upsetting tensions with colleague:31>62 and 24>8

[folledeschiele]

I've been having some very upsetting tensions with a colleague who I not so long ago believed to be a friend. All was well with us until our new boss arrived, and ever since then we've had tense, snappy exchanges followed by an easing up, but the tension always returns and we never talked about it. I think my colleague felt insecure about her position as I was up for a promotion,and resented me for pushing for it. Anyway, it's been months and even though I think things have gotten better, every time we're alone there's this dead silence, and it's making it difficult to work at times because I feel a real hostility and competitiveness coming from her. I think I'm also adding to the tension by being a bit paranoid and over-sensitive. In any case, it never seems to be the "right" time to ask her to talk about it (other colleagues around, etc),so I'm considering sending her a friendly but honest e-mail saying all of this upsets me and I'd like us to talk about it. I asked the YI two similar questions:

--"Would sending this email be positive"? -- received 31, influence, with changing line 5, to 62.

--"Will I regret it if I sent her this email?" --got 24, Return, with lines 1 and 5, changing to 8 (Holding Together).

The second reading especially encourages me, but to be honest I worry that doing this will only irritate her and make me more vulnerable. I don't really know I can trust here, and know I'm being defensive...

Many thanks for any help.

 

[willowfox]

-"Would sending this email be positive"? -- received 31, changing line 5, to 62.

As you are doing this for honourable reasons, to clear up whatever misunderstanding is causing the issue then sure, go ahead and send the email.

--"Will I regret it if I sent her this email?" --got 24, lines 1 and 5, changing to 8

No.

 

[sophie]

A dificult situation! You have my sympathy.

31.5 >> 62 - this tells you that the influence of the email would be deep and solid (backbone) but not necessarily immediately visible; although positive, don't be overly ambitious - expect small results at first (62).

24.1,5 >>8 - I don't think you would regret it, as it would constitute a turning point. At first a small one, which will grow over time. I think it is also telling you not to let anxiety about what her reaction might be, or your own pride, get in the way of solving this tension between you. The two lines you received are telling you you will have no remorse.

I don't think either of these are promising a great reconciliation, but rather, an easing of tension, the first steps towards resolution of your problem.

 

[Trojina]

31.5 as far as I'm concerned means little outward infuence at all, or something that won't be influenced. Its not felt much, no big deal. It changes to 62, what is small, so I don't think she will be influenced much by the email either way.

24 often means to drop an idea and return to peace, to yourself.

I think theres no harm to send it but theres not much point either

 

[sophie]

The point is, perhaps, the peace of the one sending it - knowing she has at least tried to resolve the situation and held out her hand. If the other won't take it...then there need be no remorse for something done in good faith.

 

[lucia]

hmm 31.5

This is as good a time as any.......

31.5 has been puzzling me for eons because there seems to be 2 prevailing views:
either

the influence is felt in the kneck and is defensive or doesn't feel anything much

or

the influence is solid strong and balanced

so which one??

it''s in the fifth place which is usually but not always a good place to be

there seems to be these 2 views more or less throughout clarity archives and I waiver between them as my journal doesn't offer me much in the way of past experience with this line....

so what do folks think?

I can see the logic of both.... the rigidness of a kneck that's tense or closed off or the strength of the spine and the idea of going forward as per the wikiwing discussion...

experiences? thoughts? musings?
Lucia

 

[folledeschiele]

well, I sent the e-mail, and I think Sophie is right-- even if she reacts in a negative way and continues to behave in a hostile manner, at least I can be at peace knowing that I did what I could to reach out to her. She hasn't responded, and it's been over a day, so I'm sort of bracing myself for disappointment and possibly an even tenser atmosphere, but at the very worst, I'll try to accept that she simply is bent on remaining closed and stop trying to win her over.

in the end, as one icelandic rock star says, "I can decide what I give-- but it's not up to me what I get back" (does bjork study the YI??)

Many thanks to all, in any case...

 

[ginnie]

I think I'm also adding to the tension by being a bit paranoid and over-sensitive.

Just try to keep your mind on doing your job, no matter how tense things get. When people work together, they often become overly sensitized to each other. That's a good time to concentrate on all the little details of what you have to do.