Urgent request Bailiffs

[Greenkid]

Dear all
Further to my previous post that I think people got tired of answering (don't blame you) I had decided that my son and his so called partner would have to stand on their own feet and I would no longer help. Since then another request for a loan from me and another to my eldest son. I gave them £50. Eldest son went to visist them and advised P to leave the situation, that he would advance him the necessary deposit for a place if he left and found his own place. P not very pleased with advice as he thinks his daughters could be taken into care. Son says they might be better in care.
Since then I have had a visit from Bailiffs threatening to take my possessions for a debt Of P's which frightened me considereably. P says he doesn't owe this money. P has never lived with me but I did allow him to use my address - he worked for an agency that sent him to work 37 miles away and he doesn't drive. He used to ''live in' on the premises the days he worked, came to me to sleep over and the following day travelled to Lancashire to see his choildren. There is none of his property in my home. P, at present is ill and has no income except 'Income support' so no possibility of him supplying bailiffs with any money. I just don't know what to do. Should I pay this money, which will decimate my small savings? I asked "Y" How can I help P to improve his life and received Hex 35.5 > 12. Also asked "What should I do about P and received 62.1,2,4 > 11. Any ideas any-one? Previously asked a question on my last post which I will have to find and add to this one. Thankyou so much for reading and apologies for the length. Many thanks again.

 

[pocossin]

How can I help P to improve his life?
35.5 > 12

I do not think that you should be attempting to help P at all. P is a bottomless pit. Do not let P destroy you and the rest of your family. He will not change until he hits bottom, and you are doing him no good by delaying this moment. You also need to understand your rights if bailiffs are threatening to seize your property. Such threats against a third party (one who is neither the debtor nor creditor) by debt collectors are a crime here, and they probably are where you live, UK, I think. Hopefully someone from the UK will explain your rights to you. As for P's health problems, you are, I suppose, in the land of the National Health Service. They, not you, are responsible for P's health care and costs. Harsh as it may sound, you can best help P by cutting him off until he changes. I know of families that have been destroyed because a drug addict child bled the family dry. As for the casting, baby meets hard times, in my view.

 

[Trojina]

Should I pay this money, which will decimate my small savings? I asked "Y" How can I help P to improve his life and received Hex 35.5 > 12. Also asked "What should I do about P and received 62.1,2,4 > 11. Any ideas any-one? Previously asked a question on my last post which I will have to find and add to this one. Thankyou so much for reading and apologies for the length. Many thanks again.

So you didn't ask a specific question about paying the money...you asked again about helping P and what to do about P ?

It's a bit confusing because it looks like you are going to ask about paying the money but you haven't you have asked about P.



If it isn't your debt of course you do not have to pay it. They cannot legally make you pay ...so don't get scared and do not open the door to them. Meantime contact the Citizens Advice Bureau to get a clearer picture. Actually you could probably google this.


How much can anyone help anyone to improve their life ? I think 35.5 is generally an answer of consolation...From Hilary's commentary..

'Not everything is going to work out. Not all people are always kind, honourable and positive. Consequently, your best efforts will not always be justly rewarded with success - and this is not a sign that the world is broken and you must fix it'

That advice is pretty hard to take in regard to one's own son of course....but sadly it seems to be your answer...and it's not a bad answer either.

Keep on being his mother is all you can do...you can never stop being his mother. However you really are not liable for his debt ! That is absurd. They are just trying it on to see what happens. If all relatives had to pay other relatives debts for them where would we be ?? You can get legal aid I think to pay for a consultation with a solicitor...or see the CAB which are very good...and there are likely other debt helplines. In fact google 'debt helplines' or 'debt charities' in the UK and call them tomorrow and keep phoning till you get the relevant advice. Do not delay this



62.1.2.4>11 There isn't much you can do as you don't have much power in the situation (54 yang pattern) but I think things will resolve gradually (53 yin pattern) and I think there will be assistance when it is most needed (62.2) It's very much a case of continuing to use your common sense, continue to be a mother in all the ways you can be, stay alert to developments (62.4) and er say your prayers (62.2). In 62.2 there are ancestral father and mother...sometimes called grandfather and grandmother. The strength you call on at this time can not be from your self alone. I personally think if one is open to it one can call on the assistance of 'ancestors' or whatever is the source of solace and support for you. I notice the 11 there as the relating hexagram and so I also think this reading is not a gloomy one. I think there is progress and change in this situation but it is out of your hands. So in short what I get here...although there is no doubt much more, is

1. Continue to be a mother in the ways you can be but recognise you cannot take his troubles away.

2. Remember to turn to your own sources of support and guidance through prayer, depending on what your beliefs are, or even asking those in spirit who are your parents/grandparent for help and guidance in this.

3. Do not pay his debt. I think it will be easy to practically find out what to do about these threats you have received. I don't think they are even legal and so they should stop.

4. Don't lose hope even though there is not much you can do.

 

[Trojina]

BTW there are all sorts of ways to manage debts now....sometimes one may even qualify to have them written off. Some debt charities are excellent. Try this one tomorrow http://www.debtadvicefoundation.org/ and if they can't help with advice about the bailiffs I reckon they will give you the number of someone who can.

I think perhaps if your son could think straight and get organised he might resolve some of his debts by using the procedures and arrangements these charities advise. There is no need to panic over debt it is better to get clear advice and start taking small steps to get things under control. I think that's what your 62 answer may refer to.

I wonder how many of their problems could be solved by small practical steps to overcoming what seem like insurmountable problems for them. I can see why anyone would have the urge to go there and sort them all out...I know you said his wife was an appalling home manager. But there seems at root to be great emotional chaos around everything and no doubt this clouds their judgment ...but it need not cloud yours.


What a shame for the kids though !

 

[pocossin]

Here's the link for Citizens Advice.

http://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/

 

[Greenkid]

Dear pocossin and Trojina thank you so much for your help, I will get on to these sites tomorrow. I have since spoken to eldest son and he says "do not open the door to them, if they persist, call the police. Tell them that a man is trying to get into your home, that you are an old lady and they are frightening you" so I will do that and give P the advice you have given about the debt advice foundation. My other son works locally and he says to call him if I am worried and he will leave work and come to me.
Thankyou Trojina I do believe in prayer and Angels etc. and I will ask for their help. You are right pocossin he seems to be a bottomless pitt and probably has to reach rock bottom before he will change.
Thankyou both for your speedy and helpful replies. With love meigga

 

[RindaR]

As a former substance abuse counselor, I'd like to add that sometimes the most helpful thing is for bottom to come up and hit them...

 

[goddessliss]

As a former substance abuse counselor, I'd like to add that sometimes the most helpful thing is for bottom to come up and hit them...

I wish it could be said for all addicts. My exhusband hit the bottom and then some but found someone who was just like him and kept going. I'm glad I got me and the kids away from him and stopped enabling him. It's very sad we lost our family dynamic because of it but at least the rest of us have got on with our lives and are not still being dragged by his issues. - Liss

 

[RindaR]

yes, you let bottom come up and hit him by attending to your own needs, just exactly the right thing to do. You are only responsible for your behavior, not for his.

 

[Greenkid]

Thankyou

Thankyou all you kind people. I did go on internet and found some information plus a Tel. No. which I have passed on to P. Apparently they both smoke 'weed' which they don't consider to be 'drugs' !!!
My other son has written an email to 'the powers that be' informing them that P does not live here,has no assets here, and that the property is solely owned by me. He also advised me to call the police if they come harrassing me again.

This same son intends inviting P to his home for short time to feed him up, he really does look ill and is scared that he might have Ca. The medics have done all sorts of tests on him which doesn't sound good. I've sent P some helpful 'Alernative' information which I think he will follow. I am not impressed with Alopathic Medics I'm afraid.

Thankyou all again and God bless you all.:bows:

 

[goddessliss]

yes, you let bottom come up and hit him by attending to your own needs, just exactly the right thing to do. You are only responsible for your behavior, not for his.

Yes rinda it took me a while to work out that's what had happened as it obviously wasn't a conscious thing. I finally worked out when I stopped enabling him the marriage went downhill real fast.

 

[Greenkid]

Thank you to all. Postscript: my son (not the one in trouble) sent an email to the Bailiffs stating that I was the sole owner of this property and that there were no assets belonging to my other son in the property, and that he did not live here - also asked them to reply saying there would be no further harrassment. They have not replied but there has been no further visits from them. The son in trouble says that he is sorting the matter now. Thank you all once again for your help.:bows: