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What are his true intentions with me? 27.1.6 to 2

VeronicaV

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Thanks for reading and commenting. I posted once before about a frustrating marriage. I'd like to know my husband's true feelings about me. I received 27.1.6 to 2. It’s such a complicated back story, I don’t know how to describe it simply. I’m in a marriage…that’s just a little off. We have a beautiful family with beautiful energetic children and lots of potential…but he is very angry and bitter and I’m subject to his rules quite a bit…I have a lot of freedoms and everything, but then there is a limit to all of it….so .. I’m not asking should I stay or go…I’ve already decided to stay and for the time being keep my brightness hidden and maximize the little things for the best results..I’ve gotten so many positive readings to do more with what I have, that I really do have so much to work with. It’s disturbing to have to talk about my life this way, like I can’t just live a free life and be my full self, I’m a guest at my house and don’t belong and I fit in the best that I can. But, it’s my simple reality and I’m okay enough with it to accept it and transform it from here (If you were to talk to my husband about it, he would be able to defend his reasoning and actions fully….once trust is lost…it’s like a broken vase, it can’t be fixed..in his mind and heart. Plus I had quite a promiscuous past and most importantly was not honest about this in the beginning…there is so much more to this, but a bit of info…Im very much the marrying maiden ). I get discouraged, and often, and something I’d really like to know is how my husband truly feels. He’s so deep and dark and mysterious, sometimes it’s lighthearted and fun. But sometimes it’s very cruel and mean and hurtful. Does he really not care about me and think so lowly of me? He’s not that affectionate anymore, unless its sexual, he’s so hardened in his heart…and disappointed with me as a wife…sometimes it’s very depressing for him and his biggest failure, others (especially when I execute proper conduct and push myself to be a super mom and a miracle worker) he is inspired and our future seems bright. There is quite a bit of verbal abuse and I truly hate it, it’s so vile. So he tells me if I don’t like x y or z to just leave. He totally doesn’t trust me and accuses me nonstop of being an evil person essentially…just a lowly type of person, etc. He was abused by his very abusive mother and like old style kung fu movies, he always dreamed of a very virtuous wife…it’s a very important position for him. Anyway, just want to know how he feels deep down. Does he really despise me? Would he really just cut me like an apron string if I did leave? Does he really think I’m the cause for everything wrong? Or is he just angry? He swears he will leave me and is setting it up to do so. But I think if I continue to show and prove my love ( soo much work and he doesn’t even see my goodness it feels like most of the time…it is a verrry slow drip….) it will start to soften his heart once more. I think deep down he does love me..I’m guessing this reading is about me though, not his true feelings. It means I need to nurture myself and I am strong…writing all of this then reading it back to myself, I almost feel ridiculous posting, but it would still be interesting to see your insights.
 

Blue Valerie

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Yes, I would agree with you that this reading seems to point back at you, instead of your husband. Hexagram 27 is about nourishment and how you nourish yourself, physically and spiritually. The moving line, 1, indicates to me that you are not using an adequate source for proper nourishment. I often get this line when I am expecting something outside myself (e.g. advice, help, advancement) when I should be using my inner resources (e.g, natural gifts, talents, intuition). The moving line, 6, could indicate that you may need to move your martial situation in some way (e.g., counseling, new ways of defending yourself, separation).

I found your post by accident and your story about your relationship with your husband resonated with me because I felt these feelings about my now ex-husband. It seems that you are perhaps looking for your reflection in a muddy pond? I say this because it seems that your husband has some emotional issues that are not being addressed by him. Unfortunately, you cannot fix his emotional responses (e.g., coldness outside of sex, seeing you as an idea or value instead of a person) by your behavior, even though he might encourage you to try. I found that in my relationship the more I compensated the more he subtly sabotaged my efforts. Sometimes it felt like I was carrying a heavy load and all I got was his hand pressing down on the load, instead of the help I needed to carry it.

It is hard to be in a relationship when you are expected to be an idea, instead of a full person, with both good and bad qualities. It is more damaging than you would think. It erodes away your reality and sense of self. The other person is projecting their emotions onto you instead of looking in themselves. They adamantly want the world to change to meet their misguided desires instead of doing the emotionally hard work of changing themselves.

In my case, we didn’t have any children, which would have made my decision to leave him even harder. But I ask you, what example are giving your children? Is it okay to minimize yourself for someone who won’t pull their weight emotionally in the relationship? Is it okay for you to accept verbal abuse and hide your light? Do you want your children to learn this behavior, or worse, to be the bully? I know that these are hard questions and even harder answers and consequences. I wish you light and guidance in your journey. I found that I Ching gives really good advice if I can interpret and understand it.
 
D

diamant

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@Blue Valerie you've expressed everything so brilliantly, every word is so well said.

@VeronicaV here's my take on your reading.

my husband's true feelings/intentions about me 27.1.6 > 2

Line 27.1 is incapacitated. It has abandoned all its spiritual qualities. It doesn't even have the ability anymore to feed itself, so it's waiting for someone else to feed it. Line 27.6 is at the top of the food chain, and/or someone who provides the nourishment. The two lines in this situation are very far apart, and the result is an empty 2.

So my guess is that once your husband has completely depleted you of any self-worth, any value, any ability to self-sustain, any belief in yourself, he will then discard you like an empty shell.

These are his intentions and feelings - not what is going to happen. It's up to you what you allow to happen to yourself. You have allowed him to emotionally and verbally abuse you for a long time, so I believe it would be a really good idea for you to seek therapy, so that you strengthen yourself. It doesn't matter that much what he feels, or why he feels that way - what is most important is how he behaves to you and what impact his behaviour has on your heart and on the quality of your life.
 

rosada

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There is an old saying, "When someone tells you who they are, believe them."
I think 27.1.6 - 2 is saying your husband has told you who he is:
27.1 He has lost his loving feeling for you.
27.6 He feeds on his anger.
2. Nothing better can grow from this.

You were not asking what you should do so these hexagrams are not advising you to stay or go or seek counseling or even if your perception is true, but I think you are being told to look at the situation very realistically and not to make excuses for him like, "Oh he doesn't really mean it, he had a hard childhood, I am partially to blame etc. etc." Instead look at what's going on in the here and now - you are married to a cruel man who has no interest in working on his own issues and who can quite comfortably go on forever making your life miserable. Knowing this can help you clarify your options.

p.s. I can see 27.6 as meaning he thinks of you as his source, as in meaning he would not want to lose you, but that does not mean he loves and appreciates or even sees you. It can simply mean that by having you around to blame he can avoid questioning his own behavior. Still, knowing that he doesn't want to lose you for whatever reason might give you the insight to negotiate. Let him know you're looking for a way to move out, maybe just getting a room at a neighbor's house so you can come back and get the kids ready for school every morning, and see what changes.
 
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VeronicaV

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Yes, I would agree with you that this reading seems to point back at you, instead of your husband. Hexagram 27 is about nourishment and how you nourish yourself, physically and spiritually. The moving line, 1, indicates to me that you are not using an adequate source for proper nourishment. I often get this line when I am expecting something outside myself (e.g. advice, help, advancement) when I should be using my inner resources (e.g, natural gifts, talents, intuition). The moving line, 6, could indicate that you may need to move your martial situation in some way (e.g., counseling, new ways of defending yourself, separation).

I found your post by accident and your story about your relationship with your husband resonated with me because I felt these feelings about my now ex-husband. It seems that you are perhaps looking for your reflection in a muddy pond? I say this because it seems that your husband has some emotional issues that are not being addressed by him. Unfortunately, you cannot fix his emotional responses (e.g., coldness outside of sex, seeing you as an idea or value instead of a person) by your behavior, even though he might encourage you to try. I found that in my relationship the more I compensated the more he subtly sabotaged my efforts. Sometimes it felt like I was carrying a heavy load and all I got was his hand pressing down on the load, instead of the help I needed to carry it.

It is hard to be in a relationship when you are expected to be an idea, instead of a full person, with both good and bad qualities. It is more damaging than you would think. It erodes away your reality and sense of self. The other person is projecting their emotions onto you instead of looking in themselves. They adamantly want the world to change to meet their misguided desires instead of doing the emotionally hard work of changing themselves.

In my case, we didn’t have any children, which would have made my decision to leave him even harder. But I ask you, what example are giving your children? Is it okay to minimize yourself for someone who won’t pull their weight emotionally in the relationship? Is it okay for you to accept verbal abuse and hide your light? Do you want your children to learn this behavior, or worse, to be the bully? I know that these are hard questions and even harder answers and consequences. I wish you light and guidance in your journey. I found that I Ching gives really good advice if I can interpret and understand it.
Thank you so much for your response. It resonates with me when you said that I can’t fix his responses by my behavior, even though he might encourage me to try. I definitely know that he projects his emotions onto me. My struggle is with the fact that we have so many children…a full soccer team…and we have been together for…18 years. I know this is very dysfunctional and Im horrified about my children experiencing this, suffering and being molded and shaped now by so much negativity. I feel like he has all my power. The more I do, it’s like the worse it’s getting. It’s so embarrassing and shamefully bad, I don’t even know how to deal with this. He belittles me so badly in front of the children now (and it’s increased over the years) that it’s normal behavior in our house and he’s been filling their brains with his negative feelings about me…and is purposefully turning them against me, while giving them the verbiage to “observe me and see it for themselves.” So they think this is how they themselves feel about me (the older ones), of course I know the truth. When I get home from work, the little ones won’t even say hello, they don’t want me to touch them, they repeat that I don’t care about them, that I abandon them. The oldest 3 he wants them to physically hit me when I get out of line. It’s horrific truly. He’s teaching the boys to become bullies and I feel powerless. I read the two responses before I went home and they were just in my heart and mind so strong….the minute I checked him, them, their response to something that was way out of line, everything erupted. He was so primally telling me how much he can’t stand me, doesn’t love me at all, doesn’t give a f about me, does the mean things to me purposefully and doesn’t care at all and there was this huge tension for me to physically leave this morning. His thing is that when I leave, he keeps the children and I can never see them or be with them. If any of them ever want to see me, they will have to stay with me and never return to him. If I had a friend or family member in my life to go to, I believe that I would do that. I keep thinking that I can do everything right and praying that he comes to his senses and just stops this…he’s mellow often and like I said, even fun and rational and reasonable…and a very prayerful person that I keep praying he is going to stop feeling this way towards me and see how much he is actually damaging the children and care about me and stop hurting me so badly. None of it’s okay, I don’t want my children to learn this, I don’t want to take it and keep my beautiful self down so deep. I’m scared and I have no idea how to actually leave or make this stop and be healthy. I’m sad to break the family up….like telling you all this is the most I ever told anyone ever. Ever ever. So often the family is having a fun time together, a big bunch, but it’s like everyone is walking on egg shells, it’s all dependent on his mood, his response, everything. The iching has been a great resource for me to feel like I’m talking directly to the Creator. Hearing people’s interpretations though, I am way off a lot of the times in my understanding of it. I hide the fact that I’m abused from everyone. Never thought I would be someone that just took it. But my husband isn’t the average person. I stay now it seems to be with the children, because he’s going to take them from me and maybe kill me one day or at least physically hurt me very badly? It’s almost easier to be there, be as warm and loving as I can and accept my life is this way instead of leaving, never seeing my sons again for sure (he would go crazee if I ever tried to get custody or anything like that) He makes it seem like if I can make the changes to “be a better person” then things will be okay for me. Of course I’m totally unfulfilled and now even my mothering experience is horrible. But if I was to talk with another woman in an even worse situation (like a woman in the middle east maybe), then mine isn’t so bad. I was really ready to just leave this morning, but I could never say that. He would take my phone, physically harm me, destroy all of my things…I don’t even know. I just don’t know what to do. He calms down and things go back to semi normal… every time the semi normal is the new normal and it’s a bit worse. I have a nice time with him a lot of the time. That’s what makes an abusive relationship so challenging. It’s more dangerous for women to leave and come back. So I had to decide to carry on with this and calm it down so that I can maybe figure out a way to actually do it. But I truly can’t imagine my life or my future without my family. I have no where to go, no friends, and things are actually nice even so long as I don’t stand up for myself or have any kind of conflict. Like actually leaving would be like a whole new life, just a complete shock that I don’t have any confidence or nerve to actually even do. He’s my best friend even though it’s like this. Meanwhile I’m failing the family by letting this stand. I wish he could snap out of it and be loving, and we could just have our family. But that seems impossible. I would like to be happy and be the mother I really want to be, fun, creative, loving, etc. I’m so scared, so stuck, and very much a coward as he described me as being as to why I won’t just leave.
 

VeronicaV

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There is an old saying, "When someone tells you who they are, believe them."
I think 27.1.6 - 2 is saying your husband has told you who he is:
27.1 He has lost his loving feeling for you.
27.6 He feeds on his anger.
2. Nothing better can grow from this.

You were not asking what you should do so these hexagrams are not advising you to stay or go or seek counseling or even if your perception is true, but I think you are being told to look at the situation very realistically and not to make excuses for him like, "Oh he doesn't really mean it, he had a hard childhood, I am partially to blame etc. etc." Instead look at what's going on in the here and now - you are married to a cruel man who has no interest in working on his own issues and who can quite comfortably go on forever making your life miserable. Knowing this can help you clarify your options.
Thank you. So basic and clear. This is very sad for me, I love him very much and I'm in denial that it's so bad. I'm not sure what my options really are now and I'm scared. We have so many children...brand new 9 month old identical twins who are so sweet and soft and their hair smells so good. I won't get to be with them anymore. I am very fearful that he will also totally ruin the rest of my life. Like all the kids will just be his and I have to let them go. I don't know what to do. Currently things have calmed down and he's texting me happy things while I'm at work....I feel so ugh.
@Blue Valerie you've expressed everything so brilliantly, every word is so well said.

@VeronicaV here's my take on your reading.

my husband's true feelings/intentions about me 27.1.6 > 2

Line 27.1 is incapacitated. It has abandoned all its spiritual qualities. It doesn't even have the ability anymore to feed itself, so it's waiting for someone else to feed it. Line 27.6 is at the top of the food chain, and/or someone who provides the nourishment. The two lines in this situation are very far apart, and the result is an empty 2.

So my guess is that once your husband has completely depleted you of any self-worth, any value, any ability to self-sustain, any belief in yourself, he will then discard you like an empty shell.

These are his intentions and feelings - not what is going to happen. It's up to you what you allow to happen to yourself. You have allowed him to emotionally and verbally abuse you for a long time, so I believe it would be a really good idea for you to seek therapy, so that you strengthen yourself. It doesn't matter that much what he feels, or why he feels that way - what is most important is how he behaves to you and what impact his behaviour has on your heart and on the quality of your life.
Thank you very much. I replied to the other comment with a ton of information. This interpretation really struck a nerve and I'm not sure what questions to pose to guide me further. Im trying to pray, but this is like out of this world scary for me to actually leave and move on. I am so utterly alone and my self worth is clearly very low. I just really appreciate this community space and being able to say these thoughts to someone else and get feedback.
 

Matali

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Hello,
The only advice I want to give you is to see a psychologist specializing in marriage, especially if you feel unsafe. Take care of yourself and your twins 🌺
 

VeronicaV

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There is an old saying, "When someone tells you who they are, believe them."
I think 27.1.6 - 2 is saying your husband has told you who he is:
27.1 He has lost his loving feeling for you.
27.6 He feeds on his anger.
2. Nothing better can grow from this.

You were not asking what you should do so these hexagrams are not advising you to stay or go or seek counseling or even if your perception is true, but I think you are being told to look at the situation very realistically and not to make excuses for him like, "Oh he doesn't really mean it, he had a hard childhood, I am partially to blame etc. etc." Instead look at what's going on in the here and now - you are married to a cruel man who has no interest in working on his own issues and who can quite comfortably go on forever making your life miserable. Knowing this can help you clarify your options.

p.s. I can see 27.6 as meaning he thinks of you as his source, as in meaning he would not want to lose you, but that does not mean he loves and appreciates or even sees you. It can simply mean that by having you around to blame he can avoid questioning his own behavior. Still, knowing that he doesn't want to lose you for whatever reason might give you the insight to negotiate. Let him know you're looking for a way to move out, maybe just getting a room at a neighbor's house so you can come back and get the kids ready for school every morning, and see what changes.
That is a very accurate p.s. ! It's true. I know that he is kind of bluffing when he always tells me to leave. Deep deep down, I want to be with them. I want to be with him and our children. I've never left because it makes it permanent. His anger iiis out of control, it is like it feeds on itself. After telling you all my inner thoughts and problems and reading and contemplating these replies, coupled with what I know...in regards to now what, should I actually leave, should I stay, what should I do, I asked, "What should I do now?" 36.3 to 24. Also asked, "how can I best help all of the children now?" 54.6 to 38. You seem like an expert, would you mind sharing your thoughts?
 

VeronicaV

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Hello,
The only advice I want to give you is to see a psychologist specializing in marriage, especially if you feel unsafe. Take care of yourself and your twins 🌺
Thank you, I will really work on this.
 

marybluesky

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The oldest 3 he wants them to physically hit me when I get out of line. It’s horrific truly. He’s teaching the boys to become bullies and I feel powerless.

He was so primally telling me how much he can’t stand me, doesn’t love me at all, doesn’t give a f about me, does the mean things to me purposefully and doesn’t care at all and there was this huge tension for me to physically leave this morning.

I stay now it seems to be with the children, because he’s going to take them from me and maybe kill me one day or at least physically hurt me very badly? It’s almost easier to be there, be as warm and loving as I can and accept my life is this way instead of leaving, never seeing my sons again for sure (he would go crazee if I ever tried to get custody or anything like that)
The first concern is your safety now.
Look for a therapists, maybe an attorney, anyone who will help you go out of this. Remaining in such a situation doesn't guarantee your safety.

It seems near to impossible now because you have been trying to fix the situation & haven't stood for yourself since a long time. Once you start, you're likely to see ways you couldn't imagine existed before.

Your husband is a real bully. Don't let him destroy you.
 

marybluesky

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But if I was to talk with another woman in an even worse situation (like a woman in the middle east maybe), then mine isn’t so bad
I'm a woman from Middle East. Such a behaviour isn't accepted anywhere in the world- well, maybe women in remote areas have to tolerate it because of having no support hence the patriarchal society forcing them to remain in the marriage, however in my city many women file for divorce for various reasons, including domestic violence, short after marriage.

Even if that was the case in all Middle East you had to find a way to rescue yourself.

Maybe ask the I Ching how to go about it.
 

Trojina

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When I get home from work, the little ones won’t even say hello, they don’t want me to touch them, they repeat that I don’t care about them, that I abandon them. The oldest 3 he wants them to physically hit me when I get out of line. It’s horrific truly. He’s teaching the boys to become bullies and I feel powerless. I read the two responses before I went home and they were just in my heart and mind so strong….the minute I checked him, them, their response to something that was way out of line, everything erupted. He was so primally telling me how much he can’t stand me, doesn’t love me at all, doesn’t give a f about me, does the mean things to me purposefully and doesn’t care at all and there was this huge tension for me to physically leave this morning. His thing is that when I leave, he keeps the children and I can never see them or be with them.
Who is looking after the little ones when you are out at work? Isn't he at work too? Do the older kids look after the younger ? I'm trying to figure out how he gets so much time to shape their minds, especially the small ones. I mean is he so obsessed with making time to brainwash the little ones that he does it either end of his working day?

So you know his true intention to you, I bolded it, he says he doesn't give a f about you and can't stand you so I'm puzzled at the question.

Re readings, honestly human wisdom is going to be/has been way more useful to you than the I Ching here. No one can judge his intentions through 27.1.6>2 since it could be read any number of ways it doesn't really show a bad person. I've seen many many 27.1.6>2 casts with no especial 'bad person' thing attached to it. But clearly from what you're saying he's treating you terribly, you don't need Yi to confirm that neither do I so I'm not spending time trying to make the reading fit the situation. I often feel Yi lacks the moral dimension and so with things like this, where you're actually threatened, you can't really rely on Yi for finding out if he is a baddie.


Also why do you think he will keep the children? If you divorce you are more likely to keep the children if it goes to court. It isn't the case that he just automatically keeps the children is it? Also if he did he'd have to leave his job as who in full time work can look after 11 children including baby twins?
He's not going to have much of a life if he keeps all 11 kids is he, he'd barely be able to leave the house.

We have so many children...brand new 9 month old identical twins who are so sweet and soft and their hair smells so good.


You say you have twin 9 month old babies, do you think he will stay home looking after them or pay for childcare or what?



But my husband isn’t the average person. I stay now it seems to be with the children, because he’s going to take them from me and maybe kill me one day or at least physically hurt me very badly?
Again this is more extreme than the first post and I wonder why you'd ask what his intentions were when you think he may kill you? You need legal help not the I Ching.

You've had some great advice from people here and in this instance, as I said above, human wisdom is way more valuable to you now than the I Ching. In your shoes I'd get way more from the human advice here than anything connected to readings.

That is a very accurate p.s. ! It's true. I know that he is kind of bluffing when he always tells me to leave. Deep deep down, I want to be with them. I want to be with him and our children. I've never left because it makes it permanent. His anger iiis out of control, it is like it feeds on itself. After telling you all my inner thoughts and problems and reading and contemplating these replies, coupled with what I know...in regards to now what, should I actually leave, should I stay, what should I do, I asked, "What should I do now?" 36.3 to 24. Also asked, "how can I best help all of the children now?" 54.6 to 38. You seem like an expert, would you mind sharing your thoughts?
Depending on what country you are in seek legal advice and support. As far as 'love' goes well you're saying he is teaching your sons to hit you so you don't need to be thinking about love at all but hatred.

I Ching readings are utterly redundant in this situation IMO so I won't try to look at them because it doesn't matter what they say the fact is you have to leave. People can try and make the reading fit the human wisdom but is there time to mess about if you think he will kill you?

If he's teaching your sons to hit you then does that mean he hits you ? You may already have said but I couldn't see it.
 
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Liselle

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Hi Veronica,

Just a housekeeping note - would you mind going back and editing your post #1 and post #5 to put in some paragraphs? I think people would appreciate that - it's very hard to read when it's one long unbroken block of text.

I'm making an assumption that it's not a tech problem. In our former forum software, it was definitely a tech problem - people would put in paragraph breaks and the software for some reason would remove them - but as far as I know, our current software doesn't do that.

If you think it is a tech problem, of course please say so.
 
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rosada

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I have no problem with Veronica's writing style.
 

Trojina

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Re my questions in post 12, I see now he is a stay at home husband/dad from your other thread

I'd missed that
 

Trojina

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I know, see my last post where I link to that thread in post 15. I just said that, can't you see it ?
 

rosada

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This situation reminds me of a poem I wrote years ago when I was working on a psychic line:

911-PSYCHIC
Please Miss Psychic Lady,
I'm scared and all alone.
A man tried to kill me,
He might be back for long.

He hit me once before,
But not as bad as this
(I'd thought that I was pregnant,
He said it wasn't his)

He needed cash for bail,
I took him all I had,
He wanted more for drugs
And beat me up real bad.

So now you've got to tell me,
Then I'll get off this phone,
Does he really love me?
And when will he be home?
 

marybluesky

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I know, see my last post where I link to that thread in post 15. I just said that, can't you see it ?
Good.

Then why did you assume he would have to leave his work & repeatedly pointed to his job if you knew he had none at first place!:unsure::unsure:
 

marybluesky

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Trojina

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No you haven't seen post 15 for some reason

I'll spell it out



Good.

Then why did you assume he would have to leave his work & repeatedly pointed to his job if you knew he had none at first place!:unsure::unsure:
It's hardly a mystery.

I have posted 2 posts in this thread.

In the first post, that is post 12, I was unaware of the existence of the other thread. That is the thread you are quoting.

Later on I saw the other thread and found out he was a stay at home dad. I then advised this

Open the link and you can see my comment !

So I realised later on - as is self evident in post 15 unless you actually can't see it. It's the post before yours where you tell me what I have already just said !



You missed my post before Rosada's poem and told me what I had just said which was as you can see
 
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marybluesky

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Ok, I did see the 17th post.

It was one of latest posts, so I read it later.
If the situation was reverse- to say, one member lacked information from previous threads of the one they responded to, Trojina pointed to it.

That's one thing I learned at this forum.
 

Trojina

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Re my questions in post 12, I see now he is a stay at home husband/dad from your other thread
That is what I said in post 15.

You must have crossed posts and not seen it hence I said 'I know' and you got confused.
 

rosada

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What should I do now?
36.3 You recognize the source of the problem - his unwillingness to renegotiate your relationship - but you also realize the solution will not come with one conversation.
So you should...
24. Withdraw. Take a break.
I don't know if that means start sleeping in your car or maybe the two of you need to get away together if only just for long enough to take a walk around the block. The point is you have to change the habit pattern, to think outside of this box you first have to get out of the box.
 

Trojina

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Would you want to take a break with a man who encouraged your sons to hit you?
 

moss elk

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So, this is a situation where the traditional genders roles (and gender foibles)
have been reversed.

Female bread winner.
Male homemaker.
then Female was unfaithful at some time.
Now Male is very angry and badly acting out


Did I get that right?

If so, I'd say:
Line 1: Male may be jealous of status
AND the 'extra-curriccular' activities.
Line 6: sees you as the breadwinner (source of nourishment)

I think you need a marriage counselor to see if it is salvageable.
 
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marybluesky

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The I Ching's answer to your later questions are clear:

What should I do now?" 36.3 to 24.
It's impossible to remain in this toxic environment. You should turn back & recover.


"how can I best help all of the children now?" 54.6 to 38
54.6 pictures a fruitless marriage & 38 shows alienation. Sounds like your separation will be more beneficial to your children than this marriage. It makes sense given the situation in your home: seeing the father constantly abusing the mother is more destructive than having divorced parents.
 

rosada

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Trojina asked, "Would you want to take a break with a man who encouraged your son's to hit you?" No, I would not. However, in suggesting Veronica go for a walk around the block with her husband in order to be able to talk without the children is not the same as saying they should go off on a romantic holiday. Going for a walk with the intention of trying to understand someone else's point of view, even if you think it's stupid, even if you think it's wrong, even if you think it's dangerous, can lead to finding mutual understanding - and solutions. Veronica has asked "What should I do now?" She received 36.3. This line specifically warns that the problems cannot be eradicated with one swift blow or dramatic exit, but the resultant hexagram is 24. Return and very encouraging for a gradual return of health and good fortune.
 
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Liselle

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I'm trying to look at all of your readings together, not sure I'm getting very far with it...

I thought much the same as Moss Elk here:
So, this is a situation where the traditional genders roles (and gender foibles)
have been reversed.

Female bread winner.
Male homemaker.
It's what I thought 37.2.5 to 26 might mean from your other thread. People in the Home moving towards Great Taming / Great Farming. 26 tends to be a thriving enterprise, vs. hexagram 9, Small Taming / Small Farming, which is more like gardening or subsistence farming. Line 2 - he'd like you to be at home. Line 5 - he'd like himself to be the king.

You said much the same in your other thread, but not directly in conjunction with 37.2.5:
And I need to be home (I work outside the home and he's the stay-at-home dad and it's been increasingly miserable for everyone but it's been a big challenge to make the switch, even though it's what we all want ultimately.)



What should I do now?
[...]
24. [...] Take a break.
I don't know if that means start sleeping in your car or maybe the two of you need to get away together if only just for long enough to take a walk around the block. The point is you have to change the habit pattern, to think outside of this box you first have to get out of the box.
Rosada's talking about 36.3 to 24, but I think it also fits well with 60.1 to 29. That question was, "I asked if the creator wanted us to be together and if we could rebuild our relationship for a healthy family, and actually be happy" (other thread). It's a yes/no question, which can be tricky since Yi's not a yes/no oracle. One possibility is it's describing how you can do all of that.

60.1 -
'Not going out of the door to the family rooms.
Not a mistake.
'
If it's very literal, it could be exactly what Rosada said. Make sure the two of you have time alone together, away from the family (children), at regular intervals. One name for 60 is Measuring, symbolized by the regular nodes on a bamboo stalk.

(Guessing about that, of course, but it can be encouraging when more than one person has the same thought!)


You've said your husband might have reason not to trust you -
(I think that what I did was very minimal ultimately, but it's broken the trust for him completely)
Had I known everything I know now, I would have respected and cherished our union much more from the start. I would have honored it, myself, and him much more.
(If you were to talk to my husband about it, he would be able to defend his reasoning and actions fully….once trust is lost…it’s like a broken vase, it can’t be fixed..in his mind and heart. Plus I had quite a promiscuous past and most importantly was not honest about this in the beginning…there is so much more to this, but a bit of info…Im very much the marrying maiden ).
- and one of your questions was, "When I asked step by step what I need to do in order to get it done and finally do everything I got 61 unchanging." One of 61's big themes is trust. Example: I got 61 unchanging earlier this year when my cat had to be on two forms of dieting at once for medical reasons. He didn't trust his food supply, so he was very anxious. 61 as trust. Maybe you'll have to keep working to regain your husband's.

It's unchanging, though, which can complicate things. Sometimes unchanging readings are very simple one-word answers; other times unchangingness is a thing of its own and can be hard to interpret. (One reason why it's probably important to get the general gist of all of your readings together.)

(You asked for steps and got an unchanging hexagram...there's probably a message just in that. It's not steps, probably.)


Something you haven't mentioned at all...with 11 children and one job, does your family have financial stress? 61 could also be about that, if it's an issue. "Pigs and fishes" are food, provisions - security and being provided for in general. Having pigs and fishes is "good fortune." The unchangingness could imply it's left hanging. Or not - you haven't mentioned it, maybe it's not a problem.

And... picking up on this from Rosada -
to think outside of this box you first have to get out of the box.
- something else that's been noticed about 61 is that it can seem like an echo chamber.
||::||
The open inside that's enclosed - one symbol for it is "a drum mounted on a pole" (Hilary's commentary).

So now we've started a little collection of ideas about 61... does any of that seem useful at all? Or not?



You asked two questions that seem to boil down to "What should I do?," the 61uc reading and 36.3 to 24. As Rosada also said, 36.3 might mean this isn't something you can magically "fix" by "doing" certain things - maybe there's not really a prescription for it. Similar to how you asked for steps and got a single unchanging hexagram.
 
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Liselle

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If he's teaching your sons to hit you then does that mean he hits you ? You may already have said but I couldn't see it.
This is an important question. You don't have to tell us anything you don't want to, but you do have to think about where to draw a line for yourself.
 

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