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understanding general relationship dynamics: 29 and 6.6 > 47

diydef

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This is going to be a bit entangled since I include some side inquiries to draw the bigger picture, hope it comes across clear enough. The two main inquiries i.e. those that resulted in 29 unchanging and 6.6 > 47 enter the scene only somewhere towards the end :) I think I do not have any specific questions apart from the resonance between 29 and 6.6>47 and how this translates to relationship dynamics.

In the recent weeks there were some developments in a seemingly finished relationship, one that I do not however consider a closed chapter. It is the one from the thread:

https://www.onlineclarity.co.uk/fri...-asking-about-someones-comitment-43-3-4-gt-60

I have not followed up in the above thread since, but long story short - me and my wife have been in and out with our romantic relationship for the last few years resulting in her leaving me and moving out over a year ago during autumn/winter.
After some brief encounters during spring time, I went away for the summer. During the three months I was away and our contacts came to a full halt (which is kind of ironic coz I was seeing her closest relatives during that period) my wife filed for divorce informing me only when I came back to my hometown. After that she began dodging my efforts to see her or maintain contact so I left her to herself.
A few months later, two weeks before the divorce trial (which took place two months ago) she asked if I wanted to meet and discuss the upcoming court case. Since then we got divorced but also have enjoyed casual contacts meaning the frequency of our encounters has increased and the quality of our connection/relationship improved but not in a romantic context. Myself, I am still in love with her and she knows that and I also know I am in some way dear to her. I do not push the line but concentrate on maintaining the consistency and transparency of my feelings, allowing her to maintain her private sphere rather than bombarding her with my emotions and insisting on contact. Occasionally invite her our for food or movies or present her with symbolic gifts (which she reciprocates) still trying to keep it modest. The relation is "friend-ish" since we know each other very well. I am not trying to rush it but have a goal of getting back together in mind. I enjoy the fact that she has become a bit more open to me again.

Before the main thread comes in there is just one more important detail. My wife's family has a non-western spiritual background meaning that ancestral worship is a strong thing in her family, with her sibling being a priestess in contact with the spirits. I have met the ancestors also and despite cultural and racial differences have been embraced as a member of their family. They have supported me in many ways. I revere them deeply.

Each year there should be a family feast held in the ancestors' honor which due to different (also financial) reasons has not happened for several years now. I was planning to initiate and sponsor such an event in the coming months when both me and my wife are supposed to (independently) visit her country of origin. And so yesterday I asked:

What is changing in me and my wife's mutual approach to one another, what should I understand about this dynamic? : 29

Straight after receiving 29 yesterday I asked again: Would initiating the ancestral feast be faux pas? 6.6 > 47

Despite multiple embracements by and support of my wife's family and ancestral spirits (even after the deterioration of our marriage) I do sometimes feel a stranger amongst them and know that my wife might interpret maintaining ties with her family (or for example organizing a ritual feast) as a somewhat dirty method of attempting to get back with her which would be neither true nor false - her family are who they are to me because of her in the first place but she is not the sole reason why I hold them dear after several years now. I believe that supporting them might improve the overall situation of the family not only that between my wife and me. I feel indebted to both her and her family and my intentions in relation to both wife and family are clear to everyone.

I feel these 29 and 6.6 > 47 as both speaking to the general quality of our relationship not just now but in a longer perspective. As in go with the flow and build on it (29) but be mindful of the fact that this is not really the best combination to build up on (6). This got me thinking about non-resonant partnerships discussed here:

https://www.onlineclarity.co.uk/friends/showthread.php?12945-What-Is-That-Line-55-1-All-About-Love

Also 29 and 6 both having water in the lower trigram kind of intrigued me when they came clustered during consequent inquiries. Sinking having anything to do here as a general characteristic of the process (apart from draining/exhaustion in 47)?
 
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Freedda

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diydef, it seems that you've gone to great lengths to 'bury the lead' here - and I'm not really sure what you are asking. So, a half dozen hexagrams and a dozen lines later, are your two basic questions:

What's changing between your wife and you? - 29

and ...

Is it okay to initate the ancestral feast, or would your wife's family not be please by this? 6.6 >47

or ...

Are you not really interested in either answer, but instead want us to do some kind of 'compare and contrast' between the two? As in you 'do not have any specific questions apart from the resonance between'?

As to your question about ancestors, I assume the faux pas would be because of your wife's family's displeasure with you initiating the feast, but maybe you're saying something else?

... and as a point of clarifcation, and curiousity: you said that "Each year there should be a family feast held in the ancestors' honor." Does this mean that you feel there should be one? Or that your wife's family said there should be one (but hasn't been able to pay for it)? Or is this 'rule' from someone else?

Regards, David.
 
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diydef

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ahhhh I thought this would be too much for backgrounds ;) edited the past hexes out of the post as they might mislead. my interest is mostly in relation between 29 and 6 here and the possibility of 6 in general or 6.6>47 extending the answer to the relationship quality question. But of course comments on the answers themselves are welcome.

As to your question about ancestors, I assume the faux pas would be because of your wife's family's displeasure with you initiating the feast, but maybe you're saying something else?

... and as a point of clarifcation, and curiousity: you said that "Each year there should be a family feast held in the ancestors' honor." Does this mean that you feel there should be one? Or that your wife's family said there should be one (but hasn't been able to pay for it)? Or is this 'rule' from someone else?

the faux pas would most likely be because of my wife interpreting this as non-fair play in my struggle to regain her.

it's the person in dialogue with the spirits who said that it should be a yearly event and yet she has not initiated it since a few years back.
 
D

diamanda

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What is changing in me and my wife's mutual approach to one another, what should I understand about this dynamic? 29 unchanging
Nothing is changing. The situation remains unchanging and dangerous. 29 is about a danger which is repeating, i.e. this is nothing new. You've said that your marriage has been iffy for many years, so obviously you already have a clear idea about exactly what this recurring danger is.

Would initiating the ancestral feast be faux pas? [as non-fair play in my struggle to regain her] 6.6 > 47
This combination describes how someone who tries to forcefully win something, in the end loses. You two haven't managed to solve your marriage issues for years. There's no point trying to force the situation at this stage, you'll only lose more than you have already lost. Her family may well be great people, but keeping close contact with them only means that it will take you much much longer to get unhooked from this unhealthy situation.
 
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Freedda

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dyidef, you've gotten one response here. I'll offer my take.

For 29, you have the trigrams (the two, three-line images which make a hexagram) water above and water below. These trigrams and this hexagram are often associated with an abyss, with danger, being swept away ... and I think that's some of what diamanda is referring to. 29 can also be about the unknown (which often feels dangerous).

There are also what we call hidden, or 'nuclear' trigrams and a hexagam nestled within this one, and for my take on I want to look at those. So for you're reading, it seems your wife (represented by the upper trigram water) is seeking stabilitiy and having things be safe and as they are (a quaility of the trigram mountain); you're water on the other hand is wanting change - and perhaps wanting it quickly (like thunder)! So, it seems there is a clash here, and - not being overly critical - could some of your ex-wife's hesitancy be about your wish to have things change so you're back together?

For 6.6 > 47 - Hex 6 has the trigram water below and heaven above. In ancient China the rivers tended to run east towards the sea, while the the sun and stars in heaven traveled west, so some names for this hexagram are Conflict and Contrary Motion. It seems like it may represent the differnt directions your ex and you are going in: she may be looking for a new direction (albeit secure and safe), while you want to keep the 'flame' alive. Does that sound at all familar?

I don't know how much of that rings true for you? It does however offer some imagery of the 'resonance between' you two (thought, in this case, I'm not sure what these words mean exactly).

Least it not seem all doom and gloom, often the underlying message in the most dire reading is - 'it seems bad, so just don't do that,' or, 'if it's bad, consider a different course.'

For line 6.6 then, you have 'If somehow one is awarded the leather belt and ribbons, by the end of the morning they will be three times stripped away.' One way I look at this is that perhaps this is not the time to be in the 'contest' because even if you win, it will be way more costly or hurtful to you later (a contest like maybe trying to 'win' back your ex?).

The judgement text of 29 - despite all it's negative associations - says that we should 'Be true. To keep the heart secure is fulfillment. Advance will have value.' The trick here is to make sure we're true and that our heart is secure before we advance, or likely we'll end thinking we've won the contest when we really haven't. So, what is true here, not just for you but for your ex as well? And how might you keep your heart secure?

So, did any of what I said ring true or make sense (or am I just blowin' smoke here!), and then, how might you apply any of this to your situation?

Best, David.
 

diydef

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Thank you for your takes on the readings. I've always tended to see 29 as a warning sign rahter than danger itself (the two obviously being closely connected and danger being a possible direct outcome of not acknowledging a warning). That being said its also clear that to an extent I might be leaning to interpreting the reading in a way that seems more plausible to me (not as dreadfully as diamanda would suggest). I guess acknowledging the fact that I might be distorting the image for myself is enough for me at the moment.

The nuclear hexagrams seem to speak to how we both see ourselves but maybe not fully to how we actually are (I'm not all so thunderish and wife is not all so calm and stabile) and the question of stability is a bit complex - both of us have gone quite a long way in terms of finding stability in the new situation since we parted but it seems that it might be me who is more settled and the other person being more adventurous.

Nevertheless its definitely me being more eager on having some progress with the relationship situation. This is obviously due to the fact that she is the one who initiated the parting meaning also more advanced in the process and at peace with the situation while I'm still lagging behind and feeling this is all a bit new to me. Also the eagerness for change is in big part due to external factors undermining my confidence all the time - I do not feel a need to back out on my commitment and at heart I feel I am ok with it taking all the time that is needed for us to feel safe to get back (I'm not ok with it happening in the nearest future myself) but that doesn't mean it is an easy situation and there seems to be not much support from the outside world with a lot of just the opposite (people advising me to get over it) so I sometimes view advice to let go as incentive temptations to seek new opportunities that just might be worth considering which then just give birth to the eagerness to finally have this ordeal over with :D So maybe I am still not so much at peace with this situation as I would like to think I am.
Well thank you again for your comments they give me new angles to approach the recurring questions and their recurring answers.
 

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