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Unfriendly relatives. 40.6 to 64

Owlietta

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I have a relative who has become very unfriendly for unclear reasons. Elisabeth insults people and starts arguments on facebook and thereby gets systematically unfriended by several people (several of our relatives, and who knows how many other people have unfriended her on facebook).

I met Elisabeth twice in person and I thought she was a lovely, charming woman. She has a lot of physical problems, has a lot of pain, and apparently takes a lot of pain pills. Some of us speculate that she washes down her pain meds with too much wine, and gets hostile behind the computer screen. Although though she made rude comments to me and I thus removed her from facebook (about a year ago), I hoped maybe she ONLY had a problem with rude internet comments and would still be friendly in person. Optimistic me.

6 months later, her daughter Jenny suddenly unfriended me from facebook for no apparent reason. I asked why, and got no response. Jenny and I have always had friendly contact, even though we have never met in person. We had always talked about how we should get together when I finally visited their city.

Well, I finally visited their city! I called them both, but neither one of them returned my calls. I was kind of stranded there, because I missed my boat and I had nowhere to stay for the next 2 days. Luckily I had one friend in the city who was happy to let me stay with her. But my 2 relatives totally snubbed me! I was kind of hurt by that. Also, I acknowledge that Elisabeth and I had a bad argument on facebook, but I haven't had any arguments with daughter Jenny.

I asked, "What is their problem with me?"
40. Hsieh / Deliverance

---- ----
---- ---- above Ch^en The Arousing, Thunder
----------
---- ----
---------- below K'an The Abysmal, Water
---- ----

The Judgement
Deliverance. The southwest furthers.
If there is no longer anything where one has to go,
Return brings good fortune.
If there is still something where one has to go,
Hastening brings good fortune.

The Image
Thunder and rain set in:
The image of Deliverance.
Thus the superior man pardons mistakes
And forgives misdeeds.

The Lines
Six at the top means:
The prince shoots at a hawk on a high wall.
He kills it. Everything serves to further.


64. Wei Chi / Before Completion

----------
---- ---- above Li The Clinging, Flame
----------
---- ----
---------- below K'an The Abysmal, Water
---- ----

The Judgement
Before Completion. Success.
But if the little fox, after nearly completing the crossing,
Gets his tail in the water,
There is nothing that would further.

The Image
Fire over water:
The image of the condition before transition.
Thus the superior man is careful
In the differentiation of things,
So that each finds its place.

Okay, so... I am wondering which one of us is the hawk and which one is the prince? I would like to think that the hawk represents Elisabeth's hostile attitude (the inferior element that also poisoned Jenny's attitude toward me) and that I am the prince. Does this sound right?
 

anemos

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I asked, "What is their problem with me?"
40.6 >64

nice reading !

about the underlined : It doesn't seems to be about you , but her own attitude. it appears to me that the reading its about what attitude its more beneficial for you. 64 , sometimes , in my experience, its the angst to resolve something and 40.6 feels the same because you know there is a hawk on that wall but you can't see it clear enough to target it and shoot it. Maybe here its your "about me" that perplex you. ?

could this reading just saying "hey its not about you" and drop the case ? just a thought.

I had recently 40.6 and the resolve was like it happened on its own, like you vision becomes clearer and everything fall in place. Its hard to explain how it happened to me but the feeling of effortless action - after a long struggle on finding a solution- was really intense.

hope it helps a bit
 

Liselle

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Some of us speculate that she washes down her pain meds with too much wine, and gets hostile behind the computer screen.

Interesting detail, since the fan yao of 40.6 is 64.6, which says (from Wilhelm):

"There is drinking of wine
In genuine confidence. No blame.
But if one wets his head,
He loses it, in truth."

Since this is the corresponding line from the relating hexagram, it might mean that the backdrop of all this, their problems relating to people (you included), is Elisabeth's alcohol problem.

I agree with Anemos that this is probably less about you than about them.

Hilary says in her book:

"Shooting the hawk releases the tension in the bowstring; dealing directly with something ominous that looms over you (or you and your people) releases the tension in the situation..."

Maybe Jenny had meant to remove you from Facebook for some time, and then one day (seemingly out of the blue) just...finally did it. Maybe she was housecleaning her friends list, and removed more than one person she fancies herself angry with?

I had a similar experience on a social media site once. I was following a couple of very (VERY) casual acquaintances, and as time went on I grew more and more weary of the things they talked about in their updates. I mean, it's easy enough to just scroll past things you don't want to read, but one day I just didn't want to bother anymore, and I turned them off in the service.

Now I'm not saying they objected to your Facebook updates per se, but you being on their Facebook was a reminder of your mere existence (annnd They're Not Speaking To You, remember. For whatever reason.)
 

Owlietta

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lisa: Wow, I never thought about reading the fan yao. You're thorough! :)

I think that either removing someone from facebook or hiding them from your newsfeed is the best way to handle it, and I think that's what most people do. Elisabeth however, makes rude or snide comments, starts arguments, and gets herself unfriended. But it made for some drama while it lasted. :hissy:

Oh well, at least I know I have a true friend in that city, so I have that to be thankful for.
 
S

sooo

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I personally found Facebook to ruin several prior good and important relationships. I removed myself from it quickly. 64.6 describes the cause well: people get too friendly, disclose too much personal information, and invite misunderstandings and hurt feelings. In addition, it's a breeding ground for high school like exclusive and exclusionary cliques. Actually, all forums have that unfortunate potential, but with no specific topical focus, things get personal way to easily and quickly. One of my dad's famous sayings was, familiarity breeds contempt. Go easy on the wine you share, or you'll soak your head in it, and much can not be undone.
 

steve

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Hi I get the feeling the relative may feel insecure to generalise, my advice is you are better than that and unfortunatley you might have to avoid intimate relations meaning dont give too much away.

really, even if the person was being like this in a room you are in, treat the situation the same

ignore and avoid, dont try an be there councellor let them work it out, seems harsh and probably may makes them act even worse for a while until they wake up and dont have any friends on FB or realise the ones they have are not their real friends

Steve
 

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