two questions on communication

[dragona]

Hello again,
I am at the end of my rope with my domestic situation. I cannot understand my sister or what she actually wants from me other than be at her service and at report. I try to do everything I can on my own because her judgemental way is so hard to bare on top of trying to keep myself in line at work and taking care of our mother. She is always having it worse than me, has more work to do, cannot get time off at specific times needed etc...basically for her, helping is doing what suits her, not what the one in need of help asks for.
I hope this is coming to an end but I worry she will continue to make problems in the future.
I still wanted to know what is her problem with me? 60.1,4<47 I think this means she sees me as a non-cooperative one but she does not bother to understand why that is so.

Another question is how does someone see me? 51.2,4<19 !
That person was very helpful and somewhat friendly so I sent an informal thanking note.
No answer, so I think - I may have crossed the line?
I am seen as a confused overwhelmed person who is digging herself deeper in the mud?? Lovely.
Not
If anyone had any input, I thank you.:bows:

 

[littlebuddha]

Hi Dragona

I still wanted to know what is her problem with me? 60.1,4<47

I think that your sister might feel the communication between the two of you to be draining, so she set boundaries which suit her (but not necessarily you); maybe you could, in a detouched manner, without getting emotional, state clearly what exactly you expect her to do - and in which time-frame. (Maybe a good next question would be how to get her doing her part of the work - given that it's divided fairly.)

Another question is how does someone see me? 51.2,4<19 !
That person was very helpful and somewhat friendly so I sent an informal thanking note.
No answer, so I think - I may have crossed the line?
I am seen as a confused overwhelmed person who is digging herself deeper in the mud?? Lovely.
Not
If anyone had any input, I thank you.:bows:

I think this casting might be describing how you personally feel about having sent the note, in my experience it is not easy to get an insight into perception and feelings of others, if we are not in some kind of established relationship with them. But, if the Yi has actually answered the question, then it could be that they find you "aroused" and approachable (ideally i guess it would be them seeing you as "arousing", whereas the note would be then a welcomed sign of your being approachable; i guess you should give it couple of days to see if they'll reply to the note ie. "approach" you.)
Hope this helps.

 

[precision grace]

I think your sister sees you as someone completely wrapped up in their own view of the world and it is clear you view her the same way.

the other person sees you as someone who is struggling with repeated shocks and is therefore in need of help.

 

[dragona]

Thanks PG

I think your sister sees you as someone completely wrapped up in their own view of the world and it is clear you view her the same way.

May as well be that summed up with one difference, I think: I still wonder and am bothered with human aspect of that alienation. My bad.

the other person sees you as someone who is struggling with repeated shocks and is therefore in need of help.

gosh, you probably know them!

Thanx for a very sound answer, Littlebuddha-nomen/omen:bows:

maybe you could, in a detouched manner, without getting emotional, state clearly what exactly you expect her to do - and in which time-frame.

Good advice, would be great to handle it that way but to deal with somebody`s contempt on daily basics almost for years had taken its tole. When somebody keeps away from you and you think they shouldn`t, you are supposed to wonder why or listen when you are told. But it is all about money now, make no mistake.

In these times it means a lot when someone is acting friendly and is trying to help. The note was honest, thanked for obligingness but in an informal manner. But I rarely let my self do that and I always regret, as it was seen and not acted upon. Not a favorable reading after all, even tho I got 51.1+ another line for somewhat same natured question recently.

 

[littlebuddha]

Dragona, may i add something, not based on Yi? (I apologize in advance for doing so.)
You are too nice. You sent a thank you note, it's a polite thing to do (me too, i have issues writing formal letters , i am not a "Dear Sir" kind of person); they helped, you thanked, that's it - most of the people wouldn't even bother to thank.
As per your sis - who cares what's her problem with you, she is the problem and her irresponsibility needs to be dealt with; why would you care what she thinks of you (or the note receiver or anyone else per that matter)? You are acting according to your own consciousness, moral and ethics, you know it - who cares what not-so-nice people think?
Being in your place, I'd ask Yi how to improve my own self-esteem and how to start caring of my own opinion and feelings - at least as much as about those of others.

 

[dragona]

Hm, I am not that great. And I don`t mind your comment. But there is always an ulterior motive, more or less responsible for our actions. Ego, if you will.

I kinda like that person, would like to make friends at this point, there are basics for that, age wise etc.
There is a triangle concerning my sad case of a family. My mother does not see what she does not want to see and she always spoke of equality among us but in my opinion, she herself torpedoed the relationship with my sister long ago and the gap widened. She basically favors her, while my sister takes me for lazy and spoiled (favored) 2nd child, even tho I learned early enough about disappointment of having a daughter again. For me it built from there. We have totally different perspectives from the start.
However, it is a question of intelligence if nothing else to get along in these matters, the easiest way possible. Funny how she herself spoke of doing exactly the same thing at her work place but while I am as she likes me to be, she is bearable - if I want to do differently, she pouts and gets all offended. I could get on with the details but she is not around to defend herself so....
But now it is all about the money, love has gone out of the doors ages ago.

Improving my self-esteem? I have nothing on this

 

[littlebuddha]

Dragona, i once again apologize for taking it OT, i am in the dark re. private messaging and off topic posting on boards here
I hear you, i have something similar in my family - and i believe so do 99% of peeps, these are tough... The EGO... well, Everyone Got One, were we deprived of it, we wouldn't be human. Hang in there, nobody knows what kind of karma you are working off, the saying goes that when you can't resolve issues with someone over numerous life-times - you choose to be born as members of the same family. Also it's not in vain that it says: respect (honor) your mother and father ... they knew it's difficult to love them.
As per the guy, for what i picked up, he is shy, he is not experienced sort of lady-man, keep in mind that chances are he is as timid and taken aback as you are... I don't like making preposterous claims based on castings, but what i felt is that he likes you, yet doesn't know what to do next - or how to do it per that matter... Give it some more time, ok? I'd ask Yi: what's the best way to proceed? In my experience, most of the nice guys need some encouragement, albeit seemingly they should come across as the dominant energy and the ones taking the initiative. (Said in my best voice personification of Zha Zha Gabor ) you gave him a sign, let him sweat for a while now and think how he can approach you.

 

[littlebuddha]

Dragona, i once again apologize for taking it OT, i am in the dark re. private messaging and off topic posting on boards here
I hear you, i have something similar in my family - and i believe so do 99% of peeps, these are tough... Hang in there. The EGO... well, Everyone Got One, were we deprived of it, we wouldn't be human. Hang in there, nobody knows what kind of karma you are working off, the saying goes that when you can't resolve issues with someone over numerous life-times - you choose to be born as members of the same family. Also it's not in vain that it says: respect (honor) your mother and father ... they knew it's difficult to love them.
As per the guy, for what i picked up, he is shy, he is not experienced sort of lady-man, keep in mind that chances are he is as timid and taken aback as you are... I don't like making preposterous claims based on castings, but what i felt is that he likes you, yet doesn't know what to do next - or how to do it per that matter... Give it some more time, ok? I'd ask Yi: what's the best way to proceed? In my experience, most of the nice guys need some encouragement, albeit seemingly they should come across as the dominant energy and the ones taking the initiative. (Said in my best voice personification of Zha Zha Gabor ) you gave him a sign, let him sweat for a while now and think how he can approach you.

 

[precision grace]

Ha, everyone has got an EGO and a family that get on their very last nerve.

My mother and her sister sound like you and your sister, except that they have always used me as a buffer. Finally, after 40 years of this I said to them as politely as I could - this is no longer acceptable, I will no longer play along. They still try, of course, habits of a lifetime are not changed overnight but whenever the old pattern threatens to re-emerge I remind myself : I cannot change them, I can only change myself - and refuse to play along. Sure there is pouting. Sometimes months of sulking. That's life.

I am happy.

 

[dragona]

Thank you both for the support.
Will try to minimize contact and get rude just as she does. I am expected to walk all this stress off but a few days of getting away would be much needed. I am not well.
About getting friendly response from the man, IC gave 12.5 into 35.
I think I am told to let it go.