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sunnygirl

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I know, another relationship question. :)

My V Day was pretty disappointing. No Happy V Day sms or anything. He says he's just not romantic.

I made 2 casts

What can I do to encourage x to be more romantic?

16.3 to 62

Why did x stop being romantic towards me when he was in the past?

17.4 to 3

Thanks Everyone!
 
B

bruce_g

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With so little background information I can only venture a guess.

From here is seems as though this guy is easy going, and doesn’t make a big fuss over such matters. You can encourage him by not making a big issue of romance. He will initiate in his own time, and in his own way. But, maybe that’s not what you need?

He backed off from you because he didn’t quite trust or feel at ease with your motives. Perhaps he felt you were too forward or superficial for his taste. Or, perhaps you just intimidated him?

Pardon my saying so, but this seems like a potentially troubling relationship down the road. There are some basic personality traits that will never change in each of you.
 

Trojina

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sunnygirl said:
I know, another relationship question. :)

My V Day was pretty disappointing. No Happy V Day sms or anything. He says he's just not romantic.

I made 2 casts

What can I do to encourage x to be more romantic?

16.3 to 62

Why did x stop being romantic towards me when he was in the past?

17.4 to 3


Thanks Everyone!


16,3 do you expect him always to take the initiative in romance ? Perhaps he would like you to take more instead of always waiting for him to show signs of affection. This line encourages you to be less passive, less expectant of others to meet your needs. Hmm I suggest you get a little more active romantically with him, how you go about that of course is up to you ;) I think this won't maybe have a huge impact but will help things a little. I would discourage making big demands on him (62) but show him more little signs of affectionate caring etc. IOW sitting back and waiting for him to come and adore you isn't the way to go at the moment ;)

Your 2nd question I feel is another quite wry/dry answer from the Yi, infact I really get a feel of Yi joking with you here even though its not my reading. The reason hes not as romantic as he was in the past was ahem cos at that time he was trying to hook you by flattery, to win you, to make you his girl. It obviously succeeded and now hes 'got' you he can relax all that wooing stuff and just be himself. Perhaps you really were quite swayed by all his romancing and line 4 warns against being too seduced by anothers flattery. Not sure about 3 as relating hex here, perhaps the relationship has a new start in that theres less romance but more solidity somehow ?

Just my feel about your answers :)
 

sunnygirl

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Thanks everyone!

Bruce, I can understand why he would be intimidated. He thought I was way out of his league.

What do you mean by potential troubles in the future?

trojan, I think I am the one who is mostly romantic gestures. Yes that is probably the case with most relationships; woo to get them and then relax after you have them.:D The new beginning may mean we will finally come together in the same country and our ldr will end.
 
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bruce_g

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sunnygirl said:
Thanks everyone!

Bruce, I can understand why he would be intimidated. He thought I was way out of his league.

What do you mean by potential troubles in the future?

Hi Sunny,

That he's intimidated by you or that he sees you in a different league than himself makes clearer receiving line 3. It's also why this issue may never be reconcilable, and, that spells potential trouble in the future. It's possible that this mismatch of perceived equality may be remedied through better understanding of one another, but I'm a believer in what you see in the beginning is what you get in the end. Could you live with a man who looks up to you as a goddess? Could he live happily with you? Hey, for some it may be the perfect arrangement. The important thing is to see it as it is, then decide if it's really what you want. Personality types don't change.

Give him the room to make the same decisions for himself. You recognize that "league" is a relative thing. A guy could be a cow farmer and still be in a high league, or even better, a league of his own. But he may not realize that. Maybe you can enlighten him. Just make him think it's his own idea. ;)
 

willowfox

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"What can I do to encourage x to be more romantic? 16.3 to 62"

Hex 16.3 "He thought I was way out of his league." This statement says it all, he looks up to you, so he hesitates, perhaps he doesn't want to do anything and this hesitation(block) stops him from making any move or gesture of love, which in turn causes further problems.

Hex 62 says to be modest but not subservient to him and not be too optimistic of ever changing him either. It suggests that you should stay grounded here and not try to do anything to encourage him to be romantic, so basically stay still and leave him to find his own way.

"Why did x stop being romantic towards me when he was in the past? 17.4 to 3"

Hex 17.4 it would seem that you came on to him to strongly, so instead of gaining a loving partner you gained a person who does not love you but is only using you, he has made himself needed.

Hex 3 suggests lots of problems for him as he slowly grows up, maturing takes time.
 

sunnygirl

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Yikes so you think he may have just been using me all these years?
 

sunnygirl

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Whew, I was worried. He has odd behaviour but he has been true to me. I hear his love in his voice and see it in his eyes when he looks at me.

I have tried to play down my successes in life to try not to make him feel bad or less. I can't help that because of life experiences I am successful and confident.

The reasons I love him have to do with him as he really is. His personality and quirks. His mannerisms and body language. He makes me laugh. I have tried to convey these things to him in subtle ways.
 
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bruce_g

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I'm surmising that WF got her 'he's using you' idea from 17.4 commentaries, probably Wilhelm. While I think her term was too strong I wouldn't dismiss it completely. There could be a comfort zone settlement here: easier to not rock the boat. This makes things in the relationship feel safe and secure, though it's not exactly conducive to risk or romantic venturing.
 

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