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Two paths: 12.2.5>64 or 58.1.3>28

elizabeth

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I am facing a very scary crossroads and am very confused as to what the right course of action is. The brief background regards the same relationship I last inquired about, where issues of geography and finance are our biggest hurdles. The man had agreed to come visit me in my country in October; i had planned 5 months in his country beginning in March. Yesterday he cancelled our usual conversation time, sent a letter, and told me he could never ever move to our country -- which was the basis for solving the issues and enabling us to begin a family.

I am torn as to whether this means I should end it completely now, force myself to move on (when I dont want to but some signs tell me I should) but when he is not compromising at all. He seems scared, freaked out, and is acting (in my view) impulsively. I understand his rationale but the timing is very poor, with my trip now pending and me wondering if I should go at all.

The first question I asked was: what if i force myself to move on, since it doesnt seem we can find a way to live together in a normal standard of living to create a family? I received 12.2.5>64.
line 2 • The great man, comporting himself as the distress and obstruction require, will have success: he does not allow himself to be disordered by the herd of small men.//"Those in lower positions would gladly be instructed by the wise man, hoping that he could put an end to their confusion. But he, since he cannot improve matters, does not try. He keeps to himself and preserves his spiritual strength."

--The great man shall have success *at moving on*?--
I dont know if this is advising me NOT to try to improve things or change his mind? I Presume so , as i didnt ask about him. Or it is saying that if i force myself to move on i am presuming i cannot change/improve matters (which may or may not be the case). So maybe this is 'mirror" response. Or else maybe it means I shoudl steel myself against the distress of the situation (but how?)

line 5 • The distress and obstruction having reached its end, it is overthrown and removed: how could it be prolonged? // When a mulberry bush is cut back, strong shoots sprout from the base; so the image of tying something to the shoots symbolizes a way of making success certain. Still success is uncertain, and caution is recommended.

This sounds like tying hopes to the foundation, putting plans at the basis of the relationship and waiting to see what happens, and the Yi says the outcome is not certain so be careful? But this question is about separation. So maybe Yi is saying i wont necessarily find another partner if we separate? "success"(at moving on and away from our relationship) is uncertain."??

I can't see if there are other meanings here.
_________________

Then I asked, what if I continue to see him in some fashion? 58.1.3>28.
[phrased that way because his declaration has changed something at the core of "us." The hope and dreams we had voiced together cannot be carried out in the way I had foreseen. And I do not see a reasonable means for doing so unless I make severe shifts in my own life, and I'm not sure if I can make those. ]

line 1: This line signifies the quiet, undemonstrative strength that contented joy confers. Wordless, self-contained and free from all envy.
line 3: misfortune is experienced at a time when a happy event is expected. It may be that the coming joy is only postponed by a temporary setback.//True joy must spring from within. but if one is empty within and wholly given over to the world, idle pleasures come streaming in from without. This is what many people welcome as diversion. those who lack inner stability and therefore ned amusement, will always find opportunity of indulgence. They attract external pleasures by the emptiness of their natures. Thus they lose themselves more and more, which of course has bad results.

I take it that Line 3 means if I'm empty inside i will fill the emptiness with empty diversion/pleasure (which actually i dont do..hmm)/ and the first interpretation of Line 3 hints at an eventual ending: if not now, later, but inevitable. Is that so?

28 is Preponderance of the Great however. I'm not sure of its significance.

I suppose the Yi is suggesting that staying with it would be better than leaving? Does anyone else see this otherwise?

From what I gather the Yi is telling me I should end it and not continue.
 
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ginnie

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I received 12.2.5>64.

Don't involve yourself further. Just rest as if taking a spa vacation. Rest yourself. You are in the midst of making a series of fine distinctions ... (hex 64)


Then I asked, what if I continue to see him in some fashion? 58.1.3>28.

You actually speak long-distance and don't exactly "see" each other. It starts out well, but to tell you the truth I've had nothing but abysmal bad luck personally with line 58.3. The meaning is that an expected joy does not materialize. Instead of happiness, we experience misfortune instead. The meaning of the 28 is TOO MUCH or a sort of crisis.

I was thinking that I certainly don't know what I would do if I were in your shoes, Elizabeth, but it seems that the gentleman has balked -- and to pursue your former plans any further would be a mistake. Please don't think I'm unfeeling, but the hexagrams speak of this plainly, and I think you are correct in your own interpretation.
 
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--The great man shall have success *at moving on*?--
I dont know if this is advising me NOT to try to improve things or change his mind? I Presume so , as i didnt ask about him. Or it is saying that if i force myself to move on i am presuming i cannot change/improve matters (which may or may not be the case). So maybe this is 'mirror" response. Or else maybe it means I shoudl steel myself against the distress of the situation (but how?)

Hi Elizabeth. I agree with Ginnie.

I wanted to point out that you could be 'the great man' and not to let the gender of the line influence your understanding of it. Take care :hug:
 

elizabeth

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Hi Ginnie & AQ,
Thanks for your replies and input. I spoke to him finally today at length. He clarified lots of what I was confused about in his letter. Namely he has a great desire to be with me, and would be willing to compromise but his financial situation literally has him in a hole. Because of his son, it's difficult for him to leave (his country) but leaving would get him out of the financial hole. So he is torn and I understand that.

Also in his verbal explanation it became clear: this wasnt an issue of lack of compromise, as I first thought. I seriously "read" that he simply was being stubborn and it was his way or the highway. NOt so. He spoke of his fears of moving and not surviviing or depending on me, failing me, and making ME miserable. I tried to explain that couldnt happen because I would help, he would not be doing it alone. I would make it as easy to transition for him as I could. I would network, prepare. He also pointed out his finances prevent him from the visit -- not a lack of desire. So this is very different.

He is sincere, and honorable, but has an incredibly bad situation due to his ex wife. Half of his (low) income is now being removed from his salary for alimoney, although the ex wife doesnt even live with the son for whom she is claiming the money (ie she is taking it for herself). She is doing it just to be mean; she has more money and more income than he does, and she dumped the child with HER parents, so she doesnt even take care of him as a mother should. She sees the child a few times a month when she feels like going to make a visit...\\

Anyway. We love each other and it seems wrong, somehow, in my heart, to let this go because of financial issues? And an evil ex wife? He walked me thru the details today. I have been brainstorming out of the box -- there HAS to be a way to solve this. But in his country the salaries and infrastrcutre are just not present as they are in the West. I'm really torn on what to do here.
 

ginnie

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12.2.5 > 64.

You are still trying in your thoughts to make this work. It would be better if you could quietly accept this situation and rest your mind.

I take my interpretation of 12.5 from Hilary's I Ching:

"Resting when blocked."

"You are blocked: the openings have all closed; there's nothing you can do. Rather than struggling on, take this as an opportunity to rest. The great person can use this breathing space to reflect and re-evaluate her course, to good effect.
"It's easy to panic when you find you can't make a difference to your world through your actions -- it creates a sense of vanishing opportunities, isolation and disconnection. But if you let go your attachment to everything that isn't working, and seek out the growing center, you can regain a sense of the active possibilities in life. The mulberry tree, which regrows vigorously from its roots when cut back, promises life and new beginnings."

That is the best interpretation of that line I've ever read and has helped me many times. I hope it can be helpful to you, too. :hug:
 

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