tricky to install a permanent friendship with people as they "think in groups" and the groups have already been formed, there's little space for changes ...A small town. But then of course there are exceptions.
The "hang out" advice is in fact a great advice!

You are right as well about the part of shutting people out. I've done that by choice as I found it was necessary for the well-being of me and my daughter. Come to think of it though, due to various reasons I've lost touch with some people who used to be around before.

I've been very rigid in this "battle" and I haven't accepted compromises (I first did but then I learned). I do feel sad at times and desperate about the situation but I haven't allowed these feelings to play a big part in my life. I've focused on keeping balanced, mental stability. And I've been true to my principles. I've been a bit like a mountain
Perhaps that explains something about the relation to hexagram 52. It makes sense to me.

I sure hope this period will pass and transform into serenity as soon as possible. Nothing lasts forever, everything has to change and honestly I often have to repeat this to myself as sometimes it seems like nothing ever will change

Again, thank you for your advices and your reading. I really appreciate it

 

[WiteWidoW]

I just posted this on another thread, and here I kind of find it is even more fitting.

I am studying Narcissistic Personality Disorder atm and asked Yi:

what is important i understand about narcissists? 56.3.6>16

So considering you got this twice, I'm thinking it might be referring to him (fits with the abuse profile) and u just need to get the hell out of dodge..

 

[casstone]

Thank you for your input on this cast WiteWidoW and I'd like to say I'm sorry about how very late I reply!
This is very interesting because it matches perfectly, like you said, with his personality and his abuses. This man has been recovered various times in psychiatric wards in the past and I found out after I ended our relationship that he has been diagnosed with secondary schizophrenia. He is also a control-freak, he has the need to control and command every single aspect of his life and lives of the people surrounding him. For him it is indeed - all about him.
Of course reality does not offer the possibility for one to actually do this, i.e. constantly control others and make things happen ones own way.
Trojans comment comes to mind:

2. both 56.3 and 56.6 show a traveller trying to light too big a fire in a place that is not his home. He needs to be happy to just get by. When you go camping you don't arrive and begin to make rules for the whole campsite. You are the visitor so you need to adapt. These lines show you are trying to impact on things too much when actually you can't. Chillax, it will help the situation.

I actually interpreted it as something referred to myself and I still think it is appropriate but now, putting it in the context of a narcissist and my ex it is even more appropriate! I think it might turn out very useful to re-study this cast, looking at it from a different point of view

 

[casstone]

It also came to my mind, regarding the friends question, that this summer my ex has been defaming me in a very brutal and direct way to my friends and other people. A part from the unpleasant aspects to it there are positive ones, for example I have been able to sort out who are actually my real friends and who are not.

Again, another good reason to think better about this cast!

 

[ginnie]

I have to ask: Why do you stay there, where this man lives and where the people are as if stuck in the Middle Ages. Do you think you would be able to move to a better place?

 

[casstone]

I definitely think that there is a better place to move to and I do have a place where to go and a big family in my home country. If I could I would have gotten the two of us - me and my daughter - the hell out of here 2 years ago. Unfortunately law is not that simple. I need my ex's permission to be able to leave this country (even this town) with the daughter and obviously he won't give that to me and neither will any judge around here since we share custody over our daughter. In this country, shared custody is imposed and it is the rule. To exclude one parent from the custody is almost impossible. If we were in any other civilized country I am 100% sure that apart from the fact he'd already been arrested for stalking and molesting us, I would have full custody over our daughter, which in this case is the best for her. Unfortunately I am still fighting for something to change in these matters and it doesn't seem to change anything for authorities here in the south how many proves I've got he's violating court sentence, abusing our daughter psychologically and stalking me etc etc... nothing ever seems to change. As the international law is right now for what concerns minors and custody, all custody battles have to take place in the same country where the minor is a registered resident. If I would decide to pack our stuff and escape to, lets say my home country , my home country would be bound by this international law to send us back to here, due to the shared custody and the fathers disapproval to the departure.

A long answer but a very brief explanation

 

[ginnie]

56.3.6 > 16

I see why you can't leave.

There are circumstances that are hard to bear, and yet you do have some friends there. I think you might benefit from talking with your friends. I say that because the yin pattern to your reading is 58, refreshing discussions. You don't have to feel so alone with your troubles.

Sometimes when we cannot change our situation, we can still manage to change our attitude to it, and then everything changes for the better.

 

[casstone]

Yes indeed. Talking is good and I do have people around me willing to listen which helps a lot.

Best wishes for a merry Christmas