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What can I expect from my relationship with (his name)? Hexagram 11 unchanging

Amethyst11

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So, I am in a situation with a guy I know for more than 6 years, he's an ex friend of my ex boyfriend. We met for a drink a week ago and things escalated quickly, we ended up at his place and slept together.

I felt for the first time someone opened an inside door I never knew was there, I felt so comfortable and completely myself with him.

The chemistry was insane, we saw each other 2 days after the first encounter. We were in a group of people so we behaved normally, but when alone that night we couldn't keep our hands from one another.

Last time we went outside of a pub and kissed and caressed each other, he kept saying he can't do anything with me tonight because he has to study, and it all seemed to intense for him. He wanted so hard to keep his "cool" but couldn't.

He than left couple of minutes later while I was in the pub bathroom, just kind of ran away. I haven't heard from him since than, but I am falling for him really hard and can't stop thinking about him, and I am sure he is thinking about me too.

So i asked- What can I expect form my relationship with him?, and got hexagram 11 unchanging. I would really appreciate any thoughts and insights into my situation as I am at the moment not the most balanced and logical self. Thank you!!
 
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foxx777

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Hexagram 11, Peace. The small is departing, the great is arriving. Good fortune. Success. (Liu commentary).

To me, this sounds obviously very positive and indicative of a harmonious, full love that’s blossoming. Good luck! (y) :giggle:
 

Trojina

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Erm no it doesn't...see the 11 uc thread here

11 doesn't just mean harmony and positivity, it is flow, the full flow of events which can take you for a ride. You can see the 11uc experiences are pretty varied.



Last time we went outside of a pub and kissed and caressed each other, he kept saying he can't do anything with me tonight because he has to study, and it all seemed to intense for him. He wanted so hard to keep his "cool" but couldn't.

Uuuurrgh sounds like he's pulling away
He than left couple of minutes later while I was in the pub bathroom, just kind of ran away. I haven't heard from him since than, but I am falling for him really hard and can't stop thinking about him, and I am sure he is thinking about me too.

But that's not enough just to imagine he's thinking of you is it ? If he's thinking of you then he could be phoning you or texting you or something. I'm not saying he isn't thinking of you but his behaviour isn't giving good signals. That is it sounds like he's withdrawing after being full on.

So i asked- What can I expect form my relationship with him?, and got hexagram 11 unchanging. I would really appreciate any thoughts and insights into my situation as I am at the moment not the most balanced and logical self. Thank you!!

Well 11uc can be the full flow of events that go up and down and take you where they will. I don't think this answer tells you very much it's more like well there you are in the full flow of life of intercourse, literally. But where does it go ? I don't know.


If he does the avoiding thing which it sounds like he is then he's gone with the full flow of life and so perhaps been irresponsible both with his own feelings and with yours and I guess it's the same for you. What I mean is you both got 'carried away' literally and are in the flow of that but what happens next I don't know.

It does sound like he's pulling away right now and the danger for you is when the mood takes him he might call you and have sex and then withdraw again and then you'll be wondering again and you'll be caught up in that. I'm not getting that only from the reading, I think the reading is neutral almost, it's like talking about the actual flow of life and energy. Sometimes this hexagram is wrongly named 'Peace' - this is not peaceful, full flow is not peaceful. So I'm not saying some things only from the reading but from observing literally thousands of women here go through the same routine and observation in real life.


As an observer I think this below is about the biggest turn off there is....


He than left couple of minutes later while I was in the pub bathroom, just kind of ran away. I haven't heard from him since than, but I am falling for him really hard and can't stop thinking about him, and I am sure he is thinking about me too.

Why would you bother with someone who abandons you by running away while you are in the bathroom...I mean if this happened to a friend what would you say to her about this guy ?
 
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foxx777

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Erm no it doesn't...see the 11 uc thread here

11 doesn't just mean harmony and positivity, it is flow, the full flow of events which can take you for a ride. You can see the 11uc experiences are pretty varied.
Granted, but for instance when you go to DeKorne’s site he has many editions and much scholarly commentary which all seem to read it as I do, no?
Can the below ALL be wrong???
Legge: Harmony
shows the inferior departed and the great arrived. There will be good fortune with progress and success.

Cleary Tranquility: The small goes, the great comes. This is auspicious and developmental.

Wilhelm/Baynes:Peace
. The small departs, the great approaches. Good fortune. Success.

Blofeld: Peace. The mean decline; the great and good approach -- good fortune and success! [In the following hexagram (Divorcement), where the trigrams symbolize heaven and earth in what would appear to be their normal positions, that arrangement is held to be disastrous; whereas here, where they seem to be upside down, everything is propitious. This may be because heaven above earth is held to imply that the two are existing separately without the intercourse which is the root of all growth; whereas here their intercourse is so absolute that heaven is actually supporting earth.]

Liu: Peace. The small is departing, the great is arriving. Good fortune. Success.

Ritsema/Karcher: Pervading . The small going, the great coming. significance Growing. [This hexagram describes your situation in terms of prospering and expanding. It emphasizes that continually spreading this prosperity through communicating is the adequate way to handle it...]

Shaughnessy: Greatness: the little go and the great come; auspicious; receipt.

Cleary (2):Tranquility … Getting through auspiciously.

Wu:Prosperity shows that the small stays outside and the great stays inside. It will be auspicious and pervasive.
 
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foxx777

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As an observer I think this below is about the biggest turn off there is....


Why would you bother with someone who abandons you by running away while you are in the bathroom...I mean if this happened to a friend what would you say to her about this guy ?
Yes, this gave me stern pause but I supposed she couldn’t possibly be as unlucky as I was. :confused:
 

Trojina

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The text of Yi can't be wrong but the interpretation and the commentary can be and also you have to bear in mind the scale of the application, the scale of the question. The arrival of this great flow, the small departing won't always mean good fortune in the way we think of it.

So the querent may have opened up to great things, feelings she never had before, she's part of something huge, that feeling of love with this man. If this man does not follow through she will still have had that experience so perhaps in terms of her whole life it's a time of all sorts of things opening up to her. That doesn't mean everything will be all perfect with this man.

I think we see that over and over in relationship questions. It's as if in Yi's perspective the actual relationships are merely instrumental in the development in each person.

I don't personally see this as about the development and opening of the soul for this querent but Yi does possibly.

So I think you are seeing the text too narrowly as all rewarding stuff coming in but it's much bigger than that, wider than that.
 

foxx777

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The text of Yi can't be wrong but the interpretation and the commentary can be and also you have to bear in mind the scale of the application, the scale of the question. The arrival of this great flow, the small departing won't always mean good fortune in the way we think of it.

So the querent may have opened up to great things, feelings she never had before, she's part of something huge, that feeling of love with this man. If this man does not follow through she will still have had that experience so perhaps in terms of her whole life it's a time of all sorts of things opening up to her. That doesn't mean everything will be all perfect with this man.

I think we see that over and over in relationship questions. It's as if in Yi's perspective the actual relationships are merely instrumental in the development in each person.

I don't personally see this as about the development and opening of the soul for this querent but Yi does possibly.

So I think you are seeing the text too narrowly as all rewarding stuff coming in but it's much bigger than that, wider than that.
Ok, I do understand what you’re saying. Those nights with him may have been for her psychologically/sexually “the small departing and the great arriving” as the text says. But he on the other hand may have experienced the same yet for his own reasons may have been scared off by it.
If so, I hope she’s stronger than I was, because when this happened to me when I was younger, it was absolutely devastating and plunged me into despair. So for her sake I hope a. That it proves to be a great love or b. If not, then she learns from it but is not badly wounded by it. And that she has expansion and great joy in other areas.
 

Trojina

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Do you ever think, and I do so increasingly when I read these forums, that the old fashioned idea of a girl/woman refusing sex until she has some commitment from the man that he actually cares about her actually had a very good reason ?

I sure do now, more and more. Having sex isn't just a physical action that leaves no trace which is partly why all the codes of ethics and such sprang up around it. I've read that when you have sex with someone you maintain and etheric connection, like a cord to them. You've shared with something quite sacred to you, your very essence. That's not to be toyed with it's precious and it will hurt like hell when what you gave is not treated as precious. I'm not even coming from a moral stance here but if you stay around these forums long enough you see the same story unfolding over and over where a woman has had sex with a guy without yet being in any kind of relationship with him and then he's gone and she is completely devastated.

I don't even believe the 'move on' kind of advice is realistic. People, especially women, don't just 'move on' when they've made a connection and shared the whole of themselves and shared sex, formed that etheric connection even as some might say absorbed something of the other's soul. There's a reason all the fairy stories tell of the prince having to complete 3 tasks before he wins the hand of the princess, and there's a deeper reason why, apart from the social/ political reasons, traditionally women are meant to guard their sex from plunder - odd word but I'll go with it because actually this kind of behaviour from him is plunder. I'm not blaming him but due to differences inherent in our biology and make up she stands to lose far more in terms of emotional pain than he does. He is more genetically programmed to 'spread his seed' and she is more genetically programmed to find a mate who will care for her and her offspring and even if modern life is nothing like that that truth remains and what is more I don't even think it is all genetic I think there is a spiritual aspect also.


That was a long ramble but I just wanted to say I think women have been duped somewhat with the 'sexual revolution' of the 60s so that there is now the idea it doesn't matter, you can just have sex with someone even if they aren't committed to you and it won't hurt you and you can move on. That's not true, it's a lie an utter lie and a harmful one as it goes against the real feeling nature of most women, pardon the generalisation.

I'm only saying all this because if this guy has withdrawn, in a most immature way I might add, there is also the chance that when he's feeling horny or in need, when his mood changes, he will call you again Amethyst and you will be delighted and you will receive him and then he'll vanish again and all that will take a terrible toll on your heart and your life energy. And yes all this between you is the energy of life, 11, he could have impregnated you if this was 100 years ago and just because there's contraception doesn't mean those flows of life don't pull you about all over the place. I just want to say be wary of being used and maybe hold off in the old fashioned way if actually you see you are being used as a convenience for him. I think even if you really enjoyed the sex remember it's not worth it if you are going to feel devastated with loss for the next year or more. Life's too short and you need someone who is going to care about you and I'm afraid running away whilst you are in a pub toilet is not the sign of a mature man who can be of any worth to you.


I may be wrong and this works out well but the above is something I wanted to say for a while in general in these forums anyway because there are far too many women wasting their lives in great emotional pain because they had sex with someone who shows no care to them. I think this is in part due to them believing lies about the nature of their own hearts. Heart and sex are irrevocably tied together for most women so take care of these precious things and do not let them be trampled on. That's not his fault in particular, he's just doing what comes naturally but in some sense I believe there will also be a cost for him emotionally and spiritually in the long run.
 
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foxx777

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Do you ever think, and I do so increasingly when I read these forums, that the old fashioned idea of a girl/woman refusing sex until she has some commitment from the man that he actually cares about her actually had a very good reason ?

I sure do now, more and more. Having sex isn't just a physical action that leaves no trace which is partly why all the codes of ethics and such sprang up around it. I've read that when you have sex with someone you maintain and etheric connection, like a cord to them. You've shared with something quite sacred to you, your very essence. That's not to be toyed with it's precious and it will hurt like hell when what you gave is not treated as precious. I'm not even coming from a moral stance here but if you stay around these forums long enough you see the same story unfolding over and over where a woman has had sex with a guy without yet being in any kind of relationship with him and then he's gone and she is completely devastated.

I don't even believe the 'move on' kind of advice is realistic. People, especially women, don't just 'move on' when they've made a connection and shared the whole of themselves and shared sex, formed that etheric connection even as some might say absorbed something of the other's soul. There's a reason all the fairy stories tell of the prince having to complete 3 tasks before he wins the hand of the princess, and there's a deeper reason why, apart from the social/ political reasons, traditionally women are meant to guard their sex from plunder - odd word but I'll go with it because actually this kind of behaviour from him is plunder. I'm not blaming him but due to differences inherent in our biology and make up she stands to lose far more in terms of emotional pain than he does. He is more genetically programmed to 'spread his seed' and she is more genetically programmed to find a mate who will care for her and her offspring and even if modern life is nothing like that that truth remains and what is more I don't even think it is all genetic I think there is a spiritual aspect also.


That was a long ramble but I just wanted to say I think women have been duped somewhat with the 'sexual revolution' of the 60s so that there is now the idea it doesn't matter, you can just have sex with someone even if they aren't committed to you and it won't hurt you and you can move on. That's not true, it's a lie an utter lie and a harmful one as it goes against the real feeling nature of most women, pardon the generalisation.

I'm only saying all this because if this guy has withdrawn, in a most immature way I might add, there is also the chance that when he's feeling horny or in need, when his mood changes, he will call you again Amethyst and you will be delighted and you will receive him and then he'll vanish again and all that will take a terrible toll on your heart and your life energy. And yes all this between you is the energy of life, 11, he could have impregnated you if this was 100 years ago and just because there's contraception doesn't mean those flows of life don't pull you about all over the place. I just want to say be wary of being used and maybe hold off in the old fashioned way if actually you see you are being used as a convenience for him. I think even if you really enjoyed the sex remember it's not worth it if you are going to feel devastated with loss for the next year or more. Life's too short and you need someone who is going to care about you and I'm afraid running away whilst you are in a pub toilet is not the sign of a mature man who can be of any worth to you.


I may be wrong and this works out well but the above is something I wanted to say for a while in general in these forums anyway because there are far too many women wasting their lives in great emotional pain because they had sex with someone who shows no care to them. I think this is in part due to them believing lies about the nature of their own hearts. Heart and sex are irrevocably tied together for most women so take care of these precious things and do not let them be trampled on. That's not his fault in particular, he's just doing what comes naturally but in some sense I believe there will also be a cost for him emotionally and spiritually in the long run.
All very well and eloquently stated, and I’m in complete agreement with all you set forth. From my own experience in my youth I can most definitely say that the mandate of the “sexual revolution” put me (and others) in grave danger - both physical and psychological - and caused much damage.
 

my_key

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What can I expect from my relationship with him? hexagram 11 unchanging.

Hi Amythest11

Hex 11 is a tricky one. If I write this again tomorrow then I'll probably come up with something slightly different, but here are my words for now.

For me Hex 11 seems to talk more about the inner workings rather than the outer workings of things. The original standpoint for the hexagram seems to come from a place of moral and ethical correctness (heaven) permeating from inside to outside. When we are able to hold (be present) with heaven then we can be at peace and to do this the smallness needs to depart and give space for the greatness to arrive. So for the true fulfillment of 11 we need to make a sacrifice - a change of heart, a change of mind or give something away. We have to put some work into this situation, to achieve the potential of the inner peace / happiness that is available to us.

What's more, the more we can do to spread the inner peace to all those around us then the more chance there is to help others to feel the same way. When we engage with the flow of life then all is well. Of course it is not always easy to maintain 11 on the inside and thats where the 'reversing' occurs that has been voiced in this thread - things other than peace become part of the flow. When we fall off the mountain then obstructions, blocked communications or people who are of a lesser 'moral and ethical correctness' come into view. A kind of play on ' as within, so without' and vice versa.

Because the hex is unchanging in your divinatiion you do have time to take all this in - no need to rush at it, There is also a sense that you should open to what is going on around you when things are going well, enjoy what you can when you can, and also look to tune in to signs that would indicate a change in circumstances is beginning.

The nuclear of 11 is hex 54 ( Bradford - Little Sister's Marriage). So what is behind / at the core of 11 are indications that being too forward can have it's pitfalls and that will be occassions over which we have little control. However, from this place comes a chance to see things like never before and with it to grow. There is a real heap of hidden potential tucked away in the depths of 11 for you.

So one answer to your question " What can I expect from my relationship with him?"
From your relationship with him you can expect to have to to show patience towards the actions that are out of your control. Be aware of what may be behind the changes. You can expect to see from him and the relationship that what you give out is what you get back. However you will learn about yourself from the relationship.

Of course, as it is your divination, it may mean nothing like this at all.

Good Luck
 
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diamanda

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What can I expect form my relationship with him?, and got hexagram 11 unchanging
The situation between you will not change, you'll need to make peace with how things are. The small departing must be him escaping via bathroom, he sounds like a coward.
 
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legume

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i generally read 11 most often as interplay, interaction, mutual influence, so i would read it as - you can expect more of what you already got - you both reacting to each other, you both wanting to move forward but kinda withdrawing still, and considering it's a friend of an ex, i'm guessing neither of you are fully comfortable or the situation feels sketchy and so probably naturally some sort of hide and seek / push and pull will continue?

but as you're in the flow of 11 i wouldn't read him leaving then as being cowardly, maybe it was easier this way for him to get out while you were busy (would be much harder if he had to say goodbye to you, as the goodbye would most likely not end until next morning? ;))

small departs, great approaches? maybe the worrying of details or need for "hiding" will lose its importance with time?
 

Amethyst11

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Thank you all on your responses, it really made me think about the situation in a different way.
I'm short on time so I'll just reply to you all in one post as best as I can.

I am calm in the moment with my decision to just allow things to be as they need to be and let go of any expectations of the mind. I think both for myself and this man, what happened stirred something up inside us. We both went through a break up of a long term relationship basically at the same time, and this was our first venture into something new since then.

As for the sex part, I don't feel like I lost anything by sleeping with this man, I wanted it as much as he did and it was better than I could have imagined, and I have a beautiful memory from it.

I am ready for what comes, be it a new relationship or nothing at all, as I don't plan to contact him first since he was the one who ran away and seemed stressed about it all. I guess I just have to be patient and live my life.

foxx777 made me think of the “the small departing and the great arriving” part of the text, and it made me think.

This was the first romantic encounter for the both of us since our break ups earlier in the year. For me, this partly symbolised letting go completely of my ex, and that night when we were in the pub, my ex sent me a text saying happy birthday and I ignored it and deleted it. I really feel free at last and like myself in that regard.

So i felt maybe that was my "the small departing", but who knows.

my_key, what you wrote really resonated with me. This past year has been mostly about change and acceptance of my reality. Only when I felt how my inner world creates my outer world, did I start accumulating transformative energy and letting go of all that was not serving me anymore and was holding me stagnant.

With this man I felt free and he opened a whole different side of myself for me to explore and get to know better and I am loving it! So, no matter what comes I am accepting towards it.

legume, you made sense perfectly for me when describing him leaving the pub, I too took that in the same way when it happened. Just moments before that we were in each others arms, he was telling me about all the places he was gonna take me... We kissed and entered the pub, and by the time I returned from the bathroom he was gone. And then his friend turns to me and jokingly says- what did you do to him, he never runs? he just grabbed his things and said- sorry, guys, i have to run, and left. So I wasn't left feeling angry or bitter, I was excited and kind of flatterred if that makes sense.

I am wondering, with this hexagram, is it best for the time being to just let go? Should I be active or pasive?
 

foxx777

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I am wondering, with this hexagram, is it best for the time being to just let go? Should I be active or pasive?
I think you should just go about your life, take care of yourself, and leave the rest to him. Hexagram 11 unchanging to me would indicate that you should be tranquil and at peace with what occurred, and any limitations of that. It’s wonderful that you have an expanded sense of yourself, so be happy and maintain that!

If he “ran” it can only help things to show that you have no intentions of chasing him, and that it’s his responsibility to contact you. In fact, he’s probably wondering why you aren’t contacting him. Good. Please update us when you can! ;)
 
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legume

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I am wondering, with this hexagram, is it best for the time being to just let go? Should I be active or pasive?

in my view the energy of 11 just calls for going with the flow. in terms of letting go, i'd let go of the steer for a while. action or non-action? how about wei wu wei, aka action through non-action? ;)
 

Amethyst11

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Hey, guys!

It's been a whole month since I last saw him and I haven't had any contact with him whatsoever.

To be completely honest, by this time I expected to hear from him, but since it didn't happen I started wondering if I should contact him.

Just to explain, I am not sure why I feel like this, I am usually not the one to go crazy for someone after only couple of days together. In the last weeks, I was feeling good, and contemplated just letting go and moving on.

But for some reason, I just can't! I am not deluding myself that he is the one, nor am i looking for a serious relationship at this point in my life.

The thing is, I have a strong feeling that this man has something important to teach me, some kind of a lesson I need in my life for whatever reason.

There's this urge inside me to get closer to him, and the rational part that is telling me to just forget about him is becoming weaker as the days go by!

I want to contact him so badly but at the same time I don't want to give my power away, if you know what I mean.

Then again, my heart is telling me to jump and risk it, to be honest and vulnerable because you never know what could happen.

So, my question was - what can I expect if I contact him? And the answer - 49.1.4>39.

How would you interpret this- just risk it and do what he has failed to do, or stay in retreat and let it all unfold without intervening?
 

marybluesky

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Everything will change (49). You've held back initially (49.1), then will go forward confidently (49.4) and meet the obstacle (39).
 

Dotsbox

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To me the 49 indicates you taking a risk by deciding to make contact with him.
49.1 is saying you should go into this wearing your mental and emotional protection.
In 49.4 you perhaps get an explanation from him that changes your understanding of the situation between you.
You might emerge from this confrontation very disappointed that a relationship with him cannot eventuate (39) but I get the feeling that you will have learned something and that if you don't contact him you will always be left wondering.
 

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